Coinciding with the sixth anniversary of the Optional Protocol on the involvement of children in armed conflict, the Security Council today held an open debate on the situation of children caught in conflict.
According to the new Secretary General’s annual report on Children and Armed Conflict, the number of armed groups and forces identified as using children has climbed from 40 in 2006 to 57 in 2007.
This increase hides a complex reality. On the one hand it indicates better monitoring and reporting of violations and an improved ability to identify parties responsible for recruiting children. It also places parties who use children in conflicts under tighter international and domestic scrutiny.
On the other hand it also reflects a deterioration of the situations in Chad and Sudan, as well as renewed fighting in Afghanistan and Central African Republic, where children are now being recruited.
The rise in the number of groups identified as using child soldiers has reinforced the importance of the Optional Protocol and having international legal instruments and improved monitoring and reporting mechanisms in place to combat this scourge.
But the news is not all bad. Over the past six years, there have been a number of positive developments in addressing this situation. There are now 119 States parties to the Optional Protocol. Furthermore, since February 2007, 66 Governments have subscribed to the Paris Commitments to protect children from unlawful recruitment or use by armed forces or armed groups.
In addition, at least three peace agreements with armed forces and groups in Chad, the Central African Republic, and Sudan have reiterated the commitments made in Paris, and in one situation, the Ivory Coast, the recruitment of children has ceased.
Her Royal Highness, The Grand Duchess of Luxembourg, issued a statement today noting that, while these developments are encouraging, the reality on the ground for hundreds of thousands of children indicates that collectively we must continue to combat this unacceptable practice.
UNICEF welcomes today’s adoption by the Security Council of the Presidential Statement on children and armed conflict and views it as a further opportunity to reinforce government commitments to protecting children affected by armed conflict.
Parent Enrage Over Kindergarten Sex Lesson
Philippa Duncan
A Parent has complained her five-year-old daughter was taught sex education at a school in Hobart and revealed she was assaulted by two boys in her class just after the visit from Family Planning.
The claims have prompted calls for the course only to be taught with parental consent.
The parent, who did not want to be named, said her kindergarten child had come home and "said the word vagina".
"I was shocked," she said.
"They were taught what a penis and a vagina was, which I don't think they should in kinder.
"I told the principal if I had known anything like that was going to happen, I would have kept my kids at home all week."
The parent said her child told her about the alleged assault when she put her to bed that night.
"That's when she told me that two boys in her class had put their hands down her pants, and she said she bashed them," the mother said.
"She said it happened in the dolly corner.
"There were three adults in the room and 16 kids and no one saw it. She said she did tell the teacher, but the teacher seems to think she did not tell."
Pembroke Labor MLC Allison Ritchie said the allegation would be investigated.
"I have had an undertaking from the Education Minister's office that this incident will be fully investigated," she said.
"The boys putting their hands down her pants."
Ms Ritchie said she had also heard complaints from people delivering the course, who had turned up to a school in the North-West only to find parental consent had not been sought.
She said the children were part of a protective behaviours course.
The complaint parent said her six-year-old and nine-year-old children had all been put through the course.
"I never knew it was happening until they all came home and said," she said.
"I don't think they should do it at that age, maybe Grade 6 or Grade 7, not kinder and prep.
"But the principal said the Government said it was compulsory for kids to learn about their bodies at that age.
"They told me that it was Family Planning, they came in to talk to the kids about their bodies, who could touch them and who could not."
Ms Ritchie said all schools should ensure that parents had the opportunity to give their consent and view the content of such courses.
"Parents should absolutely be able to opt out," she said. "It is not compulsory for every child.
"You might say I am happy for my Grade 7 child to participate, but not my kinder child."
Ms Ritchie said most schools were doing the right thing and gaining consent.
A Parent has complained her five-year-old daughter was taught sex education at a school in Hobart and revealed she was assaulted by two boys in her class just after the visit from Family Planning.
The claims have prompted calls for the course only to be taught with parental consent.
The parent, who did not want to be named, said her kindergarten child had come home and "said the word vagina".
"I was shocked," she said.
"They were taught what a penis and a vagina was, which I don't think they should in kinder.
"I told the principal if I had known anything like that was going to happen, I would have kept my kids at home all week."
The parent said her child told her about the alleged assault when she put her to bed that night.
"That's when she told me that two boys in her class had put their hands down her pants, and she said she bashed them," the mother said.
"She said it happened in the dolly corner.
"There were three adults in the room and 16 kids and no one saw it. She said she did tell the teacher, but the teacher seems to think she did not tell."
Pembroke Labor MLC Allison Ritchie said the allegation would be investigated.
"I have had an undertaking from the Education Minister's office that this incident will be fully investigated," she said.
"The boys putting their hands down her pants."
Ms Ritchie said she had also heard complaints from people delivering the course, who had turned up to a school in the North-West only to find parental consent had not been sought.
She said the children were part of a protective behaviours course.
The complaint parent said her six-year-old and nine-year-old children had all been put through the course.
"I never knew it was happening until they all came home and said," she said.
"I don't think they should do it at that age, maybe Grade 6 or Grade 7, not kinder and prep.
"But the principal said the Government said it was compulsory for kids to learn about their bodies at that age.
"They told me that it was Family Planning, they came in to talk to the kids about their bodies, who could touch them and who could not."
Ms Ritchie said all schools should ensure that parents had the opportunity to give their consent and view the content of such courses.
"Parents should absolutely be able to opt out," she said. "It is not compulsory for every child.
"You might say I am happy for my Grade 7 child to participate, but not my kinder child."
Ms Ritchie said most schools were doing the right thing and gaining consent.
How To Keep The Flame Of Passion Burning In Your Marriage
Pierre Coda
In many cultures love is typically a very complex emotion and love between adults (unless it is a platonic relationship) implies that there will be both romance and (physical) passion to some extent. Without the absence of one, it is not considered to be a wholesome relationship. In fact the concept is so powerful in the western world that it might actually be responsible for the sad state of relationships today. Every one out of two marriages in the United States ends up in divorce. Millions of couples do not wish to marry or delay their marriages for as long as possible. Millions of other couples are leading dull and unexciting lives. Europe is supposedly even worse with fewer couples opting to marry or have children.
While it would be scandalous to say that the institution of marriage may be falling apart (we will be told by advocates of marriage about countless studies suggesting that married people are happier, ride the corporate ladder faster, blah blah...), it is definitely an issue that has gotten the attention of the authorities. Reportedly the US Government is so concerned that it wants to 'promote' marriage. The reason for this sad state of affairs is that the concept of love (with its implications that romance, passion, friendship, emotional support (Emotional intimacy), and of course the role of parents for their children) continues to emphasize that all this has to be achieved through one person. Thus, how many times have we heard that the mother who is taking care of the kids is not the passionate woman she used to be in the bedroom. Or the husband is not your best friend any more. Or the wife is no longer attractive and there is no passion left.
