Some couples aren't having sex, but they enjoy touching and oral sex. Here are some tips on how to make oral sex more pleasurable for a man, or how to get him to give it to his woman more often?
First and foremost forget about the ''no BJ until he delivers'' theory. Sex shouldn't be about keeping a score. It should be about giving and receiving pleasure and getting as much satisfaction on either end of that scale.)
Tips for you doing it to him:
1. Act like you want to be there. A woman who's performing simply because she has to is the number-one passion killer.
2. Don't bite (unless he asks for it). Keep your teeth covered at all times with your lips.
3. Don't be too rough. Yanking back the foreskin, sucking too hard, pumping up and down like you're trying to draw water from a dry well ... it ain't nice!
4. Educate yourself. My book has pages of instruction on how to do it well. You've made a great start here by asking and getting advice from everyone. The more you find out and read up about, the better.
5. Don't act as if semen is poison. You don't have to swallow, but you don't need to run out of the room either. Don't leave him in the lurch -- switch to using your hand or let him leave a little mess elsewhere on your body.
Tips to get him to do it to you more often:
1. Let him know how much you love it. Give him loads and loads of feedback. Tell him how fantastic he is.
2. Make sure you smell and taste great. Shower beforehand, and watch the garlic consumption. (Yup, it doesn't just show up on your breath.)
3. Ask him to make love to you. Say, ''Honey, I want to feel your tongue on me''. Push his head down. Make it very clear you'd like it more often.
4. Ask him why he doesn't do it as often as you'd like. There might be a good reason, like his tongue gets tired or his neck gets cramped -- all easily fixed by different techniques or different positions.
5. Only when you have tried all of the above and talked about it are you allowed to point out, gently but firmly, that it seems awfully unfair for you to try so hard to give him pleasure if he's not going to return the favor. Again, I don't support making threats, but it is certainly acceptable to point out the unfairness of it all.
Woman-Friendly Products That Enhance Your Sex Life
Want to take your love life from zero to sexy? Then let's talk toys! I'll explain why a sex shop is an even better place to splurge than your most-loved shoe store. Plus, I've compiled a list of woman-friendly favorite products you'll love.
Shopping for sex toys is one of the few areas of sexual experimentation where women are far more adventurous than men. Yes, it's shopping (which explains a lot), and we're suckers for anything shiny, pink and playful, which many sex toys are. But most importantly, for a number of us, the humble vibrator is also our most reliable means of orgasm.
Men, on the other hand, are slightly more apprehensive: They tend to see vibrators as "replacements," rather than supplements, to a sex life. It's true that our buzz buddies do occasionally help us achieve orgasms more efficiently than our partner. However, there are still good reasons why he should be smiling supportively when you walk through the front door with an oddly shaped parcel in a discreet, dark bag (looking like the cat that swallowed the canary). After all, sex toys are, just as the name suggests, toys, things to play with for a bit of fun ‑- and have fun you will. [Editor's note: If your man isn't convinced, Tracey wrote a column just for him.]
Choosing a Sex ShopPick a place to suit your mood: A sleazy shop if you're feeling down and dirty or a "posh" shop if you want to go a swankier route. If you're paranoid that his mother or your nosy big sister will be walking down the street as you head in or out of the store, choose one in an area they're unlikely to visit. If you get caught by friends and they look at all shocked, just laugh and launch into a funny story of what happened in there; it will make them look prudish while you and your partner appear liberated and terribly cool.
Picking Out Your Products
Research suggests that around 10 percent of adults use sex toys regularly, but I'd put that figure much higher. In fact, about 60 percent of my girlfriends own at least one vibrator (not to mention all the other stuff they're not admitting to). You can go online to decide on your toys of choice, of course, if you're shy (and yes, they will arrive in unmarked packaging, not a box that screams "10-inch throbbing dildo!"). But I'd highly recommend that you and your guy visit a reputable sex shop together ‑- even if you just go once ‑- simply because you can hold and touch the products. It's also a naughty, sexy bonding experience that might turn you both on more than you can imagine! But since both ways of shopping can be very intimidating and overwhelming, I've compiled a list of favorite things to get you started:
Vibrators: Every woman's best friends, vibrators come in all shapes and sizes, from tiny buzzing "lipsticks" to enormous, penis-shaped devices. Narrow the selection by deciding what you want from yours: If it's for masturbation and you prefer penetration with clitoral stimulation, go for one of the "Rabbits," as featured in Sex and the City, a penis-shaped vibrator with a clitoral attachment. "Wand" vibrators, small cylindrical vibrators that you hold against the clitoris, are also great and ideal for use during intercourse. For more powerful vibration on the clitoris, opt for one that looks like a back massager, large with a big rounded head, such as the Hitachi Magic Wand.
