You could spend a month preparing for the perfect sexual encounter. Mood lights, scented candles, massage oil, Enya CDs, Tantric-sex guidebooks, your boyfriend's annoying, slobbering collie locked in the closet -- you know, the works. And chances are, he'd appreciate the whole production. But why spend a month trying to give him the best sex of his life when you can accomplish all that in just five seconds?
That's right, five seconds. Because for a man, sex can be a nice, pleasant time or a fantastic, mind-altering experience. It all comes down to what happens during that brief window of time between when he first feels an oncoming orgasm and the moment when he actually explodes.
Looking Under the Manhood
To understand what really makes a man blow a gasket, let's look at sex from his perspective. First comes the actual prospect of gettin' some, which causes the male brain to signal the penis to get up and ready. Arteries open, blood flows in. Sensitivity is heightened all over a man's body. Then, during the deed, excitement builds (Man, I can't believe I'm actually gettin' some!), and the muscles in the perineum tighten, closing off the bladder. Testicles swell and rise up in the scrotal sac; the prostate, vas deferens, and seminal vesicles start to throb. Soon, when the excitement becomes too much to bear -- Boy, oh boy, I can't believe it. I'm still gettin' some! -- semen is sent rocketing toward the urethra.
Then comes the key moment. Sex docs call it "the moment of ejaculatory inevitability." It's the point at which the voluntary act (having sex) switches to an involuntary one (ejaculation and orgasm) -- kind of like sniffing a flower, then sneezing.
The amount of time between this point of no return and ejaculation is only a few seconds, usually. And what happens during that tiny sliver of time can make the difference between the most mind-blowing, sheet-ripping, hell's-a-poppin' experience of that man's short life -- or a bit of a dud. "Those last few seconds of sex are worth 100 days of hell," says Ray, a 30-year-old lawyer in New Jersey. That's because Ray's girlfriend knows a nifty bedroom trick or two -- tricks that we're going to teach you.
Tip 1: Get a Cue
A lot depends on recognizing that moment when he's about to explode. And it's not that easy, because every guy is different. "He may hold his breath or get very intense in his thrusting; he may start making sounds or, on the contrary, he may get very silent," says Laurence Levine, M.D., associate professor of urology and director of the Male Sexual Function Clinic at Rush-Presbyterian St. Luke's Medical Center in Chicago. Pay attention to the subtle cues that signal he's about to come (that same sharp intake of breath; the way he repeatedly bangs his cranium against your headboard chanting "Attica! Attica!"). Or simply ask him. Tell him it turns you on to know what's going on inside his head.
"I think my girlfriend's come to learn when it's happening for me," says Jacob, a 27-year-old computer analyst from Illinois. "She must recognize that 'Boy, oh boy' kind of moan that I make. Then she just locks down, takes control, and rides away until I'm chewing pillow." The key is to do whatever you're doing -- thrusting, sucking, or fondling -- a little harder, a little faster, a little more furiously.
Tip 2: Don't Stop!
The worst thing you could do to a guy who's reached that point is: nothing. It's like being on a roller coaster, ready to spill over the edge, when suddenly the car grinds to a screeching halt, and a burly ticket taker asks you to get out of the seat.
"The worst thing in the world is when you're just about to come, and she stops for some reason -- the phone rings or something," says Francis, 25, a talent scout in Nashville. "Talk about a letdown." That's because ejaculation has become inevitable -- but orgasm hasn't. If you stop, he might shoot, but he won't necessarily score. (In fact, medical science has proved that a man can have a cerebral hemorrhage midhump -- 'Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, ack!" -- die, and still ejaculate.)
Tip 3: Steady as He Goes
While suddenly developing rigor mortis is a big mistake, this is no time to start tricky bedroom gymnastics either. "Once, just as I was about to blast off, so to speak, my girlfriend decided she was tired of being on top," recalls Tom, a 28-year-old contractor from California. "I tried to warn her, but it was too late. What a bummer. I'm all for multiple sex positions, but her timing left something to be desired."
"During orgasm, waves of energy go from the ejaculatory center to the rest of the brain," explains Dr. Levine. Abruptly altering the mental subject -- Whoa, she wants to change positions -- will only interrupt those waves of bliss. Instead, keep him concentrating on the orgasm at hand. "At the point of no return, many men actually lose touch with the external world," says Michael Seiler, Ph.D., a marital and sexual therapist in Chicago. "The more he can abandon himself to it, the better."
Tip 4: Use Your Brakes Sparingly
Your guy says, "Oh, Jesus!" You say, "Wait! Not yet!" Your guy thinks: Wait, not yet! and he does everything humanly possible to fight back the wave of pleasure that's ready to break. He envisions nuclear-war atrocities, muscular-dystrophy telethons, Janet Reno naked -- anything to stop that ejaculation from happening. Bad move.
"Once guys reach that point of no return, there's no way of stopping that response," says Seiler. "So if a man tries to squeeze down to prevent that, the only thing he's going to do is squeeze the pleasure out of the experience." Remember that sneeze analogy earlier? Ever try to block a sneeze?
Actually, the consequences could be serious. "I've seen men who have essentially compressed the urethra in order to prevent ejaculation," says Dr. Levine. "And the orgasm could be so strong that you could have enough force to cause a tear in the urethra." And in the list of major turnoffs, urethral tear ranks right up there with black plague and Al Gore.
Tip 5: Bring Him Almost There
"Basically, once a guy reaches the point of no return," says Seiler, "there isn't much he can do except abandon himself to it and enjoy it. But what you do before that point is instrumental to heightening his sensations afterward." In other words: Keep that guy in enough suspense to kill him. "I think of sex like a spring," adds Seiler. "The tighter you wind it, the longer that person is in sexual arousal, the stronger the experience is of the release." One trick is the classic tease. "Your goal should be to bring him close to the level of the point of no return but to stop beforehand," explains Dr. Levine. "Then, stop all stimulation whatsoever, and do it again and again. Usually, by doing this kind of delay over and over again, men really have a powerful orgasm when they finally give in and go wild."