Five More Money Mistakes to Avoid

Suze Orman

Back in February, my column on 12 common money mistakes generated a lot of interest. As much as I wish that list of a dozen dumb moves was exhaustive, I'm back with round two.

My new list of money missteps comes with a bit of a twist: They're moves that men are more inclined to make than women.

I'm not blindly beating up the guys out there, just telling it the way I see it based on years of experience. Constantly talking to men and women about their money strategies has shown me that in a few key financial areas, there is indeed a gender divide.

Here's the latest list of blunders:

1. Funding early retirement with a home equity line of credit.

Given the big run-up in real estate values over the past five years, many of you are sitting on sizeable home equity. That's great. What isn't so great is that some equity-rich homeowners are hell-bent on living off that equity.

This seems especially alluring to men, who use the equity as an escape hatch. They feel emboldened to quit their jobs and not work. Or quit their jobs and start their own business. Or keep their jobs and use the home equity to buy that $60,000 sports car they "deserve" for working so hard. Essentially, they view their home equity as an ATM waiting to be tapped.

And this drives the woman in their life crazy. My email inbox and calls into my cable show are flooded with women trying to figure out how to tell their men they don't want to take on so much risk.

I'm with the women on this one. Using home equity as an open checking account is bad for your finances, to say nothing of the stress it adds to a relationship. Oh, sure, you only intend to use it to live off for a year. But don't kid yourself; more and more people -- especially men -- who leave the workforce choose to stay out, so they just keep draining the home equity.

The problem is that you can't bank on the notion that the tap will never run dry. Unless you've had your head in the sand all year, you're aware that we're in an official real estate cool-down mode. Home prices are moderating, and even falling a bit, in some of the markets that were the hottest just a year ago. That means slower equity buildup.

So it's foolish to plan on another round of huge home-value increases to give you even more equity to tap. If you run through all your equity and then still need more income to live off of -- or pay for whatever you bought with the tapped equity -- where is that money going to come from?

2. Not paying off the mortgage early.

Men tend to hate this idea. They love leverage, especially when it comes with a nice tax break from Uncle Sam. At the same time, most women will tell you the one security blanket that would make them feel safest is knowing they would always have a home to live in.

An alarming 46 percent of women respondents to a recent survey sponsored by Allianz Life Insurance Company of North America said that the prospect of becoming a "bag lady" weighs heavily on them. Women view their home as shelter; men view it as a tax shelter. So who's right?

Well, if you're living in a home you intend to stay in and are at least 50, I think paying off the mortgage early is one of the smartest moves you can make. For security, plain and simple.

Yes, you give up the tax break of being able to deduct the mortgage interest, but you also give up the responsibility of making a monthly mortgage payment. That's a huge weight off your financial shoulders in retirement.

My advice if you are 50 or over is to scale back on your 401(k) contributions so you invest just enough to get your company match. Then use the extra money that will show up in your paycheck -- yes, even after the fact that it's taxed -- to accelerate your mortgage payments.

Will you end up with less in your 401(k)? Of course, but you'll need a lot less because you won't be stuck paying your mortgage once you retire.

3. Neglecting to make a will.

So many women tell me they want to draw up a will and revocable living trust, but their husbands just don't want to talk about it.

I understand that contemplating death isn't easy, but if you want to protect your loved ones, it's absolutely necessary. Let's face it: We can only guess the direction of the Dow and what Ben Bernanke will do at the next Fed meeting (or six Fed meetings from now).

But one thing we all know for certain is that we'll die. And dying without a will and trust is just flat-out selfish; it creates major hassles for your loved ones, especially if you don't have a revocable living trust.

Without a trust, your "estate" must go through the probate system before any of your assets can pass to your heirs. That can take time and money, and it makes your financial affairs public record. With a trust, your assets pass seamlessly to your beneficiaries.

4. Refusing to take the investing long view.

I'm all for being on top of your investments and making timely changes in your portfolio. But men have a tendency to be quicker on the trading trigger that tends to hurt performance.

A few years ago, a study of the trading records of men and women revealed that while everyone tends to reduce their returns by trading -- versus a buy-and-hold strategy -- men traded 45 percent more than women, and in the process reduced their returns by about 1 percent more.

By the way, the same finance professors who conducted the study also found that the most active traders -- men and women -- underperformed the least active traders to the tune of more than 5 percentage points a year.

5. Assuming the role of the family's sole money manager.

In the Allianz survey, 38 percent of women respondents said that money was a cause of friction in their marriage. (Some good news: just 2 percent said sex was a problem. Phew.)

Typical topics of dissension were not enough savings, having too much debt, him spending too much, or her spending too much. It's interesting to note that while a small percentage of the women surveyed said their husbands handle the money decisions, a large percentage of men said that they did so.

If that's the case in your relationship, then you're completely out of sync as a couple. Not just because you give different answers to that question, but because the only correct answer if you want to stay happy is that you're both equally involved with money decisions.

Sure, you can divide all the various financial tasks, but at the end of the day you both need to be equally responsible for your money. Who earns it is irrelevant; when it comes to how that money is spent, invested and saved, however, there has to be a shared and balanced sense of responsibility. If you aren't in synch on this, you're going to have relationship problems that no amount of money can fix.

How to Help When Your Spouse Is Depressed

Carolyn MacInnes

Tim and Sandra sit close together on their porch swing, holding hands. It’s hard to believe that less than a year ago, they’d discussed selling their house, splitting their possessions and sharing custody of their three children. The couple explains that a common but treatable illness nearly destroyed their strong 12-year marriage.

"I remember the day it started," Tim says. "I walked into the kitchen one morning and Sandy was just sitting on the floor. She was still in her bathrobe, and her eyes were swollen from crying."

When Tim asked what was wrong, Sandra told him she honestly didn’t know. Their lives were good. They weren’t struggling financially or having problems with the kids. She knew there was no reason to cry, yet the tears returned every morning from then on. Her concentration began to slip as well, leading to mistakes that almost cost her a job she loved. Finally, Tim insisted she see a doctor.

"I sure didn’t like the diagnosis," Sandra explains, shaking her head. "I expected him to give me vitamins or tell me not to work so hard. I never anticipated what he would actually suggest."

After several tests, Sandra’s doctor told her he believed she was suffering from a depressive disorder. He explained that our bodies need to maintain stable levels of the chemical serotonin to function normally — but the receptors in Sandra’s brain were blocking its flow to certain areas. When he suggested she try an anti-depressant drug to trigger proper serotonin absorption, she refused.

"I left his office feeling conflicted," Sandra says. "Tim and I were both raised to believe that true Christians were happy, thankful people. I was convinced that my misery was caused by a lack of faith, not a medical condition. But truthfully, I wasn’t sure which option scared me more. I couldn’t even bring myself to tell Tim that the doctor had called my mental health into question."

Over the next few months, Sandra tried to bury her secret — but her sorrow was too pervasive to hide. Their frightened children began asking what was wrong with Mom.

In the meantime, Tim admits his concern turned to frustration. "I’d ask again and again what was wrong, but she never had an answer," he says. "Not only was I aggravated by my feelings of helplessness, I was angry the life I’d worked so hard to provide wasn’t enough to make her happy."

"And the more angry he got, the more he’d withdraw from me," Sandra adds. "Then I’d feel guilty and withdraw even more. We just kept drifting further apart."

Despite her efforts to pray during that time, Sandra admits she found it almost impossible to muster the strength or the words. She felt she was not only losing her mind and her family, but now even God had abandoned her.

Identifying Depression
Tim and Sandra’s story likely rings true for many couples. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), one in five adults in America will suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year. Women face these illnesses twice as often as men, but statistics show men are highly under-diagnosed due to an unwillingness to admit they’re struggling.

Stigmas and misconceptions often prevent those with depressive illnesses (which often include anxiety and panic) from getting treatment. For some, words like mental illness and therapy still evoke images of patients in strait jackets or neurotic movie characters with phobias of germs, elevators and their shadows. In reality, depression can be much less obvious. Even so, it still debilitates and destroys its victims if left untreated.

A few key signs of depression are:

  • Daily sadness
  • Loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed
  • Restless, anxious or irritable behavior
  • Trouble concentrating, focusing or remembering
  • Excessive weariness and lethargy
  • Sleeping or eating too much or too little
  • Unexplained aches and pains
  • Thoughts of suicide or death

If you recognize any of these symptoms persisting in a spouse for more than a few weeks, check with your family doctor.

