Be candid with your child
If it’s a nice, feel-good story, don’t be afraid to tell your child how you actually met your lady friend. When you paint a nice romantic picture, you are, in some way, teaching your child that romance is important and something to be treasured. Reciting your story may also cause your child to appreciate your honesty, which is a language that all children speak.
Inquire about your child’s feelings
Ask your child how he/she feels about the fact you’ve met a new “friend.” Chances are they will be happy for you. A well-loved child is an empathetic child. Our children want us be happy and they know better than anyone (hopefully) that being hugged and kissed is something everyone needs -- even dad.
Reassure your child
Remind your child that he/she is, and will always be, the most important person in your life. No one and nothing will ever change that fact.
Propose a potential meeting
Honor your child and show him that you believe that he has the maturity to handle the situation. Make flexible (i.e., no promises) future plans and suggest that “when the time is right, perhaps we can arrange a get-together.” Whatever you do, don’t rush the situation. It’s better to take your time and play it safe. You don’t want to get your child emotionally involved with a good woman only to see the relationship dissolve and watch your child’s heart break when you split up.
Prepare your child for the introduction
If you do plan to introduce your child to someone, reveal what you like about your new friend beforehand. For example, you could show that your new interest has a sense of humor and likes to have fun with a conversation that might go like this: “You know what Alison said to me today? She said something really funny. She said that I walk like a monkey.” Doing so prepares your child and it makes it emotionally easier for the time when they do meet her. They will meet her with a sense of established trust, and children understand the language of laughter.
Maintain family traditions
Don’t start canceling family traditions because you’ve met someone. These traditions are very important to a child, and they are what have the most positive impact in their lives. Not only do children remember these traditions for the rest of their lives, but they are likely to pass on to their children the very same tradition-torch that you or your parents invented. Don’t screw with family traditions, though you can include a new participant.
Ask for permission
If you have teenage children, ask for their permission if you want a “sleepover” at your new friend’s house. Assure them that if you are away from the house, you will have your cell phone with you, and that it will always be turned on should they need to contact you.
The key to a child’s happiness
Clear and consistent communication is so important for our children. To feel safe, loved and appreciated, they need to know that no one is going to come into your life and take you away from them. Give them that respect, and they’ll always be happy that daddy found love again. Isn’t that what you want?
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Parent Enrage Over Kindergarten Sex Lesson
Philippa Duncan
A Parent has complained her five-year-old daughter was taught sex education at a school in Hobart and revealed she was assaulted by two boys in her class just after the visit from Family Planning.
The claims have prompted calls for the course only to be taught with parental consent.
The parent, who did not want to be named, said her kindergarten child had come home and "said the word vagina".
"I was shocked," she said.
"They were taught what a penis and a vagina was, which I don't think they should in kinder.
"I told the principal if I had known anything like that was going to happen, I would have kept my kids at home all week."
The parent said her child told her about the alleged assault when she put her to bed that night.
"That's when she told me that two boys in her class had put their hands down her pants, and she said she bashed them," the mother said.
"She said it happened in the dolly corner.
"There were three adults in the room and 16 kids and no one saw it. She said she did tell the teacher, but the teacher seems to think she did not tell."
Pembroke Labor MLC Allison Ritchie said the allegation would be investigated.
"I have had an undertaking from the Education Minister's office that this incident will be fully investigated," she said.
"The boys putting their hands down her pants."
Ms Ritchie said she had also heard complaints from people delivering the course, who had turned up to a school in the North-West only to find parental consent had not been sought.
She said the children were part of a protective behaviours course.
The complaint parent said her six-year-old and nine-year-old children had all been put through the course.
"I never knew it was happening until they all came home and said," she said.
"I don't think they should do it at that age, maybe Grade 6 or Grade 7, not kinder and prep.
"But the principal said the Government said it was compulsory for kids to learn about their bodies at that age.