While we do not think that Japan has the solution to all the problems of the world but it is helpful to look at the system in Japan with still a very low rate of divorce (current estimate puts it at half of United States though it has almost doubled during the period 1991-2001). Joint families are very common and there are very few instances of child abuse/foster parents/single parents, etc. However, adultery is far more common, though no one would ever admit it since there are not too many magazines doing surveys on infidelity.
How do the Japanese handle the situation?
The Japanese society understands that romantic and passionate love might not always be provided by the same person. In fact, Japanese language has two separate words to distinguish between passionate love ('seiai') and romantic love ('renai'). For centuries, men and women have had very different ideas of what they want from each other but the American society has refused to accept the reality and instead keeps pushing us to love our partners - get everything that we want from one person even if that is not what the other person really wants. Japan has taken a totally different view - it has clearly recognized the differences between romantic and passionate love and admitted to the possibility that both may not be received from the same person. Thus, for centuries, it has been accepted that in case there is something missing in a couple's life, it is perfectly reasonable to accept that each partner has the right to go seek it elsewhere. This does not mean that the couple's relationship is jeopardized or a divorce needs to be contemplated or the couple should start fighting - something that happens almost immediately in the rest of the world. In fact Japanese have a very mature attitude towards this - they respect the right of the other partner to have a level of privacy that would allow him/her to go seek what is missing without necessarily sharing it with the rest of the world.
The Japanese society has also put a system in place that allows both men and women to indulge in whatever is missing in their lives - there are all kinds of institutions and providers of services and almost all of them have a level of privacy that the rest of the world would envy. More importantly, it is how the overall society treats these institutions and practices.
Are we suggesting that you should adopt these practices wherever you live? Maybe not! But this is what we would say - if there is something missing in your life then you need to have a serious conversation with your partner and let her/him know if the Japanese option is something that can be considered as a solution if she/he is either incapable/unwilling/uncomfortable with the idea.
In many cultures love is typically a very complex emotion and love between adults (unless it is a platonic relationship) implies that there will be both romance and (physical) passion to some extent. Without the absence of one, it is not considered to be a wholesome relationship. In fact the concept is so powerful in the western world that it might actually be responsible for the sad state of relationships today. Every one out of two marriages in the United States ends up in divorce. Millions of couples do not wish to marry or delay their marriages for as long as possible. Millions of other couples are leading dull and unexciting lives. Europe is supposedly even worse with fewer couples opting to marry or have children.
While it would be scandalous to say that the institution of marriage may be falling apart (we will be told by advocates of marriage about countless studies suggesting that married people are happier, ride the corporate ladder faster, blah blah...), it is definitely an issue that has gotten the attention of the authorities. Reportedly the US Government is so concerned that it wants to 'promote' marriage. The reason for this sad state of affairs is that the concept of love (with its implications that romance, passion, friendship, emotional support (Emotional intimacy), and of course the role of parents for their children) continues to emphasize that all this has to be achieved through one person. Thus, how many times have we heard that the mother who is taking care of the kids is not the passionate woman she used to be in the bedroom. Or the husband is not your best friend any more. Or the wife is no longer attractive and there is no passion left.
While we do not think that Japan has the solution to all the problems of the world but it is helpful to look at the system in Japan with still a very low rate of divorce (current estimate puts it at half of United States though it has almost doubled during the period 1991-2001). Joint families are very common and there are very few instances of child abuse/foster parents/single parents, etc. However, adultery is far more common, though no one would ever admit it since there are not too many magazines doing surveys on infidelity.
How do the Japanese handle the situation?
The Japanese society understands that romantic and passionate love might not always be provided by the same person. In fact, Japanese language has two separate words to distinguish between passionate love ('seiai') and romantic love ('renai'). For centuries, men and women have had very different ideas of what they want from each other but the American society has refused to accept the reality and instead keeps pushing us to love our partners - get everything that we want from one person even if that is not what the other person really wants. Japan has taken a totally different view - it has clearly recognized the differences between romantic and passionate love and admitted to the possibility that both may not be received from the same person. Thus, for centuries, it has been accepted that in case there is something missing in a couple's life, it is perfectly reasonable to accept that each partner has the right to go seek it elsewhere. This does not mean that the couple's relationship is jeopardized or a divorce needs to be contemplated or the couple should start fighting - something that happens almost immediately in the rest of the world. In fact Japanese have a very mature attitude towards this - they respect the right of the other partner to have a level of privacy that would allow him/her to go seek what is missing without necessarily sharing it with the rest of the world.
The Japanese society has also put a system in place that allows both men and women to indulge in whatever is missing in their lives - there are all kinds of institutions and providers of services and almost all of them have a level of privacy that the rest of the world would envy. More importantly, it is how the overall society treats these institutions and practices.
Are we suggesting that you should adopt these practices wherever you live? Maybe not! But this is what we would say - if there is something missing in your life then you need to have a serious conversation with your partner and let her/him know if the Japanese option is something that can be considered as a solution if she/he is either incapable/unwilling/uncomfortable with the idea.
47 Children Lost To Child Trafficking At The Tripura Refugee Camp
In a shocking case of child trafficking, 47 children have gone missing from a refugee camp in north Tripura. Trafficking of children is despicable but when people associated with an organisation which is set up to help them have a better future do it, it is a defintite crime. 47 children have gone missing from the Tripura refugee camp.
The parents were promised that their children will be going to school and will be taken care of by Biradamani Beang, who has been visiting these settlements since 2002. The parents had no idea they were signing a document declaring their chldren as orphans. Since the children left, there has been no news of them and now even Beang is untraceable. After a missing person complaint was filed, seven children were located, each with a horror story of his/her own. One of the missing children was found in an Anand Marg ashram in Shillong. He said he had worked as domestic help. The educational secretary from Anand Marg denies the allegation of children having gone missing from the ashram.
But, it is sad that the ashram can’t even account for them and wouldn’t have bothered to track them if somebody didn’t raise questions. These children are actually being taken to placement agencies in other states and sometimes across the border to Bangladesh to be suppiled as domestic help and sometimes, worse for prostitution.
We talk of child labour laws and debating the idea of what age is ok for children to start working and education being the one tool for their upliftment. But when organisation meant to give the children a break have employees flouting this main purpose, it is disappointing.
The parents were promised that their children will be going to school and will be taken care of by Biradamani Beang, who has been visiting these settlements since 2002. The parents had no idea they were signing a document declaring their chldren as orphans. Since the children left, there has been no news of them and now even Beang is untraceable. After a missing person complaint was filed, seven children were located, each with a horror story of his/her own. One of the missing children was found in an Anand Marg ashram in Shillong. He said he had worked as domestic help. The educational secretary from Anand Marg denies the allegation of children having gone missing from the ashram.
But, it is sad that the ashram can’t even account for them and wouldn’t have bothered to track them if somebody didn’t raise questions. These children are actually being taken to placement agencies in other states and sometimes across the border to Bangladesh to be suppiled as domestic help and sometimes, worse for prostitution.
We talk of child labour laws and debating the idea of what age is ok for children to start working and education being the one tool for their upliftment. But when organisation meant to give the children a break have employees flouting this main purpose, it is disappointing.