Preparing Yourself to Help Your Loved One
Flight attendants always tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping someone next to you. In the same way, it’s important to prepare yourself before attempting to assist others when a spouse is depressed. Deep sorrow can be infectious, and it’s not uncommon for caregivers to develop symptoms of depression themselves. Guard against this possibility by eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep, and staying in the Word.

Also keep an eye on your kids. Children are often vulnerable to a parent’s anxiety. One study indicates that 20% of 10-year-olds whose mothers suffered from depression were themselves victims within five years.

Don’t underestimate the value of caring friends and family at times like this. Let loved ones help you with day-to-day tasks, and allow them to listen to and pray with you. The surest way to intensify your struggle is to isolate yourself and your immediate family from those who love you.

Reaching Out to Your Spouse
When a care-giver understands that clinical depression is a genuine medical condition, he or she may actually feel empowered. It’s encouraging to realize there are a number of tangible ways to help a spouse who is depressed:



Pray fervently with and for them. Share meaningful Scripture verses.

Tell your loved one to just pray about it or make them feel like healing would come if they'd simply trust God more.

Help them see that the family needs them to get well.

Make them feel guilty for the impact of their illness on the family.

Listen; give credibility to their feelings.

Blame or criticize them.

Seek help for yourself and offer to see a therapist with them.

Imply that they need help because they're weak. Also, don't immediately exclude other family members from counseling. Sometimes, complex relational issues involving several family members can spark depression.

Encourage them to consider medication; research shows that 80% of those suffering from depressive disorders can be treated successfully with modern medications.

Expect medication to solve everything. Also, don't discount the need for prayer — and possibly therapy.

Show affection; encourage them to get out and do things with you.

Let them continue in a pattern of sleep and isolation.

A Happy Ending
Once Tim and Sandra overcame their fears and misconceptions about mental illness, they began to counsel with their pastor each week. Sandra also returned to the doctor. Within a few months, she felt like herself again, thanks to a low dosage of a Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitor (SSRI). The medication helped bring her serotonin levels back into balance. Their children were thrilled to see Mom smiling again.

The couple, now co-leading a mental illness support group at their church, discovered that they could survive depression with teamwork, education, empathy and a lot of prayer.

"The Lord has really blessed us by allowing this experience to bring us together rather than tear us apart," Sandra says. "When times were toughest, Tim decided not to give up on me — and that decision has radically changed our lives."

The 12 Biggest Money Mistakes

Avoiding costly money mistakes is one of the best ways to make more money -- each penny you avoid throwing away on a senseless move is a penny available for reaching your financial goals.

So if you do nothing else this year, please avoid making any of the following financial blunders.

1. Don't borrow from your 401(k) or 403(b).

It's a horrible deal. For starters, your 401(k) contributions are pre-tax. Your money will get taxed later on, when you withdraw the money from the plan.

But if you take out a loan, you're pulling out pre-tax dollars that you will then have to repay -- with money that has already been taxed. Then when you eventually retire and start making withdrawals, the money is going to be taxed again. So your loan gets taxed twice.

The payback period can also be a problem. You'll have to repay the entire loan in just a few months if you're laid off or take a new job. And if you don't have the money for repayment -- and you're not 55 or older -- the loan will then be treated as a withdrawal. That means a 10 percent early withdrawal penalty and income tax on all the money. Ouch.

Moreover, you're shortchanging your retirement savings. Reducing the money you have growing tax-deferred in a retirement plan is going to translate into having less money when you need it.

2. Don't use a home equity line of credit to pay off your credit-card debt.

This is a move that can end up costing you your home. Your credit-card debt is what's known as unsecured debt: There's no collateral the credit-card issuer can force you to sell to collect on your debt. A HELOC-like a mortgage and a home-equity loan is what's known as secured debt. Your home -- or more specifically, your home equity -- is the collateral. If you fall far enough behind on your HELOC payments, the lender can require you to sell the home to recoup the money you borrowed.

Besides, many people wipe out their credit-card debt by rolling it over into a HELOC -- and then run up new credit-card balances again. This puts them in a big fix: They have credit-card and HELOC debt.

You also need to be doubly careful with HELOCs in today's rising-interest-rate environment. In 2005 the average HELOC rate jumped from 5.62 percent to 7.25 percent. On a $25,000 HELOC balance with a 15 year payback period, the monthly payment would have jumped from $206 to $228. That's an extra $250 for the year.

3. Don't fall behind on paying your taxes, student loans, or child support.

Even if you're in dire financial straits and file for bankruptcy, these obligations won't be forgiven. You could even have your wages garnished if you fall behind on either your tax or student-loan payments.

4. Don't flake on paying your library fines or parking tickets.

Be a model citizen -- with a model credit score. More and more municipalities in search of revenue are turning over unpaid tickets and bills to collection agencies. If you don't cover the payments, the collection agency is likely to report the outstanding bill to the credit bureaus. A dented credit score from an unpaid $25 parking ticket or library fine could cost you the lowest possible interest rate on a mortgage or car loan.

5. Don't buy a variable annuity, especially for your retirement account.

A variable annuity is basically a contract with an insurance company, and the money you invest is used to buy mutual funds within the annuity. The sales pitch is that you can buy and sell the funds inside the annuity as much as you heart delights and have no tax bill while the money is invested. But what you probably aren't told is that you will pay ordinary income tax on withdrawals and that if you take money out before you're 59 ½, you will also be hit with a 10 percent penalty.

Then there's the cost. The annual fees buried in a variable annuity can easily run to 2.5 percent or more a year. Compare that with many mutual funds that charge 0.5 percent or less, and you're talking about quite a big cost to own a variable annuity.

It can make a lot more sense to go with a low-cost mutual fund, rather than a variable annuity. Sure, you're exposed to the annual tax distributions mutual funds make. But plenty of funds, especially large-cap ones, are very tax-efficient, meaning they make no or very small annual tax distributions.

And the tax bill when you sell your mutual fund can be a lot better than the deal on your variable annuity. If you hold a mutual fund for at least one year, all the gains when you sell are eligible for the long-term capital gains rate rather than being taxed at your ordinary income-tax rate. For most people, the long-term capital gains rate is 15 percent. That's a lot better than the top income tax rate of 35 percent.

And the absolute worst thing you can do is to follow any advice to buy a variable annuity for your IRA. A variable annuity is a tax-deferred investment, and so is an IRA. So don't waste your IRA by stuffing it with an investment that's already tax-deferred.

6. Don't finance a home purchase with a variable interest-only loan.

If the only way you can buy a home is to take out an interest-only loan with a low initial teaser rate, then you can't afford that home.

And the ultimate bad housing move is to use an Option Adjustable Rate Mortgage that allows you to set a very low payment during the start of the loan that might not even cover your interest costs. If you fall for that trap, you will have a "negative amortization loan." Instead of your loan balance becoming incrementally smaller with each monthly payment, it's actually rising because the lender just shovels the "unpaid" interest onto the balance of the loan.

Paying just the interest initially on the mortgage only means that you will need to eventually repay the principal at an accelerated pace. If you have a 30-year loan and you don't pay principal for 10 years, you will then have to repay the entire principal in the final 20 years of the mortgage.

And don't fall for the lender's pitch that you will have more income to handle the increase once the principal is due, or that you can refinance. If your career takes an unexpected dip, perhaps your income won't grow as fast as you need it to. And refinancing isn't easy if interest rates increase, or property gains have slowed so you don't have much equity built up. There's no guarantee that you'll be able to handle the higher payments.

7. Don't miss out on your employer's offer of an annual bonus.

I'm talking about the matching contribution on your 401(k) or 403(b). One recent study found that more than 20 percent of 401(k) participants aren't contributing enough to get the maximum annual match. These people are turning down free money.

8. Don't purchase life insurance on your kids.

Life insurance has one purpose: To replace the income of the deceased if anyone is dependent on that income. While losing a child is a tragedy, your child doesn't have an income that you depend on. So it makes no sense to purchase a life insurance in their name.

But you sure need to have a life insurance policy in your name because your kids -- and possibly your partner -- are dependent on your income.