"They told me that it was Family Planning, they came in to talk to the kids about their bodies, who could touch them and who could not."
Ms Ritchie said all schools should ensure that parents had the opportunity to give their consent and view the content of such courses.
"Parents should absolutely be able to opt out," she said. "It is not compulsory for every child.
"You might say I am happy for my Grade 7 child to participate, but not my kinder child."
Ms Ritchie said most schools were doing the right thing and gaining consent.
A Parent has complained her five-year-old daughter was taught sex education at a school in Hobart and revealed she was assaulted by two boys in her class just after the visit from Family Planning.
The claims have prompted calls for the course only to be taught with parental consent.
The parent, who did not want to be named, said her kindergarten child had come home and "said the word vagina".
"I was shocked," she said.
"They were taught what a penis and a vagina was, which I don't think they should in kinder.
"I told the principal if I had known anything like that was going to happen, I would have kept my kids at home all week."
The parent said her child told her about the alleged assault when she put her to bed that night.
"That's when she told me that two boys in her class had put their hands down her pants, and she said she bashed them," the mother said.
"She said it happened in the dolly corner.
"There were three adults in the room and 16 kids and no one saw it. She said she did tell the teacher, but the teacher seems to think she did not tell."
Pembroke Labor MLC Allison Ritchie said the allegation would be investigated.
"I have had an undertaking from the Education Minister's office that this incident will be fully investigated," she said.
"The boys putting their hands down her pants."
Ms Ritchie said she had also heard complaints from people delivering the course, who had turned up to a school in the North-West only to find parental consent had not been sought.
She said the children were part of a protective behaviours course.
The complaint parent said her six-year-old and nine-year-old children had all been put through the course.
"I never knew it was happening until they all came home and said," she said.
"I don't think they should do it at that age, maybe Grade 6 or Grade 7, not kinder and prep.
"But the principal said the Government said it was compulsory for kids to learn about their bodies at that age.
"They told me that it was Family Planning, they came in to talk to the kids about their bodies, who could touch them and who could not."
Ms Ritchie said all schools should ensure that parents had the opportunity to give their consent and view the content of such courses.
"Parents should absolutely be able to opt out," she said. "It is not compulsory for every child.
"You might say I am happy for my Grade 7 child to participate, but not my kinder child."
Ms Ritchie said most schools were doing the right thing and gaining consent.
Sexual Molestation Of Children On The Rise In Isreal
Recent government data shows 16% rise in sexual molestation of minors since 2000. Numbers believed to be higher since many cases go unreported. 'If the State keeps ignoring the problem nothing will change,' says Head of National Council for the Child.
The last seven years have seen a 16% rise in the number of child molestation cases, the Ministry of Social Affairs said Sunday.
Some 1,464 children were sexually assaulted by the end of the first half of 2007, and 2,623 sexual abuse cases in children were reported in 2006.
The Ministry of Social Affairs' data revealed that most children fall prey to sexual assault during the school year. Of those molested in 2006, 318 were under the age of five, 717 were between the ages of six and eight, 37.4% of those assaulted were boys and 62.6% girls.
The fickleness of numbers
The numbers, said the ministry's report, are probably higher. In many cases the victims prefer not to file a complaint against their assailants.
The assailants in child molestation cases are not always adults: in the first half of 2007, some 282 children and teenagers were interrogated by the police department's youth division, on suspicion of perpetrating sexual offenses.
Children and teenagers who were victims of sexual assault are usually treated by their municipal social workers. Since the problem began escalating, the Social Affairs Ministry has been able to secure an additional $1.25 million to its budget - all towards building eight new shelters for the long-term treatment of these children.
The Ministry of Social Affairs' report is echoed by that of the National Council for the Child: the council receives hundreds of reports a year, most of them seeking counseling on life after the assault.
"Maybe all those on strike will finally wake up; the fact that the children are devoid of structure is affecting their behavior," Dr. Itzhak Kedman, Head of the National Council for the Child told Ynet Sunday, after hearing the report on the 12-year-old girl who was allegedly drugged and raped by two 13-year-old boys.
