How To Speak To Your Pregnant Teen Daughter

Before considering how you might respond to the news that your unmarried teenager is pregnant, take a brief tour of the emotions and thought processes that are likely to be swirling through her mind and heart.

Fear is an overriding emotion in nearly every teen pregnancy.

"I can't tell my parents. They'll kill me!" "How can I finish school when I'm pregnant?"

"My boyfriend will take off if I don't have an abortion."

The adolescent with a crisis pregnancy probably sees nothing but loss on the horizon—loss of love, time, education and physical health. Fear of one or more of these losses propels most of her other responses. Remember that the average age difference between the father of the baby and the teenage mother is 6.4 years.

Denial is common, especially during the early weeks of pregnancy when the only indication might be one or more missed periods, a little fatigue, possibly some nausea or even a positive pregnancy test. The longing for things to be "the way they were" may delay acknowledging the problem and seeking appropriate help for weeks or even months.

Ambivalence about being pregnant may cause fluctuating emotions. One day the only solution may appear to be an abortion, while the next the prospect of a cuddly baby may seem appealing. Time spent with a friend's crying newborn may jolt the emotions in yet another direction. Indecision and apparent lack of direction in such an overwhelming situation are common.

Guilt. When a pregnancy results from the violation of moral values held since childhood, an adolescent will usually feel ashamed and worthless. Her growing abdomen becomes a constant reminder of her failure. This is a time when you can come alongside your child and cement a lasting relationship with her.

Pressure to have an abortion. This may come from several directions. A teenager may be weighing what appears to be a dismal future of hardship and remorse against a quick and relatively inexpensive procedure. "No one needs to know, and I can get on with my life."

A boyfriend (who may be dealing with his own fear and guilt, along with concerns about future financial responsibilities) may exert considerable pressure to abort, even offering to pay the bill. He may also threaten to bail out of the relationship if the pregnancy continues. Some parents, worried about their daughter's future or perhaps their own reputation in the community (or even the prospect of being responsible for the actual child-rearing), may also find abortion attractive.

The "cuddly doll" mentality. Some unmarried teenage girls see their pregnancy unrealistically as an escape from a difficult and unpleasant home situation. They may envision a baby as a snuggly companion who will require roughly the same amount of care as a new puppy, not realizing the amount of energy a newborn will take from her without giving much in return (especially during the first few weeks). Teens with this mindset need to adjust their expectations of child-rearing—not to drive them to abort, but to help them make more appropriate plans. If adoption is not chosen as a solution, some careful groundwork should be laid to prevent serious disappointment and even the mother's abuse of the baby.
Excerpted from Let's Talk About Sex, Copyright 1998 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International Copyright secured.

Sexual Advice For Teens Via SMS

A charity is rolling out a pioneering service that gives young people sexual health advice by text message after a successful pilot in the two boroughs with the highest rate of sexually transmitted disease in Europe.
Safe Haven is launching Text Sam across Britain to provide information for young men and women about contraception, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy and sexuality.
It was piloted in the London boroughs of Southwark and Lambeth, where almost 90% of young people have had a sexually transmitted disease, according to the charity. The text service received more than 42,000 requests for information in just two months during its pilot.
The innovative service was developed after a survey found 96% of 14- to 16-year-olds depended on their friends for advice. Text Sam hopes to reduce the number of unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections by letting young people make informed decisions.
Jacqui Jennings, the scheme's operations manager, said: "We have a national crisis on our hands which is getting more out of control every day. We as a society have an obligation to inform our young people of the possible consequences of having sex. We cannot expect young people to make sensible decisions without knowledge."
The charity said new diagnoses of syphilis, thrush, chlamydia and human papilloma viruses - some of which can cause genital warts and cervical cancer - had also risen in the two boroughs.
Nationally, nearly 1million people were tested for sexually transmitted diseases during 2006. Diagnoses of new sexually transmitted diseases in the UK rose by 2% to 376,508 in 2006 and new cases of genital herpes were up 9% to 21,698, according to the Health Protection Agency.
The UK has the highest teenage birth rates in western Europe - twice the level found in Germany, three times higher than France, and six times above figures in the Netherlands, according to a Unicef report.
· To obtain free sexual health information, text Sam to 60030. A text message will be sent which contains links to the nearest sexual health clinic and advice centres plus information about infections.

6 Body Language Clues That Say You're Interested

EVE MARX

Birds do it, bees do it, old people, young people, everyone does it. What is "it," you ask? Flirt! And we bet you didn't know that some of the best flirting can be done without saying a word. Body language is one surefire way to convey your interest ‑- or lack thereof ‑- in a man. But how can you be sure you're sending the right signals? Eve Marx, author of Read My Hips: The Sexy Art of Flirtation, shows how to be completely in control of your flirtatious moves. So whether you're a wallflower dying to let loose or a flirting pro looking to brush up on your skills, follow these six body language clues, and he'll be putty in your hands.

Your body speaks a language all its own. Without realizing it, how you sit, what you do with your hands, your legs, even your basic posture reveals volumes about you, namely what you're feeling, what you might be thinking and, most importantly, if that guy sitting across from you is getting to you.

The thing about body language is you want to be completely in control of it. You want to be aware of what messages you're sending and avoid telegraphing certain information you're not ready to give away. Dumb as they may seem sometimes, men are not exactly knuckleheads when it comes to interpreting a woman's body language. Any reasonably perceptive and intuitive guy you're flirting with is reading many things about you simply by studying your movements.