Vietnamese Spouses In South Korea, Victims Of Spousal Abuse
It is a national shame that foreign wives living with Koreans have suffered spousal abuse. This issue surfaced again on Tuesday when Vietnamese President Nguyen Minh Triet asked the South Korean government to help Vietnamese married to Korean men lead better lives here. Triet made the request when he accepted the credentials of Im Hong-jae, the newly appointed Korean Ambassador to Hanoi.
Pham The Duyet, president of the Vietnam Fatherland Front, also made a similar request. He told Im that South Korea should pay more attention to the Vietnamese immigrants so that they can better integrate into Korean society. There is no doubt that the Vietnamese leadership is concerned about the alleged abuse of Vietnamese women by their Korean husbands. The Southeast Asian country has been hit by media reports that Vietnamese wives are the victims of various kinds of spousal abuse.
A horrible case in Daejeon in July involved a 19-year-old Vietnamese woman who reportedly died after being violently beaten by her husband. In another case, a Vietnamese woman entered into a marriage with a Korean man who only wanted her to give birth to a baby. The man divorced her and took the baby to reunite with his infertile ex-wife. Some people fear that such incidents could harm diplomatic relations between Seoul and Hanoi.
The abuse of foreign wives is not confined to women from Vietnam. Many foreign women getting married to Koreans in search of the ``Korean dream'' confront the stark reality of domestic violence, verbal abuse and discrimination in Korean society. Some of them even fall prey to human trafficking. An annual U.S. report on human trafficking showed that a growing number of foreigners are trafficked to South Korea for sexual or labor exploitation though brokered marriages. The report carried a photograph of a roadside billboard advertising an international marriage broker who promises to offer Vietnamese brides who would not run away. This indicates how serious the human trafficking issue is in the country.
Cases related to Vietnamese women have drawn much attention because their numbers are rapidly growing. The number of Chinese women married to Koreans last year was estimated at 14,450. But most of them are ethnic Koreans from China's northeastern provinces. The number of Vietnamese wives stood at 9,812. Thus, Vietnamese women have actually emerged as the largest foreign wives' group in South Korea. The number of women from the Philippines and Mongolia reached 1,131 and 559, respectively.
The Seoul government has worked out policy packages to protect the rights of foreign spouses and help them adapt to Korean society. However, such steps have yet to produce any remarkable results. A Seoul National University survey showed that one out of every 10 foreign spouses has suffered domestic violence, while three out of every 10 has experienced verbal abuse.
Policymakers should take more fundamental measures to ensure foreign wives' human rights and crack down on domestic violence and other types of spousal abuse. South Koreans will also have to warmly embrace not only foreign brides but also migrant workers as our society increasingly moves toward globalization and multiculturalism.
Sex preference Now A Critical Issue In Vietnam
Vietnam's preference for boys over girls is further tipping the balance between the sexes in Asia, already skewed by a strong bias for boys among Chinese and Indians. The trend could lead to increased trafficking of women and social unrest, a UN report says.
Vietnam is now positioned where China was a decade ago, logging about 110 boys born to every 100 girls in a country where technology is readily available to determine the sex of a fetus and where abortion is legal, according to research released this week by the UN Population Fund.
The sex ratio at birth generally should equal about 105 boys to 100 girls, according to the report.
"The consequences are already happening in neighboring countries like China, South Korea and Taiwan. They have to import brides," said Tran Thi Van, assistant country representative of the Population Fund in Hanoi, adding that many brides are coming from Vietnam. "I don't know where Vietnam could import brides from if that situation happened here in the next 10 or 15 years."
The report, which looked at China, India, Vietnam and Nepal, warned that tinkering with nature's probabilities could cause increased violence against women, trafficking and social tensions. It predicted a "marriage squeeze," with the poorest men being forced to live as bachelors.
Gender imbalance among births has been rising in parts of Asia since the 1980s, after ultrasound and amniocentesis provided a way to determine a fetus' sex early in pregnancy. Despite laws in several countries banning doctors from revealing the baby's sex, many women still find out and choose to abort girls.
"I have noticed that there have been more and more boys than girls," said Truong Thi My Ha, a nurse at Hanoi's Maternity Hospital. "Most women are very happy when they have boys, while many are upset if they have girls."
In China, the 2005 estimate was more than 120 boys born to 100 girls, with India logging about 108 boys to 100 girls in 2001, when the last census was taken. However, pockets of India have rates of 120 boys. In several Chinese provinces, the ratio spikes to more than 130 boys born to 100 girls.
Reports of female infanticide still surface in some poor areas of countries and death rates are higher among girls in places like China, where they are sometimes breast-fed for shorter periods, given less health care and vaccinations and even smaller portions of food than their brothers, the report said.
It estimated Asia was short 163 million females in 2005 when compared to overall population balances of men and women elsewhere in the world. It said sex ratios at birth in other countries, such as Nepal, Pakistan and Bangladesh, also should be closely monitored to avoid uneven trends there.
Earlier research has documented the gender imbalance in the region. A UNICEF report last year estimated 7,000 girls go unborn every day in India.
"It's very difficult to imagine what's going to be the exact impact of these missing girls in 20 years," said Christophe Guilmoto, an author of the report presented this week at a reproductive health conference in Hyderabad, India. "No human society that we know has faced a similar problem."
The reasons boys are favored over girls are complex and deeply rooted in Asian society. In many countries, men typically receive the inheritance, carry on the family name and take care of their parents in old age, while women often leave to live with their husband's family.
In India, wedding costs and dowries are usually required of the parents of the bride, and sons are the only ones permitted by the Hindu religion to perform the last rites when their fathers die.
"My husband took me to a private clinic to be checked. I broke down in tears when I saw the result because I knew this is not what my husband wanted," said Nguyen Thi Hai Yen, 33, recalling when she discovered her second baby was a girl. "But he was good. He told me it was OK."
China has a one-child policy, while Vietnam encourages only two children per family after relaxing an earlier ban on having more. Such limits have led many women to abort girls and keep trying for sons who can carry on the family lineage.
The report calls for increased public awareness, more government intervention and steps to elevate women's place in society by promoting gender equality.
Philippine Cybercrime Bill To Check Child Pornography
A proposed cybercrime bill should include provisions penalizing child pornography, it was suggested at a recent workshop.
The provisions would be consistent with international guidelines discussed during the Budapest Convention on the Council of Europe in 2001, government and private sector representatives at the workshop were told.
The Budapest Convention offers guidelines for the development of national legislation and a framework for international cooperation against cybercrime.
The two-day workshop was organized by the Department of Justice, the Commission on Information and Communications Technology, and the Council of Europe, in partnership with Microsoft in order to dissect the proposed Philippine cybercrime bill before it is endorsed to Congress.
The workshop divided attendees into groups to work on three general provisions of the bill, namely emergency response, enforcement and implementation; jurisdiction and international cooperation; and punishable acts, said Albert dela Cruz, director of the Philippine Computer Emergency Response Team (PH-CERT) and currently platform strategy manager at Microsoft Philippines, in an interview.