Kedman cites three main reasons which can make children behave like sexual predator: "The main reason is the growing exposure to sexual content on the internet. The younger children are, the less likely they are to differentiate between reality and porn films," said Kedman.
The other two reasons are the judicial leniency shown to sex offenders and the lack of proper treatments given to those molested. "It's a well documented fact that children who were abused or molested grow up to be abusive adults. As long as the State continues to ignore the problem nothing will change," he added.
MK Nadia Hilou (Labor-Meimad), head of the Knesset's Committee on Rights of the Child, told Ynet that she intends to call and emergency session on the matter. "
With the educational system on strike too many minors have no one looking out for them. the committee will have to look into the recent reports of alcohol and drug sales to minors, as well as decide on the criminal liability any minors involved in such activity might be subject to," she says.
Make Weaning A Positive Experience For You And your Little One
Anne Smith, IBCLC
Weaning your baby is part of the natural breastfeeding experience. It doesn't have to be a time of unhappiness for you or your baby. If done gradually, and with love, weaning can be a positive experience for both you and your little one.
How to wean
Ideally, your baby will nurse until he outgrows the need. This is called natural, or baby-led weaning. Just as you would not set an arbitrary limit on other areas of your baby's development, such as deciding exactly when he will sit up, roll over, move into a bed instead of a crib, etc. (instead, you watch for signs that he is ready to move on to the next developmental stage), it just makes sense not to set an arbitrary time limit on how long you will nurse your baby.
You actually begin weaning your baby the very first time you offer him any food other than your milk. Weaning should be a process, rather than an event. Depending on how you go about it, weaning can be abrupt or gradual, and may take days, weeks or months.
Abrupt weaning should always be avoided, if at all possible, for the sake of both you and your baby. If you suddenly stop nursing, your breasts will respond by becoming engorged, and you may develop a breast infection or breast abscess. Your hormone levels drop abruptly, and depression can result. Mothers with a history of depression should especially consider this when making decisions about weaning.
Abruptly withdrawing the breast can cause emotional trauma in the baby. Since nursing is not only a source of food for a baby, but a source of security and emotional comfort as well, taking it away abruptly can be very disturbing. Weaning gradually lets you slowly substitute others kinds of attention to help compensate for the loss of the closeness of nursing.
If you are told to wean your baby abruptly for medical reasons, you need to make sure that there are no other options. It is well worth getting a second opinion from someone who is knowledgeable about breastfeeding. Most of the time, you'll find that there are alternatives. For example, if you are prescribed a medication that is incompatible with breastfeeding, ask your doctor to see if another, safer drug can be substituted.
Even if you do have to take a drug that isn't safe while nursing, you have the option of just weaning temporarily and picking up breastfeeding where you left off. This involves expressing your milk during the interim, so that you will ready to resume nursing, and also to avoid engorgement. A hospital-grade electric pump is better for this purpose than a manual or small electric pump.
Benefits of extended breastfeeding
There are many, many benefits to extended breastfeeding, and very few benefits to weaning early. That is not to say that even one feeding at the breast doesn't have value, because it does. Whether you nurse for days, weeks or years, breastfeeding provides both you and your baby with many important benefits -- but breastfeeding for a year or longer offers the most advantages. Extended breastfeeding is definitely not the norm in this country -- in the US, fewer than 20 percent of babies are still nursing when they are six months old. While you may find it hard to imagine a mother in India nursing a three year old, that same mother would probably be baffled at the idea of taking a baby off the breast when he was just a few weeks old.