9. Don't purchase life insurance as an investment.

Policies that include an investment component are quite possibly the worst financial deal you can make. The cost of these "cash-value" policies (they come in a variety of flavors including universal life, variable life, and whole life) can be 10 times the cost of a standard term-life insurance policy. That's why insurance agents love to sell them: In the first year of your policy, the agent's commission can be as much as 90 percent of your premium.

Please stick with term insurance. It provides all of the insurance coverage you need to protect your loved ones -- at a fraction of the cost.

10. Don't let any single stock account for more than 10 percent of your investment portfolio.

It's pretty irresponsible for corporations to offer their matching 401(k) contributions in company stock and then have it offered as an investment option in the 401(k). All this leads to employees who have way too much of their retirement banking on the company stock. Just ask an Enron or WorldCom worker.

And you don't need a total company meltdown to hurt you. A disappointing stretch for the company -- be it a failed product launch, regulatory problems, or stiff competition -- can send a stock down 20 percent or more.

11. Don't pass up a Roth IRA.

The Roth is an absolute slam dunk. Yes, it's true there is no initial tax break: You invest money that you've already paid tax on, unlike a 401(k) where you get an upfront tax break because your contribution is pre-tax.

But the Roth pays off later. Your money grows tax-deferred while it's invested, and when you withdraw the funds in retirement --assuming you're at least 59 ½ and have had the account at least five years -- you won't pay one penny in tax. Meanwhile, all your 401(k) or 403(b) withdrawals will be taxed at your ordinary income tax rate.

I also like the great flexibility you get with a Roth: The money you contribute can be withdrawn at any time, without having any tax or penalty to pay. It's only the earnings in your Roth that need to stay put until you're 59 ½ to avoid any tax or penalty. While you should avoid needlessly raiding your retirement account, easy access to your Roth contributions is a nice emergency safety cushion for you.

So if you're eligible for a Roth IRA, you're crazy to pass it up. If you're single and have modified adjusted gross income below $95,000, or are married and file a joint tax return with MAGI below $150,000 you're able to invest the full $4,000 annual limit in a Roth this year. If you happen to be at least 50-years old, your limit is $5,000. Invest $4,000 a year for the next 30 years, earn an average 8 percent annual return, and you'll have nearly $500,000.

12. Don't opt for low home- or auto-insurance deductibles.

The odds are relatively low that you will need to make a claim in any given year, so it makes sense to reduce your premium, not your deductible. Boost your deductible to $1,000 or more, and you can shave 10 percent or more off of your premium costs.

It's also smart to stick with a higher deductible because you won't be tempted to make small claims. And that's a good way to stay in your insurer's good graces. If you make a lot of claims, you're bound to see your premium rise, or even be turned down when it is time to renew your coverage.

This strategy works only if you have the resources to cover the higher deductible. My hope is that you have an emergency cash fund. Or that you have a credit card with a very low interest rate that you can tap in an emergency.

O.K., that's enough mistakes for now. But I plan to devote an upcoming column to some additional pitfalls I want you know about. Meanwhile, e-mail me at and tell me your biggest financial blunder. I won't share any of your personal information, but it would be great if in my follow-up column other people could learn from your mistakes, too!

It's a boy for Japan: magazine

Japan's Prince Akishino has confided to a friend that his wife Princess Kiko will have a boy, who would be the first male heir born into the royal family in four decades, a magazine reports.

The Shukan Bunshun quoted an unidentified friend who said the prince told him the tightly guarded news three months ago.

"A close friend asked Prince Akishino, 'After having two daughters, Princesses Mako and Kako, would the next baby be a boy?'" the weekly said.

"Prince Akishino smiled and clearly responded: 'Yes, it seems that way'," the magazine said.

The 39-year-old Princess Kiko is expected to give birth by Caesarean section next week.

Japan has been holding its breath for months, with much of the public holding high hopes for a boy to maintain the male-only succession of the world's oldest monarchy.

The palace is yet to announce the gender of the fetus, only saying it is developing healthily.

If the baby is a boy, it would be the first male born to the imperial family since Akishino himself in 1965.

Crown Prince Naruhito and Crown Princess Masako have one child, four-year-old Princess Aiko.

Masako, a US-educated former career diplomat, has suffered years of stress due to pressure to bear a boy and adapt to the tradition-bound monarchy.

The crown couple and their daughter returned Thursday from a two-week holiday in the Netherlands, the first time a Japanese royal has gone overseas for recuperation.

Japanese media broadcast rare footage of a beaming Masako and Aiko during the vacation, in contrast to the mother and daughter's usual formality in Japan.

Kiko's pregnancy was a dream come true for conservatives as it led Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi to backtrack on widely supported reforms to allow a woman to ascend the Chrysanthemum Throne.

Chief Cabinet Secretary Shinzo Abe, a conservative who is the front-runner to succeed Koizumi in late September, expressed his caution Thursday about sudden changes to succession rules.

"Royal succession affects the base of our nation, and it is extremely important that we create a system that ensures stable succession," Abe, who has said little recently on the succession debate, told reporters.

"The government wants to work carefully and calmly so that we can gain consensus from all parts of the public," he said, adding that he was praying for Kiko's safe delivery.

The Shukan Bunshan said ruling party lawmakers, medical experts and journalists who cover palace affairs already talk as if the baby will be a boy.

The friend of Akishino told the magazine, however, that there is still a room for uncertainty.

"The comment was said at a time when it was possible to tell the sex of the baby, but he is not the type of person who would casually disclose such an important piece of information," the friend told Shukan Bunshun.

The magazine said it was possible that Akishino was not confirming the sex of his long-awaited baby but instead was trying to avoid disappointing his friend who hoped for a boy.

The Rape-stained Doors of Our Ivory Towers

Should we be calling the student-athletes criminal-athletes instead?

“Scary Stats” – that is what I call the rape statistics that I present to my self-defense students. Some of the facts that they are told about rape in the United States is that rape is the fastest growing violent crime; it is the most under-reported crime with 84% of the victims never reporting the crime; women ages 16-24 are at the highest risk of being sexually assaulted, four times that of all women; most rapists are 15-29 years old; more than 90% of all rapes occur in the same race and socio-economic class and 70% of female rape victims knew their rapist (Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2003).

My psychology degree and subsequent research into sexual assault for my self defense course has led me to identify two commonalities shared among all rapists: (1) They are afraid of detection and (2) They are afraid of rejection (Stasik, 2004). The first characteristic – the fear of detection – may appear to be common sense but none-the-less deserves some elaboration. Besides stalking, a rapist often commits his crime on his turf – his apartment or home, his car or some pre-selected location chosen out of his fear of detection. In fact, more than 50% of acquaintance rapes occur on the man’s turf (Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2003). Fear of rejection is the second characteristic. Just think of the number of rapes that could have been avoided if the attacker was able to take “NO!” for an answer!! Unfortunately, victims of sexual abuse sustain an increased amount of physical injury if they plead, cry or try reasoning (Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2003).

Do I dare suggest that there is a third commonality – participation in college sports, especially power and performance sports? Since most rapists are 15-29 years old, how many of them participate in college sports? What factors contribute to student-athletes staining the Ivory Tower doors with rape? The purpose of this research was to explore this possible new commonality and answer these disconcerting questions.

How prevalent is rape in American colleges? Are student-athletes who participate in college sports more likely than nonathletes to commit sexual assault? According to the joint research findings of the National Institute of Justice and the Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2.8 percent of college women will experience a complete or attempted rape during any academic year (Fisher, Cullen, & Turner, 2000). Thirty-two percent of the perceived age of single-offenders that committed rape is between the ages of 18 and 29 (Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2003). The stereotype of male student-athletes as the perpetrators is so prevalent that Lapchick and Lapchick attest to this mindset stereotype of 1999: “athletes, especially basketball and football players, are more inclined to be violent towards women than non-athletes” (Lapchick & Lapchick, 2000). Contributing to this stereotype is the growing list of sexual assault complaints filed against players and athletic recruits. In one year (2001) three such charges were issued against student-athletes at Colorado State University, seven total between 1997 and 2004 (Jacobson & Suggs, 2004).

