The Family And The Society

Sexual Content on Television Linked Teenage Pregnancy

2008-11-03T08:42:00.002-05:00

In the world of television programming, sex sells — perhaps a little too well with young viewers, a new study suggests.

The RAND Corp. study is the first of its kind to identify a link between teenagers’ exposure to sexual content on TV and teen pregnancies. The study, released Monday and published in the November edition of the journal Pediatrics, found that teens exposed to high levels of sexual content on television were twice as likely to be involved in a pregnancy in the following three years as teens with limited exposure.

The study’s authors are quick to point out that the factors leading to teen pregnancies are varied and complex — but they say it’s important for parents, teachers and pediatricians to understand that TV can be one of them.

“We were surprised to find this link,” said Anita Chandra, the study’s lead author and a behavioral scientist at RAND, a non-partisan, non-profit research organization. “But teens spend a good amount of their time watching television — an average of three hours a day — and we don’t know a lot about its impact on their health decisions …

“We don’t think that (TV) is necessarily more significant than some of the family and neighborhood factors that can lead to teen pregnancies. But even when we removed all the other factors, we still saw a compelling link between a high exposure to sexual content on television and teen pregnancies.”

How the study worked
Researchers interviewed 2,003 12- to 17-year-olds over the phone in 2001, and then followed up with those same youths in an effort to interview them again in 2002 and 2004.

The interviews focused in detail on teens’ TV viewing habits as well as their sexual attitudes, knowledge and behavior. Participants shared information about how much they watched 23 TV programs that were popular with teens at the time of the survey. The shows included a wide range of animated and live-action programs, reality shows, sitcoms and dramas that aired on broadcast networks and basic and premium cable channels. The programs included “Sex and the City,” “That ‘70s Show” and “Friends.”

“This might surprise people, but sitcoms had the highest sexual content,” Chandra said, noting that such content can include sexual dialogue in addition to actual sexual behavior.

By the third telephone interview, 744 of the youths said they had engaged in sexual intercourse, and 718 of them shared information about their pregnancy histories. Of that group, a total of 91 youths — 58 girls and 33 boys — said they had experienced a pregnancy or had gotten a girl pregnant.

In the final analysis, teens who had watched the most sexual content on television during the three-year study period were twice as likely to have been involved in a pregnancy as teens with the lowest levels of exposure.

Chandra said TV-watching was strongly connected with teen pregnancy even when other factors were considered, including grades, family structure and parents’ education level.

But the study didn’t adequately address other issues, such as self-esteem, family values and income, contends Elizabeth Schroeder, executive director of Answer, a teen sex education program based at Rutgers University.

“The media does have an impact, but we don’t know the full extent of it because there are so many other factors,” Schroeder said.

Bill Albert, chief program officer at the nonprofit National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, praised the study and said it “catches up with common sense.”

“Media helps shape the social script for teenagers. Most parents know that. This is just good research to confirm that,” Albert said.

The study, paid for by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, followed a 2004 study by some of the same scientists that indicated watching sexual content on TV can make teens more likely to have sex at earlier ages.

Chandra said the new findings are significant given the intractable social and public health problems associated with teen pregnancies. While the teen pregnancy rate in the United States has dropped considerably since the early ‘90s, the U.S. rate remains one of the highest among the world’s industrialized nations. Nearly 1 million young women between the ages of 15 and 19 become pregnant each year in the U.S., and they are more likely than other teens to drop out of high school and live in poverty.

The role of parents, others
So what’s a parent to do under these circumstances? Lock up the television set for good and throw away the key?

On the contrary, the study’s authors advise parents to become familiar with the shows their kids watch — and, whenever possible and practical, to watch TV with them.

“By taking the time to watch together, parents can turn these into teachable moments … and opportunities for frank discussions about sex,” Chandra said.

“Parents (also) might want to limit some exposure. But realistically, this kind of content is everywhere. Our study only looks at TV. There’s also the Internet, music, magazines.”

Chandra noted that many TV programs fail to give viewers realistic depictions of the potential consequences of sex, such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

“If teens are getting any of their information about sex from TV, they’re very rarely going to get a balanced portrayal,” she said. “When there is a portrayal, how often is it coupled with a discussion of contraception use or safer sex or the consequences of what could happen?”

An ongoing controversy
Of course, parents, religious leaders and politicians have lambasted the broadcasting industry for years and called for curbs on content they consider objectionable. In response to the news of this new study, the National Association of Broadcasting released the following statement:

“Though NAB has not had a chance to review the report, it’s worth noting that broadcasters encourage parents and caregivers to use the V-chip and other program blocking technologies that would screen out shows that are inappropriate for children. We would also point out that broadcast television is generally far less explicit than programming found on cable, satellite and on the Internet.”

The study’s authors insist they aren’t taking aim at any particular television show, channel or network. Instead, they’re calling for more realistic plot lines and discussions of consequences — not a wholesale change in programming from, say, “Sex and the City” to “Sex and the Condom.”

“Right now the message teens are getting is that everything is great, and there really are no consequences to sex,” Chandra said.

“Since the time that we did our data collection, the amount of sexual content on TV has doubled. … It’s important for kids to have the tools to understand what they’re watching.”

Television Can Turn Your Kids To Little Monsters

2008-11-03T07:32:00.000-05:00

American research has revealed that too much time in watching TV can cause bad behaviour in early childhood.

Researchers studied the viewing habits of more than 2700 children at age two and again at five.

Five-year-olds who watched TV for two hours or more a day were more likely to develop behavioural problems or have trouble with social skills. Having a TV in their bedroom also increased the risk and often led to sleep difficulties.

But children could be weaned off TV without lasting damage. Those who were heavy viewers at age two but reduced their exposure by the age of five showed no increased risk of problems.

"It is vital for clinicians to emphasise the importance of reducing television viewing in early childhood among those children with early use," said the study's senior author, Dr Cynthia Minkovitz of the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health in Baltimore.

The study, published in the Pediatrics journal, has reignited fierce debate around the influence of TV on the developing child brain. Recent studies have blamed TV for causing ADHD and autism, a claim vigorously contested by some childhood development experts.

Australian specialists told The Age that studies of viewing habits without considering other factors were often flawed.

"Children who are at risk or vulnerable who watch a lot of violent television may be inclined to be more aggressive but that really only applies to a select group of kids," said Professor Margot Prior from Melbourne University, one of Australia's leading experts on child development and behavioural adjustment. "If parents manage television and monitor what their children see and are open to explaining and discussing what's on television then you can identify very few, if any, harmful effects."'

Sixteen per cent of two-year-olds and 15 per cent of five-year-olds watched two hours or more of TV a day. Forty-one per cent of all children had a TV in their bedroom.

Professor Alasdair Vance, head of academic child psychiatry at the Royal Children's Hospital, said the younger the child the less time they should spend watching TV.

But he said many programs such as Play School or Sesame Street had educational benefit and TV could not solely be blamed for bad behaviour. "A given child watching two or more hours of television a day may have little contact with an empathic, nurturing, sensitive and responsive parent who can help them develop those emotion management, anxiety management and aggression management skills," he said.

Australian Childhood Foundation chief executive Joe Tucci said TV was often used as a "babysitter" and parents should act as a filter for preschoolers.

"Kids are like a sponge at that age," he said. "They're taking in what's going on around them and trying to develop rules for how the world works, and if those rules are based on activities that have some violence in it then they're the rules that they'll try to emulate."
Viewing habits

Proportion of children watching two or more hours of TV a day:
* Age 2: 16 per cent
* Age 5: 15 per cent
* Proportion of all children with a television in their bedroom: 41 per cent.

Cheating Sexually or Emotionally: Which Is The Better Evil?

2008-11-02T09:14:00.003-05:00

Any way you look at it, cheating is a good way to ruin a relationship. Often, when one partner cheats on the other, trust is lost and there is little chance of regaining it -- this is likely not news to anyone.

But there is more than one category of cheating.

First, there is sexual cheating, where the man feels no emotional connection with the woman and is basically only interested in her for sexual purposes and the excitement that sleeping with her may offer.

The second type of cheating is emotional, where a man finds himself becoming emotionally connected to another woman. He may greatly enjoy her company, talking to her, and sharing his concerns and thoughts about life with her. He will begin to feel as though he would rather spend his spare time with her than with his girlfriend or wife.

In a survey I recently conducted, a little over 75% of women said that emotional cheating would leave them feeling more betrayed than sexual cheating. However, many of the women also reported that it is very hard to separate the two types of cheating because both would affect their feelings for their partner on both levels of the relationship.

Let's look specifically at what women think about each kind of cheating.

Emotional cheating
Emotional cheating is the type of cheating that most women find more destructive for their relationship. Women know that there are many other attractive women out there and that men are very visually stimulated by nature. Not that this condones sexual cheating, but it is well known that some men have a hard time controlling their sexual desires.

The situation is more hurtful to a woman when her partner finds someone else whose personality he enjoys more. She often sees this as a sign that she no longer is interesting to him and that she is not fulfilling his emotional needs.

This is also the type of cheating that has less rigid boundaries. It's easy to tell if someone is cheating sexually -- they are either having sex or they aren't -- but what defines emotional cheating from a woman's point of view?

What are some examples of emotional cheating?
One example would be if a man were to regularly take one particular coworker out to lunch or dinner meetings. In most cases, it would be safe to assume that she offers him more than just a discussion about work. She is probably also providing him with emotional companionship, giving him an opportunity to share his thoughts and feelings.

Men who are cheating emotionally often begin to question whether or not they should be seeing that one particular woman as much as they are. They know deep down inside that she means more to them than just a regular female friend would and thus feel a degree of guilt for seeing her.

Another example of emotional cheating that is becoming more common is that of online cheating. A man may find that he is logging on more and more to talk to a specific person, and that his wife or girlfriend is complaining that he is spending too much time on the Internet. He may feel more drawn to talking to this person than he is to the woman he is currently seeing -- a classic sign of emotional investment.

This example illustrates pure emotional cheating; if the man has not even seen the woman before, he is much less likely to be influenced by the thought of sexual gratification.

Why do women feel betrayed by emotional cheating?
When looking for a mate, women tend to look more at a man's emotional and intellectual qualities, including his ability to be a good father, to provide a stable home life and to interact with her on a daily basis. Men, on the other hand, usually tend to focus more on physical qualities in a mate in order to ensure that a woman is capable of producing offspring and satisfying his sexual desires.

That being said, since a woman invests heavily in the emotional aspects of the relationship, cheating in this form is generally very hard for her to handle, as she may feel completely betrayed by her partner.

Sexual cheating
The second type of cheating is sexual infidelity.

While this may not be as hard for most women to take as emotional cheating, it is still very destructive for a relationship. When a man has sex with another person, his wife or girlfriend will start to question her own skills in bed; she will wonder what the other woman is offering him that she is not. This will make her very self-conscious about her own performance and will often turn her off of sex completely, thus only serving to exacerbate the problem.

It is almost like a destructive circle: the man cheats, which results in his girlfriend not wanting to have sex with him at all, which can lead him to want to cheat more. In short, it is a very good way to end a relationship.

Is it easier for a couple to recover from sexual cheating?
This type of cheating is solely about physical satisfaction and often comes in the form of a one-night stand. The man feels no emotional connection with the woman and does not wish to spend time with her apart from performing the sexual act. He usually feels just as emotionally connected to his wife or girlfriend as he was before; he may simply feel bored with his sex life or find that he wants to explore other opportunities.

Often, his partner will not even give him a chance to explain and will just break things off as soon as the truth comes out, as she will question how she can possibly trust him again. A solid relationship should not involve such uncertainty and makes dealing with this type of cheating very difficult.

Can you predict how she'll react?
How does a woman's personality affect her reaction to cheating?

The previous was a good general guideline; however, it is not black and white. There are some women who place more emphasis on sex than on any type of emotional involvement. Usually, these women are either very involved in other aspects of their lives, such as their careers, or they tend to place their worth more on superficial aspects, such as their looks (as opposed to personality traits).

This type of woman will be more offended by a man cheating on her purely sexually, as this is why she believes he is attracted to her in the first place. She will think that since he no longer views her as sexually attractive, he will no longer want to be with her and will most likely end the relationship.

Women who find sexual cheating worse may also view men as sexual tools that only exist to satisfy their desires. Therefore, they take cheating as a sign that their partner has vested interests somewhere else, either purely sexually or both sexually and emotionally, and usually choose to move on to their next pursuer.

You can generally spot these types of women, as they will not invest as much in a man on an intellectual level. She may not connect with you and discuss her thoughts and feelings as much as previous girlfriends have, and you may find that the relationship itself tends to be more focused on the physical aspects.

If this is your case, then your girlfriend or wife may view sexual cheating as the most harmful kind.

What should you do if you've cheated?
If you have cheated on your girlfriend or wife, you have two options. You can choose not to tell her and hope it remains in your past, or you can come clean and admit to your crime.

If you choose not to tell her, you will have to deal with what you have done, and it may affect how you act around her since you will have the burden of your secret on your shoulders. Also, if it ever does come out, chances are the problem will be much worse, since she will not only be upset that you cheated, but also that you lied.

If you do choose to tell her, your conscience will be set free, but you will have to be prepared to deal with the consequences. If you cheated on her emotionally, it may be harder to work through, as the bond you have with the other woman will most likely be harder to break. However, if you cheated sexually, especially if it was a one-night stand, you might be able to get her to forgive you and work through it. Whatever her reaction, expect the worse.

At this point, however, you are going to have to fully commit to her. She may forgive you once, but twice is unlikely.

To cheat or not to cheat
If you feel yourself drifting away from your partner, try to reconnect on an emotional level (if you are tempted to cheat emotionally), or else find new and interesting ways to spice up your sex life (if you are not feeling sexually satisfied). You will be surprised to find that most women are more than willing to put in the effort to improve these aspects of your relationship. But if you simply can't help cheating, perhaps it's time to break it off and move on.

Telling your Child You are in Love with Someone

2008-11-02T08:46:00.003-05:00

Be candid with your child
If it’s a nice, feel-good story, don’t be afraid to tell your child how you actually met your lady friend. When you paint a nice romantic picture, you are, in some way, teaching your child that romance is important and something to be treasured. Reciting your story may also cause your child to appreciate your honesty, which is a language that all children speak.

Inquire about your child’s feelings
Ask your child how he/she feels about the fact you’ve met a new “friend.” Chances are they will be happy for you. A well-loved child is an empathetic child. Our children want us be happy and they know better than anyone (hopefully) that being hugged and kissed is something everyone needs -- even dad.

Reassure your child
Remind your child that he/she is, and will always be, the most important person in your life. No one and nothing will ever change that fact.

Propose a potential meeting
Honor your child and show him that you believe that he has the maturity to handle the situation. Make flexible (i.e., no promises) future plans and suggest that “when the time is right, perhaps we can arrange a get-together.” Whatever you do, don’t rush the situation. It’s better to take your time and play it safe. You don’t want to get your child emotionally involved with a good woman only to see the relationship dissolve and watch your child’s heart break when you split up.

Prepare your child for the introduction
If you do plan to introduce your child to someone, reveal what you like about your new friend beforehand. For example, you could show that your new interest has a sense of humor and likes to have fun with a conversation that might go like this: “You know what Alison said to me today? She said something really funny. She said that I walk like a monkey.” Doing so prepares your child and it makes it emotionally easier for the time when they do meet her. They will meet her with a sense of established trust, and children understand the language of laughter.

Maintain family traditions
Don’t start canceling family traditions because you’ve met someone. These traditions are very important to a child, and they are what have the most positive impact in their lives. Not only do children remember these traditions for the rest of their lives, but they are likely to pass on to their children the very same tradition-torch that you or your parents invented. Don’t screw with family traditions, though you can include a new participant.

Ask for permission
If you have teenage children, ask for their permission if you want a “sleepover” at your new friend’s house. Assure them that if you are away from the house, you will have your cell phone with you, and that it will always be turned on should they need to contact you.

The key to a child’s happiness
Clear and consistent communication is so important for our children. To feel safe, loved and appreciated, they need to know that no one is going to come into your life and take you away from them. Give them that respect, and they’ll always be happy that daddy found love again. Isn’t that what you want?

Financial Crisis to Marital Crisis, No Money No Love

2008-10-26T21:17:00.005-04:00

Belinda Luscombe
Recession and divorce, it is said, go together like carriage and horse. Those who labor in Splitsville have several explanations for why that might be. There's the lawyer theory, that money provides the soft fatty tissue that insulates the marital skeleton; once it's cut back and people get a good look at the guts of their relationship, they want out. And there's the marriage-counselor theory, that couples who were never quite on the same page in the checkbook finally get pushed off the ledger by endless bickering over their dwindling resources. And the therapist theory, that financial worries cause stress, stress can cause depression, and depression is a total connubial buzz kill.

"Recessions tend to raise divorce rates," says Nobel laureate and University of Chicago Graduate School of Business economist Gary Becker. "But you won't see a pandemic." Census Bureau figures show that over the past 2 1/2 decades, recessions have had only minor effects on divorce rates, which have been slowly waning since the early '80s after 20 years of steadily rising. Those trajectories have been influenced more by the rise of the women's movement and women's earning power, lower fertility and changes in divorce laws than by dour Dows. The only recorded spike in divorces in the past 75 years came right after World War II.

But the trend lines could change, Becker says, depending on the depth of this recession, striking as it does squarely at people's homes. With the financial baggage that many matrimonial vessels are hauling, it's not yet clear whether more spouses will jump ship or start bailing. What is clear is that everybody involved--from the ultra-wealthy to the completely broke, from family-court judges to therapists--has to figure out a new way to navigate.

The Rich, Who Are Different

Steven Eisman helps dissolve the unions of mostly wealthy clients in Nassau County, N.Y. In the traditional thinking about the recession-led split, non--wage earners "who were willing to stay in a less-than-perfect relationship become less willing once the credit cards are taken away," he says. But recently some lawyers have noticed that as stock prices have plunged, they've gotten inquiries from business owners and investors looking to unhitch now, with the idea that being poorer on paper will work to their advantage when dividing assets.

"In most states, the value of a business is part of the matrimonial pot of money that has to be divided up. Often, assets are set at the time of separation," says Neil Stein, partner at Stein & Glazer in Philadelphia. "I've had several clients come to me recently and say, 'I've wanted to get divorced for years but didn't want to give up half of my business. Now that my business is not worth anything, wouldn't it be a good time to do it?'" Conversely, some nonearning spouses of the very wealthy are also trying to game the nuptial market, attempting to lock in a higher rate in case the economy travels further south.

Sumner Redstone filed for divorce on Oct. 17, when his more than 16 million Viacom shares were at $18.85, down from $39.40 six months ago; his CBS shares had dropped about $288 million in value in the same period. Redstone and his wife Paula reportedly have a prenuptial agreement, so it's unlikely the market has much to do with timing, but Mrs. Redstone divorces a poorer man than she would have six weeks ago.

The Stuck-at-Homes

Among the nonwealthy, the two assets that typically need to be divided are 401(k)s and the family residence. But suddenly 401(k)s aren't worth as much, and that home whose mortgage was the mother of all argument starters is not an asset at all. It can't be sold--or at least not for a price that provides money to start over.

Instead of working out who owns what, lawyers and mediators are trying to figure out the fiendishly trickier conundrum of who owes what. "We're negotiating debts--not assets," says Henry Gornbein, a family-law attorney in Oakland County, Mich. "Two, three years ago, I'd be telling you that houses had equity, and you'd either be doing a buying out or selling the house and splitting whatever the proceeds were. Now it's the reverse. You go into court; the judges just don't know what to do."

In the face of this, some couples are attempting to tough it out. "The divorce rate is down in Michigan," says Gornbein. "People have no choice sometimes now except to return to the marriage." Others are choosing to separate or divorce but live together until either the house sells or they go stark raving barmy and will sign anything. A Boston lawyer tells of a woman who had a restraining order against her husband but was forced by economic circumstance to let him move back in. (Eventually they reconciled.)

The ex-as-roommate phenomenon is common enough that Virginia already has case law that governs what couples who are separated but living under the same roof may and may not do if they want the separation to lead to a divorce. Sex is definitely out, as is doing each other's laundry, shopping or cooking for each other and going on a date. Virginia, clearly, is not for ex-lovers.

The Teeterers

And then there are the couples who are contemplating divorce because of the strain the poor economy is putting on their poor marriage but think it's because of something else. John Coates, a Deutsche Bank trader turned Cambridge University researcher, measured the naturally occurring steroids in 17 British male traders over time and found high levels of testosterone during bull markets and of cortisol during volatility. Cortisol helps the body deal with threatening situations. But prolonged exposure to it, as during a lengthy downturn, makes people irrationally fearful, so when confronted with neutral situations--say, that their spouse would like the leaves raked--they react as if threatened. In other words, men can get funny when they're losing money. Even those who aren't traders.

Which brings us to cheating. Since no one has yet figured out how to do a National Infidelity Survey, it's hard to track, but experts warn it becomes more likely under stress. "Study after study shows that men deal with stress through escapism and women deal with it by talking," says Jill Brooke, a divorce expert who helps run Firstwivesworld.com "Online porn, massage parlors and escort services are cheaper and quicker than therapy, especially if you lost your health insurance." Often, since the men are operating under stress, they get caught. And often their wives can't bring themselves to take the Silda Spitzer--Elizabeth Edwards high road.

Apart from the ready access to high-speed online porn, what makes this recession different from others is that it's centered on real estate and thus on people's homes, which may explain why women are feeling more anxious about it than men are. In a survey released in October by the American Psychological Association (APA), more women than men reported feeling stress about money (83% vs. 78%) and the economy (84% vs. 75%). And women were more likely than men to say they had symptoms of stress--including irritability and weariness. Plus, their stress levels had risen more sharply over the past six months than men's. So it's harder for women to take up their traditional role as household comforter and easier for the wheels to fall off the whole enterprise.

There is some good news. A study that correlated Playboy centerfolds with market conditions found that men like fuller-figured women more in lean times than in boom times. The APA study showed that when stressed, women liked to eat. Bingo!

But aside from stress-eating, is there anything to be done if you'd rather the market didn't take your marriage down with it? A lot of counselors suggest sitting with your spouse and putting your fears on the table. If partner A does not know the full lay of the dire financial land, partner B should map it out while partner A makes a robust attempt not to scream. Then figure out how to address your liquidity issues as a team. All this honesty might even work as foreplay, suggests New Jersey sex therapist Sandra Leiblum, but if not, she recommends putting down the BlackBerry and reminding your spouse of something that's "free, burns calories, releases tension and creates bonds." Bonds that, luckily, can't be traded.

Brangelina's Cohabitation Confuses Their Kids

2008-10-24T13:14:00.003-04:00

Lupe Lasano

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are not married, despite having six kids together. I'll admit this simple fact eludes me. I always want to refer to Brad Pitt as Angelina Jolie's husband. It must be the traditionalist in me. Well, it turns out I'm not alone. Even their children are confused about the subject.

"When we first met I already had a child," Jolie told Italian Vanity Fair. "We didn't live together and we adopted Zahara. Usually people fall in love and and everything revolves around people getting married. Children are an afterthought."

"We've done everything the wrong way around, but sooner or later the children will ask, you know, they watch films and ask questions," Jolie, 33, said. "They want to know why Shrek and Fiona got married and we haven't."

The only reason the couple hasn't married is because Brad Pitt said they wouldn't wed until everybody could. This was an allusion to same-sex marriage, which, by the way, is now legal in three states. Perhaps Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt could visit one of those states and get the job done?

Source

Moro Islamic Liberation Front (MILF) Still Uses Child Soldiers

2008-10-22T22:11:00.002-04:00

Muslim separatist rebels engaged in battle with Philippines troops on Mindanao island since August have continued to use children as combatants, despite international appeals to stop the practice, sources say.

While the Moro Islamic Liberation Front (MILF) leadership has publicly denied using child combatants, evidence recovered from fallen rebel camps indicates otherwise. Witnesses say the MILF has also conscripted children (younger than 18) into "auxiliary roles", such as cooks, porters and guides.

"We could hear the distinct voices of male children screaming amid the din of gunfire," said an army brigade officer in Mindanao, whose unit is in the frontlines against the MILF near the town of Datu Piang, where some of the heaviest fighting has occurred. "This is a condemnable act. They use children to do the fighting, while the MILF leaders hide in the background."

The 12,000-strong MILF has been waging war for an independent Islamic state since 1978 on Mindanao, the mineral-rich southern island, home to four million Muslims. Since the agreement for an autonomous region failed, two senior MILF rebels have cut a deadly swathe across towns and villages, burning down more than 1,000 houses, raiding businesses and killing more than 60 civilians.

Heavy government reprisals have led to many MILF deaths - nearly 200 since August, based on official statistics. About 100,000 civilians are still in evacuation camps, where food shortages and a threat of disease outbreaks amid the monsoon season are straining government resources.

The military is girding for intensified MILF attacks after the Supreme Court on 14 October ruled the deal was "unconstitutional". The 15 justices of the court blasted the government for offering a peace deal that was not publicly scrutinised.

With civilians in many Christian parts of Mindanao also arming themselves against MILF attacks, aid groups say more bloodshed looks inevitable.

Documentary proof
Evidence gathered at rebel camps and since declassified by the military showed that children were being used in the fighting. A video clip released to the press by the army showed children in rebel military gear conducting drills in what appeared to be ceremonies inducting them into the movement.

A document left in one of the camps showed "child soldiers" being moulded into "tough, self-reliant fighting men".

The recruits are told to "maintain an aggressive spirit [and instill the] will to close and kill, or capture the enemy", one of the training documents, hand-written in Arabic and broken English, stated. It also contained chapters on how to dismantle and hide automatic rifles and make powerful home-made bombs.

Eid Kabalu, a spokesman for the MILF, told IRIN on 19 October it was against the MILF's policy to recruit children as combatants. He said the allegations were fabrications by the army seeking to discredit the group.

"We deny using child soldiers. These allegations have no basis," Kabalu said, but added that he saw nothing wrong with the MILF taking and caring for children of Muslim parents who may have perished in the fighting. "We take them and try to give them a normal life inside the camps. But we acknowledge that they are in an environment where they are exposed to guns."

He said these children were not forced to become combatants, although they had chores to do around the camp. Kabalu admitted, however, there could be cases where a child inside a camp would later become an MILF fighter. "That is their choice. But to say we recruit children to fight is another thing."

He says under Islamic law, a child who has reached puberty is considered an adult who is given the right to sign legally binding documents, theoretically from the age of 15.

Child rights
The UN Children's Fund (UNICEF) said in a statement it was highly concerned about the reports of child soldiers, but noted that the Philippines, apart from its domestic laws, was also signatory to international protocols protecting the rights of the child. It said there were enough laws to "advocate for non-recruitment of minors".

"UNICEF considers any person under the age of 18, whether they are involved in or affected by conflict, to be a child. Utmost care should be taken to protect their rights and to secure their return to civilian life. We are concerned how the conflict in Mindanao is affecting children in many ways, including their health, education and their need to be protected from abuse, violence and exploitation."

In a report issued early this year, the London-based Coalition to Stop the Use of Child Soldiers said there were continuing reports that children had joined the MILF in some areas of Mindanao. It said up to 13 percent of MILF fighters in 2005 were children.

"The involvement of children even in auxiliary roles such as cooks, porters, informants and in the case of girl soldiers as sex slaves is a violation of international human rights standards and Philippine laws," Ryan Silverio, the group's Southeast Asia regional coordinator, told IRIN.

Human Rights Watch warned that a sudden escalation of conflict "can lead to a spike in the number of children recruited into armed groups. This is especially a worry when an armed group, like the MILF, is known to use children," said Bedde Sheppard, HRW's Asia researcher on children. Sheppard said the government also needed to "send a strong and clear message to its own armed forces that they too are forbidden from arming, training, or recruiting children".

Who is Stanley Ann Dunham Soetoro (Barack Obama's mother)?

2008-10-22T14:21:00.003-04:00

Amanda Ripley

Each of us lives a life of contradictory truths. We are not one thing or another. Barack Obama's mother was at least a dozen things. Stanley Ann Dunham Soetoro was a teen mother who later got a Ph.D. in anthropology; a white woman from the Midwest who was more comfortable in Indonesia; a natural-born mother obsessed with her work; a romantic pragmatist, if such a thing is possible.

"When I think about my mother," Obama told me recently, "I think that there was a certain combination of being very grounded in who she was, what she believed in. But also a certain recklessness. I think she was always searching for something. She wasn't comfortable seeing her life confined to a certain box."

Obama's mother was a dreamer. She made risky bets that paid off only some of the time, choices that her children had to live with. She fell in love—twice—with fellow students from distant countries she knew nothing about. Both marriages failed, and she leaned on her parents and friends to help raise her two children.

"She cried a lot," says her daughter Maya Soetoro-Ng, "if she saw animals being treated cruelly or children in the news or a sad movie—or if she felt like she wasn't being understood in a conversation." And yet she was fearless, says Soetoro-Ng. "She was very capable. She went out on the back of a motorcycle and did rigorous fieldwork. Her research was responsible and penetrating. She saw the heart of a problem, and she knew whom to hold accountable."

Today Obama is partly a product of what his mother was not. Whereas she swept her children off to unfamiliar lands and even lived apart from her son when he was a teenager, Obama has tried to ground his children in the Midwest. "We've created stability for our kids in a way that my mom didn't do for us," he says. "My choosing to put down roots in Chicago and marry a woman who is very rooted in one place probably indicates a desire for stability that maybe I was missing."

Ironically, the person who mattered most in Obama's life is the one we know the least about—maybe because being partly African in America is still seen as being simply black and color is still a preoccupation above almost all else. There is not enough room in the conversation for the rest of a man's story.

But Obama is his mother's son. In his wide-open rhetoric about what can be instead of what was, you see a hint of his mother's credulity. When Obama gets donations from people who have never believed in politics before, they're responding to his ability—passed down from his mother—to make a powerful argument (that happens to be very liberal) without using a trace of ideology. On a good day, when he figures out how to move a crowd of thousands of people very different from himself, it has something to do with having had a parent who gazed at different cultures the way other people study gems.

It turns out that Obama's nascent career peddling hope is a family business. He inherited it. And while it is true that he has not been profoundly tested, he was raised by someone who was.

In most elections, the deceased mother of a candidate in the primaries is not the subject of a magazine profile. But Ann Soetoro was not like most mothers.

Stanley Ann Dunham
Born in 1942, just five years before Hillary Clinton, Obama's mother came into an America constrained by war, segregation and a distrust of difference. Her parents named her Stanley because her father had wanted a boy. She endured the expected teasing over this indignity, but dutifully lugged the name through high school, apologizing for it each time she introduced herself in a new town.

During her life, she was known by four different names, each representing a distinct chapter. In the course of the Stanley period, her family moved more than five times—from Kansas to California to Texas to Washington—before her 18th birthday. Her father, a furniture salesman, had a restlessness that she inherited.

She spent her high school years on a small island in Washington, taking advanced classes in philosophy and visiting coffee shops in Seattle. "She was a very intelligent, quiet girl, interested in her friendships and current events," remembers Maxine Box, a close high school friend. Both girls assumed they would go to college and pursue careers. "She wasn't particularly interested in children or in getting married," Box says. Although Stanley was accepted early by the University of Chicago, her father wouldn't let her go. She was too young to be off on her own, he said, unaware, as fathers tend to be, of what could happen when she lived in his house.

After she finished high school, her father whisked the family away again—this time to Honolulu, after he heard about a big new furniture store there. Hawaii had just become a state, and it was the new frontier. Stanley grudgingly went along yet again, enrolling in the University of Hawaii as a freshman.

Mrs. Barack H. Obama
Shortly before she moved to Hawaii, Stanley saw her first foreign film. Black Orpheus was an award-winning musical retelling of the myth of Orpheus, a tale of doomed love. The movie was considered exotic because it was filmed in Brazil, but it was written and directed by white Frenchmen. The result was sentimental and, to some modern eyes, patronizing. Years later Obama saw the film with his mother and thought about walking out. But looking at her in the theater, he glimpsed her 16-year-old self. "I suddenly realized," he wrote in his memoir, Dreams from My Father, "that the depiction of childlike blacks I was now seeing on the screen ... was what my mother had carried with her to Hawaii all those years before, a reflection of the simple fantasies that had been forbidden to a white middle-class girl from Kansas, the promise of another life, warm, sensual, exotic, different."