If you decide to go with natural weaning, be prepared for lots of unsolicited advice. You will be told that you're doing it for you, not the baby (this is ridiculous, because it is a proven fact that you absolutely cannot make a baby nurse if he doesn't want to). You will be told that your child will become a sexual deviant (yep, I bet if you took a survey you'd find that prisons are just chock full of men who were breastfed till they were ready to wean sure ). You will be told that your child will become hopelessly dependent on you, and you'll be following him to Kindergarten to nurse at rest time (interestingly enough, experience and research have shown that babies who are nursed until they are ready to wean are actually less dependent because their security needs have been met as infants). It really boils down to following your instincts as a mother -- nobody knows this little individual better than you, and you will know when he is ready to wean.
There are many benefits of extended breastfeeding. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends nursing for at least the first year of your baby s life.
* Your baby continues to get the immunological advantages of human milk, during a time when he is increasingly exposed to infection. Breastfed toddlers are healthier overall.
* When he is upset, hurt, frightened or sick, you have a built in way to comfort him. Often a sick child will accept breastmilk when he refuses other foods.
* Many of the medical benefits of breastfeeding (lower cancer risk in mother and baby, for example) are dose related -- in other words, the longer you breastfeed, the greater the protective effects.
* Human milk offers protection for the child who is allergic.
* Mothering a toddler is challenging enough -- nursing makes the job of caring for and comforting him easier. There is no better way to ease a temper tantrum, or put a cranky child to sleep than by nursing.
* Nursing provides closeness, security and stability during a period of rapid growth and development.
* Letting your baby set the pace for weaning spares you the unpleasant task of weaning him before he is ready.
It should be obvious that I have a bias toward baby led weaning. It just makes sense to me on so many levels. If someone tells you that babies shouldn't be nursed past six months, or one year, try asking them "Why?" They will be hard put to come up with a reason that makes sense, much less one that they can back up with any empirical evidence.
This is not to say that I think long- term nursing is right for everyone. When to wean is a very individual decision, and sometimes early weaning is the right decision. If a baby is not happy and thriving, and a mother is so stressed that she can't enjoy her baby, then it may be time to wean. Most babies do quite well on formula, and breastfeeding at all costs is not the most important consideration. You also need to be aware than nursing for days or weeks (or even one feeding at the breast) still offers important benefits to your baby. Nursing should never be an endurance contest.
Guidelines for early weaning
If you do decide that early weaning is right for you and your baby, here are some guidelines to follow:
* Try to do it as gradually as possible. Eliminate one feeding each day for several days to allow your milk supply to decrease slowly. After a couple of weeks, he should be down to nursing just a couple of times a day. Usually the last feedings to go are the first one in the morning, and the last one at night. If you're not in a huge rush, you may want to continue these couple of feeding for another week or two.
* Talk to your baby's doctor to find out what formula he recommends. Since babies are not ready for cow's milk until they are a year old, it is important to find the appropriate formula.
* Since young babies have a strong need to suck, offer a substitute (bottle or pacifier). Some babies will find their thumbs during this period, and there's not much you can do about that one way or the other. There are advantages to having a thumb-sucker -- those babies tend to be self-soothers, and often are better sleepers and travelers than babies who depend on pacifiers.
* Offer lots of physical closeness during this time. There is a tendency to avoid cuddling, because the baby associates the nursing position with breastfeeding, but it is important to snuggle your baby and get lots of skin-to-skin contact, even if you avoid the cradle hold.
If the decision is left up to them, most babies will wean themselves gradually, beginning by cutting back on nursing around the time they start solids. Physically, most toddlers are "ready" to wean. Nursing a child who is no longer an infant is done more out of concern for his psychological and emotional needs than for his nutritional ones. However, there are some older babies who make the transition from infancy to toddler-hood without the slightness indication of readiness to wean.
Weaning the older child
Weaning an older child who isn't ready can be a real challenge. You should not feel guilty if you decide to wean your toddler, because only you know when the time is right for you and your family. For example, you may be pregnant again, and while that in and of itself is not a reason to wean, your nipples may be so sore that you are gritting your teeth and not enjoying nursing your toddler AT ALL. He may begin to pick up on your feelings of resentment, and it may be time to wean.