What are the facts behind this stereotype? Between 1980 and 1990, 26 documented gang rapes allegedly occurred at Bucknell University in Lewisburg, Pennsylvania. Psychologist Chris O’Sullivan, Ph.D., found that athletic team members committed the second highest number of these rapes, preceded by fraternity members (Eitzen, 2005). In 1986 the Philadelphia Daily News conducted a survey of some 200 college police departments and rape counselors, which pertained only to reported cases and presumed that all reported campus rapes were committed by on-campus students. The survey found that on average, student-athletes were accused of raping another student once every 18 days and that they were nearly 40 percent more likely than the average male on campus to be reported for rape (Johnson, 1991). In his 1991 article, “When sex is the issue,” Johnson refers to a 1990 national survey of more than 12,000 students by the Campus Violence Prevention Center at Maryland's Towson State University. This study found that athletes and fraternity members committed about half of all reported acquaintance rapes (Johnson, 1991). In a 1993 published study of 925 undergraduate women, Fritner and Rubinson found that male athletes were more likely than male nonathletes to be involved with both sexual intimidation and assault. Furthermore, sports team members were found to comprise 20.2% of the men involved in sexual assault or attempted sexual assault even though they made up less than 2% of the campus population (Frintner & Rubinson, 1993).

In what has become a highly publicized study, Benedict and Crosset (1993) examined collegiate sexual assault cases to determine if student-athletes were more likely than nonathletes to behave criminally. They reviewed 107 cases of sexual assault reported at 30 Division I schools between 1991 and 1993. Their study found that 19 percent of sexual assault perpetrators and 35 percent of domestic violence perpetrators were male student-athletes. The significance of these findings is felt when viewed in relationship to their collegiate population - only 3.3 percent of collegiates are male student-athletes. The Benedict-Crosset Study concludes "male college student-athletes, compared to the rest of the male population, are responsible for a significantly higher percentage of sexual assaults reported to judicial affairs on the campuses of Division I institutions" (Benedict & Crosset, 1993, as cited in Locklear, 2003).

More recently other researchers have also found that college student-athletes are more likely than their nonathletic counterparts to sexually assault women. In 1996 Boeringer (1996) found that male athletes were more likely than male nonathletes to use force and coercion in addition to drugs and alcohol during a sexual encounter (Boeringer, 1996 as cited in Sabo, 2000). Similar results were found by Chandler et al in research that utilized a 40-item questionnaire to survey 342 college students at a historically Black Southeastern university; surveys were voluntary and anonymous. They found that 15% of the athletes fondled someone of the opposite sex against his or her will versus the 5% of the nonathletes and also that 8% of the athletes had forced sex with someone of the opposite sex versus the 2% of the nonathletes (Chandler, Johnson, & Carroll, 1999).

According to various reports in the press between 1995 and 2000, between 350 and 500 athletes and coaches have been accused of sexually assaulting a woman. That averages to be between 70 and 100 such accusations a year (Lapchick & Lapchick, 2000). Let me put this into the proper perspective. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, rape is the most under-reported crime with up to 84% of the victims never reporting the crime. The total number of victimizations for rape/sexual assault in 2003 was 198,850 with only 38.5% having been reported to the police (Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2003). Applying this percentage to the average yearly accusation against athletes and coaches, approximately 182 to 260 yearly incidents really occur (with only 70 to 100 being reported to the police).

The research reviewed for this paper revealed that between 8 and 40 percent of sexual assault perpetrators were male student-athletes. Once again, allow me put this into the proper perspective. Assuming that the college sample is representative of the nation’s population, male student-athletes committed approximately 15,900 to 79,540 of the 198,850 victimizations for rape/sexual assault in 2003. Are these findings significant? That is for you to decide. But let me remind you that both the National Institute of Justice and the Bureau of Justice Statistics funded research regarding the sexual victimization of college women, which found that 2.8 percent of college women will experience a complete or attempted rape during any academic year (Fisher, Cullen, & Turner, 2000). As far as I am concerned, I now have one more identifiable commonality among rapists and will update my article as a result of these findings.

The above findings presented statistics regarding male student-athletes and rape/sexual assault. It was easier for me to find research pertaining to factors contributing to sexual assault perpetration by college athletes. This research revealed five major categories in which these contributing factors lie: (1) rape-supportive attitudes, beliefs and feelings (2) rape-supportive behavior, (3) the privileged climate of athletics, (4) the notoriety of the students-athletes, and (5) socioeconomic and ethnic background. The remainder of this paper will review research pertaining to these factors…

Excerpt from 27-page research paper by DiAnn Lanke Stasik 4/25/06.
The complete paper is available in DiAnn’s Curriculum Guide to W.O.W.’s Fundamentals of Self Defense. Please contact her at


Although not a new phenomenon, there is growing concern about the different types of “date-rape drugs” – those drugs used to facilitate a rape or sexually assault by sedating their victims and causing them to be incapacitated and unable to fight back. Among reported cases, the perpetrator most commonly laces an intended victim’s drink with the drug. Because most of these drugs dissolve quickly and can be produced as colorless, odorless, and tasteless – a victim can ingest it unknowingly. Within 10 – 20 minutes a victim can become ill, disoriented or very sleepy and unable to move or think clearly. If the drink that was laced contained alcohol then the drugs effects can be intensified. The effects can last anywhere from 2-24 hours and can leave the victim incapable of remembering what happened.

Rapists are using these drugs as a way to overpower their victims. Unfortunately, date-rape drugs are easily accessible, maybe be legal to use for other reasons, and therefore readily available and inexpensive. Although Rohypnol is illegal in the U.S., and GHB is FDA-approved only for physician supervised protocols, both are made and sold legally in other countries.


  1. Rohypnol (Roofies, Ruffies, Roopies, Rope, Ropies, R2, Roach-2, Ruffles, Roche (pronounced "row-shay"), Rochies, the Forget Pill, La Roche, Rib, Mexican Valium): was made with the intent to curb severe sleep disorders. This strong tranquilizer causes extreme sleepiness/sedation, memory impairment/amnesia, problems talking/slurred speech, muscle relaxation, dizziness, motor in-coordination, impaired judgment, loss of inhibitions, loss of consciousness, visual disturbances, nausea, and excitability and/or aggressive behavior in some users. It is fast acting; effects occur after about 10-20 minutes, peak within 1-2 hours and last 2-10 hours. However, the effects may persist for 24 hours if it is used at higher doses and when combined with other drugs. The availability of Rohypnol has become more wide spread since its recipe has recently been made available on the Internet.

    IDENTIFICATION: Rohypnol is a pill that dissolves in liquids without odor, taste and color. New pills have color and turn blue when added to liquids. However, the old colorless pills are still available. It resembles round white aspirin tablets, but is slightly smaller than aspirin. The name "Roche" is on one side of the tablet along with an encircled "1" or "2” and the reverse side is marked with either a cross or single horizontal groove. The tablets are often delivered in bubble packaging. It commonly sells for approximately $5 a tablet. Rohypnol and other benzodiazepines, as well as for marijuana, cocaine, some opiates and barbiturates can be identified through a urine test. It can be found in urine for up to 72 hours after ingestion.

    In the U.S. Rohypnol is most commonly used in places where the drug can be brought over the border easily and smuggled to consumers through postal and delivery services, or by individuals such as Florida, Texas, and other southern states. However, there have been reports from students in Wisconsin who state that Rohypnol is available on their campuses.

    DETAILS: "Rohypnol" is the brand name for the drug flunitrazepam that is manufactured by a large Pharmaceutical company (Hoffmann –La Roche). It is a central nervous system depressant, belonging to a class of drugs known as benzodiazepines, which include widely used medications such a Valium, Librium and Xanex. Rohypnol effects are approximately 10 times greater than the effects of Valium. Rohypnol is currently a Schedule IV drug under the Federal Controlled Substance Act of 1970 with Schedule I penalties for illegal possession, importation, or distribution in the United States.