By college, Stanley had started introducing herself as Ann. She met Barack Obama Sr. in a Russian-language class. He was one of the first Africans to attend the University of Hawaii and a focus of great curiosity. He spoke at church groups and was interviewed for several local-newspaper stories. "He had this magnetic personality," remembers Neil Abercrombie, a member of Congress from Hawaii who was friends with Obama Sr. in college. "Everything was oratory from him, even the most commonplace observation."

Obama's father quickly drew a crowd of friends at the university. "We would drink beer, eat pizza and play records," Abercrombie says. They talked about Vietnam and politics. "Everyone had an opinion about everything, and everyone was of the opinion that everyone wanted to hear their opinion—no one more so than Barack."

The exception was Ann, the quiet young woman in the corner who began to hang out with Obama and his friends that fall. "She was scarcely out of high school. She was mostly kind of an observer," says Abercrombie. Obama Sr.'s friends knew he was dating a white woman, but they made a point of treating it as a nonissue. This was Hawaii, after all, a place enamored of its reputation as a melting pot.

But when people called Hawaii a "melting pot" in the early 1960s, they meant a place where white people blended with Asians. At the time, 19% of white women in Hawaii married Chinese men, and that was considered radical by the rest of the nation. Black people made up less than 1% of the state's population. And while interracial marriage was legal there, it was banned in half the other states.

When Ann told her parents about the African student at school, they invited him over for dinner. Her father didn't notice when his daughter reached out to hold the man's hand, according to Obama's book. Her mother thought it best not to cause a scene. As Obama would write, "My mother was that girl with the movie of beautiful black people playing in her head."

On Feb. 2, 1961, several months after they met, Obama's parents got married in Maui, according to divorce records. It was a Thursday. At that point, Ann was three months pregnant with Barack Obama II. Friends did not learn of the wedding until afterward. "Nobody was invited," says Abercrombie. The motivations behind the marriage remain a mystery, even to Obama. "I never probed my mother about the details. Did they decide to get married because she was already pregnant? Or did he propose to her in the traditional, formal way?" Obama wonders. "I suppose, had she not passed away, I would have asked more."

Even by the standards of 1961, she was young to be married. At 18, she dropped out of college after one semester, according to University of Hawaii records. When her friends back in Washington heard the news, "we were very shocked," says Box, her high school friend.

Then, when Obama was almost 1, his father left for Harvard to get a Ph.D. in economics. He had also been accepted to the New School in New York City, with a more generous scholarship that would have allowed his family to join him. But he decided to go to Harvard. "How can I refuse the best education?" he told Ann, according to Obama's book.

Obama's father had an agenda: to return to his home country and help reinvent Kenya. He wanted to take his new family with him. But he also had a wife from a previous marriage there—a marriage that may or may not have been legal. In the end, Ann decided not to follow him. "She was under no illusions," says Abercrombie. "He was a man of his time, from a very patriarchal society." Ann filed for divorce in Honolulu in January 1964, citing "grievous mental suffering"—the reason given in most divorces at the time. Obama Sr. signed for the papers in Cambridge, Mass., and did not contest the divorce.

Ann had already done things most women of her generation had not: she had married an African, had their baby and gotten divorced. At this juncture, her life could have become narrower—a young, marginalized woman focused on paying the rent and raising a child on her own. She could have filled her son's head with well-founded resentment for his absent father. But that is not what happened.

S. Ann Dunham Soetoro
When her son was almost 2, Ann returned to college. Money was tight. She collected food stamps and relied on her parents to help take care of young Barack. She would get her bachelor's degree four years later. In the meantime, she met another foreign student, Lolo Soetoro, at the University of Hawaii. ("It's where I send all my single girlfriends," jokes her daughter Soetoro-Ng, who also married a man she met there.) He was easygoing, happily devoting hours to playing chess with Ann's father and wrestling with her young son. Lolo proposed in 1967.

Mother and son spent months preparing to follow him to Indonesia—getting shots, passports and plane tickets. Until then, neither had left the country. After a long journey, they landed in an unrecognizable place. "Walking off the plane, the tarmac rippling with heat, the sun bright as a furnace," Obama later wrote, "I clutched her hand, determined to protect her."

Lolo's house, on the outskirts of Jakarta, was a long way from the high-rises of Honolulu. There was no electricity, and the streets were not paved. The country was transitioning to the rule of General Suharto. Inflation was running at more than 600%, and everything was scarce. Ann and her son were the first foreigners to live in the neighborhood, according to locals who remember them. Two baby crocodiles, along with chickens and birds of paradise, occupied the backyard. To get to know the kids next door, Obama sat on the wall between their houses and flapped his arms like a great, big bird, making cawing noises, remembers Kay Ikranagara, a friend. "That got the kids laughing, and then they all played together," she says.

Obama attended a Catholic school called Franciscus Assisi Primary School. He attracted attention since he was not only a foreigner but also chubbier than the locals. But he seemed to shrug off the teasing, eating tofu and tempeh like all the other kids, playing soccer and picking guavas from the trees. He didn't seem to mind that the other children called him "Negro," remembers Bambang Sukoco, a former neighbor.

At first, Obama's mother gave money to every beggar who stopped at their door. But the caravan of misery—children without limbs, men with leprosy—churned on forever, and she was forced to be more selective. Her husband mocked her calculations of relative suffering. "Your mother has a soft heart," he told Obama.

As Ann became more intrigued by Indonesia, her husband became more Western. He rose through the ranks of an American oil company and moved the family to a nicer neighborhood. She was bored by the dinner parties he took her to, where men boasted about golf scores and wives complained about their Indonesian servants. The couple fought rarely but had less and less in common. "She wasn't prepared for the loneliness," Obama wrote in Dreams. "It was constant, like a shortness of breath."

Ann took a job teaching English at the U.S. embassy. She woke up well before dawn throughout her life. Now she went into her son's room every day at 4 a.m. to give him English lessons from a U.S. correspondence course. She couldn't afford the élite international school and worried he wasn't challenged enough. After two years at the Catholic school, Obama moved to a state-run elementary school closer to the new house. He was the only foreigner, says Ati Kisjanto, a classmate, but he spoke some Indonesian and made new friends.

Indonesia has the world's largest Muslim population, but Obama's household was not religious. "My mother, whose parents were nonpracticing Baptists and Methodists, was one of the most spiritual souls I ever knew," Obama said in a 2007 speech. "But she had a healthy skepticism of religion as an institution. And as a consequence, so did I."

In her own way, Ann tried to compensate for the absence of black people in her son's life. At night, she came home from work with books on the civil rights movement and recordings of Mahalia Jackson. Her aspirations for racial harmony were simplistic. "She was very much of the early Dr. [Martin Luther] King era," Obama says. "She believed that people were all basically the same under their skin, that bigotry of any sort was wrong and that the goal was then to treat everybody as unique individuals." Ann gave her daughter, who was born in 1970, dolls of every hue: "A pretty black girl with braids, an Inuit, Sacagawea, a little Dutch boy with clogs," says Soetoro-Ng, laughing. "It was like the United Nations."

In 1971, when Obama was 10, Ann sent him back to Hawaii to live with her parents and attend Punahou, an élite prep school that he'd gotten into on a scholarship with his grandparents' help. This wrenching decision seemed to reflect how much she valued education. Ann's friends say it was hard on her, and Obama, in his book, describes an adolescence shadowed by a sense of alienation. "I didn't feel [her absence] as a deprivation," Obama told me. "But when I think about the fact that I was separated from her, I suspect it had more of an impact than I know."

A year later, Ann followed Obama back to Hawaii, as promised, taking her daughter but leaving her husband behind. She enrolled in a master's program at the University of Hawaii to study the anthropology of Indonesia.

Indonesia is an anthropologist's fantasyland. It is made up of 17,500 islands, on which 230 million people speak more than 300 languages. The archipelago's culture is colored by Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim and Dutch traditions. Indonesia "sucks a lot of us in," says fellow anthropologist and friend Alice Dewey. "It's delightful."

Around this time, Ann began to find her voice. People who knew her before describe her as quiet and smart; those who met her afterward use words like forthright and passionate. The timing of her graduate work was perfect. "The whole face of the earth was changing," Dewey says. "Colonial powers were collapsing, countries needed help, and development work was beginning to interest anthropologists."

Ann's husband visited Hawaii frequently, but they never lived together again. Ann filed for divorce in 1980. As with Obama's father, she kept in regular contact with Lolo and did not pursue alimony or child support, according to divorce records.

"She was no Pollyanna. There have certainly been moments when she complained to us," says her daughter Soetoro-Ng. "But she was not someone who would take the detritus of those divorces and make judgments about men in general or love or allow herself to grow pessimistic." With each failed marriage, Ann gained a child and, in one case, a country as well.

Ann Dunham Sutoro
After three years of living with her children in a small apartment in Honolulu, subsisting on student grants, Ann decided to go back to Indonesia to do fieldwork for her Ph.D. Obama, then about 14, told her he would stay behind. He was tired of being new, and he appreciated the autonomy his grandparents gave him. Ann did not argue with him. "She kept a certain part of herself aloof or removed," says Mary Zurbuchen, a friend from Jakarta. "I think maybe in some way this was how she managed to cross so many boundaries."

In Indonesia, Ann joked to friends that her son seemed interested only in basketball. "She despaired of him ever having a social conscience," remembers Richard Patten, a colleague. After her divorce, Ann started using the more modern spelling of her name, Sutoro. She took a big job as the program officer for women and employment at the Ford Foundation, and she spoke up forcefully at staff meetings. Unlike many other expats, she had spent a lot of time with villagers, learning their priorities and problems, with a special focus on women's work. "She was influenced by hanging out in the Javanese marketplace," Zurbuchen says, "where she would see women with heavy baskets on their backs who got up at 3 in the morning to walk to the market and sell their produce." Ann thought the Ford Foundation should get closer to the people and further from the government, just as she had.

Her home became a gathering spot for the powerful and the marginalized: politicians, filmmakers, musicians and labor organizers. "She had, compared with other foundation colleagues, a much more eclectic circle," Zurbuchen says. "She brought unlikely conversation partners together."

Obama's mother cared deeply about helping poor women, and she had two biracial children. But neither of them remembers her talking about sexism or racism. "She spoke mostly in positive terms: what we are trying to do and what we can do," says Soetoro-Ng, who is now a history teacher at a girls' high school in Honolulu. "She wasn't ideological," notes Obama. "I inherited that, I think, from her. She was suspicious of cant." He remembers her joking that she wanted to get paid as much as a man, but it didn't mean she would stop shaving her legs. In his recent Philadelphia speech on race, in which he acknowledged the grievances of blacks and whites, Obama was consciously channeling his mother. "When I was writing that speech," he told nbc News, "her memory loomed over me. Is this something that she would trust?" When it came to race, Obama told me, "I don't think she was entirely comfortable with the more aggressive or militant approaches to African-American politics."

In the expat community of Asia in the 1980s, single mothers were rare, and Ann stood out. She was by then a rather large woman with frizzy black hair. But Indonesia was an uncommonly tolerant place. "For someone like Ann, who had a big personality and was a big presence," says Zurbuchen, "Indonesia was very accepting. It gave her a sense of fitting in." At home, Ann wore the traditional housecoat, the batik daster. She loved simple, traditional restaurants. Friends remember sharing bakso bola tenis, or noodles with tennis-ball-size meatballs, from a roadside stand.

Today Ann would not be so unusual in the U.S. A single mother of biracial children pursuing a career, she foreshadowed, in some ways, what more of America would look like. But she did so without comment, her friends say. "She wasn't stereotypical at all," says Nancy Peluso, a friend and an environmental sociologist. "But she didn't make a big deal out of it."

Ann's most lasting professional legacy was to help build the microfinance program in Indonesia, which she did from 1988 to '92—before the practice of granting tiny loans to credit-poor entrepreneurs was an established success story. Her anthropological research into how real people worked helped inform the policies set by the Bank Rakyat Indonesia, says Patten, an economist who worked there. "I would say her work had a lot to do with the success of the program," he says. Today Indonesia's microfinance program is No. 1 in the world in terms of savers, with 31 million members, according to Microfinance Information eXchange Inc., a microfinance-tracking outfit.

While his mother was helping poor people in Indonesia, Obama was trying to do something similar 7,000 miles (about 11,300 km) away in Chicago, as a community organizer. Ann's friends say she was delighted by his career move and started every conversation with an update of her children's lives. "All of us knew where Barack was going to school. All of us knew how brilliant he was," remembers Ann's friend Georgia McCauley.

Every so often, Ann would leave Indonesia to live in Hawaii—or New York or even, in the mid-1980s, Pakistan, for a microfinance job. She and her daughter sometimes lived in garage apartments and spare rooms of friends. She collected treasures from her travels—exquisite things with stories she understood. Antique daggers with an odd number of curves, as required by Javanese tradition; unusual batiks; rice-paddy hats. Before returning to Hawaii in 1984, Ann wrote her friend Dewey that she and her daughter would "probably need a camel caravan and an elephant or two to load all our bags on the plane, and I'm sure you don't want to see all those airline agents weeping and rending their garments." At his house in Chicago, Obama says, he has his mother's arrowhead collection from Kansas—along with "trunks full of batiks that we don't really know what to do with."

In 1992, Obama's mother finally finished her Ph.D. dissertation, which she had worked on, between jobs, for almost two decades. The thesis is 1,000 pages, a meticulous analysis of peasant blacksmithing in Indonesia. The glossary, which she describes as "far from complete," is 24 pages. She dedicated the tome to her mother; to Dewey, her adviser; "and to Barack and Maya, who seldom complained when their mother was in the field."

In the fall of 1994, Ann was having dinner at her friend Patten's house in Jakarta when she felt a pain in her stomach. A local doctor diagnosed indigestion. When Ann returned to Hawaii several months later, she learned it was ovarian and uterine cancer. She died on Nov. 7, 1995, at 52.

Before her death, Ann read a draft of her son's memoir, which is almost entirely about his father. Some of her friends were surprised at the focus, but she didn't seem obviously bothered. "She never complained about it," says Peluso. "She just said it was something he had to work out." Neither Ann nor her son knew how little time they had left.

Obama has said his biggest mistake was not being at his mother's side when she died. He went to Hawaii to help the family scatter the ashes over the Pacific. And he carries on her spirit in his campaign. "When Barack smiles," says Peluso, "there's just a certain Ann look. He lights up in a particular way that she did."

After Ann's death, her daughter dug through her artifacts, searching for Ann's story. "She always did want to write a memoir," Soetoro-Ng says. Finally, she discovered the start of a life story, but it was less than two pages. She never found anything more. Maybe Ann had run out of time, or maybe the chemotherapy had worn her out. "I don't know. Maybe she felt overwhelmed," says Soetoro-Ng, "because there was so much to tell."

Why Barack Obama Suspends Campaign to be his with Grandmother

2008-10-22T14:15:00.001-04:00

Amanda Ripley
Barack Obama has said that his biggest mistake was not being at his mother's side when she died of cancer in Hawaii in 1995 at the age of 52. His first book, Dreams from My Father, had come out only four months before, and he was starting his first campaign, for the Illinois state senate. Her death came quickly, and he didn't make it back in time.

So it makes sense that now he would do things differently. Just two weeks before Election Day, Obama has decided to leave his campaign to be by his grandmother's side in Honolulu for two days later this week. Madelyn Dunham, 86, is gravely ill, although the campaign has not released details about her condition. Dunham is Obama's last living parental figure, and by his own accounts, she played as big a role in his upbringing as his mother did.

In fact, since Dunham has declined to do interviews since the campaign began, most of what we know about her is from Obama himself, who referenced her in two of the most important speeches of his career.

On March 18 in Philadelphia, Obama attempted to defend his relationship with his former pastor, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, by talking about another complicated relationship: "I can no more disown him than I can my white grandmother — a woman who helped raise me, a woman who sacrificed again and again for me, a woman who loves me as much as she loves anything in this world, but a woman who once confessed her fear of black men who passed her by on the street, and who on more than one occasion has uttered racial or ethnic stereotypes that made me cringe."

Then this summer, Obama talked about his grandmother again when he accepted his party's nomination in Denver. "She's the one who taught me about hard work. She's the one who put off buying a new car or a new dress for herself so that I could have a better life. She poured everything she had into me. And although she can no longer travel, I know that she's watching tonight, and that tonight is her night as well.

Obama never really knew his biological father, who died in a car crash in Kenya in 1982, and his grandfather died in 1992, three years before his mother. But Obama's grandmother has always been there. She took care of Obama when he was 10 and returned to Hawaii to attend school while his mother spent a few years continuing her anthropological research in Indonesia. At the time, his grandparents helped Obama get a scholarship to Punahou, an élite prep school on the island. All three of them lived in a small, two-bedroom apartment on Beretania Street in Honolulu.

Dunham's nickname in the family was Toot, short for Tutu, which means "Grandparent" in Hawaiian. Her role as the family rock predated Obama. She had her first and only child, Obama's mother, when she was 20 and living in Kansas. Her husband had wanted a boy, so they named the girl Stanley, after him. Over the next two decades, Dunham moved at least five times — always in pursuit of her husband's next adventure as a salesman. They went to California, Texas, Washington and finally settled in Hawaii.

Obama's birth does not appear to have been planned. His mother and father met at the University of Hawaii and got married when she was already pregnant. To help provide for the new baby, Obama's grandmother, who did not have a college degree, got a job as a secretary at a bank. For more than two decades, she got up at 5 a.m., put on a suit and took the bus to work, arriving first at the office. Eventually — and much more slowly than her male counterparts — she advanced and was promoted to vice president. She earned more money than her husband, and her job became a "source of delicacy and bitterness" for the couple, Obama wrote in Dreams.

Dunham was motivated by "the needs of her grandchildren and the stoicism of her ancestors," he wrote. "So long as you kids do well, Bar," she would tell him, "that's all that really matters."

Since the campaign began, Dunham has watched her grandson on TV from her apartment, avidly following his campaign. This week, for two days at least, the candidate will come to watch her.

How to Sustain Intimacy in your Marriage

2008-10-19T08:46:00.003-04:00

Chinyere Fred Adegbulugbe

After seven years of marriage, Anita just can‘t believe what her marriage to Ted has become. ”We hardly talk anymore and even when we do, it is only in monosyllables and I don‘t like it,” she started her story.

Didn‘t she see it coming? ”Not at all. Right from the time we started dating, we were almost inseparable. I would hardly go anywhere without my husband and vice versa. Then our friends were always teasing us but we didn‘t mind. Even after marriage, it was as though nothing could ever separate us. Ted was my soul mate.”

”However, after a couple of years I noticed that we hardly spent any time together any more. But I erroneously attributed it to work. You see, Ted is an IT manager in a multinational and he was always working round the clock and since I work in a bank it didn‘t really make things easier. However, with time I realised that it wasn‘t just about work; we just couldn‘t connect. I found out that even when we stayed home together my husband would rather spend his time chatting with friends on the phone, browsing and watching movies. To worsen matters whenever he was watching a movie and I joined him, he would quickly stand up and excuse himself as though my presence was disturbing him.

”Many times, when we were invited to events together, if I insisted on going with him, he would opt out. At the moment, our sex life is almost non-existent and the few times we managed to make love, I hardly enjoyed and I don‘t think he did either. I have tried to investigate if he is having an affair but so far, I have come up with nothing. My friends insist that he must be having an affair for him to have turned off like that. Right now I just want my husband back because this is not the kind of union I envisaged when I was getting married.”

If only Anita could have a peep into what happens in other marriages, then she would know that hers isn‘t an exceptional case. So many couples are suffering under the burden of unromantic marriages that have lost every meaning of the very word itself. They stay under the same roof, possibly sleep on the same bed, eat at the same table but remain strangers to each other.

Unfortunately, these couples rather than do something about the quite undesirable situation, trade blames and sometimes end up with extra-marital affairs, which of course, more often than not, destroys the marriage entirely.

The problem is that many couples have not realised the simple truth; marriage is work and good marriage takes a lot of hard work to achieve. No matter how much in love you are with your spouse, there is no guarantee the marriage would remain as sweet and romantic as the time you started out if you don‘t work towards it. Of course, one is not saying that being in love isn‘t ideal but it is simply not enough. You must make effort to foster intimacy in your union. And for those who think their marriage is worth fighting for, I leave these few tips for sustaining intimacy in a marriage.

The eye contact angle

It might seem silly but experts say if you want to gauge the level of intimacy in your relationship, consider the amount of time you spend with a locked gaze.

Eye contact, they say, is absolutely essential to maintaining intimacy in a relationship. In other words, learn to not only talk to your spouse, but also always try to look right into his or her eyes when doing so. Many people can‘t look at their spouse even when making love; they would rather avert their faces or close their eyes. This act of modesty may not be the best for the marriage in the long run.

Don‘t take a kiss for granted.

How often do you kiss? Many people can‘t remember the last time they truly locked lips with their spouse in a passionate kiss. But experts have said that kissing is very essential in maintaining intimacy in marriage. There is even a study which claims that kissing releases oxytocin (the neurochemical that makes you feel bonded) and decreases cortisol levels, so it may also reduce stress.

Don‘t forget the little things because they do matter

Developing and sustaining intimacy in your marriage isn‘t something that should require elaborate preparations. For instance, you don‘t need to spend extra money to send your spouse a text message during working hours appreciating him for a wonderful time in bed the previous night. Nothing stops you from cuddling up with your spouse for just a few minutes in bed before living home. And don‘t think that those who welcome their spouses home with warm smiles and kisses don‘t know what they are doing; they are ensuring that the flame of romance in their marriage never goes off.

Try the ‘SECRET CODE‘ strategy.

It may seem childish but some couples who have tried it do testify that it makes them feel closer when they have those little codes that are only known to them. I know of a friend who would call her husband and tell him in coded language that she couldn‘t wait to get her hands on him at night. And that little message, she says, tickles her man so much that she feels so pleased with herself anytime she says it. You can have a secret symbol that makes meaning to only you and you spouse. Remember the sole aim is to remain connected always.

Don‘t be afraid to fight

Surprised that I should suggest this? Well, when one says couples should not be afraid to fight, it is not about physical fight or domestic abuse. The truth is that there is no way two people can live together and there won‘t be conflicts now and then. The aim here is to avoid bottling up feelings which can lead to resentment and ultimately impact negatively on your intimacy.

Parent Busted For Offering 5-Year-Old For Sex

2008-08-24T20:07:00.000-04:00

A couple in San Antonio, Texas, is accused of trying to trade sex with the woman's five-year-old daughter for an apartment, a used car and child care for her 10-month old daughter.

Jennifer Richards, 25, and her married boyfriend, Sean Michael Block, 40, appeared before US Magistrate Judge Nancy Stein Nowak. Richards is charged with using interstate facilities to transmit information about a minor. Block is charged with distributing child pornography.

Nowak ordered Block held. Richards's detention hearing was delayed until Tuesday, the San Antonio Express-News reported.

According to an affidavit unsealed last Tuesday, the investigation began when an informant told the FBI about a text message allegedly sent by Block reading: "Nice piece 5 yrs old belongs to my gf and she wants to sell it."

Richards and Block crafted a deal that, in addition to the apartment and used car, included childcare for Richards's 10-month-old daughter, whose sexual service the couple intended to sell later, Rex Miller, the FBI's lead agent on the case, testified.

The couple had also hoped to blackmail the informant, Miller said.

Richards "was of the belief that these sexual interactions would be a positive experience for (her daughter) and that Richards would receive sexual gratification" from watching, according to the affidavit.

Authorities said both children are no longer in Richards's custody and that neither child was sold for sex.

After reviewing computers the couple used and listening to taped conversations, Miller determined Block and Richards were making further plans to abduct, rape and "carve up" a teenage runaway.

Block allegedly sent an email with a link to a Russian child pornography site, according to the affidavit.

Ronald Guyer, Block's lawyer, acknowledged the severity of the charges. But Guyer told the judge that there was no evidence that the behaviour progressed beyond Block's fantasy.

"There has been no action on his part," Guyer told Nowak.

Richard's lawyer did not immediately return a call or email left Sunday by The Associated Press seeking comment.

The couple worked at the Cheesecake Factory at North Star Mall, where he was a bartender and she was a waitress.

Court records show that Block's now estranged wife Sarah Block filed for a protective order earlier this week on behalf of the couple's 14-month-old child. Her lawyer said she filed for divorce on Friday.

57 Armed Groups Or Forces Around The World Use Child Soldiers

2008-02-17T10:36:00.001-05:00

Coinciding with the sixth anniversary of the Optional Protocol on the involvement of children in armed conflict, the Security Council today held an open debate on the situation of children caught in conflict.

According to the new Secretary General’s annual report on Children and Armed Conflict, the number of armed groups and forces identified as using children has climbed from 40 in 2006 to 57 in 2007.

This increase hides a complex reality. On the one hand it indicates better monitoring and reporting of violations and an improved ability to identify parties responsible for recruiting children. It also places parties who use children in conflicts under tighter international and domestic scrutiny.

On the other hand it also reflects a deterioration of the situations in Chad and Sudan, as well as renewed fighting in Afghanistan and Central African Republic, where children are now being recruited.

The rise in the number of groups identified as using child soldiers has reinforced the importance of the Optional Protocol and having international legal instruments and improved monitoring and reporting mechanisms in place to combat this scourge.

But the news is not all bad. Over the past six years, there have been a number of positive developments in addressing this situation. There are now 119 States parties to the Optional Protocol. Furthermore, since February 2007, 66 Governments have subscribed to the Paris Commitments to protect children from unlawful recruitment or use by armed forces or armed groups.

In addition, at least three peace agreements with armed forces and groups in Chad, the Central African Republic, and Sudan have reiterated the commitments made in Paris, and in one situation, the Ivory Coast, the recruitment of children has ceased.

Her Royal Highness, The Grand Duchess of Luxembourg, issued a statement today noting that, while these developments are encouraging, the reality on the ground for hundreds of thousands of children indicates that collectively we must continue to combat this unacceptable practice.

UNICEF welcomes today’s adoption by the Security Council of the Presidential Statement on children and armed conflict and views it as a further opportunity to reinforce government commitments to protecting children affected by armed conflict.

Parent Enrage Over Kindergarten Sex Lesson

2008-01-18T06:48:00.000-05:00

Philippa Duncan
A Parent has complained her five-year-old daughter was taught sex education at a school in Hobart and revealed she was assaulted by two boys in her class just after the visit from Family Planning.

The claims have prompted calls for the course only to be taught with parental consent.

The parent, who did not want to be named, said her kindergarten child had come home and "said the word vagina".

"I was shocked," she said.

"They were taught what a penis and a vagina was, which I don't think they should in kinder.

"I told the principal if I had known anything like that was going to happen, I would have kept my kids at home all week."

The parent said her child told her about the alleged assault when she put her to bed that night.

"That's when she told me that two boys in her class had put their hands down her pants, and she said she bashed them," the mother said.

"She said it happened in the dolly corner.

"There were three adults in the room and 16 kids and no one saw it. She said she did tell the teacher, but the teacher seems to think she did not tell."

Pembroke Labor MLC Allison Ritchie said the allegation would be investigated.

"I have had an undertaking from the Education Minister's office that this incident will be fully investigated," she said.

"The boys putting their hands down her pants."

Ms Ritchie said she had also heard complaints from people delivering the course, who had turned up to a school in the North-West only to find parental consent had not been sought.

She said the children were part of a protective behaviours course.

The complaint parent said her six-year-old and nine-year-old children had all been put through the course.

"I never knew it was happening until they all came home and said," she said.

"I don't think they should do it at that age, maybe Grade 6 or Grade 7, not kinder and prep.

"But the principal said the Government said it was compulsory for kids to learn about their bodies at that age.

"They told me that it was Family Planning, they came in to talk to the kids about their bodies, who could touch them and who could not."

Ms Ritchie said all schools should ensure that parents had the opportunity to give their consent and view the content of such courses.

"Parents should absolutely be able to opt out," she said. "It is not compulsory for every child.

"You might say I am happy for my Grade 7 child to participate, but not my kinder child."

Ms Ritchie said most schools were doing the right thing and gaining consent.

How To Keep The Flame Of Passion Burning In Your Marriage

2008-01-14T07:46:00.000-05:00

Pierre Coda
In many cultures love is typically a very complex emotion and love between adults (unless it is a platonic relationship) implies that there will be both romance and (physical) passion to some extent. Without the absence of one, it is not considered to be a wholesome relationship. In fact the concept is so powerful in the western world that it might actually be responsible for the sad state of relationships today. Every one out of two marriages in the United States ends up in divorce. Millions of couples do not wish to marry or delay their marriages for as long as possible. Millions of other couples are leading dull and unexciting lives. Europe is supposedly even worse with fewer couples opting to marry or have children.

While it would be scandalous to say that the institution of marriage may be falling apart (we will be told by advocates of marriage about countless studies suggesting that married people are happier, ride the corporate ladder faster, blah blah...), it is definitely an issue that has gotten the attention of the authorities. Reportedly the US Government is so concerned that it wants to 'promote' marriage. The reason for this sad state of affairs is that the concept of love (with its implications that romance, passion, friendship, emotional support (Emotional intimacy), and of course the role of parents for their children) continues to emphasize that all this has to be achieved through one person. Thus, how many times have we heard that the mother who is taking care of the kids is not the passionate woman she used to be in the bedroom. Or the husband is not your best friend any more. Or the wife is no longer attractive and there is no passion left.

While we do not think that Japan has the solution to all the problems of the world but it is helpful to look at the system in Japan with still a very low rate of divorce (current estimate puts it at half of United States though it has almost doubled during the period 1991-2001). Joint families are very common and there are very few instances of child abuse/foster parents/single parents, etc. However, adultery is far more common, though no one would ever admit it since there are not too many magazines doing surveys on infidelity.

How do the Japanese handle the situation?

The Japanese society understands that romantic and passionate love might not always be provided by the same person. In fact, Japanese language has two separate words to distinguish between passionate love ('seiai') and romantic love ('renai'). For centuries, men and women have had very different ideas of what they want from each other but the American society has refused to accept the reality and instead keeps pushing us to love our partners - get everything that we want from one person even if that is not what the other person really wants. Japan has taken a totally different view - it has clearly recognized the differences between romantic and passionate love and admitted to the possibility that both may not be received from the same person. Thus, for centuries, it has been accepted that in case there is something missing in a couple's life, it is perfectly reasonable to accept that each partner has the right to go seek it elsewhere. This does not mean that the couple's relationship is jeopardized or a divorce needs to be contemplated or the couple should start fighting - something that happens almost immediately in the rest of the world. In fact Japanese have a very mature attitude towards this - they respect the right of the other partner to have a level of privacy that would allow him/her to go seek what is missing without necessarily sharing it with the rest of the world.

The Japanese society has also put a system in place that allows both men and women to indulge in whatever is missing in their lives - there are all kinds of institutions and providers of services and almost all of them have a level of privacy that the rest of the world would envy. More importantly, it is how the overall society treats these institutions and practices.

Are we suggesting that you should adopt these practices wherever you live? Maybe not! But this is what we would say - if there is something missing in your life then you need to have a serious conversation with your partner and let her/him know if the Japanese option is something that can be considered as a solution if she/he is either incapable/unwilling/uncomfortable with the idea.

Woman 33, Disguises As 13 To Abuse Kids

2008-01-11T15:15:00.000-05:00

DAVID WILLIAMS and MARCUS OSCARSSON
The teachers and pupils thought that the new boy, Adam, was a little strange.

Though quiet and studious, he appeared very scared. And he flat-out refused to take part in sport with the other 13-year-olds.

Yesterday, they discovered that something was indeed amiss - as Adam turned out to be a 33-year-old woman, on the run from police.

Barbora Skrlova was arrested yesterday after fleeing the city where she had been living her lie for four months.

The bizarre masquerade in Norway was an attempt to escape from an investigation in her home country, the Czech Republic.

The details of that case, according to police, are completely baffling.

The mystery involves an obscure religious sect and allegations of child abuse. Skrlova's role remains unclear, Norwegian police spokesman Sven T Roer said.

"We have not been able to figure out what is up and down in this case," he said.

Skrlova first came to the attention of authorities in May, when she was found at a house in the Czech Republic during a raid by police investigating child sex abuse.

At that time, she claimed to be a 13-year-old girl called Annika.