Each group presented their suggestions to lawmakers and members of the CICT, headed by its chairman, Ray Anthony Roxas-Chua III.
For about eight years, various sectors have lobbied for a cybercrime law in the Philippines.
Sexual Molestation Of Children On The Rise In Isreal
Recent government data shows 16% rise in sexual molestation of minors since 2000. Numbers believed to be higher since many cases go unreported. 'If the State keeps ignoring the problem nothing will change,' says Head of National Council for the Child.
The last seven years have seen a 16% rise in the number of child molestation cases, the Ministry of Social Affairs said Sunday.
Some 1,464 children were sexually assaulted by the end of the first half of 2007, and 2,623 sexual abuse cases in children were reported in 2006.
The Ministry of Social Affairs' data revealed that most children fall prey to sexual assault during the school year. Of those molested in 2006, 318 were under the age of five, 717 were between the ages of six and eight, 37.4% of those assaulted were boys and 62.6% girls.
The fickleness of numbers
The numbers, said the ministry's report, are probably higher. In many cases the victims prefer not to file a complaint against their assailants.
The assailants in child molestation cases are not always adults: in the first half of 2007, some 282 children and teenagers were interrogated by the police department's youth division, on suspicion of perpetrating sexual offenses.
Children and teenagers who were victims of sexual assault are usually treated by their municipal social workers. Since the problem began escalating, the Social Affairs Ministry has been able to secure an additional $1.25 million to its budget - all towards building eight new shelters for the long-term treatment of these children.
The Ministry of Social Affairs' report is echoed by that of the National Council for the Child: the council receives hundreds of reports a year, most of them seeking counseling on life after the assault.
"Maybe all those on strike will finally wake up; the fact that the children are devoid of structure is affecting their behavior," Dr. Itzhak Kedman, Head of the National Council for the Child told Ynet Sunday, after hearing the report on the 12-year-old girl who was allegedly drugged and raped by two 13-year-old boys.
Kedman cites three main reasons which can make children behave like sexual predator: "The main reason is the growing exposure to sexual content on the internet. The younger children are, the less likely they are to differentiate between reality and porn films," said Kedman.
The other two reasons are the judicial leniency shown to sex offenders and the lack of proper treatments given to those molested. "It's a well documented fact that children who were abused or molested grow up to be abusive adults. As long as the State continues to ignore the problem nothing will change," he added.
MK Nadia Hilou (Labor-Meimad), head of the Knesset's Committee on Rights of the Child, told Ynet that she intends to call and emergency session on the matter. "
With the educational system on strike too many minors have no one looking out for them. the committee will have to look into the recent reports of alcohol and drug sales to minors, as well as decide on the criminal liability any minors involved in such activity might be subject to," she says.
How To Speak To Your Pregnant Teen Daughter
Before considering how you might respond to the news that your unmarried teenager is pregnant, take a brief tour of the emotions and thought processes that are likely to be swirling through her mind and heart.
Fear is an overriding emotion in nearly every teen pregnancy.
"I can't tell my parents. They'll kill me!" "How can I finish school when I'm pregnant?"
"My boyfriend will take off if I don't have an abortion."
The adolescent with a crisis pregnancy probably sees nothing but loss on the horizon—loss of love, time, education and physical health. Fear of one or more of these losses propels most of her other responses. Remember that the average age difference between the father of the baby and the teenage mother is 6.4 years.
Denial is common, especially during the early weeks of pregnancy when the only indication might be one or more missed periods, a little fatigue, possibly some nausea or even a positive pregnancy test. The longing for things to be "the way they were" may delay acknowledging the problem and seeking appropriate help for weeks or even months.
Ambivalence about being pregnant may cause fluctuating emotions. One day the only solution may appear to be an abortion, while the next the prospect of a cuddly baby may seem appealing. Time spent with a friend's crying newborn may jolt the emotions in yet another direction. Indecision and apparent lack of direction in such an overwhelming situation are common.
Guilt. When a pregnancy results from the violation of moral values held since childhood, an adolescent will usually feel ashamed and worthless. Her growing abdomen becomes a constant reminder of her failure. This is a time when you can come alongside your child and cement a lasting relationship with her.
Pressure to have an abortion. This may come from several directions. A teenager may be weighing what appears to be a dismal future of hardship and remorse against a quick and relatively inexpensive procedure. "No one needs to know, and I can get on with my life."
A boyfriend (who may be dealing with his own fear and guilt, along with concerns about future financial responsibilities) may exert considerable pressure to abort, even offering to pay the bill. He may also threaten to bail out of the relationship if the pregnancy continues. Some parents, worried about their daughter's future or perhaps their own reputation in the community (or even the prospect of being responsible for the actual child-rearing), may also find abortion attractive.
The "cuddly doll" mentality. Some unmarried teenage girls see their pregnancy unrealistically as an escape from a difficult and unpleasant home situation. They may envision a baby as a snuggly companion who will require roughly the same amount of care as a new puppy, not realizing the amount of energy a newborn will take from her without giving much in return (especially during the first few weeks). Teens with this mindset need to adjust their expectations of child-rearing—not to drive them to abort, but to help them make more appropriate plans. If adoption is not chosen as a solution, some careful groundwork should be laid to prevent serious disappointment and even the mother's abuse of the baby.
Excerpted from Let's Talk About Sex, Copyright 1998 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International Copyright secured.
Fear is an overriding emotion in nearly every teen pregnancy.
"I can't tell my parents. They'll kill me!" "How can I finish school when I'm pregnant?"
"My boyfriend will take off if I don't have an abortion."
The adolescent with a crisis pregnancy probably sees nothing but loss on the horizon—loss of love, time, education and physical health. Fear of one or more of these losses propels most of her other responses. Remember that the average age difference between the father of the baby and the teenage mother is 6.4 years.
Denial is common, especially during the early weeks of pregnancy when the only indication might be one or more missed periods, a little fatigue, possibly some nausea or even a positive pregnancy test. The longing for things to be "the way they were" may delay acknowledging the problem and seeking appropriate help for weeks or even months.
Ambivalence about being pregnant may cause fluctuating emotions. One day the only solution may appear to be an abortion, while the next the prospect of a cuddly baby may seem appealing. Time spent with a friend's crying newborn may jolt the emotions in yet another direction. Indecision and apparent lack of direction in such an overwhelming situation are common.
Guilt. When a pregnancy results from the violation of moral values held since childhood, an adolescent will usually feel ashamed and worthless. Her growing abdomen becomes a constant reminder of her failure. This is a time when you can come alongside your child and cement a lasting relationship with her.
Pressure to have an abortion. This may come from several directions. A teenager may be weighing what appears to be a dismal future of hardship and remorse against a quick and relatively inexpensive procedure. "No one needs to know, and I can get on with my life."
A boyfriend (who may be dealing with his own fear and guilt, along with concerns about future financial responsibilities) may exert considerable pressure to abort, even offering to pay the bill. He may also threaten to bail out of the relationship if the pregnancy continues. Some parents, worried about their daughter's future or perhaps their own reputation in the community (or even the prospect of being responsible for the actual child-rearing), may also find abortion attractive.