  2. Gamma Hydroxy Butyrate (GHB, Liquid Extacy/Ecstacy, Liquid X, Scoop, Easy Lay, Gamma-OH, Grievous Bodily Harm, Georgia Home Boy, Goop) is FDA-approved only for physician-supervised protocols to be used as an adjunct to anesthesia; otherwise it is not approved for medical use in the U.S. It is a central nervous system depressant that can relax, or at higher doses, sedate the body while slowing breathing and heart rate to dangerous levels. It is often used "recreationally" for its ability to produce intoxicating and euphoric effects. Other effects include: dizziness, extreme drowsiness, stupor, agitation, nausea, visual disturbances, memory impairment, confusion, loss of inhibition, seizures, severe respiratory depression, reduced heart rate and blood pressure, loss of consciousness, coma, and death. The drug takes effect in 10-30 minutes and lasts 3 - 6 hours depending on the dosage; the effects can be intensified and prolonged with alcohol.

    IDENTIFICATION: GHB can be produced in a clear liquid, white powder, tablet or capsule form. In liquid form, it can have a slightly salty taste. GHB is most commonly found in liquid form in small bottles or vials such as plastic sports bottles, "spring water" bottles or small "Visine" eye-drop containers. It commonly sells for about $10.00 per capful or "swig". Unlike Rohypnol, GHB is cleared from the body relatively quickly and it therefore more difficult to detect through drug testing. Samples taken closer to the time of ingestion increase the likelihood of detecting the drug.

    GHB is usually a street manufactured drug, commonly found at nightclubs, underground RAVE parties, and used by body builders for its purported anabolic effects.

  3. Ketamine Hydrochloride ('K', Special K, Vitamin K, Ket) is an anesthetic used mainly as an animal tranquilizer. It is a newer date-rape drug and causes amnesia, a dream-like feeling or dissociation (the feeling of the mind being separated from the body), loss of sense of time and hallucinations. It is produced in liquid, powder or pill form.

Other drugs that have been associated with date rape:

Gamma Aminobutyric Acid (GABA) 1,4 Butanediol Diazepam (Valium)
Clonazepam (Klonopin, Rivotril) Temazepam (Restoril) Bromazepam (Lexotan)
Chloral Hydrate Sleeping Aids Lorazepam (Ativan)
Alprazolam (Xanax) Opiates Oxazepam (Serax)
Nitrazepam (Mogadon) Chlordiazepoxide (Librium) Marijuana
Ethchlorvynol Muscle Relaxants Flurazepam (Dalmane)
Triazolam (Halcion) Scopolamine (Burundanga) Cocaine
Barbiturates Amphetamines Antihistamines
Gamma Butyrolactone (GBL, Renewtrient, Revivarant G, Blue Nitro Vitality, GH Revitalizer, Gamma G, Remforce)

How to protect yourself:

  • Use the buddy system. You are safer when you are with a friend you trust.
  • Be extra cautious when you are places with lots of people or people you don’t know and trust.
  • Be aware. Protect your drink and food at all times.
  • Don’t go home with someone you don’t both know and trust. Make an agreement with friends that you won’t let each other leave with people you haven’t planned to go with.
  • Don’t accept drinks when you are alone at an unfamiliar place or where there are strangers.
  • Get your own drink or watch carefully when someone pours you a drink.
  • Be cautious of accepting a drink from a punch bowl.
  • Pay close attention if you hear someone "kidding" about date rape drugs. Then you should consider leaving.
  • Watch the behavior of friends who seem more intoxicated than expected from the amount of alcohol consumed.

If you suspect you have been drugged and/or sexually assaulted:

Individuals who suspect they have been assaulted and/or drugged with Rohypnol, GHB, Ketamine Hydrochloride or any other substance, may choose to contact their local rape crisis center or law enforcement agency for drug testing and information on available resources. Most substances can be detected through appropriate drug testing. They should also try to save the glass/beverage the drug was dissolved in for testing. These findings can provide valuable evidence in a court of law if the victim/survivor chooses to prosecute the case.

10 Things You Oughta Know About... Date Rape

  1. Date Rape is forced or coerced sex between; partners, dates, friends, friends of friends or general acquaintances.
  2. Date Rape can be coerced both physically and emotionally - some emotional tactics include; threats to reputation, threats to not like you, name calling, saying you "brought it on" or "really want it", threats to break up and threats to say you did it even if you didn't.
  3. If a person has had too much to drink or is on drugs they can not consent to sex and having sex with them is legally rape.
  4. There are certain date rape drugs that render the victim unconscious and limit memory; using these drugs on somebody carries a harsher penalties than date rape and is a federal crime with a possible 20 year sentence. (See: 1996 Drug-Induced Rape Prevention and Punishment Act)
  5. Rohypnol, GHB, ActiveSeX, Roofies, Ruffies, Roche, R-2, Rib and Rope are all names describing a date rape drug. These drugs are odorless and tasteless and difficult to detect when in drinks or mixed with other drugs.
  6. Date rape drugs may be difficult to trace but evidence of intercourse is not, and in cases where use of these drugs is suspected evidence of rape standards are lower.
  7. If you don't want to have sex, say NO like you mean it and fight it off if you have to - despite urban myths, people who fight off a rapist are more likely to stop the rape.
  8. Date Rape is the most common form of rape (78%) with 1 in 4 girls expected to fall victim to rape or attempted rape before they reach 25, and 3 out of 5 rapes occuring before a woman reaches age 18.
  9. Although girls are more often victims of rape, guys are not safe - they can be raped too.
  10. NO MEANS NO! If a person says no to sex (no matter how quietly or unconvincingly) and you go ahead with it anyway, that is rape.

An Open Letter To A Woman Who Wants To ATTRACT And KEEP Mr. Right...

Dear Friend,
I'd like to ask you a few questions. Be open and honest with yourself as you answer them...
Have you ever met a guy who seemed to be "Mr. Right", but after getting to know him better you could tell that he just didn't feel that same level of "connection" you felt?
You were attracted to him, but he just wasn't into you the same way you were into him?
In your mind, you could sense what a great guy he was, and that, somewhere deep inside, you both shared this strong "chemistry" that made you feel close and comfortable. But for some reason he didn't want to truly connect with you.
Another one...
Have you ever slept with a guy very quickly after meeting him, but as it started to happen you got that sinking feeling in your stomach? You knew it was a mistake, but you did it anyway. And then the thing you KNEW would happen actually happened: He unexplainably disappeared from your life. Honestly, have you ever had this happen?
Of course, the worst part wasn't that it happened, but that you KNEW you shouldn't have done it in the first place... but you did it anyway.
And finally:
Have you ever dated a great guy for a long time... I'm talking about six months, twelve months, or even longer... and it was getting to the point where you needed to have "the talk" with him. But when you tried to bring up the topic of having a relationship and making a bigger commitment, his eyes just glazed over... and then he became distant from you... and the relationship ended soon after?
You were trying to get CLOSER to him, and somehow he kept moving farther AWAY from you.
I'm guessing that when one of these things happened, your girlfriends said things like:
"He's just a jerk, forget about him".
Or they said: "He doesn't see the mistake he's making or what he'll be missing". But he never seemed to see these mistakes... or even miss you.
And the worst part of all: You kept thinking about it.
In fact, it really GOT TO YOU. And I'll bet the REASON why it got to you is because you worried that it might have been something to do with YOU (and not just because he was a total jerk).
In fact, TO THIS DAY you still have the feeling that YOU may have done something wrong, and that you may have CAUSED some of the problems in the first place... and if you would have known the RIGHT thing to do, things would have turned out differently...
Unfortunately, the bad news is that you're probably right.
Chances are you DID have something to do with it, and things probably WOULD have turned out differently if you would have known how to deal with the situation.
You COULD have done something about it... if only you had known WHAT to do...
The Secret To Attracting And Keeping
A Great Guy...
The main PROBLEM here, and the thing that stood in your way, is that men aren't easy to understand. And when you find a good man, he doesn't come with an "instruction manual".
Just because your girlfriends told you it wasn't your fault, or that he was just "a jerk", doesn't mean that they understood the problem (or that they understand men at all, for that matter).
Most women don't "get" men. Your friends who try to comfort and encourage you have good intentions. They're just trying to make you feel better.
But they're also accidentally making the situation WORSE.
They're trying to blame the situation on HIM, instead of trying to help YOU understand how to KEEP a great guy around.
This situation is MOST dangerous when you meet a really GREAT GUY, but you don't know how to catch him or keep him. Let's face it, great guys are hard to find... and when you do find one, you can't afford to lose him because you made a dumb mistake.
You can't afford to throw away a good six months, a year... or even LONGER... and risk losing what could be a valuable relationship... just because you didn't know how to handle a particular situation.
Well, there is some good news here... I personally believe that there IS something you can do about it. b
You CAN learn how to understand men and get them to be open up and understand you. You can learn how to CATCH that great guy, and how to KEEP him.
And how do I know this?
Because I AM a guy. And I've been in all the situations I just mentioned to you... from the OTHER side.
I've seen it from a man's perspective. I've been in those difficult "places" in dating, relationships, and love.
After years and years of experiencing these types of situations and hearing about them from my female friends, I decided to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT...
I spent well over a year carefully documenting and writing about my experiences. I spent much of that time researching, interviewing women, and working out all the ways a woman can get what she wants out of a relationship without scaring off the man she loves... and without letting any of those confusing "guy issues" get in the way.