The small, hard plastic ones offer better vibration, while the jellylike rubber or silicone varieties have weaker vibration but feel nicer. Make sure you get one with variable speed. Test how quiet it is, and be sure it's waterproof if you want to use it in the bath or shower. You'll also find "gadget"-type vibrators, ones with and without remote controls that are disguised as everyday objects. Such models are fun ‑- but only in addition to, not in place of staple purchases.
Dildos: These are basically imitation penises that come in a range of sizes. The difference between a dildo and a vibrator is that dildos don't vibrate. Usually made of rubber, they're sometimes "S" shaped for G-spot stimulation. If you like the feeling of fullness, they're good to insert during oral sex. You'll also see strap-on versions called harnesses. By attaching them to your body, you can transform female into male instantly: the ultimate gender-bender. These are handy for lesbians who like penetration, for men who are into anal penetration and for fantasy role-play. Some harnesses have a second dildo which fits inside the vagina or anus.
Nipple Clamps: S & M devotees adore these because they create the sensation of pinching and pain. The rest of us look at them, think Ouch! and move back to the warm, fuzzy vibrator section.
Pelvic Floor Toners: The more toned your vaginal muscles are, the better sex will be for both of you since you'll be able to grip his penis tighter. You can rhythmically squeeze the muscles, doing repetitive sets called Kegel exercises without inserting one of these gadgets. But having something to grip increases the odds that you're doing the exercises correctly. Most pelvic floor toners resemble tiny barbells. They're highly recommended after childbirth but handy for anyone, really.
Penis Rings: He slips one of these rubber, leather or metal rings onto a flaccid or semierect penis. Because the ring is tight, it traps blood in the penis, helping maintain a stronger erection for longer. If he's a little on the, ahem, small side, he'll probably like it because they make the penis look and feel bigger. The only problem is, men with smaller penises tend to be premature ejaculators (not very fair, but it's because the penis head has roughly the same amount of nerves, and they're more concentrated over a smaller surface). So consider yourself warned: Since penis rings tend to increase sensitivity, he could orgasm sooner than usual. (Gain some, lose some.) If you want to try one, opt for rubber first (leather is more expensive and metal a bit scary), but make sure it will fit snugly around the penis. Also, don't leave it on for more than 20 minutes, and whatever you do, remove it before you snuggle up for the night.
Vibrating Penis Rings: These are generally made of rubber and have little vibrators attached for clitoral stimulation. In order for them to work effectively he should use a grinding, circular thrusting motion during intercourse, rather than the traditional in-out motion, to keep the little vibrator in as much contact with the clitoris as possible. Despite the extra effort required, they're well worth a try ‑- and inexpensive as well.
Blindfolds: You know what these are and exactly what to do with them! You can make a blindfold out of anything, but fancy ones are good for role-play and dress-up.
Whips and Riding Crops: All used for spanking and not nearly as threatening as you'd imagine, many of these make menacing sounds but land with a whisper-soft touch ‑- perfect for role-play. Riding crops, for example, come in pretty colors, but with a serious expression on your face, you'll be the one in charge.
S & M Gear: Those dangerous-looking studded collars, leather outfits and masks are sometimes enough to send people back out the sex shop door. But if you're intrigued rather than intimidated, start off with some handcuffs or a studded collar. If that really does it for you, then work your way up to the complete leather get-up and serious bondage gear. It can cost a fortune.
Dress-Up Clothes: Nurses' outfits, baby-doll lingerie, one-piece catsuits... They're straight out of the '80s and tons of fun. Be warned, though: You'll pay through the nose for them in a sex shop, and they're not very well made. But if you've got the cash and you like the look of them, why not?
Porn and Erotica: Porn has come a long way since Debbie Does Dallas. While traditional male porn still dominates most video sections, there are many films made by women for women (read: smart, fun and clever).
Shopping for sex toys is one of the few areas of sexual experimentation where women are far more adventurous than men. Yes, it's shopping (which explains a lot), and we're suckers for anything shiny, pink and playful, which many sex toys are. But most importantly, for a number of us, the humble vibrator is also our most reliable means of orgasm.