The "cuddly doll" mentality. Some unmarried teenage girls see their pregnancy unrealistically as an escape from a difficult and unpleasant home situation. They may envision a baby as a snuggly companion who will require roughly the same amount of care as a new puppy, not realizing the amount of energy a newborn will take from her without giving much in return (especially during the first few weeks). Teens with this mindset need to adjust their expectations of child-rearing—not to drive them to abort, but to help them make more appropriate plans. If adoption is not chosen as a solution, some careful groundwork should be laid to prevent serious disappointment and even the mother's abuse of the baby.
Excerpted from Let's Talk About Sex, Copyright 1998 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International Copyright secured.
Paul McCartney Divorce Battle With Heather Mills Was Like Hell
Former Beatle Paul McCartney has likened his bitter divorce battle with Heather Mills to "going through hell" and said their daughter Beatrice and his music have helped him through the ordeal.
In an interview in Britain's Radio Times magazine, the 65-year-old also called Queen Elizabeth a "babe".
Asked if he regretted meeting and marrying Mills, 39, McCartney told the magazine: "Going through a divorce is a very painful thing. As Winston Churchill once said, 'If you're going through hell, keep going!'
"The only solution is to remain dignified. If I don't keep a silence about it, I lose this idea of being dignified. But I've a wonderful baby," he added, referring to the couple's child.
"She's a great joy to me, as are my elder children, so I'm a lucky man."
McCartney and Mills married in 2002 and announced their separation four years later. Their acrimonious divorce is expected to return to the courts in February after attempts last week to reach a private settlement failed.
British media have speculated that the pop legend, whose personal fortune is estimated at 825 million pounds, will have to pay between 20 million (NZ$53m) and 70 million pounds (NZ$188m) to Mills.
According to McCartney, music has also eased the pain of divorce.
"Music is a great healer," he said. "Music is the therapy for me. In fact, going through difficulties has only concentrated my desire to make good music."
Speaking about Britain's 81-year-old monarch, McCartney said: "I've got a lot of time for the Queen. She's fun, she's funny, she's amazing. The Queen's a babe!"
He said the Beatles considered reforming in 1976 when "phenomenal amounts of money" were being offered.
"But it just went round and round. There might be three of us thinking, 'You know, it might not be a bad idea', but the other one would go, 'Nah, I don't think so', and sort of veto it."
He explained he had no regrets about never reuniting with his Beatles bandmates, despite the long list of ageing rockers getting back together for lucrative tours.
"I'm actually glad of that now. Because the Beatles' work is a body of work. There's nothing to be ashamed of there. In the end we decided we should leave well enough alone.
"The potential disappointment of coming on and not being as good as the Beatles had been...that was a risk we shouldn't take."
Sex-Saturated Television Encourages Teenage Sex
Marilyn Elias
A steady diet of sex-saturated television might encourage teens to start sex earlier, a national survey of 1,762 kids suggests today.
HBO Programs with sexually oriented conversations have as much effect as those that depict sex or imply that sex has happened, says psychologist Rebecca Collins of RAND Corp. in Santa Monica, Calif. Her study is reported in the Pediatrics online journal.
The research is the first that takes into account other factors linked to early teen sex — such as poor grades, low parent education, having older friends and living in a one-parent home — and tracks how TV-watching might predict sexual activity, says Jane Brown, a University of North Carolina media researcher who specializes in adolescents. The phone survey of 12- to 17-year-olds also took into account sexual experience at the start of the study.
Kids who said they watched more sex-oriented programs at the beginning of the year were more likely than others their age to become sexually active during the next year. Those in the top 10% for viewing of sexually related scenes were twice as likely to engage in intercourse as those in the lowest 10%, Collins says. The more sex-oriented scenes they saw, the more likely they were to become sexually active.
"It's social learning: 'monkey see, monkey do,' " Collins says. "If everyone's talking about sex or having it, and something bad hardly ever comes out of it, because it doesn't on TV, then they think, 'Hey, the whole world's doing it, and I need to.' "
The study didn't take into account a teen's interest in sex or feelings of sexual readiness as the year began. So the findings might exaggerate TV's influence in causing kids to start sex, says adolescent psychologist Joseph Allen of the University of Virginia.
"Sexually explicit TV viewing is exactly the kind of thing adolescents would do if they were interested in becoming sexually active," Allen says. "She may be picking up on teenagers who are about to seek out sexual experiences." Different levels of readiness might have a small effect on the findings, Collins says.
Physical maturity also matters. More sexually developed youngsters feel readier for sex and are more likely to be sexually active, Allen says, "and almost certainly these kids would be watching more sexy TV shows."
Television executives were skeptical, too. "With all due respect to RAND, we do not believe that one show can alter a person's sexual behavior," says HBO spokesman Jeff Cusson. HBO aired Sex and the City, one of the programs tracked in the study.
"Some TV may be too provocative for kids, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be on the air," says Todd Leavitt, president of the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences. "As the father of three daughters, I believe parents have an obligation to monitor their kids' TV viewing."
Teens whose parents supervised their activities closely were less likely to watch sexually oriented shows.
"Most important is keeping the set out of children's bedrooms, because otherwise the kids have complete control over what they watch," Brown says. Studies show that about 3 of 5 teens have TVs in their bedrooms, she says.
HBO Programs with sexually oriented conversations have as much effect as those that depict sex or imply that sex has happened, says psychologist Rebecca Collins of RAND Corp. in Santa Monica, Calif. Her study is reported in the Pediatrics online journal.
The research is the first that takes into account other factors linked to early teen sex — such as poor grades, low parent education, having older friends and living in a one-parent home — and tracks how TV-watching might predict sexual activity, says Jane Brown, a University of North Carolina media researcher who specializes in adolescents. The phone survey of 12- to 17-year-olds also took into account sexual experience at the start of the study.
Kids who said they watched more sex-oriented programs at the beginning of the year were more likely than others their age to become sexually active during the next year. Those in the top 10% for viewing of sexually related scenes were twice as likely to engage in intercourse as those in the lowest 10%, Collins says. The more sex-oriented scenes they saw, the more likely they were to become sexually active.
"It's social learning: 'monkey see, monkey do,' " Collins says. "If everyone's talking about sex or having it, and something bad hardly ever comes out of it, because it doesn't on TV, then they think, 'Hey, the whole world's doing it, and I need to.' "
The study didn't take into account a teen's interest in sex or feelings of sexual readiness as the year began. So the findings might exaggerate TV's influence in causing kids to start sex, says adolescent psychologist Joseph Allen of the University of Virginia.
"Sexually explicit TV viewing is exactly the kind of thing adolescents would do if they were interested in becoming sexually active," Allen says. "She may be picking up on teenagers who are about to seek out sexual experiences." Different levels of readiness might have a small effect on the findings, Collins says.
Physical maturity also matters. More sexually developed youngsters feel readier for sex and are more likely to be sexually active, Allen says, "and almost certainly these kids would be watching more sexy TV shows."