Here's what I discovered:
The 3 Deadly Mistakes Women Make With Men Without EVER Realizing It...
Through my research and personal experience, I've found that these 3 mistakes are responsible for more failed dates and relationships with men than any other factors. Here they are:
» Mistake #1: Leading A Man To Think You Are "Needy" And "Insecure"
Did you know that there are 6 ways you can set off a man's "Insecurity Alert" and make him think twice about pursuing a relationship with you?
Sadly, even confident women often "accidentally" give off one of these signs... and just one can kill the chance of a man asking you on a second date.
As you read through these signals men pick up on as "needy" and unattractive, ask yourself if YOU have ever been guilty of committing one of these deadly mistakes:
* Talking or saying nasty things about your past boyfriends. Saying bad things about men you have been involved with actually reflects the negatively back on YOU. It makes a man worry you are carrying around "baggage" that HE will have to deal with should he become involved with you.
* Speaking negatively about other women. When women call other women names like "slut", "bitch", and "crazy", it is anything but impressive to a man you are attracted you. Women will often do this when they see a good looking, desirable woman, especially if they feel their man might be attracted to her. This just makes a man think you are trying to cover up your own insecurities, and looking for validation and attention. Not good.
* Too much physical contact, especially in public.
If you are constantly hanging on a man or touching him too much he'll start to see it as clingy behavior... but you'll never hear about this from him. It's far better to save your touches for short and infrequent moments that will surprise and enchant him.
The next 3 are far deadlier, but less obvious... and it's important that you learn what they are and how to avoid giving them off.
But before I show you how to do that, let's talk about mistake #2:
» Mistake #2: Appealing To His "Sexual" Side Instead Of His Emotional Side
Many women make the mistake of thinking that men are primarily driven by sex alone... and think if they can attract a man SEXUALLY they will be able to attract him EMOTIONALLY as well.
Women too often give up sex to a man in the hopes that it will translate into a relationship and get them what they want. In reality, a man has the capacity to view a sexual connection and an emotional connection as two entirely different things, and it requires a special set of skills to mold these two things together in a man's mind... and keep them connected.
Men are out for far more than just sex... and a woman who knows how to fulfill a man EMOTIONALLY and SEXUALLY will be the woman who captures a man's heart... and gets that same fulfillment for HERSELF. In a moment, I'll show you how you can learn to do just that...
» Mistake #3: Not Knowing How To Size Up A Man's "Relationship Potential"
A lot of women will decide whether or not they should put energy into building a relationship with a man based on ATTRACTION.
Yes, attraction is important. But it can also be DANGEROUS.
When we feel a strong sense of attraction for someone, it can cause us to override our logic and ignore our instincts... leading us to overlook potential partner's deadly faults that could spell trouble down the road.
If you've ever found yourself stuck in a relationship that is dragging you down, this is probably why.
It's important to be able to size a guy up and spot any "warning signs" of a future bad relationship FAST... so you don't waste any of your time or emotional energy on someone who isn't right for you... or who will leave you heartbroken. Fortunately this is a fairly easy thing to do, and I'd like to show you how...
Here's How To Find, Attract, And KEEP The Man You've Always Wanted...
Wouldn't it be nice to skip the dozens of dates with lame and shallow men most women have to go through... and fall right into the arms of the man you really want?
Would you like to learn how to captivate a man with your sharp wits and your kind heart... and never have to worry about just being wanted for sex again?
Would you like to have an almost "unfair" advantage over all other women when it comes to meeting and attracting the man you want... including those women who might be prettier and younger than you?
Are you tired of dealing with men who never really commit?
Do you want to break out of the destructive cycle of meeting men, dating them, getting into relationships, quitting things that you like to do... only to end up breaking up with the guy and feeling like you wasted your love and your life away on him?
Do you ever feel like you just can't find the right man for you... and if you did... that he might not be attracted to YOU? Would you like to know how to change this?
Or is there a man in your life right now with whom you would like to take things from "casual" to "committed", but you're not sure exactly how to do it in a way that you know will work... or even if he is interested in in YOU the same way?
Or are you in a relationship right now that seems to be growing "stale"... because your man doesn't do nice things for you, call you, or make plans the way he used to... and you'd like a fast and easy way to get things back to the way they used to be?
If you answered, "YES" to any of these questions, I have some exciting news for you...
I've put together what I like to think of as a "man manual" that literally ANY woman can use to help her both CATCH and KEEP that great guy when he comes along.
Your "Secret Weapon" For
Success With Men
My book is called "Catch Him & Keep Him".
I believe that if you learn how to understand "male psychology" and you learn how to handle a few key specific situations, that you can CATCH the man of your dreams, and then KEEP him for the long-term.
In my new book, I'm going to take you by the hand, and show you step-by-step how to catch that great guy, and then how to KEEP him around for the long-term...
I've decided to publish my book only online in "electronic" format, so you can download it right now , and be reading it within just a few minutes...
I'm not an accomplished author, so this book will have some flaws. If you read for literary quality, it might not be for you.
But if you're looking for the real... the genuine... no B.S. ways to make a man crazy for you, get what you want out of your relationships - and at the same time - avoid any of traps and mistakes that could cost you a lifetime of lost loves, this could be the most important book you'll ever read.
The Secrets Men WISH You Knew-
But Don't Know How To Tell You...
Have you ever read a romance novel about a strong-willed woman who met a tough, "dangerous" alpha-male man... and over the course of the story, she "tamed" him and won him over... and made him fall completely and helplessly in love with her... to the point where he wanted to be with her FOREVER?
We've all heard this one before... but does it ever happen in real life?
The answer is YES.
Great guys get snagged all the time. Secretly ALL MEN want to find a woman that gives them that "forever" feeling... and when they do, they want to keep her all for themselves.
So how does this happen? How does a woman give a man that feeling that lets him know that she's "the one"?
Well... as you can imagine... most guys don't really think about this stuff.
And even if they did... just as you don't want to have to tell a man how to turn you on, a man doesn't want to tell you how to make him fall in love with you.
Like you, he just wants it to HAPPEN.
So even though your man will never tell you or even hint at how you can completely capture his heart, you can bet he is secretly hoping you will do all the right things.
And that's where I come in.
When I set out to write this book, I made it my mission to find what REALLY works when it comes to attracting and keeping great men... and discover exactly how a woman could make love happen in a completely natural way.
I interviewed hundreds of men and women... and I discovered some VERY interesting things...
I started off by talking with women I knew who had "landed" great guys... desirable, successful men that any woman would consider a "catch".
It goes without saying that many other women had tried (unsuccessfully) to tie these guys down.
Not surprisingly, I started to notice some common things...
I noticed that there was one distinct thing these women did at the very beginning to make a man see them as his "future" rather then just a "casual partner".
Each one of them also had a unique, yet simple and accurate way of instantly "sizing a guy up"... so they NEVER wasted time on a guy who wasn't up to their standards (Several of these methods actually got the guy to spill his own "dirty secrets" without knowing it!).
They also had a way of handling conflicts, important situations, and "the talk" that was VERY DIFFERENT from what most men are used to seeing (This method instantly puts a man at ease by creating a "you and I against the world" bond that he treasures deeply).
Why Guys Fall For Some Women
And Not Others...
This book wouldn't be complete without the inside "dirt" from us MEN.
I made it my mission to track down dozens and dozens of the "cream of the crop"... and I got them to reveal "hows" and "whys" they themselves had never considered...
Not surprisingly, every guy I talked to had ways of "screening" women FAST... over the years they had learned to recognize certain signs that told them if a woman was insecure, a "drama queen", had "baggage", was needy or attention-starved, and even ways to instantly tell whether or not a woman knew what she was doing "between the sheets" before they ever got near the bedroom.
They also explained what women had done to secure spots in their hearts as the "one and only" (These were guys with plenty of options... but these women did 3 special things that made them completely forget about any and all other women).
And most importantly... I got them to reveal the things these special women had done to make those feelings last and last and last... perhaps the biggest challenge us men face in finding a woman to gave our hearts to.
I've been very fortunate in life in that I've never had a hard time meeting women or getting dates... but finding a woman who can keep my interest and attention has always been a different story...
Come to think of it, I can count the few who "tamed me" on one hand... with a finger or two to spare. (Every guy I interviewed actually said the same.)
So of course when I put this book together I looked back at the special women who made me feel those incredible feelings... and figured out exactly what they did differently then the other women whom I've met and dated.
I lay it all out for you here... and I hold nothing back.
The bottom line is this:
Some women know secrets that other women do not.
Some seem to know them "instinctively", while others figure them out over time.
I've compiled these secrets in my new eBook, and I'm really looking forward to sharing them with you.
This is the only book of it's kind... and you won't find these secrets anywhere else.
This is THE BOOK I wish a woman that I was interested in would have... and read often.
Inside are the secrets every man WISHES a woman would know... and they will bring strength, affection, attention, and love to all who learn them.
Here Are Some Of The Secrets You'll Learn Inside My Informative eBook
* The inside scoop on what's REALLY going on inside a man's mind, including the things he doesn't want you to know (He'll think you're a psychic when you do exactly the right thing in every situation)
* The big mistake women make when having "the talk" and asking a man about the relationship that is guaranteed to make things WORSE than they already are... and what to do about it.
* A simple way to get your man to understand your feelings that makes him want to do whatever it takes to take things to the next level (You'll wish you knew about this with every man you were involved with in the past and you'll want to use it with every man you meet from now on)
* A simple 3-step method to understanding how your man is feeling that makes him feel closer and closer to you with each step of the process, AND gives you the information you need to keep things moving forward
* The BIG SECRET all happy couples share that unhappy couples never realize until it's already too late (You can use this at any stage in a relationship or even when you're just dating to keep things going on the right track)
* How women who are "naturally" good with men handle important situations and conflicts (The answer may surprise you, but it's something you MUST know in order for YOUR relationship to ever have a chance of moving from casual to committed)