Weaning an older baby doesn't have to be traumatic, although it may not be easy. Here are some tips:
* If possible, allow several weeks of concentrated time and attention to the process of weaning. Any baby who has nursed for a year or more is obviously really into it, and isn't likely to give it up easily.
* Don't offer, but don't refuse. Nurse him only when he is really adamant about it, but don't offer to nurse at other times.
* Make sure that you offer regular meals, snacks and drinks to minimize hunger and thirst. Remember also that babies nurse for reasons besides hunger, including comfort, boredom and to fall asleep.
* Try to change your daily routine to minimize situations where he wants to nurse. Does he want to nurse when he is bored? Try distracting him with a snack or a walk outside. Do you usually lie down with him at naptime? Try reading him a book or rocking him instead.
* If Dad is around, encourage him to take an active role in weaning. Have Dad try to put him back to sleep if he wakes during the night. If he nurses first thing in the morning, try letting Dad get him up instead of you and feed him breakfast.
* Watch his preferences and respect them. If he is having a really hard time giving up the first thing in the morning nursing, you may want to continue that one for a while rather than force the issue.
* With older toddlers (two years plus) you can begin by setting limits on nursing. For example, you can say "We'll nurse when we get home, but not at the mall." Substitute nursing on demand for nursing at your convenience.
* Shorten the duration of any given feeding. Say "That's enough, now." and gently remove the breast from his mouth.
In summary: weaning is a process that begins as soon as you introduce other foods into your baby's diet. (This comes in handy when someone asks you if you have started weaning him yet -- you can truthfully answer "yes"). Babies wean at different ages, just as they get teeth at different ages. When you wean your baby is a decision for you to make, ideally based on signs of developmental readiness. Breastfeeding provides benefits for both you and your baby no matter how long you nurse. Gradual weaning is always better than abrupt weaning, although there are times when this just isn't possible.
If you and your child both enjoy nursing, and your only reason for weaning is that you are under pressure from other people who think you should, then you need to look further for outside support of your decision to continue nursing. If you no longer enjoy nursing, or if there are legitimate pressing reasons for you to wean, you should do it and feel good about the time you did nurse, without feeling guilty about what might have been.
On a personal note: I have nursed six children. The first three weaned themselves before they were a year old. I was a La Leche League leader at the time, and all my friends were nursing their toddlers. I couldn t believe my babies were doing that to me -- I was willing to nurse them till they went to college, but there was absolutely no way to convince them to keep nursing. Even withholding food didn't work. My experience with my next three babies reminded me of the old adage "Be careful what you wish for," because they all wanted to nurse between 2 1/2 and 4 1/2 years. I practically had to pry them off with a crowbar.
It was interesting to me that the early weaners were all thumb-suckers and blanket holders, while the late weaners were never self-soothers, but used the breast for comfort as well as nutrition. All were breastfed on demand from day one, so I can only assume that individual differences accounted for the different weaning experiences.
I am happy to report that all six have turned out normal and well adjusted, so their radically different weaning schedules apparently didn t have a long term effect on their development. I'm so glad -- with six children, I have plenty of other things to feel guilty about.
How to wean
Ideally, your baby will nurse until he outgrows the need. This is called natural, or baby-led weaning. Just as you would not set an arbitrary limit on other areas of your baby's development, such as deciding exactly when he will sit up, roll over, move into a bed instead of a crib, etc. (instead, you watch for signs that he is ready to move on to the next developmental stage), it just makes sense not to set an arbitrary time limit on how long you will nurse your baby.
You actually begin weaning your baby the very first time you offer him any food other than your milk. Weaning should be a process, rather than an event. Depending on how you go about it, weaning can be abrupt or gradual, and may take days, weeks or months.