The adults involved were said to be members of The Grail Movement, which follows the teachings of a 19th century German mystic.

The organisation, which has its headquarters in Austria, has offices in Britain.

Annika was taken into care but police inquiries soon showed she was in fact Skrlova, whose 75-year-old father is head of the Czech branch of the movement.

She had already escaped, however, allegedly with the help of a couple involved with the sect. They are thought to have used their 13-year-old son Adam's passport to take her to Denmark and then Norway.

As Adam, she enrolled in school in Oslo. Her head was shaved and she bound her breasts.

"Looking back, we can say that we wondered about Adam's behaviour . . . but this is not easy to know," said Ingjerd Eriksen, principal of the Marienlyst school.

"Children at this age are very different and can be masculine or feminine."

A staff member who thought the boy seemed troubled contacted the authorities. But Adam managed to disappear.

A picture was circulated in Norway and he was finally captured in the north of the country - where his true identity was discovered.

"She said she was in Norway because she did not want to be a witness in the criminal case going on in Czech Republic," said Oslo Police Chief Hanne Krisint Rohde.

Skrlova, who arrived at Prague airport yesterday holding a teddy bear and a children's book, is said to be in a "shattered" state.

47 Children Lost To Child Trafficking At The Tripura Refugee Camp

2007-11-12T11:00:00.000-05:00

In a shocking case of child trafficking, 47 children have gone missing from a refugee camp in north Tripura. Trafficking of children is despicable but when people associated with an organisation which is set up to help them have a better future do it, it is a defintite crime. 47 children have gone missing from the Tripura refugee camp.

The parents were promised that their children will be going to school and will be taken care of by Biradamani Beang, who has been visiting these settlements since 2002. The parents had no idea they were signing a document declaring their chldren as orphans. Since the children left, there has been no news of them and now even Beang is untraceable. After a missing person complaint was filed, seven children were located, each with a horror story of his/her own. One of the missing children was found in an Anand Marg ashram in Shillong. He said he had worked as domestic help. The educational secretary from Anand Marg denies the allegation of children having gone missing from the ashram.

But, it is sad that the ashram can’t even account for them and wouldn’t have bothered to track them if somebody didn’t raise questions. These children are actually being taken to placement agencies in other states and sometimes across the border to Bangladesh to be suppiled as domestic help and sometimes, worse for prostitution.

We talk of child labour laws and debating the idea of what age is ok for children to start working and education being the one tool for their upliftment. But when organisation meant to give the children a break have employees flouting this main purpose, it is disappointing.

Vietnamese Spouses In South Korea, Victims Of Spousal Abuse

2007-11-03T08:11:00.000-04:00

It is a national shame that foreign wives living with Koreans have suffered spousal abuse. This issue surfaced again on Tuesday when Vietnamese President Nguyen Minh Triet asked the South Korean government to help Vietnamese married to Korean men lead better lives here. Triet made the request when he accepted the credentials of Im Hong-jae, the newly appointed Korean Ambassador to Hanoi.

Pham The Duyet, president of the Vietnam Fatherland Front, also made a similar request. He told Im that South Korea should pay more attention to the Vietnamese immigrants so that they can better integrate into Korean society. There is no doubt that the Vietnamese leadership is concerned about the alleged abuse of Vietnamese women by their Korean husbands. The Southeast Asian country has been hit by media reports that Vietnamese wives are the victims of various kinds of spousal abuse.

A horrible case in Daejeon in July involved a 19-year-old Vietnamese woman who reportedly died after being violently beaten by her husband. In another case, a Vietnamese woman entered into a marriage with a Korean man who only wanted her to give birth to a baby. The man divorced her and took the baby to reunite with his infertile ex-wife. Some people fear that such incidents could harm diplomatic relations between Seoul and Hanoi.

The abuse of foreign wives is not confined to women from Vietnam. Many foreign women getting married to Koreans in search of the ``Korean dream'' confront the stark reality of domestic violence, verbal abuse and discrimination in Korean society. Some of them even fall prey to human trafficking. An annual U.S. report on human trafficking showed that a growing number of foreigners are trafficked to South Korea for sexual or labor exploitation though brokered marriages. The report carried a photograph of a roadside billboard advertising an international marriage broker who promises to offer Vietnamese brides who would not run away. This indicates how serious the human trafficking issue is in the country.

Cases related to Vietnamese women have drawn much attention because their numbers are rapidly growing. The number of Chinese women married to Koreans last year was estimated at 14,450. But most of them are ethnic Koreans from China's northeastern provinces. The number of Vietnamese wives stood at 9,812. Thus, Vietnamese women have actually emerged as the largest foreign wives' group in South Korea. The number of women from the Philippines and Mongolia reached 1,131 and 559, respectively.

The Seoul government has worked out policy packages to protect the rights of foreign spouses and help them adapt to Korean society. However, such steps have yet to produce any remarkable results. A Seoul National University survey showed that one out of every 10 foreign spouses has suffered domestic violence, while three out of every 10 has experienced verbal abuse.

Policymakers should take more fundamental measures to ensure foreign wives' human rights and crack down on domestic violence and other types of spousal abuse. South Koreans will also have to warmly embrace not only foreign brides but also migrant workers as our society increasingly moves toward globalization and multiculturalism.

Sex preference Now A Critical Issue In Vietnam

2007-11-03T08:07:00.000-04:00

Vietnam's preference for boys over girls is further tipping the balance between the sexes in Asia, already skewed by a strong bias for boys among Chinese and Indians. The trend could lead to increased trafficking of women and social unrest, a UN report says.

Vietnam is now positioned where China was a decade ago, logging about 110 boys born to every 100 girls in a country where technology is readily available to determine the sex of a fetus and where abortion is legal, according to research released this week by the UN Population Fund.

The sex ratio at birth generally should equal about 105 boys to 100 girls, according to the report.

"The consequences are already happening in neighboring countries like China, South Korea and Taiwan. They have to import brides," said Tran Thi Van, assistant country representative of the Population Fund in Hanoi, adding that many brides are coming from Vietnam. "I don't know where Vietnam could import brides from if that situation happened here in the next 10 or 15 years."

The report, which looked at China, India, Vietnam and Nepal, warned that tinkering with nature's probabilities could cause increased violence against women, trafficking and social tensions. It predicted a "marriage squeeze," with the poorest men being forced to live as bachelors.

Gender imbalance among births has been rising in parts of Asia since the 1980s, after ultrasound and amniocentesis provided a way to determine a fetus' sex early in pregnancy. Despite laws in several countries banning doctors from revealing the baby's sex, many women still find out and choose to abort girls.

"I have noticed that there have been more and more boys than girls," said Truong Thi My Ha, a nurse at Hanoi's Maternity Hospital. "Most women are very happy when they have boys, while many are upset if they have girls."

In China, the 2005 estimate was more than 120 boys born to 100 girls, with India logging about 108 boys to 100 girls in 2001, when the last census was taken. However, pockets of India have rates of 120 boys. In several Chinese provinces, the ratio spikes to more than 130 boys born to 100 girls.

Reports of female infanticide still surface in some poor areas of countries and death rates are higher among girls in places like China, where they are sometimes breast-fed for shorter periods, given less health care and vaccinations and even smaller portions of food than their brothers, the report said.

It estimated Asia was short 163 million females in 2005 when compared to overall population balances of men and women elsewhere in the world. It said sex ratios at birth in other countries, such as Nepal, Pakistan and Bangladesh, also should be closely monitored to avoid uneven trends there.

Earlier research has documented the gender imbalance in the region. A UNICEF report last year estimated 7,000 girls go unborn every day in India.

"It's very difficult to imagine what's going to be the exact impact of these missing girls in 20 years," said Christophe Guilmoto, an author of the report presented this week at a reproductive health conference in Hyderabad, India. "No human society that we know has faced a similar problem."

The reasons boys are favored over girls are complex and deeply rooted in Asian society. In many countries, men typically receive the inheritance, carry on the family name and take care of their parents in old age, while women often leave to live with their husband's family.

In India, wedding costs and dowries are usually required of the parents of the bride, and sons are the only ones permitted by the Hindu religion to perform the last rites when their fathers die.

"My husband took me to a private clinic to be checked. I broke down in tears when I saw the result because I knew this is not what my husband wanted," said Nguyen Thi Hai Yen, 33, recalling when she discovered her second baby was a girl. "But he was good. He told me it was OK."

China has a one-child policy, while Vietnam encourages only two children per family after relaxing an earlier ban on having more. Such limits have led many women to abort girls and keep trying for sons who can carry on the family lineage.

The report calls for increased public awareness, more government intervention and steps to elevate women's place in society by promoting gender equality.

Philippine Cybercrime Bill To Check Child Pornography

2007-11-03T07:49:00.000-04:00

A proposed cybercrime bill should include provisions penalizing child pornography, it was suggested at a recent workshop.

The provisions would be consistent with international guidelines discussed during the Budapest Convention on the Council of Europe in 2001, government and private sector representatives at the workshop were told.

The Budapest Convention offers guidelines for the development of national legislation and a framework for international cooperation against cybercrime.

The two-day workshop was organized by the Department of Justice, the Commission on Information and Communications Technology, and the Council of Europe, in partnership with Microsoft in order to dissect the proposed Philippine cybercrime bill before it is endorsed to Congress.

The workshop divided attendees into groups to work on three general provisions of the bill, namely emergency response, enforcement and implementation; jurisdiction and international cooperation; and punishable acts, said Albert dela Cruz, director of the Philippine Computer Emergency Response Team (PH-CERT) and currently platform strategy manager at Microsoft Philippines, in an interview.

Each group presented their suggestions to lawmakers and members of the CICT, headed by its chairman, Ray Anthony Roxas-Chua III.

For about eight years, various sectors have lobbied for a cybercrime law in the Philippines.

Sexual Molestation Of Children On The Rise In Isreal

2007-11-03T07:45:00.000-04:00

Recent government data shows 16% rise in sexual molestation of minors since 2000. Numbers believed to be higher since many cases go unreported. 'If the State keeps ignoring the problem nothing will change,' says Head of National Council for the Child.

The last seven years have seen a 16% rise in the number of child molestation cases, the Ministry of Social Affairs said Sunday.

Some 1,464 children were sexually assaulted by the end of the first half of 2007, and 2,623 sexual abuse cases in children were reported in 2006.

The Ministry of Social Affairs' data revealed that most children fall prey to sexual assault during the school year. Of those molested in 2006, 318 were under the age of five, 717 were between the ages of six and eight, 37.4% of those assaulted were boys and 62.6% girls.

The fickleness of numbers

The numbers, said the ministry's report, are probably higher. In many cases the victims prefer not to file a complaint against their assailants.

The assailants in child molestation cases are not always adults: in the first half of 2007, some 282 children and teenagers were interrogated by the police department's youth division, on suspicion of perpetrating sexual offenses.

Children and teenagers who were victims of sexual assault are usually treated by their municipal social workers. Since the problem began escalating, the Social Affairs Ministry has been able to secure an additional $1.25 million to its budget - all towards building eight new shelters for the long-term treatment of these children.

The Ministry of Social Affairs' report is echoed by that of the National Council for the Child: the council receives hundreds of reports a year, most of them seeking counseling on life after the assault.

"Maybe all those on strike will finally wake up; the fact that the children are devoid of structure is affecting their behavior," Dr. Itzhak Kedman, Head of the National Council for the Child told Ynet Sunday, after hearing the report on the 12-year-old girl who was allegedly drugged and raped by two 13-year-old boys.

Kedman cites three main reasons which can make children behave like sexual predator: "The main reason is the growing exposure to sexual content on the internet. The younger children are, the less likely they are to differentiate between reality and porn films," said Kedman.

The other two reasons are the judicial leniency shown to sex offenders and the lack of proper treatments given to those molested. "It's a well documented fact that children who were abused or molested grow up to be abusive adults. As long as the State continues to ignore the problem nothing will change," he added.

MK Nadia Hilou (Labor-Meimad), head of the Knesset's Committee on Rights of the Child, told Ynet that she intends to call and emergency session on the matter. "

With the educational system on strike too many minors have no one looking out for them. the committee will have to look into the recent reports of alcohol and drug sales to minors, as well as decide on the criminal liability any minors involved in such activity might be subject to," she says.

How To Speak To Your Pregnant Teen Daughter

2007-10-22T11:12:00.000-04:00

Before considering how you might respond to the news that your unmarried teenager is pregnant, take a brief tour of the emotions and thought processes that are likely to be swirling through her mind and heart.

Fear is an overriding emotion in nearly every teen pregnancy.

"I can't tell my parents. They'll kill me!" "How can I finish school when I'm pregnant?"

"My boyfriend will take off if I don't have an abortion."

The adolescent with a crisis pregnancy probably sees nothing but loss on the horizon—loss of love, time, education and physical health. Fear of one or more of these losses propels most of her other responses. Remember that the average age difference between the father of the baby and the teenage mother is 6.4 years.

Denial is common, especially during the early weeks of pregnancy when the only indication might be one or more missed periods, a little fatigue, possibly some nausea or even a positive pregnancy test. The longing for things to be "the way they were" may delay acknowledging the problem and seeking appropriate help for weeks or even months.

Ambivalence about being pregnant may cause fluctuating emotions. One day the only solution may appear to be an abortion, while the next the prospect of a cuddly baby may seem appealing. Time spent with a friend's crying newborn may jolt the emotions in yet another direction. Indecision and apparent lack of direction in such an overwhelming situation are common.

Guilt. When a pregnancy results from the violation of moral values held since childhood, an adolescent will usually feel ashamed and worthless. Her growing abdomen becomes a constant reminder of her failure. This is a time when you can come alongside your child and cement a lasting relationship with her.

Pressure to have an abortion. This may come from several directions. A teenager may be weighing what appears to be a dismal future of hardship and remorse against a quick and relatively inexpensive procedure. "No one needs to know, and I can get on with my life."

A boyfriend (who may be dealing with his own fear and guilt, along with concerns about future financial responsibilities) may exert considerable pressure to abort, even offering to pay the bill. He may also threaten to bail out of the relationship if the pregnancy continues. Some parents, worried about their daughter's future or perhaps their own reputation in the community (or even the prospect of being responsible for the actual child-rearing), may also find abortion attractive.

The "cuddly doll" mentality. Some unmarried teenage girls see their pregnancy unrealistically as an escape from a difficult and unpleasant home situation. They may envision a baby as a snuggly companion who will require roughly the same amount of care as a new puppy, not realizing the amount of energy a newborn will take from her without giving much in return (especially during the first few weeks). Teens with this mindset need to adjust their expectations of child-rearing—not to drive them to abort, but to help them make more appropriate plans. If adoption is not chosen as a solution, some careful groundwork should be laid to prevent serious disappointment and even the mother's abuse of the baby.
Excerpted from Let's Talk About Sex, Copyright 1998 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International Copyright secured.

Paul McCartney Divorce Battle With Heather Mills Was Like Hell

2007-10-15T22:56:00.000-04:00

Former Beatle Paul McCartney has likened his bitter divorce battle with Heather Mills to "going through hell" and said their daughter Beatrice and his music have helped him through the ordeal.

In an interview in Britain's Radio Times magazine, the 65-year-old also called Queen Elizabeth a "babe".

Asked if he regretted meeting and marrying Mills, 39, McCartney told the magazine: "Going through a divorce is a very painful thing. As Winston Churchill once said, 'If you're going through hell, keep going!'

"The only solution is to remain dignified. If I don't keep a silence about it, I lose this idea of being dignified. But I've a wonderful baby," he added, referring to the couple's child.

"She's a great joy to me, as are my elder children, so I'm a lucky man."

McCartney and Mills married in 2002 and announced their separation four years later. Their acrimonious divorce is expected to return to the courts in February after attempts last week to reach a private settlement failed.

British media have speculated that the pop legend, whose personal fortune is estimated at 825 million pounds, will have to pay between 20 million (NZ$53m) and 70 million pounds (NZ$188m) to Mills.

According to McCartney, music has also eased the pain of divorce.

"Music is a great healer," he said. "Music is the therapy for me. In fact, going through difficulties has only concentrated my desire to make good music."

Speaking about Britain's 81-year-old monarch, McCartney said: "I've got a lot of time for the Queen. She's fun, she's funny, she's amazing. The Queen's a babe!"

He said the Beatles considered reforming in 1976 when "phenomenal amounts of money" were being offered.

"But it just went round and round. There might be three of us thinking, 'You know, it might not be a bad idea', but the other one would go, 'Nah, I don't think so', and sort of veto it."

He explained he had no regrets about never reuniting with his Beatles bandmates, despite the long list of ageing rockers getting back together for lucrative tours.

"I'm actually glad of that now. Because the Beatles' work is a body of work. There's nothing to be ashamed of there. In the end we decided we should leave well enough alone.

"The potential disappointment of coming on and not being as good as the Beatles had been...that was a risk we shouldn't take."

Sex-Saturated Television Encourages Teenage Sex

2007-10-03T09:16:00.001-04:00

Marilyn Elias

A steady diet of sex-saturated television might encourage teens to start sex earlier, a national survey of 1,762 kids suggests today.

HBO Programs with sexually oriented conversations have as much effect as those that depict sex or imply that sex has happened, says psychologist Rebecca Collins of RAND Corp. in Santa Monica, Calif. Her study is reported in the Pediatrics online journal.

The research is the first that takes into account other factors linked to early teen sex — such as poor grades, low parent education, having older friends and living in a one-parent home — and tracks how TV-watching might predict sexual activity, says Jane Brown, a University of North Carolina media researcher who specializes in adolescents. The phone survey of 12- to 17-year-olds also took into account sexual experience at the start of the study.

Kids who said they watched more sex-oriented programs at the beginning of the year were more likely than others their age to become sexually active during the next year. Those in the top 10% for viewing of sexually related scenes were twice as likely to engage in intercourse as those in the lowest 10%, Collins says. The more sex-oriented scenes they saw, the more likely they were to become sexually active.

"It's social learning: 'monkey see, monkey do,' " Collins says. "If everyone's talking about sex or having it, and something bad hardly ever comes out of it, because it doesn't on TV, then they think, 'Hey, the whole world's doing it, and I need to.' "

The study didn't take into account a teen's interest in sex or feelings of sexual readiness as the year began. So the findings might exaggerate TV's influence in causing kids to start sex, says adolescent psychologist Joseph Allen of the University of Virginia.

"Sexually explicit TV viewing is exactly the kind of thing adolescents would do if they were interested in becoming sexually active," Allen says. "She may be picking up on teenagers who are about to seek out sexual experiences." Different levels of readiness might have a small effect on the findings, Collins says.

Physical maturity also matters. More sexually developed youngsters feel readier for sex and are more likely to be sexually active, Allen says, "and almost certainly these kids would be watching more sexy TV shows."

Television executives were skeptical, too. "With all due respect to RAND, we do not believe that one show can alter a person's sexual behavior," says HBO spokesman Jeff Cusson. HBO aired Sex and the City, one of the programs tracked in the study.

"Some TV may be too provocative for kids, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be on the air," says Todd Leavitt, president of the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences. "As the father of three daughters, I believe parents have an obligation to monitor their kids' TV viewing."

Teens whose parents supervised their activities closely were less likely to watch sexually oriented shows.

"Most important is keeping the set out of children's bedrooms, because otherwise the kids have complete control over what they watch," Brown says. Studies show that about 3 of 5 teens have TVs in their bedrooms, she says.

Fewer Cohabiting Couples End Up Marrying

2007-10-01T13:26:00.000-04:00

Couples who live together won't necessarily stay together, according to new research. Ruth Weston and Lixia Qu, research fellows at the Australian Institute of Family Studies, conducted a study into the percentage of cohabiting couples who end up marrying one another.

They found that marriage rates had fallen dramatically since the beginning of last century and those couples who did tie the knot were doing so at a later age.

Weston told the Sydney Morning Herald that many young people thought moving in together was "a fun thing to do".

But she said cohabiting couples often lingered for years in unsuitable relationships and had trouble finding new partners when they eventually did split.

"In the old days people might go 'steady' but there was still opportunity to meet others," she said.

"Now once you are living with someone you are cheating if you see someone else. When you cohabit it adds a sense of commitment to a relationship that might be going nowhere."

Weston and Qu's research found that 63 per cent of couples who began living together in the early 1970s ended up marrying, but only 43 per cent of couples who began living together since the 1970s ended up married.

Of those who first moved in together in the early 1990s, there was only a slight difference between the number who were married within five years (43 per cent) and the number who had separated during the same time period (38 per cent).

And while marriage rates have been declining since the 1970s, the rate of cohabitation has risen for all age groups, the research, published in Family Relationships Quarterly shows.

Rates of separation have also increased over the same period, indicating that although more people may be living together, the relationships are not necessarily stable.

Weston told the Sydney Morning Herald that cohabiting couples in the 1980s had tended to treat the relationship as a trial marriage and usually went on to marry each other quickly. "Some might have separated later," she said.

Now, many people enter relationships before they are committed, and without having discussed their future.

"They enter prematurely but can linger on and waste their time," she said.

South Korean Students, On School Field Trip To Hotel Massage Parlour

2007-09-14T23:14:00.000-04:00

South Korea's education ministry launched an inquiry today after a TV program showed youths entering a hotel massage parlour for sex during a school trip to China.

The ministry ordered school authorities nationwide to investigate all field trips to China.

"The alleged incident should not have happened," Ko Young-Kyu, a senior ministry supervisor, said.

"Local education offices have been asked to throughly investigate and report the results."

The MBC TV network in a program late yesterday showed South Korean teenagers venturing into a massage parlour in China. Some said it was common practice.

"Phone calls came to the rooms from the massage parlours which are everywhere in the hotels," one high school student told MBC, recalling his recent trip to China.

He said some 30 schoolmates of his paid for sex there, adding: "Those who have been there all had it because we went there for that."

Another student said: "We kids bragged about it."

The TV program said teachers were either helpless or negligent in controlling the children.

"The South Korean students left at around 4am. There were a lot," one Chinese

Russian Governor Urge Couples To Stop Work And Have Sex Today

2007-09-12T15:17:00.000-04:00

The Governor of a central Russian province urged couples to skip work today and make love instead.

And if a woman gives birth in exactly nine months time – on Russia's national day on June 12 – she will qualify for a prize.

"It's normally something for the home – a fridge or a television set," Yelena Yakovleva at the Ulyanovsk regional administration press office, said.

"It doesn't matter if it's a girl or a boy."

Regional governor Sergei Morozov told employers to contribute to a Kremlin campaign to boost the birth rate by giving couples today off to have sex.

Russia wants to reverse a trend in which the population is shrinking by about 700,000 people a year as births fail to outpace a high death rate boosted by AIDS, alcoholism and suicide.

This is the third year Ulyanovsk region, famous as the birthplace of Soviet state founder Vladimir Lenin, has dedicated a day to encouraging couples to produce more babies.

Prizes will extend equally to unwed women who produce children on the right day, though the biggest prizes will go to married couples.

On Russia Day this year, a family won a jeep after their fourth baby was born on the holiday.

This year a record 78 babies were born on June 12 at the main hospital in the regional capital of Ulyanovsk, beating the 2006 total of 26, said chief doctor Andrei Malykh.

"The scheme is working. People want the prizes," he said.

A mass wedding and special lessons for children at school on how to deal with having a brother or sister are also planned in Ulyanovsk city, which is about 900km from Moscow.

This week First Deputy Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev, a possible successor to President Vladimir Putin, said he wanted to stabilise the population at about 142 million by 2015 and boost it back to 145 million by 2025.

Madeleine McCann's Hair Found In The Boot Of Hired Car

2007-09-12T01:20:00.000-04:00

The pressure on Kate and Gerry McCann is tightening after their daughter's hair was allegedly found in the boot of the car they hired after her disappearance.

The Daily Mail newspaper in the UK today reported that a "substantial" amount of Madeleine McCann's hair was found in the vehicle hired more than three weeks after she vanished from the bedroom of her family's holiday unit in Portugal.

The revelation comes days after the McCanns were named as suspects by Portuguese investigators.

According to The Daily Mail, Portuguese detectives told the public prosecutor that the only explanation was that the hair came either from her body or from something used to wrap it.

Sources also told the newspaper that bodily fluids found in the car - not necessarily blood - matched the four-year-old's DNA.

The revelations came as detectives handed a 10-volume dossier on the case of Madeleine's disappearance to the public prosecutor.

The file has since been delivered to a judge to investigate, prompting speculation the couple may have a case to answer.

The judge will will decide if there is enough evidence for either or both Mr and Mrs McCann to be returned to Portugal to stand trial.

Mr McCann updated his website blog for the first time since Thursday overnight and insisted he and his wife were "100 per cent confident" in each other's innocence.

Legal experts told The Daily Mail that the couple's status could be changed at any time to allow them to be summoned back to Portugal and placed under house arrest.

But indications last night were that police are convinced they already have enough evidence, even if they are ordered to conduct more searches, tests or interviews.

The couple returned to their home in Leicestershire over the weekend.

118-Page Document By Husband Asks Sara Evans To Admit Her 11 Lovers

2007-09-09T02:55:00.000-04:00

A 118-page document was filed tuesday in Williamson Country chanery court as part of Sara Evans' divorce from Craig Schelske revealed that Craig is asking the country singer to admit her romantic attachment to eleven persons including the likes of Richard Marx, Kenny Chesney and Tony Dovolani.

It asks Evans to state under oath and penalty of perjury whether or not she admits to "an affair/sexual relationship/romantic involvement" with Chesney, Marx, Dovolani or any member of her band. It also seeks to find out if there was any relationship with Brad Arnold, Matt Roberts, Todd Harrell or Chris Henderson — all members of the group 3 Doors Down.

The questions are included in a document used to obtain information from opposing parties during legal proceedings.

Evans has not yet responded, and the court filing provides no evidence that she had relationships with any of the named people.

John Hollins Sr., Evans' attorney, told the newspaper he could not comment because of a court-issued gag order. Evans' publicist did not return calls. Schelske's attorney, who is also bound by the gag order, did not return a call seeking comment.

A publicist for Chesney and a former manager for Marx declined to comment. Calls left for Universal/Republic, the record label of 3 Doors Down, were not immediately returned.

Evans filed for divorce the day after a blowup between the couple in a Los Angeles restaurant, after which police were called to the scene.

In previous court filings, Schelske alleged that he had learned of his wife's "intimate relationship" during the dinner.

A hearing in the case is set for Sept. 28 in Hickman County.

Evans made her recording debut in 1997, and her 2000 album "Born to Fly" went double platinum. Her hits include "Perfect," "Suds in the Bucket" and "Real Fine Place to Start."

Online Child Prostitution On The Increase In Japan

2007-08-31T20:46:00.000-04:00

Online crime hit a new high in Japan in the first six months this year, with the number of cases of child prostitution arranged on the Internet surging more than 60 percent, police said last week.

Arrests were made in 1,808 cases of Internet crime, up by six cases from the same period last year and the highest since 2003 when police started compiling similar half-year data.

For child prostitution (in some cases referred to enjo kosai or compensated dating), in which minors meet with adult clients on dating and other websites, the number of cases jumped 62.7 percent to 275.
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"We will promote activity to ban children from using dating websites while pushing ahead with spreading filtering on cellphones," the National Police Agency said in a report.

Young Japanese often surf websites specially designed to be viewed on cellphones.

Online auction fraud remained the leading cyber crime, with 490 cases but the figure was down 33.2 percent from last year.

Thailand Make Moves To Fight Child Exploitation

2007-08-27T08:11:00.000-04:00

Permanent secretary for justice Jarun Pukditanakul has instructed the Department of Special Investigation (DSI) to expand its role to begin combating child exploitation, especially through pornography and transnational organised crime.

He said child exploitation was on the increase and that criminals behind child pornography had become more sophisticated. He said crimes were carried out using hi-tech media and global communications through transnational criminal networks.

"The DSI must have a role in fighting these crimes by cooperating and setting the scope of work with the National Police Bureau," said Mr Jarun during a seminar with DSI officials recently.

He said the DSI was better equipped to handle challenging issues such as transnational pornography distribution and that other police agencies might be over-stretched with existing tasks.

However, Mr Jarun also admitted that existing Thai legislation remains too weak to cope with child exploitation.

The Porn Media law for example does not separate child pornography from general pornographic crimes. Even the criminal law fails to punish a person found in possession of child pornography, unless they distribute or benefit from it.

"In some foreign countries, child pornography is considered as dangerous as drugs and possessing it is absolutely illegal because this kind of media can stimulate people's sexual desires for children," said Mr Jarun.
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There was some good news however, as the cabinet has already approved a new bill for the suppression of tempting media, in which child pornography is categorised as dangerous.

"The bill was debated vigorously in the cabinet. Those opposing it were worried about some possible impacts on the public, but the majority were supportive. The prime minister has approved it in principle," he said.

The bill has been sent to the Council of State for further consideration but Mr Jarun said he could not tell when it would be passed on to the National Legislative Assembly for endorsement.

However, once the bill is endorsed, along with the human trafficking bill, both laws will be important tools enabling the DSI to better tackle transnational organised crime networks.

"Besides harsher penalties, what's more important is that both laws will improve efficiency in tracing and arresting criminals," he said.
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Mr Jarun said the current criminal justice system was outdated and that many state officials still view prostitutes as if they were criminals.

"We must erase that kind of prejudice. Prostitutes are not criminals, but they are rather the victims of injustice. Those who reap the benefits from them are the criminals," he said.

He said he wanted the DSI to try a new approach by winning the trust of trafficked women, convincing them to become witnesses and then tracing back the origins of organised crime.

Travis Henry To Pay Child Support For Seven Of His Nine Kids

2007-08-25T19:06:00.000-04:00

Travis Henry just got tackled by a $3,000-a-month child support judgment.

Sure, the Denver Broncos running back has a $25 million contract and a base monthly salary approaching $50,000, but that kind of bill can still crimp your style when you're accustomed to expensive cars and fancy jewelry — and lots of other child support payments.

Henry, 28, has fathered nine children by nine women in at least four Southern states and has been ordered by various judges to provide child support for seven of them, according to court records involving one child living in DeKalb County.

DeKalb Superior Court Judge Clarence Seeliger this week ordered Henry to provide $3,000 a month for the Lithonia boy he fathered out of wedlock three years ago with Jameshia Beacham, now 29.

Henry isn't the most thrifty guy, according to court records, so the judge wants to ensure payment by establishing an unusual $250,000 trust that Henry must fund by next spring.

Seeliger wrote that the football player displayed "bad judgment in his spending habits," dropping $100,000 for a car and $146,000 for jewelry. Meanwhile, Henry fell behind on support payments for his child with Beacham that were mandated by a previous order. Threatened with jail, he borrowed $9,800 from his former team, the Tennessee Titans, to pay the bill, according to court records.

The trust ensures Beacham will get timely payment if the pro player falls behind on his installments again. Yet the trust could be a sticking point for Henry, who could appeal.

His lawyer, Shiel Edlin, said that to his knowledge the trust would be without precedent in Georgia. A quarter-million dollars is a lot of money, even for Henry, Edlin said. "He has some concerns and he's weighing his options."

Beacham could not be reached for comment. Her lawyer, Robert Wellon, said he asked that the trust be set up because Henry rarely made the payments mandated by an earlier order, though they were $800 less a month. Wellon said there was testimony establishing that Henry received a $1 million bonus earlier this year but quickly spent most of it, buying, among other things, a Mercedes and gold jewelry.

"My argument was, if he makes wise investments, other than in gold chains, then he should be able to make the payments," Wellon said.

Edlin, though, said Henry collected much less than $1 million after taxes, and he said much of it went to debts. "He doesn't have any money," Edlin said. "The guy has significant financial issues."

Records show that Henry's children are scattered across both the American and National Football Conferences — including Florida, North Carolina, Tennessee and Georgia. Wellon said Henry talked about gathering them together to watch him at training camp. Indeed, part of the custody arrangement Henry reached with Beacham requires two weekend visits when he is playing pro ball.

Edlin said Henry wants to be a good parent. "I know these are a lot of kids, and there might be some questions about it," he said, "but he's a really committed father."

A Husband's Role During Pregnancy & Childbirth

2007-08-24T15:55:00.000-04:00

Giuditta Tornetta

In the seventies, a partner's role in the birthing and pregnancy process was finally brought to where it belonged: next to the mother. With the advent of the Bradley birthing methods, fathers were finally given something important to do. They became "coaches" for the birthing event, and their need to be needed was fulfilled.