Men, on the other hand, are slightly more apprehensive: They tend to see vibrators as "replacements," rather than supplements, to a sex life. It's true that our buzz buddies do occasionally help us achieve orgasms more efficiently than our partner. However, there are still good reasons why he should be smiling supportively when you walk through the front door with an oddly shaped parcel in a discreet, dark bag (looking like the cat that swallowed the canary). After all, sex toys are, just as the name suggests, toys, things to play with for a bit of fun ‑- and have fun you will. [Editor's note: If your man isn't convinced, Tracey wrote a column just for him.]
Choosing a Sex ShopPick a place to suit your mood: A sleazy shop if you're feeling down and dirty or a "posh" shop if you want to go a swankier route. If you're paranoid that his mother or your nosy big sister will be walking down the street as you head in or out of the store, choose one in an area they're unlikely to visit. If you get caught by friends and they look at all shocked, just laugh and launch into a funny story of what happened in there; it will make them look prudish while you and your partner appear liberated and terribly cool.
Picking Out Your Products
Research suggests that around 10 percent of adults use sex toys regularly, but I'd put that figure much higher. In fact, about 60 percent of my girlfriends own at least one vibrator (not to mention all the other stuff they're not admitting to). You can go online to decide on your toys of choice, of course, if you're shy (and yes, they will arrive in unmarked packaging, not a box that screams "10-inch throbbing dildo!"). But I'd highly recommend that you and your guy visit a reputable sex shop together ‑- even if you just go once ‑- simply because you can hold and touch the products. It's also a naughty, sexy bonding experience that might turn you both on more than you can imagine! But since both ways of shopping can be very intimidating and overwhelming, I've compiled a list of favorite things to get you started:
Vibrators: Every woman's best friends, vibrators come in all shapes and sizes, from tiny buzzing "lipsticks" to enormous, penis-shaped devices. Narrow the selection by deciding what you want from yours: If it's for masturbation and you prefer penetration with clitoral stimulation, go for one of the "Rabbits," as featured in Sex and the City, a penis-shaped vibrator with a clitoral attachment. "Wand" vibrators, small cylindrical vibrators that you hold against the clitoris, are also great and ideal for use during intercourse. For more powerful vibration on the clitoris, opt for one that looks like a back massager, large with a big rounded head, such as the Hitachi Magic Wand.
The small, hard plastic ones offer better vibration, while the jellylike rubber or silicone varieties have weaker vibration but feel nicer. Make sure you get one with variable speed. Test how quiet it is, and be sure it's waterproof if you want to use it in the bath or shower. You'll also find "gadget"-type vibrators, ones with and without remote controls that are disguised as everyday objects. Such models are fun ‑- but only in addition to, not in place of staple purchases.
Dildos: These are basically imitation penises that come in a range of sizes. The difference between a dildo and a vibrator is that dildos don't vibrate. Usually made of rubber, they're sometimes "S" shaped for G-spot stimulation. If you like the feeling of fullness, they're good to insert during oral sex. You'll also see strap-on versions called harnesses. By attaching them to your body, you can transform female into male instantly: the ultimate gender-bender. These are handy for lesbians who like penetration, for men who are into anal penetration and for fantasy role-play. Some harnesses have a second dildo which fits inside the vagina or anus.
Nipple Clamps: S & M devotees adore these because they create the sensation of pinching and pain. The rest of us look at them, think Ouch! and move back to the warm, fuzzy vibrator section.
Pelvic Floor Toners: The more toned your vaginal muscles are, the better sex will be for both of you since you'll be able to grip his penis tighter. You can rhythmically squeeze the muscles, doing repetitive sets called Kegel exercises without inserting one of these gadgets. But having something to grip increases the odds that you're doing the exercises correctly. Most pelvic floor toners resemble tiny barbells. They're highly recommended after childbirth but handy for anyone, really.
Penis Rings: He slips one of these rubber, leather or metal rings onto a flaccid or semierect penis. Because the ring is tight, it traps blood in the penis, helping maintain a stronger erection for longer. If he's a little on the, ahem, small side, he'll probably like it because they make the penis look and feel bigger. The only problem is, men with smaller penises tend to be premature ejaculators (not very fair, but it's because the penis head has roughly the same amount of nerves, and they're more concentrated over a smaller surface). So consider yourself warned: Since penis rings tend to increase sensitivity, he could orgasm sooner than usual. (Gain some, lose some.) If you want to try one, opt for rubber first (leather is more expensive and metal a bit scary), but make sure it will fit snugly around the penis. Also, don't leave it on for more than 20 minutes, and whatever you do, remove it before you snuggle up for the night.