You can utilize your body language to your own advantage by transmitting only the messages you want him to receive, which gives you the upper hand. Body language has a lot in common with cell phone text messaging. It's shorthand information, meaning it's quick, direct and gets to the point.

Body Language Basics

Without even thinking about it, women almost always give physical tips that convey their level of interest in a man. The most common body language gestures that reveal at least minimal interest are hair twirling, hair tossing and leg crossing. When a woman tosses her hair, it comes across as a nervous gesture. What it tells the man is, he's making her a bit nervous. And to his mind, if she's nervous, she must be interested!

On the other hand, hair tossing, like leg crossing, is also a preening gesture. It's a way of calling attention or showing off a gorgeous, glossy mane (very sexy) or a terrific pair of gams (ditto, also very sexy!). But there are many other elemental gestures and basic postures that send a strong message to another person, all of which can be used to good effect.

Let's get started describing and interpreting them!

Eye Contact

Usually the first way two people connect is through looking into each other's eyes. Before either of you speaks a single word, the eyes have already telegraphed messages. Messages can range from frank curiosity to cool assessment to shy interest. When you look deeply into a guy's eyes, you're telling him you think he's the most fascinating person in the room. In fact, if you keep your eyes locked on his, what you're saying is that as far as you're concerned, he's the only person in the room!

Full frontal eye contact can be risky, however. It can seem too bold and brazen to those men who are put off by such direct behavior by women. But if you're not the bashful maiden type, frankly gaze. In a way, it's a form of natural selection. A guy who is freaked out by your open gaze is probably not a guy for you.

Arm Crossing

When a woman crosses her arms over her chest, it can be interpreted in a number of ways by a guy. It can telegraph the message that she's a vulnerable female creature, an innocent little lamb who feels the need to protect herself from the Big Bad Wolf!

But arm crossing is also a way of telling a guy that you don't like him at all and that your fondest wish at the moment is that he'll go away.

Crossing your arms over your chest is also a sneaky way of drawing attention to your breasts. It's a primitive gesture of sexual anticipation laced with sexual anxiety, which a man might correctly read as the woman's acknowledgement of the basic Me Tarzan, You Jane chemistry happening between them.

Leaning Toward Him

The most common form of this is leaning forward when you're sitting across from him. This gesture shows interest and acceptance. In short, it means you just think he's the funniest, cutest, most fascinating creature put on the face of this earth.

But keep your poker face, player-girl! If you go overboard with the lean, you're giving away your whole hand. You want to keep him guessing at least a little bit, right?

If you catch yourself practically falling into his lap, take a deep breath, sit back in your seat and rest your hands in your lap for a few minutes ‑- at least until you cool off.

If you find yourself leaning away from him, you're either telling him you hate his guts or you're working overtime to not let him know you're all hot and bothered for him.

Leg Crossing

Leg crossing can be interpreted as a nervous or provocative gesture. Lots of people unconsciously cross and uncross their legs when they're anxious. If you're doing this, the man will correctly intuit that he's somehow "getting" to you. In other words, it's a dead giveaway to the guy that he's unsettled you and his energy has thrown off your equilibrium. On the other hand, if you're deliberately crossing your legs to show off your sexy gams, or deliberately pointing your top leg in his direction, it means you like him a lot. If you can't stop crossing your legs and you're virtually twitching in your seat, again this is an unconscious gesture that clearly tells a man that he's really getting to you. You probably don't want to give him that much power. If he knows you're burning hot for him, he has the upper hand ‑- and you don't want that. If something about him has really got you squirming, get up, take a walk or go home and take a cold shower.

Hair Twirling

Toying with your hair is a sure sign of nervousness. If you find yourself doing this, take a moment to ask yourself why this guy is making you nervous. Is it because he's too handsome? Too incredibly clever? Is it because you can't get your mind out of the gutter imagining what he would be like in bed? Save your agitation for later ‑- like when you finally fall asleep and have a red-hot dream about him!

Hair twirling can also be a playful gesture. Women with long hair tend to play with their hair. Hair is sexy and twirling and tossing it draws a man's eye to it. But beware: Many guys say it really bugs them when women keep playing with their hair. Talk about sending the wrong message! What some women think is sexy is a major turnoff to some guys.

Lip Licking

This is purely physiological. Forget what they say about "drooling" over a hot guy. When we're aroused and excited, our mouths get dry. If you find yourself licking your lips a lot in the company of a new man, it means that something about him is really getting to you. Watch out!

Lip licking clearly conveys the message that you're interested in a man. It is a very sexy, and overt, type of body language ‑- that is, if it is done correctly. What we are talking about here is a slow, sultry swipe along your lips with the tip of your tongue. Just remember to use this one with caution. Your Flirt Object will probably think you are telling him you want to take him to bed. And maybe you do! If that's the case and you're both equally interested, by all means, lick your lips. It's another way of saying, "Let's go back to your place right now." In other words, it's an action-getter.

Flared Nostrils

Omigod, this is the mother of all body language signals! Flared nostrils are an irrefutable sign of sexual arousal. If you're talking to a man and his nostrils are flaring, you can bet your booty he's achin' for you. And, um, it works vice versa. If your nostrils are flaring, your nipples are probably hard, too. If you're flirting with a guy and you've both got the nostril thing going, look out. You might have to rent a hotel room!