Yet, the nine long months ahead of the "world series" game is a difficult and vague time for the men in our lives. Men really have no concept of how we feel physically and emotionally during this time, so they need our help and direction to create a safe and friendly environment for the mother-to-be and the child. They need to feel part of this miraculous process to establish a relationship with the unborn child early on.

Communication
Often feelings of fear, worry, and anxiety are common for most new fathers. We need to entitle our men to their feelings. Asking your partner how he would like to be involved at this point might end up backfiring. Most men's answer to a direct question like this one will say, "I don't know! What would you like me to do?"

This can only create frustration for both of you, and there is no need for that. One thing I have learned through the years is that if you don't ask for what you want and need, you probably will not get it. Stop thinking he is psychic. Stop thinking "If he loves me he'll know what I really need and want."

Know that what you want or need has nothing to do with his love for you. His giving what you want and need, or telling you honestly what he can and cannot give is no measure of his love.

Find outside support
One person alone cannot, and never will be able to, give me all that I need. A famous African adagio says, "It takes a village to raise a child," and I believe it takes a village to accompany any of us through our lives.

Your partner cannot be the only source of your fulfillment; you must create a support group especially in this miraculous time. Find friends who are willing to listen, find other mothers-to-be (your healthcare provider, your doula can help you with this one), and find chat rooms and web sites to answer your questions. Enroll in prenatal yoga or exercise classes.

Find a therapist if you feel the need to work on some of the tough issues that are coming up. Your insurance might cover a few sessions. No matter where and what you must rely on, multiple sources of support await your asking.

Yes, it is your time to get pampered, dear one, but remember that men also go through incredible changes during this time. They might not be hormonal, nor will they show up physically, but having a child is an emotional, mental and spiritual event for both of you. Acknowledge the little and big things he does for you. Tell him how to be useful, welcome him in your arms as often as you can, and remind him why you love him and why you think he will make a great father. This is such a magical time for both of you, cherish it. Every moment counts!

Love tips
# The best way to get your needs met is meeting your partner's needs. This is the concept of unconditional love. You receive what you give. And if you really want something from your partner ask and be specific.

# When you have something important to talk about, ask for a quiet and convenient time for both of you. Most anything can wait, if you overwhelm your partner with questions or an "important" subject the minute they enter the home you might not get the results you are looking for. I know it sounds ridiculous at first, but making an appointment to discuss what is in your mind will give both of you time to relax first and settle in.

# Tell your partner how special he/she is -- often. We are so quick to criticize and slow to praise.

# Don't improvise when it comes to your partnership. Most relationships need a little work. Together, attend workshops, see a couple therapist, or read books on enriching your relationships.

# Spend time thinking about all things you love about your partner and be grateful for each and every one of them.

# When you are upset about something, stop, sit down and write down what (WHAT not who) made you upset and see if you can find your part in it. It takes two to tango. Knowing your part will make your anger be balanced.

# Have you ever thought about what is it like to be in a relationship with you? What would you like more or less from this relationship?

# Keep romance and passion alive!

* Surprise him/her with tickets to his/her favorite event
* Take the car to be washed
* Have breakfast for him/her when they wake up
* Give her/him a back rub -- foot rub etc.
* Plan a picnic at the park
* Leave a love note
* Bring flowers home
* Sing her her favorite song or play it and ask her to dance with you
* Look at each other while you kiss or make love
* Tell her/him you love her in ten different ways -- get creative
* Get involved in the pregnancy from the beginning
* Take her to as many Doctor's appointments as you can
* Make time to discuss the future of your baby
* Make time to discuss the birthing experience you both want

# Stay close through crisis. Hormones run wild in these times, understand tears, moods and tensions, stay close and at times just listen.

# Don't EVER criticize yours mate's body!

Make Weaning A Positive Experience For You And your Little One

2007-08-24T15:50:00.000-04:00

Anne Smith, IBCLC

Weaning your baby is part of the natural breastfeeding experience. It doesn't have to be a time of unhappiness for you or your baby. If done gradually, and with love, weaning can be a positive experience for both you and your little one.

How to wean
Ideally, your baby will nurse until he outgrows the need. This is called natural, or baby-led weaning. Just as you would not set an arbitrary limit on other areas of your baby's development, such as deciding exactly when he will sit up, roll over, move into a bed instead of a crib, etc. (instead, you watch for signs that he is ready to move on to the next developmental stage), it just makes sense not to set an arbitrary time limit on how long you will nurse your baby.

You actually begin weaning your baby the very first time you offer him any food other than your milk. Weaning should be a process, rather than an event. Depending on how you go about it, weaning can be abrupt or gradual, and may take days, weeks or months.

Abrupt weaning should always be avoided, if at all possible, for the sake of both you and your baby. If you suddenly stop nursing, your breasts will respond by becoming engorged, and you may develop a breast infection or breast abscess. Your hormone levels drop abruptly, and depression can result. Mothers with a history of depression should especially consider this when making decisions about weaning.

Abruptly withdrawing the breast can cause emotional trauma in the baby. Since nursing is not only a source of food for a baby, but a source of security and emotional comfort as well, taking it away abruptly can be very disturbing. Weaning gradually lets you slowly substitute others kinds of attention to help compensate for the loss of the closeness of nursing.

If you are told to wean your baby abruptly for medical reasons, you need to make sure that there are no other options. It is well worth getting a second opinion from someone who is knowledgeable about breastfeeding. Most of the time, you'll find that there are alternatives. For example, if you are prescribed a medication that is incompatible with breastfeeding, ask your doctor to see if another, safer drug can be substituted.

Even if you do have to take a drug that isn't safe while nursing, you have the option of just weaning temporarily and picking up breastfeeding where you left off. This involves expressing your milk during the interim, so that you will ready to resume nursing, and also to avoid engorgement. A hospital-grade electric pump is better for this purpose than a manual or small electric pump.

Benefits of extended breastfeeding
There are many, many benefits to extended breastfeeding, and very few benefits to weaning early. That is not to say that even one feeding at the breast doesn't have value, because it does. Whether you nurse for days, weeks or years, breastfeeding provides both you and your baby with many important benefits -- but breastfeeding for a year or longer offers the most advantages. Extended breastfeeding is definitely not the norm in this country -- in the US, fewer than 20 percent of babies are still nursing when they are six months old. While you may find it hard to imagine a mother in India nursing a three year old, that same mother would probably be baffled at the idea of taking a baby off the breast when he was just a few weeks old.

If you decide to go with natural weaning, be prepared for lots of unsolicited advice. You will be told that you're doing it for you, not the baby (this is ridiculous, because it is a proven fact that you absolutely cannot make a baby nurse if he doesn't want to). You will be told that your child will become a sexual deviant (yep, I bet if you took a survey you'd find that prisons are just chock full of men who were breastfed till they were ready to wean sure ). You will be told that your child will become hopelessly dependent on you, and you'll be following him to Kindergarten to nurse at rest time (interestingly enough, experience and research have shown that babies who are nursed until they are ready to wean are actually less dependent because their security needs have been met as infants). It really boils down to following your instincts as a mother -- nobody knows this little individual better than you, and you will know when he is ready to wean.

There are many benefits of extended breastfeeding. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends nursing for at least the first year of your baby s life.

* Your baby continues to get the immunological advantages of human milk, during a time when he is increasingly exposed to infection. Breastfed toddlers are healthier overall.
* When he is upset, hurt, frightened or sick, you have a built in way to comfort him. Often a sick child will accept breastmilk when he refuses other foods.
* Many of the medical benefits of breastfeeding (lower cancer risk in mother and baby, for example) are dose related -- in other words, the longer you breastfeed, the greater the protective effects.
* Human milk offers protection for the child who is allergic.
* Mothering a toddler is challenging enough -- nursing makes the job of caring for and comforting him easier. There is no better way to ease a temper tantrum, or put a cranky child to sleep than by nursing.
* Nursing provides closeness, security and stability during a period of rapid growth and development.
* Letting your baby set the pace for weaning spares you the unpleasant task of weaning him before he is ready.

It should be obvious that I have a bias toward baby led weaning. It just makes sense to me on so many levels. If someone tells you that babies shouldn't be nursed past six months, or one year, try asking them "Why?" They will be hard put to come up with a reason that makes sense, much less one that they can back up with any empirical evidence.

This is not to say that I think long- term nursing is right for everyone. When to wean is a very individual decision, and sometimes early weaning is the right decision. If a baby is not happy and thriving, and a mother is so stressed that she can't enjoy her baby, then it may be time to wean. Most babies do quite well on formula, and breastfeeding at all costs is not the most important consideration. You also need to be aware than nursing for days or weeks (or even one feeding at the breast) still offers important benefits to your baby. Nursing should never be an endurance contest.

Guidelines for early weaning
If you do decide that early weaning is right for you and your baby, here are some guidelines to follow:

* Try to do it as gradually as possible. Eliminate one feeding each day for several days to allow your milk supply to decrease slowly. After a couple of weeks, he should be down to nursing just a couple of times a day. Usually the last feedings to go are the first one in the morning, and the last one at night. If you're not in a huge rush, you may want to continue these couple of feeding for another week or two.
* Talk to your baby's doctor to find out what formula he recommends. Since babies are not ready for cow's milk until they are a year old, it is important to find the appropriate formula.
* Since young babies have a strong need to suck, offer a substitute (bottle or pacifier). Some babies will find their thumbs during this period, and there's not much you can do about that one way or the other. There are advantages to having a thumb-sucker -- those babies tend to be self-soothers, and often are better sleepers and travelers than babies who depend on pacifiers.
* Offer lots of physical closeness during this time. There is a tendency to avoid cuddling, because the baby associates the nursing position with breastfeeding, but it is important to snuggle your baby and get lots of skin-to-skin contact, even if you avoid the cradle hold.

If the decision is left up to them, most babies will wean themselves gradually, beginning by cutting back on nursing around the time they start solids. Physically, most toddlers are "ready" to wean. Nursing a child who is no longer an infant is done more out of concern for his psychological and emotional needs than for his nutritional ones. However, there are some older babies who make the transition from infancy to toddler-hood without the slightness indication of readiness to wean.

Weaning the older child
Weaning an older child who isn't ready can be a real challenge. You should not feel guilty if you decide to wean your toddler, because only you know when the time is right for you and your family. For example, you may be pregnant again, and while that in and of itself is not a reason to wean, your nipples may be so sore that you are gritting your teeth and not enjoying nursing your toddler AT ALL. He may begin to pick up on your feelings of resentment, and it may be time to wean.

Weaning an older baby doesn't have to be traumatic, although it may not be easy. Here are some tips:

* If possible, allow several weeks of concentrated time and attention to the process of weaning. Any baby who has nursed for a year or more is obviously really into it, and isn't likely to give it up easily.
* Don't offer, but don't refuse. Nurse him only when he is really adamant about it, but don't offer to nurse at other times.
* Make sure that you offer regular meals, snacks and drinks to minimize hunger and thirst. Remember also that babies nurse for reasons besides hunger, including comfort, boredom and to fall asleep.
* Try to change your daily routine to minimize situations where he wants to nurse. Does he want to nurse when he is bored? Try distracting him with a snack or a walk outside. Do you usually lie down with him at naptime? Try reading him a book or rocking him instead.
* If Dad is around, encourage him to take an active role in weaning. Have Dad try to put him back to sleep if he wakes during the night. If he nurses first thing in the morning, try letting Dad get him up instead of you and feed him breakfast.
* Watch his preferences and respect them. If he is having a really hard time giving up the first thing in the morning nursing, you may want to continue that one for a while rather than force the issue.
* With older toddlers (two years plus) you can begin by setting limits on nursing. For example, you can say "We'll nurse when we get home, but not at the mall." Substitute nursing on demand for nursing at your convenience.
* Shorten the duration of any given feeding. Say "That's enough, now." and gently remove the breast from his mouth.

In summary: weaning is a process that begins as soon as you introduce other foods into your baby's diet. (This comes in handy when someone asks you if you have started weaning him yet -- you can truthfully answer "yes"). Babies wean at different ages, just as they get teeth at different ages. When you wean your baby is a decision for you to make, ideally based on signs of developmental readiness. Breastfeeding provides benefits for both you and your baby no matter how long you nurse. Gradual weaning is always better than abrupt weaning, although there are times when this just isn't possible.

If you and your child both enjoy nursing, and your only reason for weaning is that you are under pressure from other people who think you should, then you need to look further for outside support of your decision to continue nursing. If you no longer enjoy nursing, or if there are legitimate pressing reasons for you to wean, you should do it and feel good about the time you did nurse, without feeling guilty about what might have been.

On a personal note: I have nursed six children. The first three weaned themselves before they were a year old. I was a La Leche League leader at the time, and all my friends were nursing their toddlers. I couldn t believe my babies were doing that to me -- I was willing to nurse them till they went to college, but there was absolutely no way to convince them to keep nursing. Even withholding food didn't work. My experience with my next three babies reminded me of the old adage "Be careful what you wish for," because they all wanted to nurse between 2 1/2 and 4 1/2 years. I practically had to pry them off with a crowbar.

It was interesting to me that the early weaners were all thumb-suckers and blanket holders, while the late weaners were never self-soothers, but used the breast for comfort as well as nutrition. All were breastfed on demand from day one, so I can only assume that individual differences accounted for the different weaning experiences.

I am happy to report that all six have turned out normal and well adjusted, so their radically different weaning schedules apparently didn t have a long term effect on their development. I'm so glad -- with six children, I have plenty of other things to feel guilty about.

52 Ways To Support Your Wife During Pregnancy

2007-08-24T15:35:00.000-04:00

Giuditta Tornetta

Every dad needs support, encouragement, information, confidence and tools to help him be as involved as he possibly can with his new family. Here are some ideas that will make you popular around the house and make your wife the envy of all of her friends; pregnant and otherwise:

1. Offer to give her back rubs and foot massages.

2. Suggest activities that might be harder to do when the baby comes, like going to movies or concerts.

3. Bring home roses for no reason at all.

4. Vacuum the house, even under the bed, without being asked.

5. Give your wife lots of hugs; research shows that the more she is hugged, the more she'll hug the baby after he comes.

6. Buy her a moisturizing bubble bath.

7. If you're traveling on business, arrange to have a friend take her to dinner.

8. Offer to pick up a pizza on your way home from work, and surprise her with a pint of her favorite frozen yogurt, too.

9. Offer to run errands. Better yet, do those before you are asked.

10. Do the laundry before it piles up.

11. Tell her you think she's going to be a great mother.

12. If she arrives home after you, have a candlelight dinner on the table, complete with sparkling cider.

13. Write her a love letter and send it to her in the mail.

14. Go away for a romantic weekend (together, of course).

15. Buy a toy or outfit for the baby, have it gift-wrapped, and let her unwrap it.

16. Buy her a pretty maternity dress.

17. Go on a long walk with her.

18. Learn baby CPR

19. Offer to give her a back rub -- again.

20. If you smoke, stop.

21. Tell her she's beautiful. Then tell her again a few hours later.

22. Pay extra attention to making sure she has enough to eat--pack some snacks for her before the two of you go out for an evening or for a hike.

23. Organize a surprise baby shower for her.

24. Keep a list of your favorite names or buy her an interesting name book.

25. Paint a picture for or write a letter to your unborn baby.

26. Set up some interviews with potential child-care people.

27. Tell her she looks good even if she's put on weight.

28. Buy her a Mother's Day gift -- even if it's November.

29. Go to her prenatal appointments.

30. Keep a journal, either written, tape-recorded, or videotaped of what you're thinking and feeling during the pregnancy.

31. Do something with her that she knows you absolutely hate to do

32. Take her to visit the nursery at your local hospital.

33. Help her address envelopes for the birth announcements.

34. Learn a few easy recipes.

35. Smile and nod agreeably when she says, "You have no idea what it's like to be pregnant."

36. If you already have children, take them to the park and let your partner have time alone to relax or run an errand she's had to put off.

37. Surprise her with breakfast in bed on a lazy Sunday. Or, on a workday, get up five minutes earlier and surprise her with a power shake.

38. Take the day off from work and hang around the house with her.

39. Give other expectant mothers seats on trains and buses.

40. Make a donation to a local children's hospital or school.

41. Discuss your fears with your partner. Listen to hers too, but don't make fun of them, no matter how insignificant they may seem to you.

42. Paint or wallpaper the baby's room.

43. Listen to her complain and don't tell her she's complaining.

44. Help put together the changing table and crib.

45. Install smoke detectors in your house.

46. Make a new will that includes your baby.

47. Join a health club together.

48. Clean out closets to make room for baby things.

49. Call her on the phone during the day -- just to tell her you love her.

50. Offer to carry her bags.

51. Buy a few tapes of her favorite music to listen to in the labor room.

52. Say "No" if she asks if she's acting crazy.

Breastfed Babies Cope Better With Stress In Their Adulthood

2007-08-24T15:18:00.000-04:00

The findings are based on almost 9000 children, who were part of the 1970 British Cohort Study, which regularly monitors a sample of the British population from birth onwards.

Relevant information was obtained at the children's birth, and at the ages of 5 and 10 years, from midwives and health visitors, parents, and teachers. This included how much the child weighed at birth and whether s/he was breastfed.

It also included factors that might influence or be linked with a child's reactions to stress and coping mechanisms, including maternal depression, parental education levels, their social class, and smoking habits.

When the children were 10 years old, their teachers were also asked to rate the anxiety of their pupils on a scale of zero to 50, while parents were interviewed about major family disruption, including divorce or separation, which had occurred when their child was between 5 and 10 years of age.

Unsurprisingly, when all the data were analysed, the findings pointed to a greater likelihood of high anxiety among children whose parents had divorced or separated.

But children who had been breastfed were significantly less anxious than their peers who had not been breastfed.

Breastfed children were almost twice as likely to be highly anxious, while children who had been bottle fed were over 9 times as likely to be highly anxious about parental divorce/separation.

The findings held true, irrespective of other factors likely to influence the results.

The authors emphasise that their research does not prove that breastfeeding itself makes children cope better with life stress; rather, it may be a marker of some other maternal or parental factors, they say.

But they cite animal research, which suggests that the quality of physical contact between mother and baby during the first few days of life may influence the development of the offspring's neural and hormonal pathways that are involved in the stress response. Babies with more of the type of contact experienced during breast feeding coped better with stress when older.

Breastfeeding may also affect the quality of the bonding between mother and child, and the way in which the two relate to each other. And this may have a lasting impact on the child's anxiety levels in response to stressful life events, the authors suggest.

How To Select The Right Daycare For Your Kid?

2007-08-24T13:24:00.000-04:00

Adrienne Chaplin

Selecting the right day care for your kid can be a serious challenge. Are you like this single mother of a three year-old son, who needs a high level of personal attention, yet she needs to go back to work? No doubt your major concern will be to find the kind of daycare that would meet the needs of your son.

How lucky for you and your son that you were able to spend those first three years at home getting to know each other and enjoying one another. Placing him in a daycare situation is going to be a big step for both of you to find your independence. I have a number of suggestions on types of daycares that could cater to his personality. But only you as a parent that knows him best can decide which would work for both of you.

First of all, are you at all able to have a loving family member care for him? Younger (at heart) grandparents are especially wonderful for this as they have a "vested interest" in your son's upbringing and would have an easier time with a busy, inquisitive child.

Barring the possibility of family helping, there is the family daycare home. I especially like this option because it has the feeling of home (if done right) and yet it would enable your son to have the interaction with other children of ages near his. This helps with giving the child a sense of belonging while learning to interact with others that he may not have experienced by staying home with you. Just be sure to find a provider that has some structured activities as well as a balanced amount of play. After all, these are the years for him to get ready for school.

The other option you would have is to take your child to a childcare center. For a child that requires a "high level of personal attention" as you describe, you would want to find a center that has a lower ratio of children in the group he would be in, possibly 1 teacher to each six children. This may be hard to find, but at 3 years old he needs to start making the transition. A childcare center would have the added bonus that they generally provide more educational opportunities and support to their employees. They also have more funding to provide bigger and better activities and field trips to expand your son's base of experiences.

Whatever you decide, be sure on your choice. The hardest thing for your son in this circumstance would be to move from one provider to another too frequently. He needs to feel the security he had at home and yet feel like he can spread his wings. After all, he's becoming a big boy and that's a big deal!

About the author: Adrienne Chaplin is a home daycare provider and the mother of two boys. She has been working in daycare since 1995, shortly after her first child was born, when she realized that doing in-home daycare was one way to stay home and contribute to her family's finances.

Judge Grants Michael Jackson Custody of His Three Children

2007-08-16T10:56:00.000-04:00

A judge in Los Angeles has denied a London woman's request for custody of Michael Jackson's three children, who she maintains are her own.
Nona Paris Lola Jackson, 36, had asked a judge to grant her joint physical custody of Jackson's 10-year-old son, Prince Michael, and 9-year-old daughter, Paris. She also claims to be the mother of 5-year-old Prince Michael II.
"I feel her evidence fails to establish any genetic relationship between herself and the Jackson-Rowe children," Judge Robert A. Schnider said today.
Schnider also denied the woman's request to nullify Jackson's marriages with his former wives Deborah Rowe and Lisa Marie Presley.
Nona Jackson spoke to the court through a telephone and loudspeaker. Jackson and Rowe did not attend the hearing. Jackson settled a custody fight with Rowe over his two eldest children in September. Details of that agreement have not been released. Jackson has not identified the mother of Prince Michael II.
Nona Jackson had sought joint physical custody of the children while giving Jackson legal custody. In court papers, she offered a tentative schedule for visits.
She also asked the court to grant her child support in an amount to be determined by Jackson, along with possession of his Neverland Ranch and a home in California's San Fernando Valley.
In court papers, Nona Jackson contended that "Michael and I are a sexually active couple and have been this way from the beginning." She also claimed to have written more than 3,000 songs for him.
The woman's three previous attempts to interfere in the custody battle between Rowe and Jackson were rejected by the same judge last November, in February and in May on grounds that she had failed to notify Jackson and Rowe of the hearings.
It was unclear what, if any, legal options she had left following Wednesday's ruling.

Sexual Advice For Teens Via SMS

2007-08-01T08:11:00.000-04:00

A charity is rolling out a pioneering service that gives young people sexual health advice by text message after a successful pilot in the two boroughs with the highest rate of sexually transmitted disease in Europe.
Safe Haven is launching Text Sam across Britain to provide information for young men and women about contraception, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy and sexuality.
It was piloted in the London boroughs of Southwark and Lambeth, where almost 90% of young people have had a sexually transmitted disease, according to the charity. The text service received more than 42,000 requests for information in just two months during its pilot.
The innovative service was developed after a survey found 96% of 14- to 16-year-olds depended on their friends for advice. Text Sam hopes to reduce the number of unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections by letting young people make informed decisions.
Jacqui Jennings, the scheme's operations manager, said: "We have a national crisis on our hands which is getting more out of control every day. We as a society have an obligation to inform our young people of the possible consequences of having sex. We cannot expect young people to make sensible decisions without knowledge."
The charity said new diagnoses of syphilis, thrush, chlamydia and human papilloma viruses - some of which can cause genital warts and cervical cancer - had also risen in the two boroughs.
Nationally, nearly 1million people were tested for sexually transmitted diseases during 2006. Diagnoses of new sexually transmitted diseases in the UK rose by 2% to 376,508 in 2006 and new cases of genital herpes were up 9% to 21,698, according to the Health Protection Agency.
The UK has the highest teenage birth rates in western Europe - twice the level found in Germany, three times higher than France, and six times above figures in the Netherlands, according to a Unicef report.
· To obtain free sexual health information, text Sam to 60030. A text message will be sent which contains links to the nearest sexual health clinic and advice centres plus information about infections.

10 Tips For Him & Her To Boost Oral Sex

2007-07-15T08:12:00.000-04:00

Some couples aren't having sex, but they enjoy touching and oral sex. Here are some tips on how to make oral sex more pleasurable for a man, or how to get him to give it to his woman more often?

First and foremost forget about the ''no BJ until he delivers'' theory. Sex shouldn't be about keeping a score. It should be about giving and receiving pleasure and getting as much satisfaction on either end of that scale.)

Tips for you doing it to him:

1. Act like you want to be there. A woman who's performing simply because she has to is the number-one passion killer.

2. Don't bite (unless he asks for it). Keep your teeth covered at all times with your lips.

3. Don't be too rough. Yanking back the foreskin, sucking too hard, pumping up and down like you're trying to draw water from a dry well ... it ain't nice!

4. Educate yourself. My book has pages of instruction on how to do it well. You've made a great start here by asking and getting advice from everyone. The more you find out and read up about, the better.

5. Don't act as if semen is poison. You don't have to swallow, but you don't need to run out of the room either. Don't leave him in the lurch -- switch to using your hand or let him leave a little mess elsewhere on your body.

Tips to get him to do it to you more often:

1. Let him know how much you love it. Give him loads and loads of feedback. Tell him how fantastic he is.

2. Make sure you smell and taste great. Shower beforehand, and watch the garlic consumption. (Yup, it doesn't just show up on your breath.)

3. Ask him to make love to you. Say, ''Honey, I want to feel your tongue on me''. Push his head down. Make it very clear you'd like it more often.

4. Ask him why he doesn't do it as often as you'd like. There might be a good reason, like his tongue gets tired or his neck gets cramped -- all easily fixed by different techniques or different positions.

5. Only when you have tried all of the above and talked about it are you allowed to point out, gently but firmly, that it seems awfully unfair for you to try so hard to give him pleasure if he's not going to return the favor. Again, I don't support making threats, but it is certainly acceptable to point out the unfairness of it all.

Woman-Friendly Products That Enhance Your Sex Life

2007-07-14T14:24:00.000-04:00

Want to take your love life from zero to sexy? Then let's talk toys! I'll explain why a sex shop is an even better place to splurge than your most-loved shoe store. Plus, I've compiled a list of woman-friendly favorite products you'll love.

Shopping for sex toys is one of the few areas of sexual experimentation where women are far more adventurous than men. Yes, it's shopping (which explains a lot), and we're suckers for anything shiny, pink and playful, which many sex toys are. But most importantly, for a number of us, the humble vibrator is also our most reliable means of orgasm.

Men, on the other hand, are slightly more apprehensive: They tend to see vibrators as "replacements," rather than supplements, to a sex life. It's true that our buzz buddies do occasionally help us achieve orgasms more efficiently than our partner. However, there are still good reasons why he should be smiling supportively when you walk through the front door with an oddly shaped parcel in a discreet, dark bag (looking like the cat that swallowed the canary). After all, sex toys are, just as the name suggests, toys, things to play with for a bit of fun ‑- and have fun you will. [Editor's note: If your man isn't convinced, Tracey wrote a column just for him.]

Choosing a Sex ShopPick a place to suit your mood: A sleazy shop if you're feeling down and dirty or a "posh" shop if you want to go a swankier route. If you're paranoid that his mother or your nosy big sister will be walking down the street as you head in or out of the store, choose one in an area they're unlikely to visit. If you get caught by friends and they look at all shocked, just laugh and launch into a funny story of what happened in there; it will make them look prudish while you and your partner appear liberated and terribly cool.

Picking Out Your Products

Research suggests that around 10 percent of adults use sex toys regularly, but I'd put that figure much higher. In fact, about 60 percent of my girlfriends own at least one vibrator (not to mention all the other stuff they're not admitting to). You can go online to decide on your toys of choice, of course, if you're shy (and yes, they will arrive in unmarked packaging, not a box that screams "10-inch throbbing dildo!"). But I'd highly recommend that you and your guy visit a reputable sex shop together ‑- even if you just go once ‑- simply because you can hold and touch the products. It's also a naughty, sexy bonding experience that might turn you both on more than you can imagine! But since both ways of shopping can be very intimidating and overwhelming, I've compiled a list of favorite things to get you started:

Vibrators: Every woman's best friends, vibrators come in all shapes and sizes, from tiny buzzing "lipsticks" to enormous, penis-shaped devices. Narrow the selection by deciding what you want from yours: If it's for masturbation and you prefer penetration with clitoral stimulation, go for one of the "Rabbits," as featured in Sex and the City, a penis-shaped vibrator with a clitoral attachment. "Wand" vibrators, small cylindrical vibrators that you hold against the clitoris, are also great and ideal for use during intercourse. For more powerful vibration on the clitoris, opt for one that looks like a back massager, large with a big rounded head, such as the Hitachi Magic Wand.

The small, hard plastic ones offer better vibration, while the jellylike rubber or silicone varieties have weaker vibration but feel nicer. Make sure you get one with variable speed. Test how quiet it is, and be sure it's waterproof if you want to use it in the bath or shower. You'll also find "gadget"-type vibrators, ones with and without remote controls that are disguised as everyday objects. Such models are fun ‑- but only in addition to, not in place of staple purchases.

Dildos: These are basically imitation penises that come in a range of sizes. The difference between a dildo and a vibrator is that dildos don't vibrate. Usually made of rubber, they're sometimes "S" shaped for G-spot stimulation. If you like the feeling of fullness, they're good to insert during oral sex. You'll also see strap-on versions called harnesses. By attaching them to your body, you can transform female into male instantly: the ultimate gender-bender. These are handy for lesbians who like penetration, for men who are into anal penetration and for fantasy role-play. Some harnesses have a second dildo which fits inside the vagina or anus.

Nipple Clamps: S & M devotees adore these because they create the sensation of pinching and pain. The rest of us look at them, think Ouch! and move back to the warm, fuzzy vibrator section.

Pelvic Floor Toners: The more toned your vaginal muscles are, the better sex will be for both of you since you'll be able to grip his penis tighter. You can rhythmically squeeze the muscles, doing repetitive sets called Kegel exercises without inserting one of these gadgets. But having something to grip increases the odds that you're doing the exercises correctly. Most pelvic floor toners resemble tiny barbells. They're highly recommended after childbirth but handy for anyone, really.

Penis Rings: He slips one of these rubber, leather or metal rings onto a flaccid or semierect penis. Because the ring is tight, it traps blood in the penis, helping maintain a stronger erection for longer. If he's a little on the, ahem, small side, he'll probably like it because they make the penis look and feel bigger. The only problem is, men with smaller penises tend to be premature ejaculators (not very fair, but it's because the penis head has roughly the same amount of nerves, and they're more concentrated over a smaller surface). So consider yourself warned: Since penis rings tend to increase sensitivity, he could orgasm sooner than usual. (Gain some, lose some.) If you want to try one, opt for rubber first (leather is more expensive and metal a bit scary), but make sure it will fit snugly around the penis. Also, don't leave it on for more than 20 minutes, and whatever you do, remove it before you snuggle up for the night.

Vibrating Penis Rings: These are generally made of rubber and have little vibrators attached for clitoral stimulation. In order for them to work effectively he should use a grinding, circular thrusting motion during intercourse, rather than the traditional in-out motion, to keep the little vibrator in as much contact with the clitoris as possible. Despite the extra effort required, they're well worth a try ‑- and inexpensive as well.

Blindfolds: You know what these are and exactly what to do with them! You can make a blindfold out of anything, but fancy ones are good for role-play and dress-up.

Whips and Riding Crops: All used for spanking and not nearly as threatening as you'd imagine, many of these make menacing sounds but land with a whisper-soft touch ‑- perfect for role-play. Riding crops, for example, come in pretty colors, but with a serious expression on your face, you'll be the one in charge.

S & M Gear: Those dangerous-looking studded collars, leather outfits and masks are sometimes enough to send people back out the sex shop door. But if you're intrigued rather than intimidated, start off with some handcuffs or a studded collar. If that really does it for you, then work your way up to the complete leather get-up and serious bondage gear. It can cost a fortune.

Dress-Up Clothes: Nurses' outfits, baby-doll lingerie, one-piece catsuits... They're straight out of the '80s and tons of fun. Be warned, though: You'll pay through the nose for them in a sex shop, and they're not very well made. But if you've got the cash and you like the look of them, why not?

Porn and Erotica: Porn has come a long way since Debbie Does Dallas. While traditional male porn still dominates most video sections, there are many films made by women for women (read: smart, fun and clever).

Largest Human Trafficking Ring Ever Busted By Greek police

2007-07-10T20:53:00.000-04:00

Greek police said on Monday that it had succeeded in dismantling one of the largest and best organized rings in the people-trafficking and sex trade after a two-month investigation that culminated in a huge police operation on Sunday.