Vibrating Penis Rings: These are generally made of rubber and have little vibrators attached for clitoral stimulation. In order for them to work effectively he should use a grinding, circular thrusting motion during intercourse, rather than the traditional in-out motion, to keep the little vibrator in as much contact with the clitoris as possible. Despite the extra effort required, they're well worth a try ‑- and inexpensive as well.
Blindfolds: You know what these are and exactly what to do with them! You can make a blindfold out of anything, but fancy ones are good for role-play and dress-up.
Whips and Riding Crops: All used for spanking and not nearly as threatening as you'd imagine, many of these make menacing sounds but land with a whisper-soft touch ‑- perfect for role-play. Riding crops, for example, come in pretty colors, but with a serious expression on your face, you'll be the one in charge.
S & M Gear: Those dangerous-looking studded collars, leather outfits and masks are sometimes enough to send people back out the sex shop door. But if you're intrigued rather than intimidated, start off with some handcuffs or a studded collar. If that really does it for you, then work your way up to the complete leather get-up and serious bondage gear. It can cost a fortune.
Dress-Up Clothes: Nurses' outfits, baby-doll lingerie, one-piece catsuits... They're straight out of the '80s and tons of fun. Be warned, though: You'll pay through the nose for them in a sex shop, and they're not very well made. But if you've got the cash and you like the look of them, why not?
Porn and Erotica: Porn has come a long way since Debbie Does Dallas. While traditional male porn still dominates most video sections, there are many films made by women for women (read: smart, fun and clever).
Largest Human Trafficking Ring Ever Busted By Greek police
Greek police said on Monday that it had succeeded in dismantling one of the largest and best organized rings in the people-trafficking and sex trade after a two-month investigation that culminated in a huge police operation on Sunday.
According to Greek News Agency ANA-MPA report, police carried out simultaneous raids on 34 different locations in Athens and arrested 11 suspected members of the ring, eight men and three women of different nationalities that included Greeks, Moldavians, Kazakhs and Ukrainians.
Police also arrested 62 men and women from Greece, Albania, Poland, Armenia, Romania, the Czech Republic, Nigeria and Venezuela that are accused of facilitating vice in others and prostitution.
Through collaboration with Interpol, Europol and police links between Greece and other countries, a further two people were arrested in the Ukraine and another seven members of the gang are wanted, including five Greeks, one Russian and one Moldavian.
Greek Police launched their investigation two months earlier. A total of 152 people were detained for questioning during Sunday's raids, while those placed under arrest are to appear before a public prosecutor on Monday.
According to Greek News Agency ANA-MPA report, police carried out simultaneous raids on 34 different locations in Athens and arrested 11 suspected members of the ring, eight men and three women of different nationalities that included Greeks, Moldavians, Kazakhs and Ukrainians.
Police also arrested 62 men and women from Greece, Albania, Poland, Armenia, Romania, the Czech Republic, Nigeria and Venezuela that are accused of facilitating vice in others and prostitution.
Through collaboration with Interpol, Europol and police links between Greece and other countries, a further two people were arrested in the Ukraine and another seven members of the gang are wanted, including five Greeks, one Russian and one Moldavian.
Greek Police launched their investigation two months earlier. A total of 152 people were detained for questioning during Sunday's raids, while those placed under arrest are to appear before a public prosecutor on Monday.
Glorified Prostitution In the Guise Of Overstayers' Marriage
With tens of thousands of overstayers in the Kingdom, marriages between Saudis, expatriates and overstayers is inevitable. However, such marriages come with problems and many are seemingly a front for prostitution as this reporter investigates.
"A friend of mine met and fell in love with a Southeast Asian overstayer. They ended up marrying, although, of course, it wasn't an official marriage recognized by the Saudi authorities. It was just a nikah," said Muhammad Al-Sayed, an Egyptian expatriate, speaking about a friend.
"Problems began after a year, when they had their first child. They couldn't register him, since the mother was living illegally in the Kingdom," he said, adding, that being unregistered, the father could not even take the baby to a government hospital.
"Since his income is pretty low he couldn't bear medical expenses at a private hospital. This caused a lot of tension between both husband and wife, and finally they divorced. The wife walked out and the baby stayed with the dad," he said, adding that the dad tried looking after the baby and finally, exasperated at not being able to cope, abandoned him in front of a mosque after dawn prayers. One Saudi citizen, who asked not to be named, fell into a relationship with an African overstayer, who became pregnant. The couple then married. After the baby was born, the Saudi man divorced the woman and left the child with her. The woman then married another man with whom she had three children.