Abrupt weaning should always be avoided, if at all possible, for the sake of both you and your baby. If you suddenly stop nursing, your breasts will respond by becoming engorged, and you may develop a breast infection or breast abscess. Your hormone levels drop abruptly, and depression can result. Mothers with a history of depression should especially consider this when making decisions about weaning.
Abruptly withdrawing the breast can cause emotional trauma in the baby. Since nursing is not only a source of food for a baby, but a source of security and emotional comfort as well, taking it away abruptly can be very disturbing. Weaning gradually lets you slowly substitute others kinds of attention to help compensate for the loss of the closeness of nursing.
If you are told to wean your baby abruptly for medical reasons, you need to make sure that there are no other options. It is well worth getting a second opinion from someone who is knowledgeable about breastfeeding. Most of the time, you'll find that there are alternatives. For example, if you are prescribed a medication that is incompatible with breastfeeding, ask your doctor to see if another, safer drug can be substituted.
Even if you do have to take a drug that isn't safe while nursing, you have the option of just weaning temporarily and picking up breastfeeding where you left off. This involves expressing your milk during the interim, so that you will ready to resume nursing, and also to avoid engorgement. A hospital-grade electric pump is better for this purpose than a manual or small electric pump.
Benefits of extended breastfeeding
There are many, many benefits to extended breastfeeding, and very few benefits to weaning early. That is not to say that even one feeding at the breast doesn't have value, because it does. Whether you nurse for days, weeks or years, breastfeeding provides both you and your baby with many important benefits -- but breastfeeding for a year or longer offers the most advantages. Extended breastfeeding is definitely not the norm in this country -- in the US, fewer than 20 percent of babies are still nursing when they are six months old. While you may find it hard to imagine a mother in India nursing a three year old, that same mother would probably be baffled at the idea of taking a baby off the breast when he was just a few weeks old.
If you decide to go with natural weaning, be prepared for lots of unsolicited advice. You will be told that you're doing it for you, not the baby (this is ridiculous, because it is a proven fact that you absolutely cannot make a baby nurse if he doesn't want to). You will be told that your child will become a sexual deviant (yep, I bet if you took a survey you'd find that prisons are just chock full of men who were breastfed till they were ready to wean sure ). You will be told that your child will become hopelessly dependent on you, and you'll be following him to Kindergarten to nurse at rest time (interestingly enough, experience and research have shown that babies who are nursed until they are ready to wean are actually less dependent because their security needs have been met as infants). It really boils down to following your instincts as a mother -- nobody knows this little individual better than you, and you will know when he is ready to wean.
There are many benefits of extended breastfeeding. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends nursing for at least the first year of your baby s life.
* Your baby continues to get the immunological advantages of human milk, during a time when he is increasingly exposed to infection. Breastfed toddlers are healthier overall.
* When he is upset, hurt, frightened or sick, you have a built in way to comfort him. Often a sick child will accept breastmilk when he refuses other foods.
* Many of the medical benefits of breastfeeding (lower cancer risk in mother and baby, for example) are dose related -- in other words, the longer you breastfeed, the greater the protective effects.
* Human milk offers protection for the child who is allergic.
* Mothering a toddler is challenging enough -- nursing makes the job of caring for and comforting him easier. There is no better way to ease a temper tantrum, or put a cranky child to sleep than by nursing.
* Nursing provides closeness, security and stability during a period of rapid growth and development.
* Letting your baby set the pace for weaning spares you the unpleasant task of weaning him before he is ready.
It should be obvious that I have a bias toward baby led weaning. It just makes sense to me on so many levels. If someone tells you that babies shouldn't be nursed past six months, or one year, try asking them "Why?" They will be hard put to come up with a reason that makes sense, much less one that they can back up with any empirical evidence.
This is not to say that I think long- term nursing is right for everyone. When to wean is a very individual decision, and sometimes early weaning is the right decision. If a baby is not happy and thriving, and a mother is so stressed that she can't enjoy her baby, then it may be time to wean. Most babies do quite well on formula, and breastfeeding at all costs is not the most important consideration. You also need to be aware than nursing for days or weeks (or even one feeding at the breast) still offers important benefits to your baby. Nursing should never be an endurance contest.