According to Greek News Agency ANA-MPA report, police carried out simultaneous raids on 34 different locations in Athens and arrested 11 suspected members of the ring, eight men and three women of different nationalities that included Greeks, Moldavians, Kazakhs and Ukrainians.

Police also arrested 62 men and women from Greece, Albania, Poland, Armenia, Romania, the Czech Republic, Nigeria and Venezuela that are accused of facilitating vice in others and prostitution.

Through collaboration with Interpol, Europol and police links between Greece and other countries, a further two people were arrested in the Ukraine and another seven members of the gang are wanted, including five Greeks, one Russian and one Moldavian.

Greek Police launched their investigation two months earlier. A total of 152 people were detained for questioning during Sunday's raids, while those placed under arrest are to appear before a public prosecutor on Monday.

Glorified Prostitution In the Guise Of Overstayers' Marriage

2007-07-07T13:30:00.000-04:00

With tens of thousands of overstayers in the Kingdom, marriages between Saudis, expatriates and overstayers is inevitable. However, such marriages come with problems and many are seemingly a front for prostitution as this reporter investigates.
"A friend of mine met and fell in love with a Southeast Asian overstayer. They ended up marrying, although, of course, it wasn't an official marriage recognized by the Saudi authorities. It was just a nikah," said Muhammad Al-Sayed, an Egyptian expatriate, speaking about a friend.
"Problems began after a year, when they had their first child. They couldn't register him, since the mother was living illegally in the Kingdom," he said, adding, that being unregistered, the father could not even take the baby to a government hospital.
"Since his income is pretty low he couldn't bear medical expenses at a private hospital. This caused a lot of tension between both husband and wife, and finally they divorced. The wife walked out and the baby stayed with the dad," he said, adding that the dad tried looking after the baby and finally, exasperated at not being able to cope, abandoned him in front of a mosque after dawn prayers. One Saudi citizen, who asked not to be named, fell into a relationship with an African overstayer, who became pregnant. The couple then married. After the baby was born, the Saudi man divorced the woman and left the child with her. The woman then married another man with whom she had three children.
Since the family was unregistered, they experienced a lot of problems. The parents finally placed the children in an orphanage run by the Ministry of Social Affairs.
In order to know more about these types of marriages, this reporter decided to enter the world of marrying an overstayer. Dressed sharply in a thobe, finding a matchmaker in Makkah was not a strenuous task.
In Al-Mansour Street - a common thoroughfare used by car owners to pick up passengers - I stopped to pick up a Southeast Asian expatriate looking for a ride.
I plucked up some courage and asked, "I'm looking for a non-Saudi wife. Do you think you could help?" He hesitated and apologized saying he was not a matchmaker. "It's a good thing. God will reward you," I said. After some gentle persuasion the man agreed and asked me to meet him the next day at a certain location in Makkah.
The following day, I arrived at the previously agreed place. A woman came and asked, "Are you Khalid?" I had told the man my name was Khalid and so I said yes. The woman then climbed into the back of my car and told me that the Southeast Asian man had asked her to come and see me.
"Why do you want to marry a foreigner so urgently?" she asked. In reply, I told her that dowries to marry Saudi women are very high. "The dowry will be SAR 21,000 (approximately USD $5,600) and you will also have to cover expenses for the marriage registrar (ma'zun), which is an additional SAR 5,000," she said.
I declined her offer for marriage saying it was too much. "I could marry a Saudi woman for that much," I told her.
On her way out the woman said, "There is another type of marriage, which is much cheaper. But you will only be able to meet your wife for an hour each day. You'll have to fix the time with her. You're not allowed to ask her where she lives or where she goes."
Intrigued, I continued listening. "This type of marriage will cost you only SAR 5,000 (approximately USD $1,333.35) and SAR 1,000 (approximately USD $266.67), each month for her expenses," she added. I agreed to the offer and agreed to meet her the next day. The next day the woman arrived, accompanied by the bride - called Reem - and a man, who claimed to be a ma'zun. The woman asked me to come to her home but I suggested doing the marriage in a public place. They agreed and the marriage contract was written.
Surprisingly, the ma'zun did not even ask for my ID. He simply registered my name (Khalid) and wrote out a marriage contract. He asked us if we agreed to the marriage and congratulated us.
The man then asked if I have any conditions. "Faithfulness is the most important thing to me," I replied innocently. They smiled at each other, and at my naivete.
He then asked the woman if she had any conditions. "I live with my family and I cannot spend the night outside. So we can meet at my friend's apartment and do what we want to do there, without informing my family," she said. I agreed.
The ma'zun then asked me for the dowry. I told him I did not have the money with me at the time and that I would bring the money next week. I then drove the group to the Al-Mansour District. I promised to meet them the next day, but I didn't bother turning up, I had seen enough.
A few days later, I decided to marry another overstayer from the same district. With the help of some overstayers I made contact with a matchmaker, who asked for only SAR 2,000 (approximately USD $533.34), and some time to find me a bride.
A few days later the matchmaker - an African woman - took me to the Sharea Ghourab District of Makkah. When we arrived in the area, she asked me to park my car and proceed on foot. Walking through narrow alleyways I saw a part of Makkah that I had never imagined existed.
Having climbed a steep mountain, we entered an old house. In the main lounge was seated a Nigerian man. The matchmaker spoke to the man in a foreign language at which the man nodded and left the room to return a short while later with three women. He then told me to choose whichever one I wanted. The first woman was a Yemeni national called Abeer, the second was an Ethiopian woman called Safiya and the third was a Nigerian woman called Safi. All three were aged in their 30s. "Abeer is divorced, Safiya is married to a man from Ethiopia and Safi is married on Mesyar to five men here, who visit her according to a fixed time schedule," said the matchmaker.
"The dowry for anyone of them is only SAR 2,000. On the day you visit, the woman will be ready. So you choose the one you want," she added. "I wouldn't mind marrying all of them for that much," I said, adding that I needed to go to an ATM machine to get some money for the dowry. The woman led me out and when I got to my car I drove off leaving her standing.
It does seem that such marriages involving overstayers are only a cover for prostitution. Even sincere marriages with overstayers only end in tragedy with the children paying the price for their parents' mistakes.
Speaking about finding abandoned children in front of mosques, Maj. Abdul Muhsin Al-Mayman, spokesman for Makkah police, said, "These kids are immediately transferred to hospitals for a health checkup and then placed in the care of the Ministry of Social Affairs." He added that marriages need to be officially registered and that marriages with overstayers, according to Saudi law, are illegal since overstayers are not recognized by the law as being able to live and reside in the Kingdom.

Where Naomi lay Disappointed Her Parents

2007-06-22T16:05:00.000-04:00

NAUGHTY Apprentice Naomi Lay last night told of her anquish when her mum and dad found out in the News of the World about her sexy video romp.
Speaking of her shame about making the explicit movie, she said: "My parents choked on their cornflakes when they read about the tape. It was very unpleasant. But what happened has happened—I can't dwell on it."
The filthy footage—filmed over three days in 2004—shows blonde Naomi, 26, in kinky positions and enjoying oral sex with a former lover.
But she says says the Pammi Anderson-type tape leaking out has actually strengthened her relationship with present boyfriend Mathew Hahn.
She said: "He is very proud of me regardless. It's not a problem. We're very happy together."
Now Naomi plans to take legal action to ban the tape, which has become the talk of the internet.
But she says she has no hard feelings after being fired by by Sir Alan Sugar in The Apprentice this week.
She said: "I think he is a very wise businessman, but Sir Alan and I are massive opposites. I'm quite a fluffy person and he's definitely not."
Naomi, from Cornwall, also revealed she wanted to slap the show's biggest bitch, Katie. She fumed: "She called me a dog. At one point she even compared me to a Labrador!"

Michael Jackson's Child Porn Collection For Sale

2007-05-26T08:35:00.000-04:00

Michael Jackson is trying to stop an auction of his former possessions - which are alleged to include paintings of naked boys.

The troubled pop star has taken out a temporary restraining order against Richard Altomare to block the planned sale, arguing he is the rightful owner.

Altmore, Chairman of Universal Express, claims he received 20,000 items from Jackson's former business partner Henry Vacaro as part of a bankruptcy case last year, and they include the "salacious" art pieces as well as "some of his whitening creams, [and] some sex aids".

He threatens Jackson's legal action could prove counterproductive.

He is quoted in the Metro as saying, "This stuff we have kept from the auction out of respect to Mr Jackson. The guy has troubles.

"We all have skeletons in the closet and, if Michael hadn't put up a fuss, I might have quietly, discreetly, just given it to him. I've already been offered $50 million for it privately."

The auction is due to take place at the Hard Rock Hotel and in Las Vegas on 30 May.

In an unusual and unique interpertation of the law criminalizing child pornography, artistic works, art or artist interpretations of minors in nude or sexual situations may be construed as 'art' and thus not - necessarily - criminal.

Apparently the mega-star, King of Pop and repeatedly acused child molestor Michael Jackson is willing to test these boundries in the name of art - not to mention the sexual aids he seeks to protect.

The welfare of Jackson's chilren has been an issue since his first child molestation trial. Jackson choose to live in Bahrain and is rumored to have converted to Islam.

The pop star has been photographed in female Muslim garb also raising controversy.

12 US States Not Safe For Your Family

2007-05-19T11:36:00.000-04:00

That's what state and city rankings publisher Morgan Quitno Press reveals in its annual list of the most dangerous states to live in.

States are compared against the national average for six dastardly crimes, each carrying equal weight.

No. 1 -- Nevada

Nevada may not have the highest murder rate, but its crime rankings across the board offer the highest odds of a crime against you and your family.

Rankings by Crime

Murder: 3
Rape: 11
Robbery: 2
Assault: 13
Burglary: 7
Motor Vehicle Theft: 1

No. 2 -- New Mexico

New Mexico's coiffed tourist image of open desert spaces, earth-conscious living and colorful hot-air balloons belie a serious crime problem in this border state.

Rankings in Crime

Murder: 6
Rape: 2
Robbery: 25
Assault: 2
Burglary: 2
Motor Vehicle Theft: 14

No. 3 -- Arizona

Another border state tops the list of Most Dangerous States; there's more to fear here than black widow spiders and scorpions.

Rankings in Crime

Murder: 5
Rape: 24
Robbery: 15
Assault: 16
Burglary: 11
Motor Vehicle Theft: 2

No. 4 -- Maryland

Hugging the nation's high-crime capital, struggling to revitalize Baltimore and growing its gambling industry, Maryland has the highest murder and robbery rate.

Rankings in Crime

Murder: 1
Rape: 45
Robbery: 1
Assault: 8
Burglary: 26
Motor Vehicle Theft: 6

No. 5 -- Tennessee

Tennessee residents might sing about love for country and neighbor, but lag behind in showing it. The state earns the No. 2 slot for most assaults. Maybe that's just how country boys work out their issues.

Rankings in Crime

Murder: 9
Rape: 20
Robbery: 7
Assault: 2
Burglary: 4
Motor Vehicle Theft: 13

No. 6 -- South Carolina

Whatever happened to Southern hospitality? Sunny South Carolina is charged with the highest assault problem in the Most Dangerous States list.

Rankings in Crime

Murder: 6
Rape: 10
Robbery: 17
Assault: 1
Burglary: 6
Motor Vehicle Theft: 19

No. 7 -- Alaska

Alaska is plagued with having the highest number of rape cases. There could be a correlation with alcohol abuse, also known to plague the state.

Rankings in Crime

Murder: 24
Rape: 1
Robbery: 34
Assault: 5
Burglary: 28
Motor Vehicle Theft: 18

No. 8 -- Florida

It has been commented on a city-data.com forum that Florida crime is not concentrated in one area, but rather spread across the state.

Rankings in Crime

Murder: 23
Rape: 19
Robbery: 6
Assault: 4
Burglary: 13
Motor Vehicle Theft: 12

No. 9 -- California

Even though California makes the top 12 list for Most Dangerous States, the Center on Juvenile and Criminal Justice states that crime rates in California have fallen over the last two decades.

Rankings in Crime

Murder: 10
Rape: 38
Robbery: 5
Assault: 17
Burglary: 23
Motor Vehicle Theft: 5

No. 10 -- Louisiana

Tied with Maryland for the state with the highest murder rate, according to the Southern Digest, Louisiana also has the second highest number of black homicides.

Rankings in Crime

Murder: 1
Rape: 28
Robbery: 21
Assault: 6
Burglary: 16
Motor Vehicle Theft: 25

No. 11 -- Michigan

In a city-data.com Michigan forum, it is noted that the east side of Michigan, which is also where lower economic areas are, carries the brunt of the state's crime.

Rankings in Crime

Murder: 16
Rape: 3
Robbery: 18
Assault: 12
Burglary: 22
Motor Vehicle Theft: 10

No. 12 -- Texas

After seeing a decline in crime in the last decade, some concerned Texans (on Topix.net) question whether a rise in the past couple years is related to the Katrina disaster.

Rankings in Crime

Murder: 14
Rape: 18
Robbery: 9
Assault: 15
Burglary: 8
Motor Vehicle Theft: 15

The Most Wicked Issue in American Politics

2007-05-14T02:35:00.000-04:00

John Neffinger

You might have thought the first abortion decision rendered by our new Supreme Court (Opus Dei edition) would generate a firestorm of commentary, especially if it might significantly limit late-term abortion rights.

Instead, the reaction to the recent decision upholding the "Partial-Birth" abortion ban has been decidedly muted. A handful of writers tackled some of the decision's implications (Jill Filipovic had a good piece in HuffPost the next day). But the bitterest voice to be heard was that of Justice Ginsburg herself, who called it "alarming."

So why did no one seem alarmed? For starters, it had been a rough week. Everywhere you looked there were images from the carnival of violence at Virginia Tech -- the shooter's face twisted in hatred, him posing with his guns and hammer (hammer?), diagrams and reenactments of what it must have been like in those classrooms.

But I suspect there's another reason we hesitated to jump back into the breach. Reading about the abortion decision, it was hard not to think: "Oh no, not this again." The issue of abortion rights is just more upsetting, more depressing and meaner than any other issue in American politics. Nothing else quite compares.

As horrible as the Virginia Tech shooting was, we could at least all share our grief. True, the inevitable gun control debate followed: should bad guys be disarmed or should good guys be armed to shoot first? But both sides at least agree that non-threatening innocents should not get shot.

The conflict over abortion has no bottom -- no matter how deep you dig, there's no place both sides can come together and recognize one another's humanity. In part, that's because of the biology: in an unwanted pregnancy, the woman's interest is for the fetus to cease to exist entirely, while the fetus' presumed interest is for the woman to endure weeks of sickness and unwelcome bodily transformation, followed by many hours of incredible pain... followed by years of hard work, emotional strain, expense, and responsibility. As long as you have people eager to speak on behalf of a fetus as if it was a whole person, those are some seriously irreconcilable differences.

You might think that both sides could at least agree on preventing unwanted pregnancies. But that's where things get weird. It turns out the hard-core anti-choice folks don't actually care so much about preventing fetal suffering: Despite all the studies proving that improving birth control access and teaching adolescents about sex reduces unwanted pregnancies, serious "Pro-lifers" oppose these ideas, and vigorously.

So what are they after? Apparently, the heart of the matter for hard-core anti-choice folks is that sex should only be for making babies. That means it's only for married people, and kids have no business knowing about it. That part of their vision has some appeal in our dizzyingly hypersexualized culture, as unrealistic as it is. But the other corollary is that all pregnancies should be carried to term, either as a blessed gift to a happy family... or as divine punishment for a loose woman.

I doubt that New York Times columnist David Brooks is among those who secretly yearn to outlaw premarital sex, but he did celebrate the Court's decision with a paean to the fetus in last Sunday's paper. His piece lovingly detailed the science on fetal brain cell growth and eye development and what not, and then closed with a call for a 'sensible' approach to abortion -- featuring parental consent requirements for minors. The thing is, to come up with a sensible compromise, you first need to make sense of both the positions you're compromising between.

From a broad public-policy view, parental choice laws make no particular sense. As a general rule, children should not be having children because they are not prepared to raise children. Do we really want laws that make it more difficult to keep children from having children? If abortion is allowed for anyone, doesn't it make the most sense for unhappily pregnant teens? And since a teen generally does not need her parents' consent to have a kid, why exactly should she need their consent not to?

But this debate does not happen in the realm of logic. Parental consent laws appeal to parents' primal fear that their kids are having sex and getting in trouble and they're the last to know. Debates on the issue typically invoke the image of a solid middle-class family with a rebellious teen girl who falls in with a bad crowd and needs to be set straight. And that's about where the thinking stops.

Sometimes that's the reality of teen pregnancy: a loving, understanding family, and a kid who either made some stupid decisions or had birth control fail them. And in some of those cases, a parental consent law might be just the thing to nudge the reluctant teen to have a much-needed heart-to-heart with her parents.

Of course most teens in that rosy scenario will turn to a trusted parent anyway. But what happens when the scenario is less rosy? Tolstoy said every happy family is the same but every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way: that makes for a lot of heavy issues for this law to get mixed up in. What if the parents are abusive? What if they choose to punish their daughter for her misbehavior by withholding consent, and maybe throwing her out of the house? Or what if they just would have preferred not to know?

Then there's the scenario nearest to the hearts of anti-choice advocates: what if the parents are anti-choice? Should they be able to force their daughter to give birth? Imagine the decision resting with a pregnant teen's father. He has never voluntarily endured anything as painful as childbirth (unless he's undergone elite military training to resist torture, or maybe starred in a Jackass movie). Should he have the right to force that on his daughter, when she wants to have an abortion and get on with her life?

Many years ago, a friend of mine had a condom break on her with a new boyfriend and ended up pregnant. Although I do think it is vitally important for stories like these to be shared, the particulars of her story are not mine to tell. Suffice it to say that the decision-maker in her family believed strongly that abortion was a sin. Thankfully, nobody had passed any "sensible" parental consent laws back then, and my friend, while deeply upset and chastened by the ordeal, ended her pregnancy safely and legally and finished school. Today she is professionally successful, happily married, and a loving mother.

I wonder what David Brooks would say about a situation like my friend's. Or what Justice Kennedy would say, for that matter. Might they surprise us, take a fresh look at the issue, even a little? Perhaps, perhaps not.

What we do know is this debate will be won or lost on whether people empathize with the developing fetus or the pregnant woman (or girl). And as long as it's all about the fetus, as long as women's stories are still not being heard, women (and the women and men who love them) lose.

Latin America On The March To Stop Violence Against Women

2007-05-01T07:54:00.000-04:00

Rallies, demonstrations in the streets, conferences, cultural events - yesterday's International Women's Day commemorations around the world took many different forms. In Latin America, women's-rights activists and their supporters called special attention to various forms of violence against women that continue to prevail in many countries in the region.

Among the alarming statistics: "In Guatemala [last year], 603 women died as a result of violence [against them], a figure that represents ten percent of all murders in the country.. ..In Chile, according to official data, seven out of every ten women has been.. ..beaten or psychologically maltreated."

A just-released report by the Washington Office on Latin America, a Washington-based, independent organization that promotes human rights and democracy, focuses on conditions many women face in Mexico and Guatemala. In those countries, the WOLA study points outs, "The absence of a functioning criminal justice system has contributed profoundly to a continuum of violent acts against women. The failure to act is perpetuating a culture of impunity, and consequently sending the message that it is acceptable to hit, rape and murder women."

A WOLA representative said in conjunction with the release of the new report: "The police and justice institutions in Mexico and Guatemala are weak, ineffective and often corrupt. These flaws are compounded by gender biases within the institutions, which act to systematically silence and discriminate against women."

In Mexico, the national congress has created a new law aimed at guaranteeing women "a life free of violence." The problem is, its critics say, that it doesn't put forth "specific sanctions against aggressive behavior" toward women. In the congress's lower house, legislators on the left have called for swift justice and tough punishment for those who sexually abuse, torture or lock up women, as well as "pederasts and their accomplices in positions of power." Those legislators have described the murders of women in the border city of Ciudad Juárez - almost 500 since 1993 - as "an open wound that will never heal." They're sick and tired of lawbreakers getting away with impunity.

Mexican President Felipe Calderón Hinojosa, in a public appearance that mixed International Women's Day celebrations with politics, called for a change in the nation's penal code to make life sentences mandatory for those who abuse or enslave women (example: in forced-prostitution rings).

In Chile, Michelle Bachelet, the country's first female president - and a former victim of torture under the U.S.-backed, right-wing dictatorship of General Augusto Pinochet - told International Women's Day celebrants that "[e]quality is not a dream" and that "women have arrived to stay in Chilean politics." Nevertheless, she acknowledged, "We're still not a society of men and women who are equal in rights and opportunities."

In an official statement issued to mark yesterday's big day for the women of the world, the United Nations' new secretary-general, South Korea's Ban Ki-moon, observed: "In almost all countries, women continue to be underrepresented in decision-making positions. Women's work continues to be undervalued, underpaid or not paid at all. Out of more than 100 million children who are not in school, the majority are girls. Out of more than 800 million adults who cannot read, the majority are women. Worst of all, violence against women and girls continues unabated in every continent, country and culture. It takes a devastating toll on women's lives, on their families and on society as a whole. Most societies prohibit such violence - yet the reality is that too often, it is covered up or tacitly condoned."

Chinese Police Nabs 21-year-old Student For Operating Porn Web Sites

2007-05-01T07:47:00.000-04:00

Chinese police this week said they had arrested a 21-year-old student for running five pornographic Web sites with 210,000 registered users, amid a nationwide crackdown on online pornography that authorities say is "perverting China's young minds."

The student, only identified as Zhu, was detained in the eastern province of Shandong on April 12, after he was suspected of operating five porn sites, containing almost 170,000 pornographic images and obscene movie clips, the Ministry of Public Security announced.

About 210,000 people had signed up to the porn sites Zhu allegedly operated - "Demon's Island", "Global Beauty Pictures", "Community of Bloom", "Moon Alliance" and "Pretty Vines", the police said.

Police also announced on Thursday that they had closed 1,450 porn Web sites and deleted more than 30,000 obscene messages online since the government launched a nationwide campaign to curb the spread of pornography on the Internet on April 12.

Nearly 30 serious porn cases were cracked, the police said, but did not give more details.

The campaign, expected to last six months, will target illegal online activities such as distributing pornographic materials and organizing cyber strip shows, and purge the Web of sexually-explicit images, stories, and audio and video clips, according to Zhang Xinfeng, vice minister of public security.

China had 137 million Internet users at the end of 2006, with most of being young people. The current massive campaign was launched as the government believes the young people need to be protected from negative online influences.

A report by the Beijing Reformatory for Juvenile Delinquents said 33.5 percent of its detainees were influenced by violent online games or erotic Web sites when they committed crimes such as robbery and rape.

Irish Paedophiles Attacking The Philippines For Child Prostitution

2007-04-30T08:03:00.000-04:00

Campaigning Irish priest Fr Shay Cullen warns that the Philippines is becoming the number one destination for Irish paedophiles who prey on the country's estimated 60,000 children caught up in the sex industry.

And he warns that what happens on the faraway streets of a Philippine shanty town will eventually impact on small-town Ireland.

"The abusers do not leave their habits and desires at the airport. These paedophiles come to whet their appetite, have their fill and return with their desires to molest children greater than ever," he says.

The sordid 'industry' in the Philippines involves everything from child slavery to children as young as 10 being sold as sex slaves.

Fr Cullen, who was nominated three times for the Nobel Peace Prize, has been fighting the Philippine authorities for 40 years to stamp out the business. Now, after much success, he finds himself confronting Irish sex tourists on a regular basis.

"There are sex tourists from Ireland, we don't know how many - but they are here - we bump into them from time to time. You have lots of paedophiles who hide out here: Irish guys, German, Swedish."

According to the priest, the South-east Asian tsunami wiped out hundreds of sex resorts. The sex tourists are now flocking to the Philippines, which was spared.

Angeles City, which is two hours' drive from Manila, is the home of the Philippines sex industry. Thousands of sex tourists from all over the world, including Ireland, visit the place every week in search of cheap sex.

According to Fr Cullen, many of the tourists go in search of children younger than 12, of which there is a plentiful supply.

"Fourteen-year-old girls living with 70-year-old foreign men as sex comfort girls is so common that the government officials wonder what all the fuss is about," Father Cullen says.

Child Prostitution A Million Dollar Business In Ukraine

2007-04-30T07:45:00.000-04:00

Juan Miguel Petit, the Commission's Special Rapporteur on the sale of children, child prostitution and child pornography reported that the flourishing of child prostitution and trafficking of children are the great problems in Ukraine.

According to UNO press-service, 10% of victims of human trafficking are children at the age of 13- 18. The half of these children is sent in neighboring countries, especially in Russia.

¡§The children in ¡§across-the-border¡¨ sale are exploited in street trade, in house service, in farming, as dancers, waiters or waitresses, or even in sexual service. More particularly they become dancers, beggars or they give sexual service,¡¨ the report gives.

The report says that in many cases children become objects of trafficking inside the country. Dealers on children trafficking decoy their victims in debt bondage. They make children to work off the costs of traveling, meals and dwelling. The possibility to tear away from this debt bondage is happened very seldom.

The Commission's Special Rapporteur said that nobody helps these victims either abroad, or after their returning.

Juan Miguel Petit said that Ukrainian child prostitution has increased for recent years. According to the research of Ukrainian Institute of Social Investigation, there are 11% of children at the age of 12-15 and 20% of children at the age of 16-17 among women who are engaged in sexual service. Petit pointed out that there are even 10 years old girls who are involved in prostitution.

The UNO chairman worries about the way the procurers, trafficking dealers and producers of pornography use children. He learned from mass media and different booklets for tourists that there are many announcements about weddings and meetings which are not controlled. He emphasized that with visa free entrance for majority of west countries Ukraine is turning into an open country for sex-tourism. The Commission's Special Rapporteur apprehends that there are many juveniles, exploited in this spreading activity.

Petit said that Ukraine needs to form a new model of children protection; otherwise this problem will pass into the next generation. He formulated a line of recommendations on this point.

During the October visit in our country Petit said that Ukraine need to create a new model of children rights protection. The UNO chairman calls law enforcement agencies of Ukraine to control marriage agencies and closed night clubs, where child prostitution and trafficking of children flourish. He also doubts about frontier rules, which regulate the departure of nonaged minors abroad.

British Government Okays Explicit Sex Eduacation

2007-04-30T07:42:00.000-04:00

One of the worst examples of this destructive intervention in family life is the sex education system that has been imposed on [British] schools. Not very long ago the Daily Telegraph ran a whole-page story headlined, 'Outrage over explicit sex lessons.'

Education correspondent John Clare described parents' anger at 12-year-old children being given explicit sex lessons. In these lessons they were taught sodomy, oral sex with reference to "blow jobs" and mutual masturbation.

Now another government-funded agency, the Brook Advisory Centres, has launched a "Schools Sex Manual", subtitled "Nice Girls have Sex". There is also a full colour booklet (no expense spared when it comes to taxpayers' money) for 13-year-olds called "The Good Grope Guide". Is it any wonder that underage sex, childhood pregnancy and child abortion continue to increase under this British government?

Brock Chisholm, the Canadian doctor who became Director-General of the World Health Organisation, decreed that children should be freed from national, religious and other cultural prejudices inflicted on them by their parents. He advocated that classroom sex education should be introduced, "eliminating the ways of the elders by force if necessary."

Some feel that tt is high time parents hit back and insisted on knowing what is being taught their children in secret and behind their backs. And believe such a move would give children back their innocence.

Yet as recent media reports have indicated, the British government's failure to educate - and parent's embarrassment to discuss sex - have been further contributing to the problems face by youth.

Chinese Government Curbs Online Gaming Addiction

2007-04-10T14:22:00.000-04:00

Beijing Government is reported to be introducing the controls to deter people from playing for longer than three consecutive hours.

The measures are designed to combat addiction to online role-playing games such as World of Warcraft and Lineage II.

Consequently Internet game operators have been ordered to install anti-addiction software on their games to help youngsters stay offline.

The government yesterday issued a regulation, which takes effect on April 15, demanding online operators set up a "game fatigue system" that encourages players under 18 to play less than 3 hours a day.

Online gamers will also be required to register using real names and identity card numbers to indicate if they are younger than 18.

Experts said the move reflects government fears over the social impact of popular online games, which have been blamed for the rising numbers of school children playing truant or even committing crimes.

Under the system, known as the "anti-online game addiction system", the first 3 hours of play for each day is considered "healthy", during which players will be awarded full points in the virtual world. The next 2 hours will yield only half the normal points and there will be no points after 5 hours.

After the 5-hour limit, players will be subjected every 15 minutes to the warning: "You have entered unhealthy game time, please go offline immediately to rest. If you do not, your health will be damaged and your points will be cut to zero."

All the online games run in China, including the Massive Multi-player Online Role Player Games (MMORPG) operated by NASDAQ-listed companies such as Shanda, NetEase and The9 and other games like those run by Tencent, will have to abide by the rule.

According to the regulators' timetable, online game operators will have up to four months to install the system; and games not embedded with the software by July 16 will be shut down.

Zhao Yurun, a spokesman for The9 that runs World of Warcraft in China, said yesterday the system will not have a great impact on the company since a majority of its players are adults.

Other companies, including Shanda and NetEase, also said the impact will be limited.

Last year, there were 31.12 million online game players in China. Of them, about 10 percent were below 18, said Kou Xiaowei, deputy director of the audio-visual and Internet publication department of the General Administration of Press and Publication, one of the eight government departments that released the regulation.

Although online game operators do not regard the system as a drain on revenue, experts said it was the real-name registration policy that may pose a real threat to game operators.

"The system requires every online player to register with their real identity. This will scare away many adult and young users," said Liu Bin, chief analyst at research house BDA China.

Official statistics show that the number of Internet users in China reached 123 million in mid-2006. About 15 percent - or 18 million - were under the age of 18.

Octogenarian Lecher Nobuhiro Nakamura Arrested For Child Abuse

2007-04-05T16:26:00.000-04:00

Ryann Connell

Octogenarian lecher Nobuhiro Nakamura's arrest resulted from events that would be leaving him feeling a bit stiff, but had he been a tad stiffer he'd be in even bigger trouble than he already is, according to Shukan Gendai.

Nakamura, 81, has become one of the oldest people in Japan to be arrested for breaking the Child Prostitution Law after he allegedly made repeated payments for sex from a 14-year-old girl young enough to be his grandchild's daughter.

Nakamura has apparently admitted to the charges against him, telling the police he met the girl -- a runaway who can't be named -- at a Sapporo supermarket in January last year. After a few months of buying her meals and paying for entertainment, Nakamura finally allegedly lured the girl into a love hotel, where they continued regular trysts from May last year until March, when police picked up the runaway off the streets and were astonished to find she was carrying hundreds of thousands of yen that the octogenarian had given her.

But the old man's efforts at luring the young girl into his clutches proved to be something of a flop -- in more ways than one.

"The girl told us that, perhaps because of his age, Nakamura wasn't able to get an erection and never penetrated her. Instead, she spent each session licking his entire body. She said she recommended he try Viagra and stuff, but Nakamura wouldn't do it, saying he'd be all right," a police insider tells Shukan Gendai.

Another officer adds: "It's true Nakamura never penetrated the girl. But the law also forbids simulated intercourse. He deviously tricked the girl into going to a love hotel with him and we figured that was good enough to arrest him."

As surprising as Nakamura's age is his standing in the community. The 81-year-old is a former top reporter with the Hokkaido Shimbun, the northern island prefecture's premier local newspaper. He was also involved in his local residents' association.

"He was the first head of the residents' association of our apartment block. He worked for a newspaper at the time, so we figured he'd be smart and that was exactly how it turned out. He got lots done and everybody relied on him," a resident of the Sapporo apartment building where Nakamura and his wife lived tells Shukan Gendai.

Nakamura is also a fluent English speaker. He gave English lessons to old folks at a local community center and also organized trips overseas for the elderly. But Nakamura also had another face that some people occasionally glimpsed.

"He was an old codger who never stopped blabbering on, especially to women, who he never failed to try and talk to when the chance arose," another neighbor says.

Nakamura was also well known at the supermarket where he met the young girl he is accused of abusing.