Since the family was unregistered, they experienced a lot of problems. The parents finally placed the children in an orphanage run by the Ministry of Social Affairs.
In order to know more about these types of marriages, this reporter decided to enter the world of marrying an overstayer. Dressed sharply in a thobe, finding a matchmaker in Makkah was not a strenuous task.
In Al-Mansour Street - a common thoroughfare used by car owners to pick up passengers - I stopped to pick up a Southeast Asian expatriate looking for a ride.
I plucked up some courage and asked, "I'm looking for a non-Saudi wife. Do you think you could help?" He hesitated and apologized saying he was not a matchmaker. "It's a good thing. God will reward you," I said. After some gentle persuasion the man agreed and asked me to meet him the next day at a certain location in Makkah.
The following day, I arrived at the previously agreed place. A woman came and asked, "Are you Khalid?" I had told the man my name was Khalid and so I said yes. The woman then climbed into the back of my car and told me that the Southeast Asian man had asked her to come and see me.
"Why do you want to marry a foreigner so urgently?" she asked. In reply, I told her that dowries to marry Saudi women are very high. "The dowry will be SAR 21,000 (approximately USD $5,600) and you will also have to cover expenses for the marriage registrar (ma'zun), which is an additional SAR 5,000," she said.
I declined her offer for marriage saying it was too much. "I could marry a Saudi woman for that much," I told her.
On her way out the woman said, "There is another type of marriage, which is much cheaper. But you will only be able to meet your wife for an hour each day. You'll have to fix the time with her. You're not allowed to ask her where she lives or where she goes."
Intrigued, I continued listening. "This type of marriage will cost you only SAR 5,000 (approximately USD $1,333.35) and SAR 1,000 (approximately USD $266.67), each month for her expenses," she added. I agreed to the offer and agreed to meet her the next day. The next day the woman arrived, accompanied by the bride - called Reem - and a man, who claimed to be a ma'zun. The woman asked me to come to her home but I suggested doing the marriage in a public place. They agreed and the marriage contract was written.
Surprisingly, the ma'zun did not even ask for my ID. He simply registered my name (Khalid) and wrote out a marriage contract. He asked us if we agreed to the marriage and congratulated us.
The man then asked if I have any conditions. "Faithfulness is the most important thing to me," I replied innocently. They smiled at each other, and at my naivete.
He then asked the woman if she had any conditions. "I live with my family and I cannot spend the night outside. So we can meet at my friend's apartment and do what we want to do there, without informing my family," she said. I agreed.
The ma'zun then asked me for the dowry. I told him I did not have the money with me at the time and that I would bring the money next week. I then drove the group to the Al-Mansour District. I promised to meet them the next day, but I didn't bother turning up, I had seen enough.
A few days later, I decided to marry another overstayer from the same district. With the help of some overstayers I made contact with a matchmaker, who asked for only SAR 2,000 (approximately USD $533.34), and some time to find me a bride.
A few days later the matchmaker - an African woman - took me to the Sharea Ghourab District of Makkah. When we arrived in the area, she asked me to park my car and proceed on foot. Walking through narrow alleyways I saw a part of Makkah that I had never imagined existed.
Having climbed a steep mountain, we entered an old house. In the main lounge was seated a Nigerian man. The matchmaker spoke to the man in a foreign language at which the man nodded and left the room to return a short while later with three women. He then told me to choose whichever one I wanted. The first woman was a Yemeni national called Abeer, the second was an Ethiopian woman called Safiya and the third was a Nigerian woman called Safi. All three were aged in their 30s. "Abeer is divorced, Safiya is married to a man from Ethiopia and Safi is married on Mesyar to five men here, who visit her according to a fixed time schedule," said the matchmaker.
"The dowry for anyone of them is only SAR 2,000. On the day you visit, the woman will be ready. So you choose the one you want," she added. "I wouldn't mind marrying all of them for that much," I said, adding that I needed to go to an ATM machine to get some money for the dowry. The woman led me out and when I got to my car I drove off leaving her standing.
It does seem that such marriages involving overstayers are only a cover for prostitution. Even sincere marriages with overstayers only end in tragedy with the children paying the price for their parents' mistakes.
Speaking about finding abandoned children in front of mosques, Maj. Abdul Muhsin Al-Mayman, spokesman for Makkah police, said, "These kids are immediately transferred to hospitals for a health checkup and then placed in the care of the Ministry of Social Affairs." He added that marriages need to be officially registered and that marriages with overstayers, according to Saudi law, are illegal since overstayers are not recognized by the law as being able to live and reside in the Kingdom.
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