Television executives were skeptical, too. "With all due respect to RAND, we do not believe that one show can alter a person's sexual behavior," says HBO spokesman Jeff Cusson. HBO aired Sex and the City, one of the programs tracked in the study.
"Some TV may be too provocative for kids, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be on the air," says Todd Leavitt, president of the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences. "As the father of three daughters, I believe parents have an obligation to monitor their kids' TV viewing."
Teens whose parents supervised their activities closely were less likely to watch sexually oriented shows.
"Most important is keeping the set out of children's bedrooms, because otherwise the kids have complete control over what they watch," Brown says. Studies show that about 3 of 5 teens have TVs in their bedrooms, she says.
Fewer Cohabiting Couples End Up Marrying
Couples who live together won't necessarily stay together, according to new research. Ruth Weston and Lixia Qu, research fellows at the Australian Institute of Family Studies, conducted a study into the percentage of cohabiting couples who end up marrying one another.
They found that marriage rates had fallen dramatically since the beginning of last century and those couples who did tie the knot were doing so at a later age.
Weston told the Sydney Morning Herald that many young people thought moving in together was "a fun thing to do".
But she said cohabiting couples often lingered for years in unsuitable relationships and had trouble finding new partners when they eventually did split.
"In the old days people might go 'steady' but there was still opportunity to meet others," she said.
"Now once you are living with someone you are cheating if you see someone else. When you cohabit it adds a sense of commitment to a relationship that might be going nowhere."
Weston and Qu's research found that 63 per cent of couples who began living together in the early 1970s ended up marrying, but only 43 per cent of couples who began living together since the 1970s ended up married.
Of those who first moved in together in the early 1990s, there was only a slight difference between the number who were married within five years (43 per cent) and the number who had separated during the same time period (38 per cent).
And while marriage rates have been declining since the 1970s, the rate of cohabitation has risen for all age groups, the research, published in Family Relationships Quarterly shows.
Rates of separation have also increased over the same period, indicating that although more people may be living together, the relationships are not necessarily stable.
Weston told the Sydney Morning Herald that cohabiting couples in the 1980s had tended to treat the relationship as a trial marriage and usually went on to marry each other quickly. "Some might have separated later," she said.
Now, many people enter relationships before they are committed, and without having discussed their future.
"They enter prematurely but can linger on and waste their time," she said.
South Korean Students, On School Field Trip To Hotel Massage Parlour
South Korea's education ministry launched an inquiry today after a TV program showed youths entering a hotel massage parlour for sex during a school trip to China.
The ministry ordered school authorities nationwide to investigate all field trips to China.
"The alleged incident should not have happened," Ko Young-Kyu, a senior ministry supervisor, said.
The MBC TV network in a program late yesterday showed South Korean teenagers venturing into a massage parlour in China. Some said it was common practice.
"Phone calls came to the rooms from the massage parlours which are everywhere in the hotels," one high school student told MBC, recalling his recent trip to China.
He said some 30 schoolmates of his paid for sex there, adding: "Those who have been there all had it because we went there for that."
Another student said: "We kids bragged about it."
The TV program said teachers were either helpless or negligent in controlling the children.
"The South Korean students left at around 4am. There were a lot," one Chinese
Russian Governor Urge Couples To Stop Work And Have Sex Today
The Governor of a central Russian province urged couples to skip work today and make love instead.
And if a woman gives birth in exactly nine months time – on Russia's national day on June 12 – she will qualify for a prize.
"It's normally something for the home – a fridge or a television set," Yelena Yakovleva at the Ulyanovsk regional administration press office, said.
"It doesn't matter if it's a girl or a boy."
Regional governor Sergei Morozov told employers to contribute to a Kremlin campaign to boost the birth rate by giving couples today off to have sex.
Russia wants to reverse a trend in which the population is shrinking by about 700,000 people a year as births fail to outpace a high death rate boosted by AIDS, alcoholism and suicide.
This is the third year Ulyanovsk region, famous as the birthplace of Soviet state founder Vladimir Lenin, has dedicated a day to encouraging couples to produce more babies.
Prizes will extend equally to unwed women who produce children on the right day, though the biggest prizes will go to married couples.
On Russia Day this year, a family won a jeep after their fourth baby was born on the holiday.
This year a record 78 babies were born on June 12 at the main hospital in the regional capital of Ulyanovsk, beating the 2006 total of 26, said chief doctor Andrei Malykh.
"The scheme is working. People want the prizes," he said.
A mass wedding and special lessons for children at school on how to deal with having a brother or sister are also planned in Ulyanovsk city, which is about 900km from Moscow.
This week First Deputy Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev, a possible successor to President Vladimir Putin, said he wanted to stabilise the population at about 142 million by 2015 and boost it back to 145 million by 2025.
Madeleine McCann's Hair Found In The Boot Of Hired Car
The pressure on Kate and Gerry McCann is tightening after their daughter's hair was allegedly found in the boot of the car they hired after her disappearance.
The Daily Mail newspaper in the UK today reported that a "substantial" amount of Madeleine McCann's hair was found in the vehicle hired more than three weeks after she vanished from the bedroom of her family's holiday unit in Portugal.
The revelation comes days after the McCanns were named as suspects by Portuguese investigators.
According to The Daily Mail, Portuguese detectives told the public prosecutor that the only explanation was that the hair came either from her body or from something used to wrap it.
Sources also told the newspaper that bodily fluids found in the car - not necessarily blood - matched the four-year-old's DNA.
The revelations came as detectives handed a 10-volume dossier on the case of Madeleine's disappearance to the public prosecutor.
The file has since been delivered to a judge to investigate, prompting speculation the couple may have a case to answer.
The judge will will decide if there is enough evidence for either or both Mr and Mrs McCann to be returned to Portugal to stand trial.
Mr McCann updated his website blog for the first time since Thursday overnight and insisted he and his wife were "100 per cent confident" in each other's innocence.
Legal experts told The Daily Mail that the couple's status could be changed at any time to allow them to be summoned back to Portugal and placed under house arrest.
But indications last night were that police are convinced they already have enough evidence, even if they are ordered to conduct more searches, tests or interviews.
The couple returned to their home in Leicestershire over the weekend.
The Daily Mail newspaper in the UK today reported that a "substantial" amount of Madeleine McCann's hair was found in the vehicle hired more than three weeks after she vanished from the bedroom of her family's holiday unit in Portugal.
The revelation comes days after the McCanns were named as suspects by Portuguese investigators.
According to The Daily Mail, Portuguese detectives told the public prosecutor that the only explanation was that the hair came either from her body or from something used to wrap it.
Sources also told the newspaper that bodily fluids found in the car - not necessarily blood - matched the four-year-old's DNA.
The revelations came as detectives handed a 10-volume dossier on the case of Madeleine's disappearance to the public prosecutor.
The file has since been delivered to a judge to investigate, prompting speculation the couple may have a case to answer.
The judge will will decide if there is enough evidence for either or both Mr and Mrs McCann to be returned to Portugal to stand trial.
Mr McCann updated his website blog for the first time since Thursday overnight and insisted he and his wife were "100 per cent confident" in each other's innocence.