"He offered to buy me meals, but I turned him down. A store worker who saw it said, 'Ah, that old fogey is coming around trying to pick up the young girls again,'" a young girl who hangs out at the supermarket tells the weekly.

Nakamura's elderly wife says she is too ill to comment on the case, even though her husband has been running around after young girls. Police aren't so refrained.

"I guess his desire to chat to young people just escalated into something different, but the fact is that we've got Hokkaido's oldest ever child prostitution arrest on our hands," a police officer tells Shukan Gendai. "Nakamura is apologetic. But, at his age, it's a bit hard to tell him something like 'It's about time you got your life in order.'"

Uproar Over Use Of Nude Models To Raise Funds For AIDS

2007-04-05T15:56:00.000-04:00

Culture minister, others assail plan to assist AIDS hospice by auctioning prints of famous people posing in the buff

The abbot of a Lop Buri temple that serves as an AIDS hospice said yesterday he would refuse any proceeds from a controversial auction of nude celebrity photos planned by an entertainment magazine.

Abbot Prah Alongkut made a brief statement, saying he was informed only that morning that Fame magazine wanted to raise funds to support the temple's work by taking bids for centrefold photos of some leading actresses and that he was disturbed by the damaging publicity that the charity project had generated.

However, it was not certain what kind of further controversy the abbot's rejection would create, as it is against Buddhist principles to turn down donations.

Penpak Sirikul, one of the models, insisted that her intentions were well-meant. "I don't have any hidden agenda."

Porn Site Reviews and Previews

"People are born naked," she said. "This is the art of women's beauty."

She also lashed out at critics of the project, asking them what they have done for the cause. She defended the project, saying this was the quickest way to raise money and get it to AIDS victims.

She dismissed suggestions that posing in the buff would set an example for the younger generation to emulate, saying they can think for themselves.

"Not all people are stupid."

The undertaking brought some 30 models and celebrities to take nude pictures to be featured at the Fame Erotica exhibition open to the public from April 5-9 at CentralWorld.

The one-metre-square nude pictures are scheduled to be put up for bidding to raise funds for AIDS patients at Lop Buri's Phrabath Namphu Temple and Nonthaburi's Bamraj Naradoon Hospital.

It's not known if the Nonthaburi hospital would feel the same way about the project as the temple.

Culture Minister Khunying Khaisri Sri-aroon called the project inappropriate, as some photos and poses were provocative. She urged the celebrities to use their fame in other merit-making methods.

Khaisri said she understood the models' and celebrities' wishes to act for a charitable cause, raising money for AIDS patients, but the approach of taking nude pictures - some reportedly struck suggestive poses as in pin-up calendars - was not proper.

The celebrities already had the public glued to their every move, she said, and should find another way to raise funds.

Prisana Pongtadsirikul, secretary-general of the National Culture Commission, said that being charity-minded was good but their deeds should also be responsible to the whole society. She said the ministry had been trying to promote polite and traditional Thai-style clothing ahead of the Thai New Year festival, so she would prefer these public figures to set good examples for youths nationwide.

She said that they should have chosen other fund-raising activities and asked why the celebrities did not take photos with their clothes on or wear Thai clothing instead. She also suspected that this move might be driven by commercial interests or was a PR stunt for the participants to gain more publicity.

Ladda Tangsupachai, director of the Culture Watch Centre, said she understood the good intentions of the organiser and celebrities but they might lack cultural understanding that merit-making money should be earned from decent methods and sources. She also expressed concern that the affair might confuse young people who have been criticised for wearing revealing clothes.

Ladda also said that the case was discussed at a meeting of the committee for safe and constructive media, which was chaired by Deputy Prime Minister Paiboon Wattanasiritham, and committee members just shook their heads in disagreement with such a "benefit".

Former senator Rabiebrat Pongpanit, president of the Happy Family Association, slammed the models and celebrities for resorting to taking their clothes off for a good cause, which would create a bad example for Thai youths.

Rabiebrat said that she felt hurt that the famous people used charity as an excuse to stoop to this behaviour. She said they should have done something else.

"The monks [at Phrabath Namphu Temple] must feel uncomfortable to accept donated money from this, but being Buddhist monks taught not to be choosy in merit-taking, he would have to take it. This charity project is not a good example. They don't seem to think things through," she said while urging the Culture Ministry to act upon it.

Venerable Phramaha Samai Jintakosako from the Saeng Thian Foundation said that, while helping AIDS patients was great merit, taking nude pictures was inappropriate and against Thai culture and tradition. He said this even put Phrabath Namphu Temple in a negative light because the money came from an activity against good tradition and thus was "ungraceful" and a bad example. He urged the project participants not to jeopardise the good image of Buddhist monks who devoted themselves to caring for AIDS patients. He expressed concern that if this could not be stopped, someone might produce nude VCDs to raise funds for charity in the future.

Indian Actress Preethi Varma Pushed Her Into Prostitution

2007-04-05T15:48:00.000-04:00

The story of up and coming south Indian actress Preethi Varma seems like a horror tale.

The Chennai police has filed a case against the parents of actress for allegedly trying to push their daughter into flesh trade.

Preethi presented herself before the Egmore Principal Sessions Court in Chennai on March 28 after suddenly disappearing for over a month.

The young actress, who had accused her parents of making attempts to force her into prostitution, had told the court that she would not go back to her parents, as she wanted to lead an independent life.

She said that she was forced to leave the house. And because she was unable to put up with her parents' intimidating tactics, she had sought the legal action against them for trying to force her into prostitution.

The police had registered cases against the actor's parents - Ramya and Bharath Kumar - who were expected to be arrested soon.

Looking Into Long Distance Marriage

2007-04-02T03:22:00.000-04:00

DONNA HUSSEY-WHYTE
All woman writer

TWELVE years ago, Princess Wallace's husband Junior left Jamaica for the Canadian farm work programme, armed with just one suitcase, and big dreams to buy a house to make his family comfortable in Portmore.

Two years after leaving, they had a two-bedroom, and today their five bedroom home is complete. So is their family.
When Junior left, both Chelsea and Nicholas were in primary school, today another child has been added to the family, and the older two are in the stages of completing high school and college. The only shadow forming over their perfect family, is the fact that their father doesn't live at home.

Nicholas, now 23, and in his final year at university, tells all woman that as a child he had all the things he wanted, and was the envy of the neighbourhood.

"I had a Nintendo, and when PlayStation came in I had the PlayStation, I had bicycles, scooters, anything I wanted, we were never short of anything," he said. "My mother was both mother and father. You should see her mix cement and change the washer in a pipe, she could do anything."

In fact, as Wallace explains, her husband's leaving caused her to become a Jane-of-all-trades, and she soon learnt not only to cook and clean, but to make shelves, paint, do plumbing, electrical work and fix the car when it broke down.

And the companionship: "I had my children, so I never thought about what I was missing. Junior was home for a few days at least once every six months, so I had him then. At other times I just prayed that he'd be safe there, and I was busy raising the children, so I never thought much about what I was missing out on."
It's another spin to the long-distance relationship, these marriage across the world romances, where the bonds are tested by the distance between the couples.

According to Ministry of Labour information, approximately 6,000 Jamaican farm workers went to Canada in 2006, the largest number since the inception of the programme some 40 years ago, and more could go this year. Many who go are married men, who leave behind their families in search of a better life overseas. Others leave on other programmes, through legal and illegal means, ultimately in search of something that's missing at home.
Nowadays, women are joining in the mass exit, leaving their men behind.

Shakeira Brown is leaving Jamaica at the end of this month, destined for Florida on a programme for nurses that will see her employed at one of the hospitals there. She's leaving her husband and five-year-old daughter behind, but believes that the money she will earn in the US will make up for her absence.

"My husband tried and tried but with his job as a cook and mine as a nurse here, we didn't even have enough money most times to pay our rent," she said. "My friend told me about this programme and I applied, now I'm leaving and he fully supports me."

There have been tales of relationships that failed because one partner lives abroad, there are also some people who feel that being married while one partner lives abroad is no marriage at all. But, as our next interviewee admitted, with the right amount of effort and interest on both parts, a long distance marriage can survive the obstacles - as long as you both refresh your memories of why you chose to do it and trust each other.

Kevin Brown has been married for eight years, five of which he spent living in Jamaica with his wife in England. It started, he said, as a mutual understanding where himself, his wife, and their two children would leave for England.
However, things didn't go as planned and so they decided she should go on ahead and he would join her as soon as the paperwork was sorted out. Then came the introduction of the visa to travel to England, and after two attempts to acquire one, he and the children were turned down.

It has been far from easy for Brown, but nonetheless, after five years apart with not one visit, he still thinks of her as his wife.
"At times you think on both sides of the situation. I think about it from her side as well as mine. But we still do stuff together. I don't make any form of investment unless she is involved. So even though she is not physically here, I still consider what we have a marriage," he said.

"We have to remember too that it is not only about us, but about the kids too. Kids make a lot of difference in a marriage."
He added: "Sometimes I sit and just reflect on the good times we had together and that helps to give me comfort. To tell the truth, sometimes I think she might be cheating but sometimes I don't think so."

Infidelity is one of the main concerns in long distance marriages, an issue that's bound to surface the longer the couple stay apart.
For Wallace: "I know he probably has a woman up there but I don't let that bother me. I'd drive myself crazy with that. But I know that he's a man, and that he has needs, especially, as Jamaicans say, when the cold bite you. We never talk about it. I just don't want to know."

Brown has kept himself celibate, but admits that it's hard, and he does feel attracted to other women sometimes.
He tries to be as open with his wife as possible.
"I always told her if she really need to cheat, use a condom and don't have a child for someone else. I wouldn't be able to deal with that, just as much as I know I would never put her through that trauma. If your partner cheats, you can forgive them and move on. But if a child is involved it's harder."

Regarding contact: "We speak every single day. Because I mean its not like she said she was leaving and not coming back or anything like that."
Brown explained that up to a year and a half after she left, he could hardly survive and missed her much more than he thought he would.

"For a year and a half, I couldn't keep a steady job. I changed four jobs within that period of time, none of which lasted beyond six months. I used to always call and ask her if she wasn't coming home. But she would remind me that it is for the best."
In fact, this January they were able to purchase a house together and seven months ago, his wife surprised him by buying him a vehicle. He admits to missing her and looks forward to her coming home before the year ends.

You need trust and communication

Sheri and Bob Stritof, authors of The Everything Great Marriage Book say that being apart "makes a marriage even more challenging".

In an article How to maintain a long distance marriage they say:
1. The key, as it is in all relationships, is communication. Keep the lines of communication open on a daily basis.
2. Being committed to one another and truly believing that your spouse belives in the marriage commitment is vital.
3. A long distance marriage will fail if there is a lack of trust between the partners.
4. Although you are apart from one another, make time for one another. You can do this by sending a letter, an email, writing in a journal, day dreaming about your spouse, or having an ICQ or chat conversation.
5. Share your expectations about being apart from one another. Also share your expectations when you are close to being together again.
6. Be honest about your concerns and fears about your separation.
7. Try to do daily dialogue with each other.
8. Keep a daily journal.
9. Give one another a scented pillow case or shirt to help keep your presence with them.
10. Plan a trip or some fun activity (other than sex) to do when the two of you are back together.
11. Use online communication to send emails, electronic cards, pictures, music, poems, and stories.
12. Camcorders can be great for being able to see one another or your children.
13. Play online games together.
14. Surprise each other once in a while with a phone call. Send care packages to each other now and then.

They also advise that couples do not immediately assume that their partner will cheat because of the physical separation. "Most long distance marriages do not have to deal with this heartache because of the love and commitment the spouses feel for one another," they say. "What you need is commitment, communication, a sense of humour, trust and discipline."

Who Should Baby-Sit For You?

2007-04-02T03:11:00.000-04:00

DONNA HUSSEY-WHYTE
All woman writer

She is the woman who will take care of your little bundle when you're unable to, the second mommy your baby will have throughout his/her formative years. With that in mind, you have to ensure not only that she loves children, but that she can handle emergencies and do simple things like help stimulate your child.

That's why choosing a sitter/nanny for your little one can be a mind-boggling experience and one that should be handled with great care. You have to bear in mind that children are not able to express themselves clearly to let you know how they are being treated while you are out. The onus is therefore on you to get a trustworthy person in your home to care for your child.

Childcare experts on healthsafety_baby-sitters.html say, "A good rule of thumb is the younger the children being watched, the older the babysitter should be." And babycentre.co.uk advises that you don't compromise when carrying out this important search. "Your child deserves the best caregiver you can find - so be prepared for a long search," the childcare site says. "You'll need to be patient and resourceful, consulting everyone from friends and family to the nanny agencies about possible candidates."

Locally, agencies like the Jamaica Household Workers Association and the Citizens Advice Bureau can help.
The JHWA provides trained workers for your home, who come properly screened and with references.

Executive director of the Citizens Advice Bureau, Pauline Harper, says people come in to the Bureau from time to time as trained practical nurses but who are willing to be placed as nannies while those without training come armed with years of experience as well as recommendations.

She explained though, that the end result is left up to the parents to interview the individuals and find out whether or not they are able to take care of the child.

"I presently see the need for sitters to be trained in the field of childcare before they take on the task of baby-sitting," Harper said. "But you also have students leaving the secondary schools who are trained in childcare and qualified as sitters."
When choosing a sitter, here are some tips you can follow:

*The recommendations of people you know and trust are your best bet for finding a reliable and capable babysitter.
* If you're new to the area and don't know how to go about finding a sitter, ask your neighbours or co-workers for recommendations, inquire at your church, or talk to your child's doctor or nurse practitioner for suggestions.

There are in fact agencies such as the Citizens Advice Bureau, Ministry of Labour, JHWA and even some employment agencies that will help you find qualified sitters.
* Interviewing prospective sitters and checking their references will help you narrow down your sitter choices.
* Sitters should provide references that indicate a proven track record for showing good common sense, maturity and following instructions.

* Sitters should have first aid training and know how to manoeuver a choking child and have knowledge of CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation, a combination of rescue breathing, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and chest compression).

* Make sure the sitter knows where your first aid kit is located.
* In addition, you may want to invite the sitter over for a dry run while you're at home, so you can familiarise him or her with your household and observe how he or she interacts with your child.

Rich Chinese Women Buying American Love For Some $3,700.00

2007-03-27T13:14:00.000-04:00

More than ten wealthy yet single Shanghai ladies will seek their perfect match amongst the millionaires of Silicon Valley when they go on a match-making tour of the United States next month.

Shanghai Youth Daily reports a local online dating website is organizing the tour for lovelorn businesswomen, who need to cough up 28,512 yuan, around 3703 US dollars, for their shot at finding love in the States. They also need to prove they have at least 500,000 yuan in the bank, a good education, a well-paying job and their own real-estate.

More than 20 local women have signed up for the trip, despite the rigorous selection criteria. Unfortunately, trip organizer Bai Naimu said not all of the applicants made the grade. Bai said their company is looking for quality, not quantity, in the ladies it signs on for the tour. So it is conducting additional investigations into all the applicants' financial statements and abilities.

Bai Naimu says the chosen few will attend a matchmaking party with overseas Chinese men in Silicon Valley and get to see all the sights along the way.

She promises their partners in Silicon Valley have assembled lots of eligible bachelors. All the men are from the Chinese mainland and have find it difficult to meet appropriate partners in the States.

Mr. Zhu belongs to an organization for overseas Chinese students in the Silicon Valley. He says Chinese students are usually consumed by their studies during their first few years in the U.S. After they graduate, they find a job, earn a stable income and start casting around for a good wife. But they find it difficult to meet women because they work in the male-dominated IT industry.

Lingerie - Are They For Preteens?

2007-03-27T11:08:00.000-04:00

This has been an issue of much debate in recent times. Probably due to the fact that girls are reaching puberty at earlier ages every year. Hollywood and current fashion trends are teach girls to wear less, and show more. In nearly every aspect of our society sex appeal is taught by example. Young girls have started looking for ways to make themselves feel sexy. Some manufactures have even produced pre-teen lingerie!

Thongs and other forms of sexy undergarments have been made for girls age 5-16 by top name companies. The internet is full of articles about top companies selling pre-teen thongs, and girls being sent home from school because they were wearing thongs under short skirts. Mothers have been outraged to find preteen thongs in their favorite clothing stores. Still other parents support their daughters in their right to were sexy underwear.

Should preteens be allowed to wear Lingerie? I will let you form your own opinion about that. As for MyFirstBra.us we believe that there should be a line drawn when it come to girls of this age. It is natural for young girls to want to feel sexy during puberty, but be aware. We are talking about your daughter here, and what message do you want to convey to her?

Once your daughter starts reaching puberty, go ahead and bye her nice undergarments, pretty training bras, soft silky things that make her feel good. Let her pick out a variety of colors, and materials. But don’t force her to grow up to quickly; some things should be saved for adulthood.

As for thongs, you’re the parent, you be the judge, but remember thongs are not very comfortable for an active girl. Make your choices practical, but nice. Let her feel comfortable, and always communicate with her about puberty, sex, and her changing body.

As a final thought; Have you ever walked throughout the mall and seen young girls wearing hip hugger pants, short tight tops, and a thought provoking sayings on their rear? They show more skin and belly then they cover up. What is more attractive to potential stalkers, pedophiles, and rapist; the outer clothing or the sexy underwear that is not seen?

Kim Shire

MyFirstBra.us is a helpful guide for preteen, teens, and parents concerning training bras, and issues surrounding puberty & breast development, in young girls ages 8-16.

MyFirstBra.us is a community project of National Webworks. All authors are from National Webworks, Volunteers, or Contracted for research and writing.

Mom donates laptops to wounded soldiers

2007-03-24T02:37:00.000-04:00

MARY CLARE JALONICK,
Associated Press Writer

Laura Brown, a mother with a son who fought in the Iraq war, is trying to improve conditions at Walter Reed Army Medical Center — one laptop computer at a time.

The 50-year-old from Cody, Wyo., was chatting on the Internet with the mother of a wounded soldier two years ago when the mother mentioned she had to print out her son's e-mails and take them to him at Walter Reed because there weren't enough laptop computers to go around.

Brown, whose own son had recently returned safely from the war, thought the solution to that problem seemed incredibly easy.

"It just kind of hit me," she said. "If one person needed one, then there's others. ... I mean, my son had e-mail in Iraq. I was really stunned."

So Brown formed a group, Laptops for the Wounded, to raise money for the cause.

Since its fundraising effort began in November 2005, Brown's organization has donated 27 computers to military hospitals around the country — 24 of them to Walter Reed.

On Friday, Brown flew to Washington to deliver 10 donated laptops to the hospital in person.

Those computers, which were upgraded and refitted with new equipment, included Web cameras so soldiers could lay eyes on their families from afar.

"She basically just made it her mission," said Lisa Ramdass, a case manager at the hospital who has been working with Brown to coordinate the donations.

Ramdass said the laptops are used for more than e-mail. One soldier who worked with a donated laptop couldn't speak, and was able to communicate with his family and his doctors by typing on the computer. Others who have eye injuries use the laptops to watch movies or television up close.

The hospital, flooded with wounded from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, has attracted media and congressional scrutiny in the last month, due to reports of shoddy living conditions for soldiers housed there.

Brown said she can relate with the loneliness and isolation of the wounded because she is also disabled, having suffered knee and back injuries in recent years. She is also inspired by her son, who lost his young wife to illness just weeks after they were married several years ago.

Wyoming Rep. Barbara Cubin (news, bio, voting record) said Brown's efforts show the difference one person can make.

"Out of the goodness of her heart, she's turned a few small donations into a national campaign," she said.

Teenagers Break Out Under Stress

2007-03-17T12:56:00.000-04:00

Teen-agers who claim that stress makes them break out are telling the truth: The stress of taking an exam can make pimples worse, researchers reported on Tuesday. And surprisingly, inflammation may be to blame and not greasy skin, said Dr. Gil Yosipovitch, a professor of dermatology at Wake Forest University School of Medicine.

"A lot of our patients mention that when they are stressed, their acne gets worse," Yosipovitch said in a telephone interview.

But which comes first -- the pimples or the stress? Bacteria are often blamed for the inflammation that causes pimples.

Yosipovitch and his colleagues set up a test to find out if stress contributes, too. They recruited 94 students in Singapore, where the climate is stable, to rule out potential weather factors.

The students, with an average age of just under 15, were undergoing an annual exam that determines whether they can go on to university, or must go into a less-rigorous program.

The students completed a questionnaire widely used in stress research, once just before mid-year exams and during the summer break. Dermatologists assessed whether the students' acne worsened.

Exam time clearly made for breakouts, the researchers reported in Acta Derm Venereol, a Swedish medical journal.

Blackheads, whiteheads and pustules are all caused by a waxy substance called sebum that can be overproduced and clog pores. Adolescents are especially prone to breakouts, but studies have shown cleanliness and diet are not important factors.

The students did not have any more blackheads or whiteheads -- which are blocked pores and do not involve inflammation -- but they did have more pustules or pimples which are raised bumps with pus, a finding that suggests that inflammation is to blame, and not sebum production.

Yosipovitch believes the findings may apply to other skin conditions. "A lot of our skin diseases are associated with stress -- eczema, psoriasis, chronic itch," Yosipovitch said.

"The skin, in my opinion, is a mirror to what is going in our minds."

Angelina Jolie Is Cool With Her Kids Names

2007-03-17T11:49:00.000-04:00

Karen Thomas,
USA TODAY

Maddox is growing to be among the most popular baby names for boys.

Is Pax next?

Angelina Jolie's adoption of a Vietnamese boy she named Pax Thien Jolie was finalized Thursday, and the actress is due to bring him to the USA next week. Jolie is in the country with her Cambodian-born son Maddox, 5, while the multicultural family patriarch, Brad Pitt, stays in the USA with daughters Zahara, 2, and Shiloh, 10 months.

Pitt is under contract to be filming in Los Angeles, and he is expected to formally adopt Pax. Af for Jolie, she has cleared her work schedule in order to focus on the new addition to the family.

"I will stay at home to help Pax adjust to his new life," Jolie told Vietnam'sHo Chi Minh City Law newspaper on Friday. "I have four children and caring for them is the most important thing for me at the moment. I'm very proud and happy to be their mother."

Nguyen Van Trung, the director of the orphanage, reports that Pax got an early start to his big day. "This morning, he woke up at 6, just like all the children. He put on new clothes, and he was very excited."

But the trip wasn't free of turmoil. Trevor Neilson, Jolie's international affairs adviser, said Jolie complained of paparazzi swarming their van. Pax has been described by Vietnamese adoption officials as a little bit shy.

"Photographs and press coverage will make him upset," Jolie told the Ho Chi Minh City Law . "I'm very worried about that. I would like to say I'm sorry for bringing this into Pax's life."

Jolie's new addition opens up another option for expecting parents looking for a name. Today's young parents are "much more likely to name their children after a celebrity's child, and not after a celebrity," says Linda Rosenkrantz, co-author of The Baby Name Bible. "Just a couple of generations ago, there was no interest in knowing the names of stars' children or following celebrity pregnancies."

Rosenkrantz says it looks as if Jolie and Pitt have some clear patterns forming in the names they choose for their children.

Jolie has said that the couple would like to balance the races their family with two Asian children and two African children. "They seem to be going in an all-embracing way in terms of gender, meaning and balance," she says. The couple have chosen several unisex names for their children, and they have also moved toward recognizing their children's heritage or heroes with middle names.

A look at the meanings behind the names in the Jolie-Pitt clan:

•Pax Thien, 3: The Vietnamese boy's name was changed Thursday from Pham Quang Sang, and his new name means "peaceful sky" in two languages. Pax means "peace" in Latin; Thien is Vietnamese for "sky." Rosenkrantz says Pax is a rarely used moniker, though its Spanish version (Paz) is much more common. The boy was born in November 2003 and was abandoned as an infant.

•Maddox Chivan, 5: Jolie was married to Billy Bob Thornton in 2002 when she adopted her first child, a Cambodian-born son named Rath Vibol. Maddox is a Celtic or Welsh name meaning "beneficent," but Chivan has no origin, says Rosenkrantz. "It's a name that certainly has not been used in the last century." Pitt formally adopted Mad (that's what they call him) in 2006.

•Zahara Marley, 2: Born Tena Adam, Zahara means "flower" in Swahili and "to shine" in Hebrew. Marley comes from reggae singer Bob Marley, a name Rosenkrantz says is popular for both boys and girls. Zahara was adopted in Ethiopia in 2005 after she was orphaned by AIDS, and the couple refer to her as "Z." Pitt was with Jolie when she signed the adoption papers, and he formally adopted Zahara last year.

•Shiloh Nouvel, 10 months: Jolie gave birth to the couple's youngest daughter in the African country of Namibia. Of Hebrew origin, Shiloh means "peaceful one," and Rosenkrantz says it is a name that's catching on for both sexes. The middle name is a homage to Jean Nouvel, a famous French architect who is among Pitt's favorites.

Who Are Child Molesters?

2007-03-16T16:07:00.000-04:00

Ken Wooden

During my two decades of work as an investigative reporter, I interviewed hundreds of convicted child molesters in prisons across America. My objective was to uncover how they had lured children and teens into abuse and worse. My intention was also to generate a criminal profile that could be shared with parents and law enforcement. Instead, I found child molesters and abductors to be a diverse group that possesses no tidy criminal profile.

So who are these sexual predators?

* Males and Females
* Young Adults, Middle-Aged Adults, and Seniors
* Upper Class, Middle Class, and Disadvantaged
* All Races & Ethnicities
* Vocationally Diverse

In short, pedophilia, or adult sexual attraction to children, does not discriminate by race, gender, class, or age.

One child pornography sting operation by the U.S. Justice Department and Customs Postal Inspectors resulted in well over two hundred arrests. The occupations of those arrested was a virtual rainbow of American life, representing 44% of all occupations listed by the U.S. Department of Labor.

How many child molesters live in the United States?

Approximately 400,000 convicted pedophiles currently reside in the United States, according to Department of Justice estimates.* On average, that's one per square mile.

Are there really female child molesters?

Yes. A 2000 statistical report by the US Department of Justice* found that female offenders victimized:

* 12% of victims under the age of 6
* 6% of victims ages 6 - 12
* 3% of victims ages 12 - 17

How many victims does a child molester average?

Interviews guaranteeing complete confidentiality and immunity from prosecution, conducted by Emory University psychiatrist Dr. Gene Abel*, uncovered that:

* Male offenders who abused girls had an average of 52 victims each.
* Men who molested boys had an astonishing average of 150 victims each.
* Only 3% of these crimes had ever been detected.

How do child molesters get into situations where they can exploit children?

Due to the nature of their sexual addiction, few pedophiles are able to resist their powerful urges to initiate contact with children and will go to great lengths to do so. Common strategies include:

* Befriending parents, particularly single parents, to gain access to their children.
* Offering babysitting services to overextended parents or caregivers.
* Taking jobs and participating in community events that involve children.
* Attending sporting events for children and/or offering to coach children's sports.
* Volunteering in youth organizations, offering to chaperone overnight trips.
* Loitering in places children frequent - playgrounds, malls, game arcades, etc.
* Spending time in Internet gaming and social communities, learning the online interests and lingo of youngsters.
* Becoming foster parents.

What is the most common method used by child molesters?

The Affection Lure. (See Think First & Stay Safe Parent Guide) Most victims of abuse are "groomed" over a period of weeks, months, or years. The Affection Lure is used both offline and online to seduce unsuspecting youngsters in need of love and attention. Child molesters have repeatedly told me: When there's a physically or emotionally absent parent in the picture, it makes the child more vulnerable than ever.

Which age group is most often targeted by child molesters?

In the interviews I conducted, the majority of molesters cited a preference for children on the brink of puberty. This is the age of sexual awakening, making it easy for molesters to prey on the sexual curiosity and ignorance of youngsters. To quote one of the predators I interviewed, "Give me a kid who knows nothing about sex, and you've given me my next victim."

While we as parents are inclined to give pre-teen children more freedom and less supervision, this age group is actually the most vulnerable to abuse and abduction. We must talk frankly and often to our children about "the birds and the bees" and not allow child molesters to educate our children for us.

Wouldn't a vigilant parent be able to detect a child molester, just by their actions?

Not necessarily. Always remember:

* Pedophiles are notoriously friendly, nice, kind, engaging and likeable.
* Pedophiles target their victims, often insinuating themselves into that child's life – their family, school, house of worship, sports, and hobbies.
* Pedophiles are professional con artists and are expert at getting children and families to trust them.
* Pedophiles will smile at you, look you right in the eye and make you believe they are trustworthy.

Do kids and teens ever sexually abuse other children?

Sadly, yes – and many of these juvenile offenders are victims of sexual abuse themselves. A U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics report* found that:

* 23% of all sexual offenders were under the age of 18.
* 40% of offenders of victims under age 6 were themselves juveniles
* 13% were 7-11 years old; 27% were 12-17 years old.
* 39% of the offenders of victims ages 7-11 were juveniles.
* 27% of the offenders of victims ages 12 -17 were juveniles.

What types of assaults were these?

Juvenile offenders under the age of 12 were responsible for:

* 23% of forcible sodomies
* 19% of forcible fondlings
* 17% of sexual assaults with an object
* 7% of forcible rapes

Juvenile offenders ages 12 - 18 were responsible for:

* 36% of forcible sodomies
* 27% of forcible fondlings
* 23% of sexual assaults with an object
* 17% of forcible rapes

When and where did these assaults usually happen?

The peak time for juvenile assaults was 3 pm, after school. Other spikes in the number of incidents were at the traditional meal times of 8 am, noon and 6 pm. Most of these assaults happened in the home of the victim, the home of the offender, or another residence.*

How many of these assaults were by family members?

* 49% of offenders of victims under age 6 were family members.
* 42% of offenders of victims ages 7-11 were family members.
* 24% of offenders of victims ages 12 - 17 were family members.*

Are there groups of organized pedophiles that prey on children?

Yes. Small groups of militant and highly organized child molesters operate worldwide through pedophile organizations, whose members claim genuine concern for the welfare of children. The actual number of members in these organizations is unknown, though their power is evident. One pedophile organization's newsletter correctly identified ten sting operations in five different states. Another exposed and compromised four federal sting operations. Clearly, these organizations have connections.

What are their beliefs and goals?

In general, these groups believe that sex with children is harmless; some even claim that sexual relations are healthy for children. Their goals include decriminalizing child molestation and lowering the age of consent.

Where do they meet?

In addition to attending pedophile conferences and conventions, members now meet primarily via the Internet where they may swap methods, success stories, even names, descriptions, and images of children. Since the early 1980's, they have exploited the Internet to communicate with one another, spreading their propaganda to anyone who will listen.

Aren't their activities illegal?

Most pedophile groups and members are careful to keep their public activities within the realm of protected civil liberties.

In 2006, a new political party (PNVD) was established in the Netherlands. Commonly referred to as "the Pedophile Party," it seeks to lower the age of consent from 16 to 12. Opponents had asked The Hague District Court to bar the party from registering for national elections, but Judge H. Hofhuis ruled: "Freedom of expression, freedom ... of association, including the freedom to set up a political party, can be seen as the basis for a democratic society."

Are these pedophile groups a real threat?

While the average child molester does not belong to a pedophile organization, we would be foolish not to take seriously any group whose members are committed to sexual activity with children.

Final Thoughts:

While there are sexual predators who are organized and whose activities cause public ire, it is the millions of individual sexual predators worldwide whose day-to-day actions and steadfast determination are a far greater threat to the safety of our children. Knowing this – and knowing that we cannot be with our children every moment of every day – it is essential that we teach them how to recognize and evade the lures used for generations by sexual predators of every kind. As I told President Bush during the 2002 White House Conference on Missing, Exploited and Runaway Children, "If predators are using the lures, shouldn't we be teaching our children these lures?"

Parents would do well to heed the steady increase in juvenile perpetrators, as well as the 3 pm peak for child sexual assaults. This speaks greatly to the need for after school facilities and activities for latch-key children who are at greater risk of victimization, even in their own homes.

It is also important to remember that 2/3rds of all crimes are never reported. When it comes to juvenile sexual assaults, the percentage of unreported crimes is undoubtedly higher, given the nature of the crimes and the tender age of victims.

First Picture of Angelina Jolie's Vietnamese Son

2007-03-15T02:52:00.000-04:00

MOVIE star Angelina Jolie adopted her fourth child today, a Vietnamese boy from a Ho Chi Minh City orphanage.
Government officials said the boy was renamed Pax Thien Jolie and is almost three-and-a-half years old.