* How to use powerful emotional "triggers" to practically FORCE a man to fall for you (He'll know you're "the one" for him from the first day you meet) - pg. 20
* A way to let a man know that you are "selective" and make him want to do twice as much for you to get your attention (This is the REAL secret to making a man LONG to be with you... and it doesn't involve any weird "manipulation" or bitchy "tricks") - pg. 20
* How to make a man see you as his future rather than just as a "casual" partner (Use this early on and he'll want to see YOU and only you ... keep it up and he'll love you forever ) - pg. 22
* A way to spot a man who is too immature to have a loving relationship, FAST... so you can be sure to NEVER give up your time or your heart to someone who isn't "available" or capable - pg. 25
* How your emotions can deceive you into thinking a man is right for you when your mind (and all of your friends) KNOW he's wrong (Use this simple test to know the TRUTH every time) - later chapter?
* EXPOSED: How "players" use cheap and dirty tactics to get women to fall for them, only to leave them helpless and alone (Here's the secret to "turning the tables" that every guy PRAYS you'll never discover) - pgs. 26-30
* The 3 different types of "players", and how to identify each one FAST - pg. 28
* A simple 3-minute exercise you can use to charge yourself with HAPPINESS and EXCITEMENT any time you like! (Use this when you're feeling down or just having a rough day to quickly snap back to the "you" everyone knows and loves) - pg. 70
* The 3 things every woman MUST do before she can have a healthy, loving relationship with a man (Skip any one of these and you run the risk of ending up alone) - pg. 64
* The ways "quality" men screen potential mates (Here's how to make sure you end up on his "hot list" every time) - pg. 44
* 2 connection-killing mistakes that flip a man's negative emotional triggers and send hopes of a future spiraling down - pg. 48
* "Relationship Balance" - How to connect his emotions with yours and send chemistry levels into overdrive (You won't be able to keep your hands off of each other) - pg. 53
* A brand new 5-minute exercise you can use to clear your mind and uncap your powerful hidden communication skills (Use this to instinctively know the very best way to talk about a problem in your relationship) - pg. 54
* The REAL reason why men want sexual variety (And what you can do to make him want YOU and ONLY YOU)
* How to tell if a guy is interested in "casual" or "committed"... and the signs that say you should go for more - pg. 58
* How to break the seemingly never-ending cycle of "fast-fizzling" relationships, FAST and FOREVER - pg. 67
* When Hot Relationships Turn Cold - Here's a proven formula to put the sizzling sparks back into your relationship and keep the fire burning FOREVER (This is the secret every guy prays his woman knows, but few ever actually discover)
* The Secret Of "Intellectual Attraction" - A powerful way to keep a man interested and crazy for you for as long as you choose - pg. 105
* The Power Of "Emotional Fitness" - How to strengthen your emotions and self-confidence so you are ready (and irresistible ) when your soul mate comes around - pg. 61
* A simple way to make a man realize when he's being an idiot or a jerk without saying a word (He'll be quick to make it up to you when you do this) - pg. 69
* A way to handle an embarrassing situation that actually makes your date BETTER than it was before it happened! - pg. 69
* How to create an emotional connection a man can't ignore the very first time you're out together (This one simple secret will keep him coming back for more) - pg. 69
Special Sneak Peek...
* A Way To Get A Man's Attention FAST
If you REALLY want to impress a man who is flirting with you... instead of basking in his flirtatious attention, ask him - in an equally flirtatious way - this simple question:
"So tell me... what kind of woman do you respect?"
Adding a flirtatious element to a serious question is fun and inviting way of building SEXUAL TENSION that will instantly separate you from every other woman he's ever met. It lets him know that you're sassy, smart, and selective - an IRRESISTABLE combination.
* The key to making a man forget any bad experiences he has had with women in the past that could stop him from having a relationship with YOU - pg. 73
* The 11 traits that tell him you're a "catch" (Show him 5 or 6 of these and he'll start thinking about the future... show him all 11 and he'll be convinced you are "the one") - pg. 73
* How to act around a man you like if you want him to ask you out - pg. 73
* What to say when a man tells you he's having a "guys night" (Trust me. this is a situation you can't afford to mess up) - pg. 73
* The way a man instantly knows how a woman feels about herself (Use this to let him know you are a strong, confident woman) - pg. 74
* The 5 things women ACCIDENTALLY do to eliminate their chances of a second date with a man (Any one of these could cause him to throw away your number, even if it seemed like things went well ) - pg. 74
* A "danger sign" that lets a man know INSTANTLY when a woman is "needy" (If you don't know what it is, chances are you are giving off this sign now, even if you don't consider yourself a "needy" person) - pg. 74
* A way to make any time you spend with a man the best he's ever had (Do this to make him quickly forget about any other women he is dating) - pg. 87
* How to make a guy feel like YOU are the one person who understands him better than anyone else in the world. even if you've just met (A sure way to trigger his "Keeper Alert" FAST) - pg. 88
* The one thing you MUST know before you approach a man you are interested in (This piece of information will make or break it for you... so pay close attention) - pg. 97
* What to do when he doesn't call you back (This one will surprise you, but it works like magic ) - pg. 80
* A quick way to let him know he's on your mind that says all the right things and gets him thinking about YOU - pg. 108
* Activities you can do with a man that create an instant bond - pg. 108
* How to impress a guy with your talents WITHOUT coming off as conceited or a "show off" (You'd be amazed if you know how many women make this deadly mistake) - pg. 109
* A way to compliment a man that shows just the right amount of interest - and actually makes him chase you MORE! - pg. 109
* A sneaky way to make him go out of his way to impress you and try to win you over (ALL men secretly love when you do this- but they'll never admit it) - pg. 109
* How to let a guy know you are an AMAZING lover before you even set foot in the bedroom (If you're ever wanted to drive a man into an uncontrollable frenzy of passion . THIS IS IT) - pg. 110
* An almost UNFAIR way to get a guy thinking about YOU 24/7 (My guy friends are going to KILL ME for giving this secret away... Use it sparingly - because doing it too much can literally make a guy crazy and clingy with you) - pg. 110
* The secrets women who are "naturally" good with men use to whip "unavailable" men into shape (It always surprised me that more women don't use this, because it's surprisingly simple) - pg. 111
* The 3 subjects you should AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE when you are talking to a man you like - pg. 112
* The 3 deadly "enemies of attraction" that scare a man off FAST and FOREVER... no matter how much he was into you to begin with - pg. 112
* Why physically attractive women have a HARDER time finding a great man... and what to do about it - pg. 102
* The big mistake women make that instantly triggers a man's "Stay Single" response (If you don't know what it is, chances are you are making it now) - pg. 93
* There's one thing that hurts most women more than any other issue - and you can avoid it - cheating! Learn and follow the seven steps to "cheat-proof" your relationship.
* The one question you must NEVER ask within the first 5 minutes of meeting an attractive man - pg. 114
* A "trick question" to ask a man that lets him know right away that he's talking to a unique and exciting woman (This is a truly awesome secret you'll use with every attractive man you meet. I can't wait to share it with you!) - pg. 115
* What you MUST do differently when dealing with REALLY ATTRACTIVE men - pg. 118
* The secret ways men TEST women. and an effortless way to pass these tests every time- even when you don't know you are being tested - pg. 118
* How to use your magical flirting skills to make a man actually ENJOY having "serious" conversations with you (Do this and you'll be able to make him feel closer to you than you will ever know) - pg. 121
* How to make a man more attracted to you by being SELFISH (I know this sounds crazy, but done right it works like magic and men love it. Here's how.) - pg. 107
* The right and wrong way to make physical contact with a man when you're in public (Do this wrong and you'll come off as needy... but do it right and he'll do WHATEVER IT TAKES to get you alone) - pg. 124
* What you should NEVER say about another woman, unless you want a man to think you are insecure - pg. 124
* The big mistake women make without even knowing it that tells a man you have BAGGAGE - pg. 125
* The 6 signs of NEEDINESS and INSECURITY desirable men use to disqualify potential dates (Sadly almost all women give off one or more of these signs ACCIDENTALLY, so it's important you learn what they are so you can avoid them) - pgs. 125
* A simple 4-step plan you can use to GUARANTEE you will meet a man who is exactly what you are looking for - pg. 128
* A surefire way to improve your dating skills FAST that is a ton of fun and requires ZERO effort (You'll be kicking yourself for not doing this sooner!) - pg. 130
* An 8-step way to figure out what kind of man is PERFECT for you (When you know who you are looking for you'll be TWICE as likely to FIND HIM) - pg. 132
* "Guy Talk" Deciphered - Here's how to know what he really means - EVERY TIME. Especially in those frustrating times when he hardly says anyting - pg. 136
* The exact amount of time you should wait to have sex with a man if you want it to turn into something more (Men will HATE ME for revealing this, but it's just too important ) - pg. 137
* The one rule you must set with a man IN THE VERY BEGINNING if you want to ever have a serious relationship with him - pg. 140
* The real truth about how men think about women and dating (some of this you won't want to believe, because it's so far from what women think is going on) and the exact things a woman needs to do if she wants it to turn her situation into something that could last
* I've read all the books, heard the speakers and seminars and listened and learned about everything out there for women. It wasn't until I started discussing with women this ONE THING that everything fell together. On page 19 I'll share the most powerful thing a woman can do to be more successful at attracting and keeping men, and why almost no women do it
* Were you in a relationship that has ended or is in shambles and you want to repair things? Most women do the exact opposite of what works in this situation. Here's the ONLY SURE WAY to get things back on track...
* The single most important thing a single woman can learn - how to identify a good man. And avoid all the wrong ones!
* Why your man won't open up to you (Here's a magical way to communicate that makes him want to pour his heart out)
* How to pinpoint a man's reasons for not committing so you know exactly what to do about it
* The only way to truly repair a relationship that LASTS...
* And much, much, much more...
Can You REALLY Learn
This Stuff In A Book?
When I first put "Catch Him And Keep Him" out there for women to read, I was honestly nervous.
I knew the information was fantastic and I'd done my homework, but would women be able to actually use it to find and attract the man they always wanted?
The responses I've gotten have been more than worth all the time and energy spent. Here's just a few of the great results women have had after reading and using this brand new information...
"Hello Christian,
I have read the book twice now! I have a few more wrinkles from not sleeping, but I also have my peace, power and integrity back. The book is truly empowering ... I thought that at this point relationships would be easy - you just gotta love someone with the same intensity, and you'll have a beautiful relationship a nd it will be reciprocated. Well not so, since the man I am attracted to is not on the same wavelength and this is where your book is so valuable...
Carolyn T., Thousand Oaks, CA"