Guidelines for early weaning
If you do decide that early weaning is right for you and your baby, here are some guidelines to follow:
* Try to do it as gradually as possible. Eliminate one feeding each day for several days to allow your milk supply to decrease slowly. After a couple of weeks, he should be down to nursing just a couple of times a day. Usually the last feedings to go are the first one in the morning, and the last one at night. If you're not in a huge rush, you may want to continue these couple of feeding for another week or two.
* Talk to your baby's doctor to find out what formula he recommends. Since babies are not ready for cow's milk until they are a year old, it is important to find the appropriate formula.
* Since young babies have a strong need to suck, offer a substitute (bottle or pacifier). Some babies will find their thumbs during this period, and there's not much you can do about that one way or the other. There are advantages to having a thumb-sucker -- those babies tend to be self-soothers, and often are better sleepers and travelers than babies who depend on pacifiers.
* Offer lots of physical closeness during this time. There is a tendency to avoid cuddling, because the baby associates the nursing position with breastfeeding, but it is important to snuggle your baby and get lots of skin-to-skin contact, even if you avoid the cradle hold.
If the decision is left up to them, most babies will wean themselves gradually, beginning by cutting back on nursing around the time they start solids. Physically, most toddlers are "ready" to wean. Nursing a child who is no longer an infant is done more out of concern for his psychological and emotional needs than for his nutritional ones. However, there are some older babies who make the transition from infancy to toddler-hood without the slightness indication of readiness to wean.
Weaning the older child
Weaning an older child who isn't ready can be a real challenge. You should not feel guilty if you decide to wean your toddler, because only you know when the time is right for you and your family. For example, you may be pregnant again, and while that in and of itself is not a reason to wean, your nipples may be so sore that you are gritting your teeth and not enjoying nursing your toddler AT ALL. He may begin to pick up on your feelings of resentment, and it may be time to wean.
Weaning an older baby doesn't have to be traumatic, although it may not be easy. Here are some tips:
* If possible, allow several weeks of concentrated time and attention to the process of weaning. Any baby who has nursed for a year or more is obviously really into it, and isn't likely to give it up easily.
* Don't offer, but don't refuse. Nurse him only when he is really adamant about it, but don't offer to nurse at other times.
* Make sure that you offer regular meals, snacks and drinks to minimize hunger and thirst. Remember also that babies nurse for reasons besides hunger, including comfort, boredom and to fall asleep.
* Try to change your daily routine to minimize situations where he wants to nurse. Does he want to nurse when he is bored? Try distracting him with a snack or a walk outside. Do you usually lie down with him at naptime? Try reading him a book or rocking him instead.
* If Dad is around, encourage him to take an active role in weaning. Have Dad try to put him back to sleep if he wakes during the night. If he nurses first thing in the morning, try letting Dad get him up instead of you and feed him breakfast.
* Watch his preferences and respect them. If he is having a really hard time giving up the first thing in the morning nursing, you may want to continue that one for a while rather than force the issue.
* With older toddlers (two years plus) you can begin by setting limits on nursing. For example, you can say "We'll nurse when we get home, but not at the mall." Substitute nursing on demand for nursing at your convenience.
* Shorten the duration of any given feeding. Say "That's enough, now." and gently remove the breast from his mouth.
In summary: weaning is a process that begins as soon as you introduce other foods into your baby's diet. (This comes in handy when someone asks you if you have started weaning him yet -- you can truthfully answer "yes"). Babies wean at different ages, just as they get teeth at different ages. When you wean your baby is a decision for you to make, ideally based on signs of developmental readiness. Breastfeeding provides benefits for both you and your baby no matter how long you nurse. Gradual weaning is always better than abrupt weaning, although there are times when this just isn't possible.