Legal experts told The Daily Mail that the couple's status could be changed at any time to allow them to be summoned back to Portugal and placed under house arrest.
But indications last night were that police are convinced they already have enough evidence, even if they are ordered to conduct more searches, tests or interviews.
The couple returned to their home in Leicestershire over the weekend.
118-Page Document By Husband Asks Sara Evans To Admit Her 11 Lovers
A 118-page document was filed tuesday in Williamson Country chanery court as part of Sara Evans' divorce from Craig Schelske revealed that Craig is asking the country singer to admit her romantic attachment to eleven persons including the likes of Richard Marx, Kenny Chesney and Tony Dovolani.
It asks Evans to state under oath and penalty of perjury whether or not she admits to "an affair/sexual relationship/romantic involvement" with Chesney, Marx, Dovolani or any member of her band. It also seeks to find out if there was any relationship with Brad Arnold, Matt Roberts, Todd Harrell or Chris Henderson — all members of the group 3 Doors Down.
The questions are included in a document used to obtain information from opposing parties during legal proceedings.
Evans has not yet responded, and the court filing provides no evidence that she had relationships with any of the named people.
John Hollins Sr., Evans' attorney, told the newspaper he could not comment because of a court-issued gag order. Evans' publicist did not return calls. Schelske's attorney, who is also bound by the gag order, did not return a call seeking comment.
A publicist for Chesney and a former manager for Marx declined to comment. Calls left for Universal/Republic, the record label of 3 Doors Down, were not immediately returned.
Evans filed for divorce the day after a blowup between the couple in a Los Angeles restaurant, after which police were called to the scene.
In previous court filings, Schelske alleged that he had learned of his wife's "intimate relationship" during the dinner.
A hearing in the case is set for Sept. 28 in Hickman County.
Evans made her recording debut in 1997, and her 2000 album "Born to Fly" went double platinum. Her hits include "Perfect," "Suds in the Bucket" and "Real Fine Place to Start."
Online Child Prostitution On The Increase In Japan
Online crime hit a new high in Japan in the first six months this year, with the number of cases of child prostitution arranged on the Internet surging more than 60 percent, police said last week.
Arrests were made in 1,808 cases of Internet crime, up by six cases from the same period last year and the highest since 2003 when police started compiling similar half-year data.
For child prostitution (in some cases referred to enjo kosai or compensated dating), in which minors meet with adult clients on dating and other websites, the number of cases jumped 62.7 percent to 275.
Story Continues Below
"We will promote activity to ban children from using dating websites while pushing ahead with spreading filtering on cellphones," the National Police Agency said in a report.
Young Japanese often surf websites specially designed to be viewed on cellphones.
Online auction fraud remained the leading cyber crime, with 490 cases but the figure was down 33.2 percent from last year.
Arrests were made in 1,808 cases of Internet crime, up by six cases from the same period last year and the highest since 2003 when police started compiling similar half-year data.
For child prostitution (in some cases referred to enjo kosai or compensated dating), in which minors meet with adult clients on dating and other websites, the number of cases jumped 62.7 percent to 275.
Story Continues Below
"We will promote activity to ban children from using dating websites while pushing ahead with spreading filtering on cellphones," the National Police Agency said in a report.
Young Japanese often surf websites specially designed to be viewed on cellphones.
Online auction fraud remained the leading cyber crime, with 490 cases but the figure was down 33.2 percent from last year.
Thailand Make Moves To Fight Child Exploitation
Permanent secretary for justice Jarun Pukditanakul has instructed the Department of Special Investigation (DSI) to expand its role to begin combating child exploitation, especially through pornography and transnational organised crime.
He said child exploitation was on the increase and that criminals behind child pornography had become more sophisticated. He said crimes were carried out using hi-tech media and global communications through transnational criminal networks.
"The DSI must have a role in fighting these crimes by cooperating and setting the scope of work with the National Police Bureau," said Mr Jarun during a seminar with DSI officials recently.
He said the DSI was better equipped to handle challenging issues such as transnational pornography distribution and that other police agencies might be over-stretched with existing tasks.
However, Mr Jarun also admitted that existing Thai legislation remains too weak to cope with child exploitation.
The Porn Media law for example does not separate child pornography from general pornographic crimes. Even the criminal law fails to punish a person found in possession of child pornography, unless they distribute or benefit from it.
"In some foreign countries, child pornography is considered as dangerous as drugs and possessing it is absolutely illegal because this kind of media can stimulate people's sexual desires for children," said Mr Jarun.
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There was some good news however, as the cabinet has already approved a new bill for the suppression of tempting media, in which child pornography is categorised as dangerous.
"The bill was debated vigorously in the cabinet. Those opposing it were worried about some possible impacts on the public, but the majority were supportive. The prime minister has approved it in principle," he said.
The bill has been sent to the Council of State for further consideration but Mr Jarun said he could not tell when it would be passed on to the National Legislative Assembly for endorsement.
However, once the bill is endorsed, along with the human trafficking bill, both laws will be important tools enabling the DSI to better tackle transnational organised crime networks.
"Besides harsher penalties, what's more important is that both laws will improve efficiency in tracing and arresting criminals," he said.
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Mr Jarun said the current criminal justice system was outdated and that many state officials still view prostitutes as if they were criminals.
"We must erase that kind of prejudice. Prostitutes are not criminals, but they are rather the victims of injustice. Those who reap the benefits from them are the criminals," he said.
He said he wanted the DSI to try a new approach by winning the trust of trafficked women, convincing them to become witnesses and then tracing back the origins of organised crime.
He said child exploitation was on the increase and that criminals behind child pornography had become more sophisticated. He said crimes were carried out using hi-tech media and global communications through transnational criminal networks.
"The DSI must have a role in fighting these crimes by cooperating and setting the scope of work with the National Police Bureau," said Mr Jarun during a seminar with DSI officials recently.
He said the DSI was better equipped to handle challenging issues such as transnational pornography distribution and that other police agencies might be over-stretched with existing tasks.
However, Mr Jarun also admitted that existing Thai legislation remains too weak to cope with child exploitation.
The Porn Media law for example does not separate child pornography from general pornographic crimes. Even the criminal law fails to punish a person found in possession of child pornography, unless they distribute or benefit from it.
"In some foreign countries, child pornography is considered as dangerous as drugs and possessing it is absolutely illegal because this kind of media can stimulate people's sexual desires for children," said Mr Jarun.
Story Continues Below
There was some good news however, as the cabinet has already approved a new bill for the suppression of tempting media, in which child pornography is categorised as dangerous.
"The bill was debated vigorously in the cabinet. Those opposing it were worried about some possible impacts on the public, but the majority were supportive. The prime minister has approved it in principle," he said.
The bill has been sent to the Council of State for further consideration but Mr Jarun said he could not tell when it would be passed on to the National Legislative Assembly for endorsement.
However, once the bill is endorsed, along with the human trafficking bill, both laws will be important tools enabling the DSI to better tackle transnational organised crime networks.