The adoption will be final once US embassy officials in Hanoi approve the paperwork. Jolie and Vietnamese officials have already signed adoption documents in Ho Chi Minh City.

"Everything went really well. It was a successful event this morning," said Nguyen Van Trung, director of the Tam Binh orphanage in the city, the communist-run Southeast Asian country's largest urban area with 8 million people.

"All she needs to do now is to travel to Hanoi to get the travel paperwork from the US embassy for the boy."

Senior officials said Jolie's adoption had been speeded up, partly due to her celebrity status.

The child had been registered as Pham Quang Sang at the orphanage. Trung said the boy had been abandoned at birth at a local hospital and has been at the orphanage since 2003.

Jolie took the boy with her to the Justice Department building in the city centre to sign the adoption documents. Her car left half an hour later.

"She was very beautiful. She signed and had her photo taken," department official Dao Van Tran said outside the building.

Jolie has two adoptive children and a biological daughter with partner Hollywood heartthrob Brad Pitt.

She flew into the southern Vietnamese city on yesterday night from Japan on a chartered plane. Her son Maddox and daughters Zahara and Shiloh Nouvel accompanied her.

Jolie, 31, filed adoption papers in early March through an unidentified American agency without Pitt because under Vietnamese law, an unmarried couple may not adopt a child. Single people may adopt children under the law.

In Vietnam, adoptions have been known to take as little as one month if background checks and issues of whether the adopting family can support a child are quickly resolved.

However, the process can take six months or longer in some cases.

Jolie and Pitt visited Ho Chi Minh City last November and met children at the orphanage.

The couple say they have no plans to marry but are committed to raising their children together. Their biological daughter, Shiloh Nouvel, was born last year.

Jolie adopted Maddox from Cambodia and Zahara from Ethiopia before her relationship with Pitt, who has now become their adoptive father.

The couple starred in the 2005 movie "Mr & Mrs Smith". They are also working together on the film "A Mighty Heart" about the killing of a US journalist by Pakistani militants.

Jolie won an Oscar in 1999 for best supporting actress in "Girl, Interrupted". She starred in the 2001 movie "Tomb Raider" which was filmed in Cambodia.

Same-Sex Intercourse In The Muslim World

2007-03-12T15:55:00.000-04:00

Wikipedia and staff

The practice of pederasty in the Muslim world seems to have begun, according to surviving records, sometime during the 800s and ended, at least as an open practice, in the mid-19th century.

Throughout this era, pederastic relationships, poetry, art and spirituality were found throughout Muslim cultures from Moorish Spain to Northern India. The forms of this pederasty ranged from the chaste and spiritual adoration of youths at one extreme, to the violent and forcible use of unwilling boys at other. While sodomy was considered a major sin, other aspects of same-sex relations were not, though they were problematized to various degrees at various times and places.

The seeming co-relation of pederasty with the rise of Islam has been commented on by modern historians, who see a link between the love of boys and the protective attitude of Islam towards women, leading to their removal from public life, together with the tendency of Sharia law to accommodate within the domain of "private behavior" inevitable activities, as long as they do not interfere with public order. The topos of "ishq" ¡V passion ¡V which could have as object a beautiful beardless boy as easily as a woman, is prominent in literature.

Literature and teachings

Literature reflects Muslim culture's fascination with love, a love which includes beautiful boys. To many, if not most Muslim literary figures, love was love: as Urdu poet Hasrat Mohani put it, "All love is unconditionally good." The lover was conceived as martyr and hero. His desire, known as ishq, was glorified as mad, unresonable, ecstatic, impossible to satisfy and leading even to death. An Arab proverb claims that "Ishq is a fire that burns down everything but the object of desire".

While pederastic themes abound in prose as well, it is through poetry that the genre has made its mark on the culture. This topos is found from Moorish Spain, such as in The Ring of the Dove of Ibn Hazm, to Egypt, in Shams al-Din Muhammad ibn Hasan al-Nawaji's Meadow of Gazelles, to Baghdad, in the person of Abu Nuwas, "enfant terrible" and first among Arab poets, to the Gulistan of the Persian Sadi, and Urdu poets such as Mir Taqi Mir and Mirza Ghalib in northern India.

A hadith found in the collection of Abu Dawud reads, "When a man commits sodomy with a boy: kill the doer and the one done to." A similar hadith is repeated in the collections of Bukhari, Muslim and others, though it most often reads, "If you come upon men doing as the people of Lut did, kill them." In addition to believing that homosexuality is a grave sin, Shi'a scholars hold that if a man "has had sexual intercourse with a boy according to precautionary rule, it becomes unlawful for him forever to marry the boy's mother, his sister, or his daughters even if they are boys not adults. If one is married to one of such ladies before such act, it does not affect the already existing marriage, although it is a precautionary rule to avoid such marriage.

Extending this rule to the case wherein one doing the act is a minor the one letting it done to him is an adult, is objectionable, according to a clear view it does not apply. The daughter or brothers and sisters of the one letting it done to him do not become unlawful to one who has done the act."

Men and youths by a stream

The development of same-sex love in the Middle East has been influenced by its history and geography. Hellenistic elements can be recognized in the use of the wine boy as a symbol of homoerotic passion, and in such ideas as that pederasty is absent from 'primitive' cultures since there a boy can learn all he needs from his father, but that people of high civilization require the erotic attraction of boys to motivate experienced men to teach the boys lovingly.

The valorization of youthful male beauty is found in the Qur'an itself: "And there shall wait on them [the Muslim men] young boys of their own, as fair as virgin pearls." (Qur¡¦an 52:24; 56:17; 76:19). Islamic jurisprudence generally considers that attraction towards beautiful youths is normal and natural. The Hanbalite jurist Ibn al-Jawzi (d. 1200) is reputed to have said that "He who claims that he experiences no desire when looking at beautiful boys or youths is a liar, and if we could believe him he would be an animal, and not a human being."

However, anal intercourse (liwat), is proscribed and men are advised to be even more wary of attraction to beautiful boys than to beautiful women, through religious injunctions exhorting them to resist this temptation. It is related that the Prophet Muhammad enjoined his followers to "Beware of beardless youth for they are a greater source of mischief than young maidens."

Likewise, the imam and legal scholar Sufyan at-Thawri (d. 783 CE) asserted, regarding sexual temptation, that "If every woman has one devil accompanying her, then a handsome lad has seventeen." At the same time, a hadith by the Prophet posits that chaste love grants one passage into paradise: "He who loves and remains chaste and conceals his secret and dies, dies a martyr." As a result, love for youths in Islam, far from being the path to perdition the Christians made of it, was an understandable passion which, if kept in check, raised one up to the heavens.

Love of beauty, another quality praised in the haddith which records Muhammad as having said that God is beautiful and loves beauty, and that a handsome face refreshes the eye, was seen as a mark of refined and sophisticated character, even in the appreciation of beautiful boys. The 17th c. Persian philosopher Sadr al-Din al-Shirazi asserted that:

"We do not find anyone of those who have a refined heart and a delicate character.. ..to be void of this love at one time or another in their life, but we find all coarse souls, harsh hearts and dry characters.. ..devoid of this type of love, most of them restricting themselves to the love of men for women and the love of women for men with the aim of mating and cohabitation, as is in the nature of all animals..."

At the other extreme, non-sublimated pederastic relationships were widespread, and widely documented in the poetry and art of the cultures involved, including in The Book of One Thousand and One Nights. Libertine poets such as the Baghdad poet Abu Nuwas (approx. 750¡V813) flaunted their sexual conquests, often Christian wine boys, some of whom they plied with wine in order to subdue. While some of these poems appear to describe affectionate relationships, others are clear depictions of rape, as is this quatrain by Mamayah al-Rumi:

The art of liwat is the way of masculinity and might
So leave Laylah to Majnun, and Azzah with Kuthayyir,
And go up to every beardless boy, strip him, and even if he cries,
Present him with your prick and fuck him by force.

In order for any such act, whether willing or not, to be a punishable offense one had to consummate it and be caught at it, which required witnesses of four men or eight women. If one was not caught at it, however, it was thought that one would still be punished in the fires of hell.

Persia

Some sources have posited that same-sex relations may have been introduced by the hordes of the early Soghdian (Central Asian Iranian) conqueror Afrasiab. The local population is said to have been greatly shocked by the popularity among his people for "the vice against nature." The Zoroastrian priests reacted strongly, and decreed that any man caught in the act could be put to death - a stronger sanction than that against murderers.

The origin of pederasty in ancient Persia was debated even in ancient times. Herodotus claimed they had learned it from the Greeks: "...and [the Persians'] luxurious practices are of all kinds, and all borrowed: the Greeks taught them pederasty." However, Plutarch asserts that the Persians used eunuch boys "the Greek way" long before they had seen the Grecian main. Despite these historians, Richard Francis Burton was of the opinion that the Persians had picked up the habit from the people inhabiting the Tigris-Euphrates Valley. More recently, the Persian literary historian Zabih Allah Safa called pederasty "the shameful inheritance of a period of moral turpitude which began to contaminate Iran from the [tenth and eleventh centuries AD especially from the reign of the [Turkic] slave [kings] and the yellowskin Sinitic tribes."

In Islamic Persia, where, as Louis Crompton claims, "boy love flourished spectacularly," literature also made frequent use of the pederastic topos, often referred to as baccheh bazi, (the boy game). Omar Khayyam's (d. 1123) quatrains, Attar (d. 1220), Rumi (d. 1273), Sa'adi (d. 1291) in his Rose Garden, Hafez Shirazi (d. 1389) in his ghazals, Jami (d. 1492), and even Iraj Mirza (d. 1926) wrote works "replete with homoerotic allusions, as well as explicit references to beautiful young boys and to the practice of pederasty."

The practice was not without its critics, such as Sanai of Ghazni. The poet mocks the pederastic practices of his time, embodied in the doings of the Khvaja of Herat, who takes his catamite into the mosque for a quick tryst:

"Not finding shelter he became perturbed, the mosque, he reasoned, would be undisturbed. But he is discovered by a devout man, who, in his blame, echoes a traditional attack on same-sex relations: 'These sinful ways of yours,' that was his shout, have ruined all the crops and caused the drought!"

Sanai drives the irony home by having the devout man, after the Khvaja makes his embarrassed escape, mount the boy and complete the act.

The pederastic topos in medieval Persian verse is so pervasive that it has been an obstacle for translations of these works into western languages. As Dick Davis comments, "A further cultural barrier, and one that can prove particularly difficult to negotiate, is the prevalence of the cult of pederasty in much medieval Persian verse." He notes that many translators have taken advantage of the fact that pronouns are not gender specific but notes that the translator "in availing himself of this help he is, as he knows, often fudging the issue, quietly bowdlerizing the texts." This is held to be true even of major works, such as the Gulistan (Rose Garden) of Sa'adi. English translators even in the tamer episodes of the "Gulistan" turn boys into girls and change anecdotes about pederasty into tales of heterosexual love.

The visual arts also were inspired by the male love tradition. Though there are a few examples which are sexually suggestive, most of the time the works reflect the Sufi sensibilites which locate the attraction in the gaze. Thus very often we see depictions of male couples, a mature man in the company of a comely youth who is the object of his attention. Many of the artistic works of Reza Abbasi, whose patron was the Safavid monarch Shah Abbas, depict such handsome youths, often in the role of saqi, or "wine pourer," either alone or in the company of a man.

Thomas Herbert, the twenty one year old secretary to the English ambassador to Persia, later reported that at Abbas' court (some time between 1627 and 1629) he saw, "Ganymede boys in vests of gold, rich bespangled turbans, and choice sandals, their curled hair dangling about their shoulders, with rolling eyes and vermilion cheeks." This was also a time when male houses of prostitution amrad khaneh, "houses of the beardless," were legally recognized and paid taxes. Regarding this trade, John Chardin, traveling through Persia at the time, reported that he had found "numerous houses of male prostitution, but none offering females." John Fryer, who traveled to Persia in the late seventeenth century, was of the opinion that "The Persians, when they let go their modesty.. ..covet boys as much as women."

The notoriety of the Persians for boyish pleasures was such that in the late nineteenth century Richard Francis Burton referred to Central Asian pederasty as "the Persian vice." He confirmed the findings of Chardin, indicating that the boy bordellos continued to exist, adding that "the boys are prepared with extreme care by diet, baths, depilation, unguents and a host of artists in cosmetics." He accounted for the tastes of the Persians by postulating that the habit began in boyhood, when Persian boys used each other for sexual pleasure, in a game known as alish-takish. Later in life, after marrying and begetting children, "Paterfamilias returns to the Ganymede," according to Burton.

The Ottoman Empire

Tellak - From the Hubanname (The Book of the Handsome Ones), an 18th century homoerotic work by the Turkish poet Fazyl bin Tahir Enderuni. In the Ottoman empire, same-sex relations between men and youths were often of a mercantile nature. The sex workers involved - who were never Muslims but were youths bought or levied or captured from neighboring nations, such as Armenia, Greece, and the Balkan states - were either entertainers such as the koceks or masseurs in the hammams known as tellak. The kocek tradition was a central element of Ottoman culture, flourishing from the seventeenth to the nineteenth centuries. It was brought to an end by its very success in that the competition for the handsome boy dancers became a threat to public order, and the practice was banned in 1856 under the reign of Sultan Abd-ul-Mejid I.

The tellaks were also highly prized. Catalogs were compiled listing their individual qualities, and competition for their favors at times resulted in violence. One episode, in the mid-eighteenth century, led to urban warfare between opposing bands of Janissaries and was brought to an end only by the intervention of the Sultan, who had the boy hanged. It was expected that military men would have relations with handsome boys, who often would be taken on campaign. The English traveler Henry Blount, who accompanied the Turkish army through the Balkans in the 1630's on its march to Poland recounted that, "Besides these [ten to fifteen] wives, each Basha hath as many, or likely more Catamites.. ..usually clad in Velvet or Scarlet, with guilt Scymitars and bravely mounted, with Sumptuous furniture."

The sexual doings of the Turks came under frequent criticism by their Christian neighbors. The Chronicles of the Moldavian Land mention that the Ottomans upon the sack of Crimea in 1475, sailed away with a galleon filled with one hundred and fifty young boys destined for "the filthy sodomy of the whoring Turk."

Thomas Sherley, held captive by the Ottomans between 1603 and 1605 under harsh circumstances, reported in his Discourse of the Turks that "For their Sodommerye they use it sow publiquely and impudentlye as an honest Christian would shame to company his wyffe as they do with their buggeringe boys."

John Cam Hobhouse an early traveller to Istanbul with his friend Lord Byron described the kocek dances as "beastly" and the anonymous poem Don Leon (written in the voice of Byron and ascribed to him by some), referred to Turkish boy prostitution as a "monstrous scene."

The Turk's sexual practices influence the languages of the constituent lands of the Otoman Empire to the present day. Their "pusht," a borrowing from Persian meaning "back" or "anus" survives in modern Greek as "poustis," a term of invective used of passive homosexuals, and in Romanian as "pu'ti", presently an innocuous term used of children and adolescents, but up to the end of the 1800's meaning "pederast" and "sodomite."

Studies of Ottoman criminal law, which is based on the Sharia, reveal that persistent sodomy with non-consenting boys was a serious offense and those convicted faced capital punishment.

Central Asia

In central Asia the practice is reputed to have long been widespread. The paragon of the practice can be said to be the love between Mahmood of Ghazni and his slave, Ayaz. The Sultan is seen as an example of the man who, because of the power of his love, becomes "a slave to his slave." Ayaz came to be recognized as the ideal beloved, and a model of purity in Sufi literature. The two have gained pride of place among the favorite pairs of lovers in Persian literature. Modern scholars, such as Prods Oktor Skj'rvo, the Aga Khan Professor of Iranian Studies at Harvard University, considers the relationship between the two to have been one example of the pederasty practiced at the Turkish Courts: "Under the Turkish Ghaznavid, Seljuq, and Khawarazmshah rulers of Iran in the eleventh and twelfth centuries, pederasty was quite common in courtly circles."

In the Terminal Essay of his translation of the Arabian Nights, Richard Francis Burton notes that, "The Afghans are commercial travellers on a large scale and each caravan is accompanied by a number of boys and lads almost in woman's attire with kohl'd eyes and rouged cheeks, long tresses and henna'd fingers and toes, riding luxuriously in Kajawas or camel-panniers: they are called Kuch-i safari, or travelling wives, and the husbands trudge patiently by their sides."

Though no longer widely practiced, such boy marriages nevertheless still occur. However, in part as a result of resurgent Islamic fundamentalism, they are less well received than in former times. In late 2005, the Afghan refugee Liaquat Ali, 42, and his Pakistani beloved, Markeen Afridi, 16, were both threatened with death by the tribal elders, subsequent to their public and ceremonial wedding in the Tribal Territories.

In the aftermath of the US-Afghan war, western mainstream media have reported derisively on patterns of adult/adolescent male relationships, documented in Kandahar in Afghanistan and in Pakistan, often conflating them with pedophilia. The youth in these relationships, usually in his early-to-mid-teens, is known alternatively as haliq, "beautiful boy," or ashna, "dear friend," and the man as mehboob, "lover," from the Persian mohabbat, "love," related to its Arabic counterpart, mahabbah. The term balkay, referring to a beardless boy sexually available to men has also been reported. The prevalence of homosexual relationships in Kandahar and other Pashtun areas has been explained in these articles as a behavior resulting from strict gender segregation and "without any moral or educational value."

Hoever these reports have been characterized as "privileging a political spin over more precise and informative writing," and as suffering from ethnocentric bias. Brian James Baer, writing in the Gay and Lesbian Review, claimed that "their subtext was clearly aimed at discrediting the Pashtun tradition by equating it with the ultimate American taboo, adult sex with minors," and that "Western journalists insisted on reducing relationships that are often long-term emotional bonds to a crude sexual bargain." In contrast, alternative media have carried accounts by native sources describing married men engaging youths in mutually affectionate long term relationships.

Besides relationships following the pederastic model, cases of sexual brutality by men against youths - in this instance as one aspect of the military use of children - have also been documented. In Afghanistan, out of the thousands of Pakistani boys recruited by mullahs under the guise of jihad to fight for the Taliban, it is thought that about 1500 survived, only to be held for ransom in private jails, where they were being systematically abused reported J. Gettleman in the LA Times, July 2001. Also, commercial sexual exploitation of boys in Pakistan is reported to be widespread despite the fact that prostitution of minors is illegal and there is a death penalty for child abusers, according to the Bangkok-based international child protection campaign group, ECPAT (End Child Prostitution, Child Pornography and Trafficking of Children for Sexual Purposes).

In the northern, Turkic-speaking areas, one manifestation of the pederastic tradition were the entertainers known as baccha (a Turkic Uzbeki term etymologically related to the Persian bachcheh, "boy" or "child", sometimes with the connotation of "catamite"). A baccha, typically an adolescent, was a performer practiced in erotic songs and suggestive dancing. He wore resplendent attire and makeup, and would also be available as a sex worker. These Muslim bachas were trained from childhood and carried on their trade until their beard began to grow. Though after the Russian conquest the tradition was suppressed by tsarist authorities, early Russian explorers were able to document the practice.

Sufi outlook

The manifestations of pederastic attraction vary. At one extreme they are indeed of a chaste nature, incorporated into Islamic mysticism (see Sufism) as a meditation known in Arabic as Nazar ill'al-murd, "contemplation of the beardless," or Shahed-bazi, "witness play" in Persian. This is seen as an act of worship intended to help one ascend to the absolute beauty that is God through the relative beauty that is a boy. Modern Sufi thought asserts that this contemplation uses imaginal yoga to transmute erotic desire into spiritual consciousness.

Richard Francis Burton, in his "Terminal Essay" (Part D) to the Arabian Nights claims that Easterners value the love of boys above the love of women, using Persian terminology in which the moth and the bulbul (nightingale) represent the lover, and the taper and the rose represent the boy and the girl, respectively: "Devotion of the moth to the taper is purer and more fervent than the Bulbul's love for the Rose."

In an illuminated manuscript of Sufi poet Abdul-Rahman Jami's (1414-1492) Haft Awrang, an anthology of seven alegorical poems on wisdom and love, there is a calligraphed verse in the section titled A Father Advises his Son About Love (in which a father instructs his son, when choosing a worthy male lover, to chose that man who sees beyond the mere physical and expresses a love for his inner qualities). The verse exemplifies one Sufi way of turning love into wisdom:

I have written on the wall and door of every house
About the grief of my love for you.
That you might pass by one day
And read the state of my condition.
In my heart I had his face before me.
With this face before me, I saw what I had in my heart.

Nazar was a principal expression of a male love that, according to the teachings, was not to be consummated physically.

Not all followed the teachings to the letter. On being challenged by Rabia al-Adawiyya (c.717-801) of Basrah (Sufi woman saint who first set forth the doctrine of mystical love), upon noticing him kissing a boy, for appreciating the beauty of boys above that of God, the ascetic Sufi Rabah al-Qaysi retorted that, "On the contrary, this is a mercy that God Most High has put into the hearts of his slaves." (Abu 'Abdur-Rahman as-Sulami, pp. 78-79)

Conservative Muslim theologians condemned the custom of contemplating the beauty of young boys. Their suspicions may have been justified, as some dervishes boasted of enjoying far more than "glances", or even kisses. Nazar was denounced as rank heresy by such as Ibn Taymiyya (1263-1328), who complained, "They kiss a slave boy and claim to have seen God!" The real danger to conventional religion, as Peter Lamborn Wilson asserts, was not so much the mixing of sodomy with worship, but "the claim that human beings can realize themselves in love more perfectly than in religious practices." Despite opposition from the clerics, the practice has survived in Islamic countries until only recent years, according to Murray and Roscoe. See References section below

Modern censorship

The traditional tolerance, literary and religious, for chaste pederastic love affairs which was prevalent since the 800s began to be eroded in the mid-1800s by the adoption of European Victorian attitudes by the new westernized elite. Historical material is reported to be systematically distorted. In his monograph on same-sex relations in the pre-modern Middle East, Khaled El-Rouayheb demonstrates how Persian and Arabic love poetry and other literary material is routinely heterosexualized or devalued in critical studies authored by post-colonial Arab and Islamic scholars. Similarly, the works of Abu Nuwas, widely available in their entirety in the Arab world until modern times, were first published in expurgated form in Cairo in 1932.

Some Western scholars likewise devalorize such material. In a 1999 review in The Spectator of an anthology of Classical Arabic literature, the reviewer, R.I. Penguin, defends the editor's censorship - and denigration - of the pederastic poems of a featured author: "Irwin is to be admired for sticking to a fair-minded overview of the whole field; Sanawbari's work, for instance, is described thus: 'Besides nature poems, he also produced mudhakarat, or poems addressed to small boys. However, in this anthology we will stick to the nature poems.' Quite right; the nature poems are much more interesting."

Sexual Abuse Of Children Mustn't Be Ignored In Arab Societies

2007-03-10T03:00:00.001-05:00

Arab societies generally tend to brush under the carpet incidents of sexual harassment of children, particularly if the delinquent is a close relative, says a visiting psychiatrist.

But ignoring an incident can only aggravate the problem, says Dr Mamoun Obaid, from Belfast University in the UK. He was here at the invitation of the Family Counselling Centre (FCC) to lecture at a workshop on sexual harassment of children.

Obaid said that it is important for parents to make their children aware that they can be exposed to sexual harassment in certain places. Small children should be asked not to speak to strangers or allow someone to touch their body.

If the children are grown up, they can be told straightaway that they can be prone to sexual harassment, especially in school toilets or sports clubs. They should be made aware that even people at home like drivers, maids and close relatives can be the abusers.

Children should be encouraged to report cases of harassment to their parents immediately.

Obaid said that sexual harassment of children is quite common in the west but Arab and Muslim societies are no exception as such incidents also occur here, and more often than not, close relatives are involved.

He recalled an incident where an uncle of a young girl was harassing her. When the girl told her mother, she ignored it since the man involved was her own brother, said Obaid.

"The mother should have taken up the issue with him in order to protect her daughter, but she chose not to."

Baby sitters, sports trainers and teachers who are mostly in regular contact with children can be the culprits in some cases. There are also cases of fathers sexually harassing their daughters.

Obaid said that it is important for delinquents to be brought to book as statistics show that punishment does act as a deterrent.

Global statistics show that some 10 per cent to 16 per cent of those who have been punished for sexually harassing children, have changed their behaviour.

It is also important to treat the victims since they can begin generally suspecting anyone and everyone.

This is an extreme situation and can, obviously, adversely impact personality development.

10-Year-Old Schoolgirl 'agreed to sex' Says Rapist

2007-03-10T03:00:00.000-05:00

Bassam Za'za'

A man is standing trial for kidnapping and raping a 10-year-old schoolgirl.

The 31-year-old Iranian suspect, N.F., denied at the Dubai Court of First Instance yesterday that he kidnapped, molested or raped the Asian schoolgirl in the Al Wasl area.

N.F. was also charged with consuming 14 cans of beer before abusing the girl, possessing and selling 16 cases of liquor, infiltrating and illegally staying in the country. His two compatriots, 21-year-old Y.J. and 26-year-old K.B., along with a stateless H.A., were also charged with possessing alcohol. The girl's medical examination confirmed sexual intercourse had taken place, she had sustained some injuries and bled.

The Dubai Public Prosecution charged N.F. with punching the girl in the face and knocking her unconscious, dragging her into his car and raping her.

In her statement the girl said when she left her grandparents' house N.F. knocked her unconscious and she woke briefly in his car before losing consciousness again.

The next time she woke was when she felt a severe pain in her private parts from where she was bleeding, she told the police.

In his statement N.F. said he and the other suspects had a drinking binge one evening and the next morning he saw the girl walking in Satwa. He said he asked his friend (one of the suspects) to leave and went and asked the girl to sleep with him. He claimed she agreed and they drove off to Al Barsha. On the way he bought her a mango juice.

He parked near a construction site where they had sex. She then asked him to drop her off in Satwa. When his friends noticed a bloodstain on the front seat, he said it was from his girlfriend who was having her period. The forensic laboratory confirmed that the bloodstain belonged to the girl. The alleged victim identified N.F. three times in a police lineup. The court reconvenes later this month.

Some 25 Percent Of Women Over Age 65 Victimized By Domestic Abuse

2007-03-05T14:15:00.000-05:00

Domestic violence against an intimate partner is not confined to younger women. A recent study found more than 25 percent of women older than 65 had been a victim of abuse by a spouse or other intimate partner.

Researchers from Ohio State University said that abuse included physical, sexual or psychological violence.

In a survey of 370 women in two western states, researchers found about 18 percent had experienced sexual abuse or physical abuse, and 22 percent had been victimized by nonphysical abuse, which included being threatened, being called names, or having their behavior controlled.

Abuse lasted anywhere from three to 10 years. In addition, when the women were asked to rate the severity of the abuse they suffered about 60 percent of the victims of physical violence and 71 percent of the victims of psychological abuse rated the abuse as severe.

About 3.5 percent of the women surveyed had suffered violence in the past five years, and 2.2 percent in the past year.

"Intimate partner violence is not a problem only for younger women," Amy Bonomi, lead author of the study and associate professor of human development and family science at Ohio State University, wrote in a statement.

Results of the study is published in the February 2007 issue of The Gerontologist

Baby Market Uncovered In Lagos, Nigeria

2007-02-24T05:50:00.000-05:00

Josfyn Uba and Jossy Idam

Welcome to Janet Fajemigbesin Street, the hideout of teenage mothers who sell their babies while in the womb for pittance. The street is located at Amuwo Odofin-directly behind old Durbar Hotel-near Festac, Lagos. The girls are usally contracted by women and their husbands who are unable to have babies of their own.

Dirty deals
On entering the small shanty town, the girls besige you and tell you to take a good look at them and tell you to decide who among them you think will give you a pretty baby. A prospective baby buyer would time and access who among them could make the baby of his heart’s desire.

Winnowing through the bevy of girls is not usually easy. The experience can easily be compared with going to okrika market. Besides their looks, sizes and shapes, they have two things in common-youthful age and charge.
Looking at them, their age range could be between 14 and 20. They probably held a meeting in secret and decided to charge between N150,000 ($1220) and N200,000 ($1545) per baby.
The prospective buyer is expected to also bear the cost of antenatal and other hospital bills that may arise in future. During the lucky girl’s gestation period, the buyer is also expected to provide provision and good food for the developing baby and mother.

Boys for hire
The boys who act as studs must also be taken care of. Prancing around like bantam cocks, the boys who are mostly dressed in dirty jeans and sneakers swam around a prospective buyer and ask to be commissioned to act as a surrogate father of the baby yet to be formed. The deal is usually struck with the boys with a token sum ranging from N10,000 to N20,000 thoudand and a good round of drinks (paraga i.e local gin mixed with roots). When and how the boy and girl will meet is not the buyers business.

The “Axis of Evil” as the spot is known in the neighbourhood used to be bee hive of activties until the officials of Lagos State Ministry of Environment demolished it following incessant complain by the members of the landlord’s association of the area. Undeterred, the boys and girls still gathered there daily and hostle for a living the way they know best. With only the open sky as their shelter now, they openly smoke marijuana, drink and ramble on the street. Their unruly, rebellious lifestyle is the reason officials of Lagos State government gave in demolishing the place.

Bad name
A resident of the area who wants anonimity told Saturday Sun that the government officials have only killed the snake without cutting off its head.
This bad people are still here and until they go we are’ not safe”, thesoruce said.
A dependable source in the state government secretarait, Alausa says the next agenda of the state is “to arrest and prosecute the miscrants who hang around there and give the place a bad name”.
After down payment-the girls prefer the payment to be done in cash and at once- a prosective buyer has to keep an eye on his “investment” . Regular visit ensures trust and even bound between the buyer and his unborn baby. Once the baby is born, the buyer could take the baby away while the “mother” prepares for another deal.
Some of them boast of making a baby every year.

Bizzare welcome
As this reporter walked down the street of Janet Fajemigbesin, the enclave of notoriety, there was a crowd of girls (both matured, teenegers and advanced) a convergence of women of all shades sizes and colour. While some were pregnant, others clutched babies to their bossoms.
Boys too, unkempt and tattered looking with some kind of short dread locked hairs were also there. While some paced up and down, others just laid down in the remnants of the burnt place, and some others just stood aloof.

As the reporters got closer, about four teenage girls, (one was pregnant) approached me with desperation and bombarded me with some bizzare questions like “Madam, what type of baby do you want to buy? How do you want it? Do you want a boy or girl or twins?
Apparently, they had thought I was a prospective customer in their baby selling racket
“Anyhow you want it, we can arrange for it” said one of them, a tiny 15 year old form Edo State.
I agreed to have a meeting else where away from the vicinity where I could discuss in confidence the technicalities of “my business”.
We then took off to the opposite side of the new bridge where such trade also goes on.

Baby boom
Having gained a prospective customer’s confidence and seeing her desperation for the search of a baby, “We are ready to play ball” the pregnant teenager told me. And in their tradition, Saturday Sun gathered that the girls could now drink and smoke literally celebrating success in their venture.
Very relaxed and quite confident in the company of the reporters, they quickly organised a saucer filled with cannabis wraps and ciggirettes.

It was time to discuss real business. Interestingly, these four girls were between the ages of 15-24. Saturday Sun’s investigation revealed their modus’ operadi starts with visits by wealthy women around the Festac environs. These rich women in desperate need of children thus become patronising clients.
According to a reliable source, high profile women in all sorts of exotic cars are regular visitors to these girls of easy virtue. In most cases, a line up of flashy cars are packed especially in the evenings.
It was gathered that the business negotiations starts from 5-30pm till dawn.

To walk away with a healthy child depends on individuals arrangement and financial power.
The girls told Saturday Sun that at Agbo Malu, there are two specific methods by which you can become a proud recipient of a bouncing baby. You at liberty to choose which suits you.
Your level of desperation and need often determines your choice. However, the methods are; first, a girl of your desire is pregnanted, you bear the responsibility of taking care of her during her entire period of pregnancy.
You are responsible for her pre-natal expenses while she still resides in her house at Agbo Malu, you take care of her feeding, while paying her regular visit bringing all her needs especailly provisions. At birth, you also bear the responsibility after which, the teenage mother relinquishes her baby to you on leaving the hospital.