If you and your child both enjoy nursing, and your only reason for weaning is that you are under pressure from other people who think you should, then you need to look further for outside support of your decision to continue nursing. If you no longer enjoy nursing, or if there are legitimate pressing reasons for you to wean, you should do it and feel good about the time you did nurse, without feeling guilty about what might have been.
On a personal note: I have nursed six children. The first three weaned themselves before they were a year old. I was a La Leche League leader at the time, and all my friends were nursing their toddlers. I couldn t believe my babies were doing that to me -- I was willing to nurse them till they went to college, but there was absolutely no way to convince them to keep nursing. Even withholding food didn't work. My experience with my next three babies reminded me of the old adage "Be careful what you wish for," because they all wanted to nurse between 2 1/2 and 4 1/2 years. I practically had to pry them off with a crowbar.
It was interesting to me that the early weaners were all thumb-suckers and blanket holders, while the late weaners were never self-soothers, but used the breast for comfort as well as nutrition. All were breastfed on demand from day one, so I can only assume that individual differences accounted for the different weaning experiences.
I am happy to report that all six have turned out normal and well adjusted, so their radically different weaning schedules apparently didn t have a long term effect on their development. I'm so glad -- with six children, I have plenty of other things to feel guilty about.
Who Should Baby-Sit For You?
DONNA HUSSEY-WHYTE
All woman writer
She is the woman who will take care of your little bundle when you're unable to, the second mommy your baby will have throughout his/her formative years. With that in mind, you have to ensure not only that she loves children, but that she can handle emergencies and do simple things like help stimulate your child.
That's why choosing a sitter/nanny for your little one can be a mind-boggling experience and one that should be handled with great care. You have to bear in mind that children are not able to express themselves clearly to let you know how they are being treated while you are out. The onus is therefore on you to get a trustworthy person in your home to care for your child.
Childcare experts on healthsafety_baby-sitters.html say, "A good rule of thumb is the younger the children being watched, the older the babysitter should be." And babycentre.co.uk advises that you don't compromise when carrying out this important search. "Your child deserves the best caregiver you can find - so be prepared for a long search," the childcare site says. "You'll need to be patient and resourceful, consulting everyone from friends and family to the nanny agencies about possible candidates."
Locally, agencies like the Jamaica Household Workers Association and the Citizens Advice Bureau can help.
The JHWA provides trained workers for your home, who come properly screened and with references.
Executive director of the Citizens Advice Bureau, Pauline Harper, says people come in to the Bureau from time to time as trained practical nurses but who are willing to be placed as nannies while those without training come armed with years of experience as well as recommendations.
She explained though, that the end result is left up to the parents to interview the individuals and find out whether or not they are able to take care of the child.
"I presently see the need for sitters to be trained in the field of childcare before they take on the task of baby-sitting," Harper said. "But you also have students leaving the secondary schools who are trained in childcare and qualified as sitters."
When choosing a sitter, here are some tips you can follow:
*The recommendations of people you know and trust are your best bet for finding a reliable and capable babysitter.
* If you're new to the area and don't know how to go about finding a sitter, ask your neighbours or co-workers for recommendations, inquire at your church, or talk to your child's doctor or nurse practitioner for suggestions.
There are in fact agencies such as the Citizens Advice Bureau, Ministry of Labour, JHWA and even some employment agencies that will help you find qualified sitters.
* Interviewing prospective sitters and checking their references will help you narrow down your sitter choices.
* Sitters should provide references that indicate a proven track record for showing good common sense, maturity and following instructions.
* Sitters should have first aid training and know how to manoeuver a choking child and have knowledge of CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation, a combination of rescue breathing, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and chest compression).
* Make sure the sitter knows where your first aid kit is located.
* In addition, you may want to invite the sitter over for a dry run while you're at home, so you can familiarise him or her with your household and observe how he or she interacts with your child.
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