"Besides harsher penalties, what's more important is that both laws will improve efficiency in tracing and arresting criminals," he said.
Story Continues Below
Mr Jarun said the current criminal justice system was outdated and that many state officials still view prostitutes as if they were criminals.
"We must erase that kind of prejudice. Prostitutes are not criminals, but they are rather the victims of injustice. Those who reap the benefits from them are the criminals," he said.
He said he wanted the DSI to try a new approach by winning the trust of trafficked women, convincing them to become witnesses and then tracing back the origins of organised crime.
Travis Henry To Pay Child Support For Seven Of His Nine Kids
Travis Henry just got tackled by a $3,000-a-month child support judgment.
Sure, the Denver Broncos running back has a $25 million contract and a base monthly salary approaching $50,000, but that kind of bill can still crimp your style when you're accustomed to expensive cars and fancy jewelry — and lots of other child support payments.
Henry, 28, has fathered nine children by nine women in at least four Southern states and has been ordered by various judges to provide child support for seven of them, according to court records involving one child living in DeKalb County. DeKalb Superior Court Judge Clarence Seeliger this week ordered Henry to provide $3,000 a month for the Lithonia boy he fathered out of wedlock three years ago with Jameshia Beacham, now 29. Henry isn't the most thrifty guy, according to court records, so the judge wants to ensure payment by establishing an unusual $250,000 trust that Henry must fund by next spring. Seeliger wrote that the football player displayed "bad judgment in his spending habits," dropping $100,000 for a car and $146,000 for jewelry. Meanwhile, Henry fell behind on support payments for his child with Beacham that were mandated by a previous order. Threatened with jail, he borrowed $9,800 from his former team, the Tennessee Titans, to pay the bill, according to court records. The trust ensures Beacham will get timely payment if the pro player falls behind on his installments again. Yet the trust could be a sticking point for Henry, who could appeal. His lawyer, Shiel Edlin, said that to his knowledge the trust would be without precedent in Georgia. A quarter-million dollars is a lot of money, even for Henry, Edlin said. "He has some concerns and he's weighing his options." Beacham could not be reached for comment. Her lawyer, Robert Wellon, said he asked that the trust be set up because Henry rarely made the payments mandated by an earlier order, though they were $800 less a month. Wellon said there was testimony establishing that Henry received a $1 million bonus earlier this year but quickly spent most of it, buying, among other things, a Mercedes and gold jewelry. "My argument was, if he makes wise investments, other than in gold chains, then he should be able to make the payments," Wellon said. Edlin, though, said Henry collected much less than $1 million after taxes, and he said much of it went to debts. "He doesn't have any money," Edlin said. "The guy has significant financial issues." Records show that Henry's children are scattered across both the American and National Football Conferences — including Florida, North Carolina, Tennessee and Georgia. Wellon said Henry talked about gathering them together to watch him at training camp. Indeed, part of the custody arrangement Henry reached with Beacham requires two weekend visits when he is playing pro ball. Edlin said Henry wants to be a good parent. "I know these are a lot of kids, and there might be some questions about it," he said, "but he's a really committed father."
A Husband's Role During Pregnancy & Childbirth
Giuditta Tornetta
In the seventies, a partner's role in the birthing and pregnancy process was finally brought to where it belonged: next to the mother. With the advent of the Bradley birthing methods, fathers were finally given something important to do. They became "coaches" for the birthing event, and their need to be needed was fulfilled.
Yet, the nine long months ahead of the "world series" game is a difficult and vague time for the men in our lives. Men really have no concept of how we feel physically and emotionally during this time, so they need our help and direction to create a safe and friendly environment for the mother-to-be and the child. They need to feel part of this miraculous process to establish a relationship with the unborn child early on.
Communication
Often feelings of fear, worry, and anxiety are common for most new fathers. We need to entitle our men to their feelings. Asking your partner how he would like to be involved at this point might end up backfiring. Most men's answer to a direct question like this one will say, "I don't know! What would you like me to do?"
This can only create frustration for both of you, and there is no need for that. One thing I have learned through the years is that if you don't ask for what you want and need, you probably will not get it. Stop thinking he is psychic. Stop thinking "If he loves me he'll know what I really need and want."
Know that what you want or need has nothing to do with his love for you. His giving what you want and need, or telling you honestly what he can and cannot give is no measure of his love.
Find outside support
One person alone cannot, and never will be able to, give me all that I need. A famous African adagio says, "It takes a village to raise a child," and I believe it takes a village to accompany any of us through our lives.
Your partner cannot be the only source of your fulfillment; you must create a support group especially in this miraculous time. Find friends who are willing to listen, find other mothers-to-be (your healthcare provider, your doula can help you with this one), and find chat rooms and web sites to answer your questions. Enroll in prenatal yoga or exercise classes.
Find a therapist if you feel the need to work on some of the tough issues that are coming up. Your insurance might cover a few sessions. No matter where and what you must rely on, multiple sources of support await your asking.
Yes, it is your time to get pampered, dear one, but remember that men also go through incredible changes during this time. They might not be hormonal, nor will they show up physically, but having a child is an emotional, mental and spiritual event for both of you. Acknowledge the little and big things he does for you. Tell him how to be useful, welcome him in your arms as often as you can, and remind him why you love him and why you think he will make a great father. This is such a magical time for both of you, cherish it. Every moment counts!
Love tips
# The best way to get your needs met is meeting your partner's needs. This is the concept of unconditional love. You receive what you give. And if you really want something from your partner ask and be specific.
# When you have something important to talk about, ask for a quiet and convenient time for both of you. Most anything can wait, if you overwhelm your partner with questions or an "important" subject the minute they enter the home you might not get the results you are looking for. I know it sounds ridiculous at first, but making an appointment to discuss what is in your mind will give both of you time to relax first and settle in.
# Tell your partner how special he/she is -- often. We are so quick to criticize and slow to praise.
# Don't improvise when it comes to your partnership. Most relationships need a little work. Together, attend workshops, see a couple therapist, or read books on enriching your relationships.
# Spend time thinking about all things you love about your partner and be grateful for each and every one of them.
# When you are upset about something, stop, sit down and write down what (WHAT not who) made you upset and see if you can find your part in it. It takes two to tango. Knowing your part will make your anger be balanced.
# Have you ever thought about what is it like to be in a relationship with you? What would you like more or less from this relationship?
# Keep romance and passion alive!
* Surprise him/her with tickets to his/her favorite event
* Take the car to be washed
* Have breakfast for him/her when they wake up
* Give her/him a back rub -- foot rub etc.
* Plan a picnic at the park
* Leave a love note
* Bring flowers home
* Sing her her favorite song or play it and ask her to dance with you
* Look at each other while you kiss or make love
* Tell her/him you love her in ten different ways -- get creative
* Get involved in the pregnancy from the beginning
* Take her to as many Doctor's appointments as you can
* Make time to discuss the future of your baby
* Make time to discuss the birthing experience you both want
# Stay close through crisis. Hormones run wild in these times, understand tears, moods and tensions, stay close and at times just listen.
# Don't EVER criticize yours mate's body!
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