She is paid off. While you smile home with “your baby”, she walks back to her Agbo Malu enclave praying and waiting for another business opportunity.
The second option, Saturday Sun gathered is that whereby a prospective buyer walks up to a girl who readily has “a baby for flunging”. In this case, “the buyer” bears no extra-financial responsibility other than just paying for the normal cost of purchase.

However, for the cost of purchase, Saturday Sun investigations revealed that a baby girl goes for N150,000 while the price tag for a male child is pegged at N200,000. For twins, you cannot pay anything less than N450,000 although you might be lucky to get some discount but the prices remain unchanged for single births.
Your business authomatically ends on the exact spot and time where you receive your baby.

Three times a mother
For some girls, Saturday Sun gather that mother luck seemed to have signed a pact with them and so smiles on them with business fortunes on a regualr basis. A particular girl confided to Saturday Sun the fact that she had given birth three times and the three times, she had sold them out.
She said that she had come from Benin about seven years ago, settled with her friend for the regular red light business.
For the teenage Bini girl, “The kind of money I wanted could not easily be got from that place. What I got was mostly short time of about N500 each session. So I figured that wasn’t the best place to make money.

More so business was small” she said.
She told Saturday Sun that she left her Bini home on a mission. Her elder sister in Belgium had failed to take her over to her base. Twice she had tried, but was dissappointed and she knew that Lagos was another hot spot that provided her with enormous opportunity to make it in life.
“So my friend brought me to Agbo Malu and since then, life has been good.”
She said she also told us that she had supplied babies twice in the last three years, now she is heavy with the third one.

Business as usual
Though she had struck business as usual with “my madam” but for the recent demolition of the place. Worried whether on her madam can trace her given the current development, she revealed with a sense of confidence that “I have her GSM number and so I will tell her what happened”. Their greatest worry before she can contact her madam was the cut-off of her regular provisions.

Adducing reasons why she took to this business, another of the girls, a Ghanian said it was due to the sharp economic downturn of the country and the fact that “to get husband to marry no easy, so how I go do. I no go chop? Naim make me come dey do this business and e good well, well. And I know say, here no worse pass Maroko that time” she lamented.
Even after the demolition of the place, the male residents are still hanging around. Incidentally, the palce was not only occupied by these girls but even stranded families who have no where to lay their heads and single guys.

As at the time of our visit, boys were seen lying on the ruins of the place.
Saturday Sun was told that these guys are not engaged in any form of employment rather they lazy about all day and only to take off at nights for nothing in particular.
Looking hagard, unkempt with dirty, dreadlocks, big necklaces and studs, Saturday Sun was hinted by concerned residents of the hgih crime rate in the neighbourhood which maynot be unconnected with the idle hands lying about the enitre area.

Living in fear
However, the residents also spoke of their uneasiness, discomfort and palpable fear at the inssessant and indiscriminate smoking of carnabis by the hoodlums who not only have become societal nuisance in the whole of the Janet Fajemigbesin neighbourhood but have also become threats to the entire area.
Speaking to Saturday Sun, some of the boys said “this place is not worse than the old Maroko and now that it is destroyed, we have no where to go to”.

Earlier on, while speaking to Saturday Sun, some residents of Agbo Malu had alleged that the demolition of the place had been facilitated by the Assemblies of God’s Church situated directly opposite them.
When cantacted, Bro. David Obok, Head of Administration, of the church however denied the allegation. Confirming that the people actually had constituted nuisance in the neighbourhood through their indiscriminate smoking and indecent manner of dressing of the girls.

Bro Obok said that the major problem they also had against them was the issue of defeaction.
According to him, the residents of Agbo Malu had been in the habit of defeacating and throwing it into their compound of which the church authorities severally warned them all to no avail. This, he said they reported to the Amuwo Odofin council authorities.

The incident, the church adminsitrator said repeated itself again, inspite of the fact that the local council had put up a sign post with an option of fine on any defaulter.
He said though the notice had helped to checkmate the situation but it never stopped completely.
Bro Obok however said that the likely reason for the eventual demolition of which they had prior notice of the demolition, was that the management of Durbar Hotel had proposed to construct a link road which would run across the length of Agbo Malu.

He noted that the people had severally underestimated the consequences of the council’s numerous warnings but hoping that the demolition will come after the April polls.
Saturday Sun’s investigation revealed that the entire residents were feeling unsafe and unease at the unruly behaviour of the Agbo Malu boys and girls.
We also gathered on good authority that the boys who lay about all day only go out at night to perpetuate evils from armed robbery to raping.

Tragedy divides relatives of slain family

2007-02-23T16:01:00.000-05:00

BRUCE GOLDING AND BARBARA LIVINGSTON NACKMAN
THE JOURNAL NEWS

Their families were united by marriage but are now divided by death.

Three days after state troopers found the bodies of Steven, Kathy and Linda Lessard in their Lake Peekskill home, relatives on both sides were trying yesterday to make sense of Steven Lessard's murder-suicide.

Kathy Lessard's older brother, a retired police officer, traveled from Baltimore with his wife and son to confront a crime scene familiar in its horror but made strange by the personal connection.

The tableau, he said, left him wondering "what was wrong that this happened?"

Steven Lessard's mother, meanwhile, was in her Florida home more than 1,100 miles away, attempting to reconcile the loving "all-American boy" she raised with the family annihilator he became - and hoping her son wouldn't be remembered as a monster.

The unexpected violence also divided the Lessard family itself.

Although Steven Lessard bought burial plots at Rose Hill Memorial Park in Putnam Valley, his family will not be buried together.

Instead, Kathy Lessard's siblings are planning to return her to her hometown of Baltimore, where the mother and her 14-year-old daughter are set to be buried near Kathy Lessard's parents after a funeral Mass on Tuesday.

Steven Lessard, however, will get no ceremony. His cremated remains will eventually be interred in a family plot in his hometown of Evanston, Ill., his mother said.

Closing Arguments in Child Death Trial

2007-02-21T15:29:00.000-05:00

Sharing the blame with others isn't enough to save a woman from being convicted of murder in the death of her 3-year-old foster son, who was bound in a blanket and packing tape and left in a closet, prosecutors told jurors Wednesday.

All it would take to convict Liz Carroll would be determining that she committed a felony that resulted in the death of Marcus Fiesel, prosecutors said in closing arguments.

Guilt could be measured by "not only what she did, but what she failed to do," Assistant Hamilton County Prosecutor Mark Piepmeir said.

He discounted the defense contention that Carroll was intimidated into going along with her bully husband, David Carroll Jr., 29, and their live-in companion, Amy Baker.

"Even though she tried to share the blame with David and Amy Baker, what she admitted was sufficient to find her guilty of these crimes," Piepmeir said.

Carroll, 30, also is charged with involuntary manslaughter, kidnapping, felonious assault and three counts of child endangerment.

Marcus, who was developmentally disabled, died in August at the family's home in Batavia, east of Cincinnati, while Carroll was gone overnight at a family reunion in Kentucky.

Defense attorney Gregory Cohen said Carroll was a "beaten-down woman trying to save her family and protect David."

She was terrorized by her husband's violent tendencies and by Baker's sexual conquest of her husband, he said in his closing.

"Two people had responsibility to protect Marcus Fiesel," Cohen said. "David Carroll has a court date just down the hall."

David Carroll also is charged with murder and is to be tried separately next month.

Baker has not been charged, but testified Monday that she accompanied David Carroll when he allegedly burned the body and dumped the remains in the Ohio River. Prosecutors agreed not to prosecute Baker in exchange for her testimony, unless any evidence shows she had hands-on involvement in the boy's death.

Father's Horror In Child Sex Scandal

2007-02-20T13:49:00.000-05:00

A father has spoken for the first time of the horror of having his three daughters and two foster children removed when they were wrongly diagnosed as sex abuse victims.

It is the 20th anniversary of what became known as the Cleveland Child Sex Abuse Scandal - but many of those innocently accused still live with the pain of having their families torn apart.

In the summer of 1987, the nation was gripped by stories of an apparent epidemic of child sex abuse that resulted in 121 children being taken into care on the basis of controversial detection techniques.

Matthew Allen, a foster parent in Middlesbrough - whose real identity has been changed - last night spoke for the first time of the night his life changed for ever.

Two of his foster children were diagnosed as being the victims of sex abuse by paediatrician Dr Marietta Higgs, who also accused many other innocent parents of abusing their children.

She then asked to examine his three daughters, aged nine, seven and one-and-a-half.
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He said: "We went along and the children were examined by Dr Higgs, and after which she appeared and delivered the bombshell that they showed signs of being sexually abused, and that they were being kept and would we please go.

"It was almost as if one had been hit on the jaw by a prize-fighter.

"I felt shocked, my stomach began to turn because it was almost as if I was in a dream. I was waiting any moment to wake up, but I didn't wake up because it wasn't a dream - it was reality.

"The children went into a room for an examination, the door was shut and that was the end of it. We were not allowed to say goodbye to them and we were then given a cup of tea.

"Then when we started to ask questions, we were told we were either to go peacefully or security would be called and we would be physically removed."

It would be a further seven months before he was reunited with all his children.

Speaking on Radio 4 last night, he said that, two decades on, his family were still coming to terms with the false diagnosis and the hurt caused by malicious accusations in the community, which continued after the children were returned.

In the years leading up to 1987, the number of child sex abuse allegations in Cleveland was no greater than other parts of the UK. But in January 1987, the number escalated rapidly, peaking in May, June, and July.

Also at the centre of the scandal was Dr Geoffrey Wyatt who, along with Dr Higgs, referred the cases to the social services department of the now defunct Cleveland County Council.

Matthew Allen's story is familiar to countless other families.

Social services used place-of-safety orders to remove children from their home on the say-so of a paediatrician. For some, it caused irreparable damage to relationships.

Children diagnosed as sexually abused were placed on wards nine and ten of Middlesbrough General Hospital.

But parents started to fight back, and a pressure group was formed with the help of a local vicar and Middlesbrough MP Stuart Bell.

Mr Bell said: "The reaction within the families was very devastating. One woman was told that her child had been abused and, of course, the implication was that the husband had done it and that split the family immediately."

Dr Higgs and Dr Wyatt were barred from further child protection work, and Sue Richardson, child abuse consultant for Cleveland council's social services department, was dismissed.

Sex Offender On The Run

2007-02-20T10:58:00.001-05:00

Police are urging the public to visit the Child Exploitation and Online Protection (CEOP) Centre's 'Most Wanted' website in order to help trace a sex offender.

John Richard Murrell, 38, is being sought by West Mercia Police for failing to comply with notification requirements under the Sexual Offences Act.

Murrell was last seen in the Worcestershire area, but is known to have links with Belfast, Aberystwyth and Blackpool. His photograph and details can now be seen on the CEOP centre's website at: www.ceop.gov.uk/wanted

Jim Gamble, CEOP Centre CEO, said: "Thanks to Most Wanted, offenders who fail to comply with notification requirements are finding it harder to hide from authorities. We believe that by attempting to evade management, these offenders lose their right to anonymity. We will therefore maximise every available opportunity to locate them, including posting their details on the Most Wanted website.

"We're asking members of the public to visit the site today and take a look at Murrell's profile. If they have information regarding his whereabouts, we'd encourage them to come forward. They can pass details directly to West Mercia Constabulary, or they can give information anonymously through Crimestoppers on: 0800 555 111.

"Public support has already proved invaluable to the Most Wanted initiative. With their help we have already located four missing offenders. By working together we can continue to track those offenders who try to avoid being managed by the authorities and protect our communities to harm."

The CEOP Centre is also continuing to appeal for information about three other outstanding offenders, also wanted for failing to comply with notification requirements under the Sexual Offences Act.

Colin Taylor was last seen in the Northumbria area, although it has been suggested that he may have travelled abroad and may be somewhere in Europe. He has made visits to the Indian subcontinent and the Far East in the past.

Peter Weatherley is missing from the South Yorkshire area, but is known to have links in the north of England. It has also been suggested that he could be in Spain or elsewhere in Europe.

Joshua Kearney, who is also missing, has connection in the Lancashire area, but is known to travel throughout the UK.

Further information and photographs can be found at: www.ceop.gov.uk/wanted.

The CEOP Centre joined forces with Crimestoppers last November to launched the Most Wanted site, the UK's first national website dedicated to locating child sex offenders who have failed to comply with notification requirements.

This is an arrestable offence, with a punishment of up to five years imprisonment.

Meeting Children’s Basic Needs Vis-a-Vis Their Well-being

2007-02-17T13:58:00.000-05:00

The UNICEF Innocenti Research Centre released the Report Card 7 which focuses on the well-being of children and young people in the world’s advanced economies and provides the first comprehensive assessment.

The six dimensions taken to measure the well- being of children – material well-being, health and safety, education, peer and family relationships, behaviours and risks, and young people’s own subjective sense of well-being – offer a picture of the lives of children, and no single dimension can stand as a reliable proxy for child well-being as a whole.

The landmark report shows that among all of the 21 OECD countries there are improvements to be made and that no single OECD country leads in all six of the areas.

“All countries have weaknesses to be addressed” says Innocenti Director Marta Santos Pais, “No single dimension of well-being stands as a reliable proxy for child well-being as a whole and several OECD countries find themselves with widely differing rankings for different dimensions of children’s lives.”

According to the Report Card small North-European countries dominate the top half of the table, with child well-being at its highest in the Netherlands, Sweden, Denmark and Finland. There is no strong or consistent relationship between per capita GDP and child well-being. The Czech Republic, for example, achieves a higher overall rank for child well-being than several much wealthier European countries. Also no country features in the top third of the rankings for all six dimensions of child well-being.

Pointing out that the Convention on the Rights of the Child calls on all countries to invest in its children “to the maximum extent of available resources”, Ms. Santos Pais said that international comparison was a way of testing this commitment - “A country cannot be said to be doing the best it can for its children if other countries at a similar stage of economic development are doing much better – and that’s what the league tables are designed to show.”

First step

The Innocenti Report is intended as a first step towards regular and comprehensive monitoring of child well-being across the OECD. Its scope is limited by the availability of internationally comparable data (which means that key areas such as mental and emotional health and child neglect and abuse are omitted). Nonetheless UNICEF hopes that the Report will help to stimulate the collection or more comprehensive and more timely data.

Child wellbeing needs to be addressed by public policies across a broad spectrum of aspects. Given levels of child well-being are not inevitable and show what is possible to do to improve the lives of children.

“All families in OECD countries today are aware that childhood is being re-shaped by forces whose mainspring is not necessarily the best interests of the child. At the same time, a wide public in the OECD countries is becoming ever more aware that many of the corrosive social problems affecting the quality of life have their genesis in the changing ecology of childhood. Many therefore feel that it is time to attempt to re-gain a degree of understanding, control and direction over what is happening to our children in their most vital, vulnerable years. That process begins with measurement and monitoring. And it is as a contribution to that process that the Innocenti Research Centre has published this initial attempt at a multi-dimensional overview of child well-being in the countries of the OECD.” (Innocenti Report Card 7, page 39)

NOTE TO THE EDITORS
The Report Card series present ‘league tables’ on aspects of child wellbeing in the world’s most advanced economies (countries that are members of the OECD) seeking to identify areas where societies could do better in supporting every child to be and become all that s/he can be – over and above generally universal access for every child to basic services in education, health, nutrition, shelter.

جثة آنا نيكول سميث قد تُحنَّط حتى تحديد هوية والد طفلتها

2007-02-16T10:08:00.000-05:00

أصدر قاضيان أميركيان، حكمين متناقضين في شأن النزاع على معرفة والد طفلة عارضة الأزياء الشهيرة ونجمة مجلة «بلاي بوي» الإباحية آنا نيكول سميث، إثر وفاتها المفاجئة قبل نحو أسبوع عن عمر 39 سنة.

وزعم عدد كبير من الرجال ان كلاً منهم والد طفلة سميث داني لين التي ترث ثروة كبيرة من المال، إذا قضت المحاكم التي ما زالت تنظر في دعاوى قضائية مرفوعة من سميث تطالب فيها بنصف ثروة زوجها البليونير الراحل وقطب صناعة النفط جيه هوارد مارشال، والتي تقدَّر بنحو 1.6 بليون دولار.

وأمر قاض في فلوريدا بالإبقاء على جثة سميث في مكتب الطبيب الشرعي، للتمكن من إجراء فحص للحمض النووي لتحديد والد طفلتها. لكن قاضياً في كاليفورنيا أفاد بأنه يمكن دفن سميث نظراً لوجود عيِّنات كافية، وفقاً لموقع «إي أون لاين» الالكتروني.

ونقل محام عن المصور الصحافي لاري بيركهيد، أحد الرجال الذين يزعمون أبوة طفلة سميث، قوله انه «اعتماداً على المختبر الذي نتعامل معه، فإن لدينا عينات من الحمض النووي كافية. ونحن نبلغ الطرفين أنه لا توجد لدينا مشكلة في الإفراج عن جثمان سميث». ويتولى حالياً المحامي هوارد كيه ستيرن الذي كانت سميث تعتبره زوجها، على رغم عدم زواجهما قانونياً، رعاية الطفلة الصغيرة.

ورفع بيركهيد، صديق النجمة الراحلة، دعوى قضائية لإثبات نسب الطفلة. وزعم زوج الممثلة زازا غابور الأمير فريدريك فون انه هو والد الطفلة، فيما نشرت صحيفة «نيويورك ديلي نيوز» ان الأب قد يكون أيضاً زوجها الراحل مارشال، إذ زعمت أختها غير الشقيقة ان سميث أخذت حيوانات منوية مجمدة من زوجها الراحل.

وأيد قاضي فلوريدا حكماً سابقاً لقاضي كاليفورنيا بضرورة حفظ الجثة لإجراء فحص للحمض النووي، مع إمكان تحنيطها لدفنها لاحقاً.

وأفادت صحيفة «ميامي هيرالد» بأنه بعدما قرر قاضي كاليفورنيا أنه لم تعد هناك حاجة الى الجثة، وانه يمكن دفنها، يتوقع أن تصدر محكمة فلوريدا قراراً قريباً لتحديد من سيتسلم الجثة.

وأدت المسألة إلى تنازع عائلة سميث وأصدقائها. فأمها التي كانت تعيش بعيداً عنها، تريد دفن سميث في مسقط رأسها في تكساس، فيما يريد ستيرن دفنها الى جوار ابنها الذي توفي قبل نحو 5 أشهر عن 20 سنة نتيجة تناوله جرعة زائدة من المخدرات.

Scrap Scavenger By Day, Hooker by night

2007-02-15T14:46:00.000-05:00

Dabet Castada

Prostitution, known to be the world's oldest profession, is new to the people who once lived along the shores of the old Batangas Port in this city, some 111 kms. south of Manila.

Amanda (note her real name), 48, a mamasan (pimp) born and raised in Barangay Sta. Clara, a village just beside the old Port of Batangas (part of this village has been turned into the port's expansion area completed in 1999). Her parents were port vendors, she said, and life near the port then was strenuous yet profitable. "Before, if you were aggressive in thinking of things to sell, you would earn," she recalls.

As a teenager, Amanda helped her parents earn a living by selling pork barbecue after school. This was her family's source of income when she started to raise a family of her own. She said she used to earn at least P400 ($8.28 at today's exchange rate of $1=P48.305) a day then.

Following then President Corazon Aquino's Executive Order No. 431, a part of Barangay Sta. Clara was demolished on June 27, 1994 to give way to the expansion, modernization and privatization of the Batangas Port.

The Philippine Ports Authority (PPA) opened two relocation centers: Barangay Balete (about seven kilometers from the Batangas Port) and Barangay Sico (about 15 kilometers from the Batangas Port). A study made by Dr. Emma Porio for the JBIC (Japan Bank for International Cooperation) in 2000, "Demolition and Resettlement of Sta. Clara Residents: Policy, Politics, and Personalities in the Batangas Port Development Project," revealed that Balete had an unemployment rate of 53 percent while Sico had 43 percent.

Amanda's family was one of 192 families relocated in Sico, a vast and hilly relocation center near a dump, overlooking the Batangas city jail. A trip to this area takes at least an hour from the port. There are no factories or commercial centers in the area. The row houses looked dilapidated and dim. It was deafeningly quiet when Bulatlat visited the area on Jan. 18.

Dark days

Resettling at Sico spelled doom for Amanda's family. With no jobs available, Amanda said, her family set up a small convenience store. In a year's time, their small business went bankrupt because of unpaid debts from neighbors and relatives.

With no other means of income, Amanda started trading girls for sex. "I went back to the pier and peddled prostitutes," she said.

She said she gets a cut of P50 ($1.035) from a girl who, in turn, gets P300 to P500 ($6.21 to $10.35) for every. With the port turned from an inter-island, domestic port to an international cargo port, they began to cater to foreign seamen.

At first, she said, the girls she handled came from the provinces of Samar, Cavite, Iloilo, Cebu and even Manila. But as poverty spread among the former port dwellers relocated in Balete and Sico, Amanda said girls from the relocation sites started working as prostitutes as well.

Family business

One of those lured into prostitution is Sandy (not her real name), Amanda's niece. A former barbecue and a 'boiled duck eggs,' vendor, Sandy, now 42, started 'going out' with her patrons barely a year after their community was demolished. "I was still young then and pretty," she kidded.

She said she only catered to foreign patrons, "Because it is not difficult to deal with them." Sandy said she earns $50 to $100 for every customer but would only get half of it because she had to give a cut to her mamasan, to the ship operator, and to Customs officials. "Prostitution is legal here. Even Customs officials benefit from it," she said.

On peak seasons such as Christmas and Holy Week, she would have three to four patrons a night. "While there is a customer, I go on and on. I am not doing this to enjoy."

Sandy has three children to feed, she said, and her husband has left them for good. She spends P500 ($10.35) every month for rent because she sold the rights to her lot at the relocation center.

"I would have wanted to work because I have a lot of skills aside from lying in bed, but there is no work here," she added.

Sandy said she has now turned into being a mamasan (pimp) to earn a living, a job she shares with her 68-year-old mother, Belinda (not her real name). "Of course, I am getting old so my customers are fewer now. But sometimes if there is an offer I still take it to earn more," she explains.

Days when there are no customers, Sandy said, her mother would scavenge scrap materials at the nearby dump and sell these to the nearest junkshop. The small earnings from junk could at least provide them a meal, Sandy said.

7 Lap Dance Moves That Make Men Melt

2007-02-10T03:42:00.000-05:00

Rebecca Drury

Want to make your guy go gaga? It's not just about what you do in bed that counts. Sure, great sex technique will make you a star in his eyes, but knowing how to tease him will make you a legend. Don't believe us? In The Little Bit Naughty Book of Lap Dancing for Your Lover, real-life exotic dancer Rebecca Drury spills the seven secret — and really sexy! — steps that work on every guy, every time. You can thank us later.

The Grinding Circle
Stand about 60 centimeters (two feet) from your partner, with your feet slightly more than hip-width apart and your toes turned out. With your hips, begin to draw a circle, keeping your back arched. Now slowly bend your knees and grind down as far as is comfortable, then up again, continually undulating your hips and dancing erotically. It's really important to keep your back arched and upright. If you lean forward, you risk impersonating a sumo wrestler!

The Turn
As I've said, lap dancing is about showing off all your assets, so remember to turn around occasionally. For the best effect, turn slowly — your lover should barely notice. When you practice, work out which direction is most natural for you to turn in. And don't be overly concerned with how you do it; just take small steps and aim to make the turn blend into and become part of your dance. Keep circling your hips, and remember your arm movements. As far as possible, try to keep your lover in your gaze as you turn.

The Slap and Tickle
Turn your back to your audience and, with straight legs, bend forward slightly, look back at him coquettishly and stroke or lightly slap your bottom. I guarantee this will make him smile. Alternatively, still with your back to him, gently sway from your ankles, opening your legs gradually. Slowly, bend over so that your bottom is brazenly pointing at your man. Bend one knee to the side and straighten the other out to the other side. Glide your hand up the straight leg and raise your head over the corresponding shoulder to look back at him. Slap your bottom hard. Repeat on the other side.

The Lap Dance Grind
Gracefully dance yourself into the triangle made by your lover's open legs, and stand with your back to him and your feet together. Make sure you're as close to the chair as possible. Now bend your knees, keeping your back straight, and gently put your hands on your partner's knees. Lower your bottom toward his lap so that you can just feel his crotch on your skin. Then, keeping your hands on his knees for support, grind down gently, moving your hips in a circular or forward-and-backward motion. Look over your shoulder at your man while you do this, if you can. This is a little tricky, though! Take extra care whenever you go near his groin. If you hurt him, he'll never trust you to dance for him again!

The Breast Stroke
Every woman has her own personal scent that collects between her breasts, no matter what size they are or what perfume she wears. It's a potent aphrodisiac. So this step is guaranteed to get your lover going! Move closely into the space between his knees. Standing with your legs straight, gently lean forward and place your hands on either side of the chair. Once you have a firm hold, push your breasts toward his face; his nose should be nestled in your cleavage. For added effect, try brushing from side to side and stroking the end of his nose with your bra or nipple. Keep moving in a provocative way throughout.

Knee Strokes
Facing your partner, stand between his legs, as close to the chair as you can. Place your knees in the space between his crotch and the edge of the chair. Gently put a slight pressure against his groin with your knees. Lean toward him and blow gently into his ear or on his face. You could even exchange a mouthful of wine with him or pour champagne from your nipples into his mouth. As a variation, try this: Stand up facing your lover, then catch one of his knees between your knees and gently rub up and down his thigh. This is a fabulous sensation. Ask him to do it to you sometime!

The Body Slide
Standing between your lover's thighs, lean forward and put your hands on the back of the chair for support. Put one knee on each of his thighs, then lift your torso, slide your knees into the space in front of his crotch (careful here!) and slide, slowly, all the way down his body until you're kneeling on the floor in front of him. To get up off the floor, use your lover's knees for support and stand up sexily — bring your bottom up first, then flick your hair in his face as you raise your upper body.

Sideshow of life and death

2007-02-09T13:24:00.000-05:00

Jocelyn Noveck & Suzette Laboy

ANYONE who arrived from Mars and was astonished at the fuss over Anna Nicole Smith would do well to watch just one clip: her appearance at the 2004 American Music Awards.

Prancing on stage in a tight-fitting black gown that showcased her cleavage - which was, as all else about her, larger than life - she grabbed your attention. Her looks were outlandish, but there was beauty beneath the excess.

And then she spoke. "Like my body?" she asked, tracing her fingers over her breasts. Her slurred words spilled out dangerously. She was clearly very high on something, and you wondered if she would survive, literally.

It was hard to watch. And, of course, harder not to.

Scant hours after news emerged of her death yesterday at age 39, many people were hard pressed to describe what exactly Anna Nicole Smith was. Actress? Model? Reality star? Rich widow? "I don't know exactly what she did," said US talk show host Joy Behar, hearing the news over the telephone. And yet, trying to put her finger on why we watched this strange woman over the years, she came up with two things: dysfunction and beauty.

"No question, she was beautiful," said Behar, of the US ABC network's The View. "We know people like to watch dysfunction. But beauty gives you something extra to look at. Dysfunction and beauty: now that's something to watch."

How was she dysfunctional? Really, how wasn't she? Her strange life seemed to veer from one outsized struggle to another. She struggled famously with her weight and with her family. She sometimes even struggled to speak without slurring. She had a television show that could be so embarrassing you'd want to watch it with dark sunglasses on. Much more tragically, she lost her 20-year-old son. Five months ago she gave birth to a daughter. Two men claim to be the father.

In other words, she was a perfect pop-culture icon. By contrast, another famous creature of internet celebrity, the chic-er, more sophisticated and chillier Paris Hilton, has much less to fascinate us, grainy sex video notwithstanding. It's hard to feel sorry for her.

"With Anna Nicole, she was pathetic but at the same time you thought, 'Gosh, if I could just scoop you up and fix things, it would be okay,"' says Jerry Herron, a professor of American culture at Wayne State University in Michigan. "You wouldn't want to scoop up Paris Hilton.

"Anna Nicole was," Herron notes, "in both her actions and her physical being, such an over-exaggerated version of what we both lust for and loathe in our society. Bombshell blonde? Family feuds? Lots and lots of money? Weight troubles? Obscene self-revelations on TV? She had it all."

The compelling mix of beauty and vulnerability is just one quality that has led to comparisons with Marilyn Monroe, another sexy, tragic blonde to whom Smith liked to compare herself. The comparison is tempting, but the difference is monumental.

"Marilyn Monroe was an artist, a real performer, able to evoke in audiences a real empathy and a passion," says Richard Walter, a film professor at the University of California in Los Angeles. "There is no comparison."

And yet he sees one strong point in common: the simple beginnings, the climb from obscurity to fame.

"Smith came from humble origins and achieved celebrity and wealth, one way or another," Walter says. "And that is an American story."

For celebrity editor Janice Min of US Weekly, it's the element of perseverance that stands out in Smith's tale, which she sees as "almost this perverse Hollywood Horatio Alger story".

"She fought against so many obstacles - poverty. Teen pregnancy. A bad home life." And of course, ridicule. "But she persisted, where others would have shrunk away out of humiliation and shame." It might have made her look pathetic. But it also made it exceedingly hard to look away.

Smith was stricken while staying at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Florida and was rushed to hospital. Local medical officials say the cause of death is under investigation and an autopsy will likely be done today.

Just five months ago, Smith's 20-year-old son, Daniel, died suddenly in the Bahamas in what was believed to be a drug-related death.

Police say a private nurse called paramedics after finding Smith unresponsive in her sixth-floor room at the hotel, which is on an Indian reservation.

Recently, she lost a reported 31kg and became a spokeswoman for TrimSpa, a weight-loss supplement. On her reality show and other recent TV appearances, her speech was often slurred and she seemed out of it. Some critics said she seemed drugged-out.

One of Smith's lawyers, Ron Rale, said yesterday he had talked with her this week and she had flu symptoms and a fever and was still grieving for her son. He dismissed claims her death was related to drugs as "a bunch of nonsense".

"Poor Anna Nicole," he said. "She's been the underdog. She's been besieged ... and she's been trying her best and nobody should have to endure what she's endured."

The Texas-born Smith was a topless dancer at strip club before she submitted her photos to a search contest and made the cover of Playboy magazine in 1992. She became Playboy's playmate of the year in 1993. She was also signed to a contract with Guess jeans, appearing in TV commercials, on billboards and in magazine ads.

In 1994, she married 89-year-old oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall II, owner of Great Northern Oil Company, whom she met at a "gentlemen's club" in Houston. In 1992, Forbes magazine estimated his wealth at $US550 million ($705 million).

Marshall died in 1995, aged 90, setting off a feud with Smith's former stepson, E. Pierce Marshall, over his estate. A federal court in California awarded Smith $US474 million. That was later overturned. But in May, the US Supreme Court revived her case, ruling that she deserved another day in court.

The stepson died on June 20 at age 67. But the family said the court fight would continue.

Smith starred in her own reality TV series, The Anna Nicole Show, in 2002-04. Cameras followed her around as she sparred with her lawyer, hung out with her personal assistant and interior decorator, and cooed at her poodle, Sugar Pie. She also appeared in movies, performing a bit part in The Hudsucker Proxy in 1994.

Meanwhile, the paternity of Smith's now five-month-old daughter remains a matter of dispute. The birth certificate lists Dannielynn's father as attorney Howard K. Stern, Smith's most recent companion. Smith's ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead was waging a legal challenge, saying he was the father. An emergency hearing in the paternity case has been scheduled for today in Los Angeles.

The legal complications of Smith's estate could take years to unravel, an expert says. Christopher Cline, of the law firm Holland and Knight, is an estate planning specialist. He says he has never seen a case "with more moving parts".

Outstanding questions include not only the paternity of her daughter, but if she died with a will and how her death will affect the lawsuit pending against the Marshall estate. It also isn't clear where she legally lived when she died.

Smith was born Vickie Lynn Hogan on November 28, 1967, in Houston, one of six children. Her parents split up when she was a toddler, and she was raised by her mother, a deputy sheriff.

She dropped out of high school after being expelled for fighting, and worked as a waitress and then a cook.

She married 16-year-old fry cook Bill Smith in 1985, giving birth to Daniel before divorcing two years later.