Hey, what you said in your book sounds like you're a fly on the wall when my boyfriend and I had a discussion about our relationship the other night we don't even kiss anymore, he's distant and it's just like you talked about- I really feel like he's cheating because of the reasons you talked about but I know I love him. I'm great at communicating and he's not but I know what I've got do about my situation now after reading what you said about a man's mind and how to talk to him.
KC, Broken Hearted in Ohio"

"Hi Christian,
So far the things that you have written in your ebook especially about resistant and unavailable men have helped me tremendously with understanding my boyfriends non-verbal messages instead of taking it so personally like I have done in the past with other relationships. It can destroy a woman's self esteem and confidence. Thank you so much for de-mystifying your gender's behavior. You're a peach!
J.R., Galveston, TX
P.S. - I actually thought my relationship was over, but now I feel like there's a chance for it to work. Thank goodness because I never had more fun with anyone else!

This was like a god send for me but I still wish I that I got this book a month. Then I could have saved myself from the stuff I just went through. I was just dealing with two of the things you talked about in your book on distant men with my boyfriend of four months. We live almost 500 miles apart. I was having the hardest time figuring out what to do and we were either fighting on the phone all the time or he wasn't calling me and didn't seem into us the way he used to be.

I've tried your ideas and so far things have been a lot better w/ us... probably also cause I've calmed down a lot. Now I can let him know what I feel & think and it's so much better.

Thanks Christian! I've told all my friends that they need to read Catch Him And Keep Him NOW!
J.R., Galveston, TX "
My goal in writing this eBook was to help make life better for you - whether you just want to find a good guy, develop a wonderful relationship, or find real lasting love.
If you're looking to have a great man in your life, this book will show you how to find him... and show him that you are the woman he wants to be with FOREVER, and not just another "fling".
If you're seeing a man now and you're unsure of where it's going, this book will show you exactly how to take things in the direction YOU want to go... naturally and comfortably - the way things are meant to be.
Let's Wrap This Up
The information in this eBook will save you years of time, missed love opportunities and wasted energy. Most women go through their entire lives never learning how to get what they truly want from their relationships. But it doesn't have to be this way.
Will it work for everybody?
Of course not.
But let me ask you this: What if this knowledge helps you get just ONE more date with an interesting, attractive man? Just ONE.

Or what if it helped you turn around a difficult, painful or "failing" situation with the guy you've fallen hard for?

What would that be worth to you?

Now ask yourself: What if there's even a chance that this book can actually teach you how to meet a wonderful man and make him want to be with you forever? What if you really can learn how to attract the kind of man that you've always wanted and finally experience that loving relationship you deserve?

How much would that be worth to you? A thousand dollars? Ten thousand? More? For most people I know, it would be priceless.

Just the POSSIBILITY of having this kind of special once-in-a-lifetime relationship would be worth the investment.
I know that when that time comes for you, you'll look back on this moment and be glad you made this investment in yourself.

This much is for sure: Sometime in your life you WILL cross the path of that 100% perfect man for you. Maybe you've met him already... and he's already in your life now...
The question is, do you know exactly what to do and say to take things in the direction they are meant to go? Or are you going to let this opportunity slip by and never know what might have been?
Do want to even consider the chance that you'll be frustrated and heartbroken again and again... and never get the help and answers you need. Or do you want to get this area of your life IN CONTROL and learn what works - so you can make the most of your time, energy, and your heart?
I have one final thought to share with you.

After studying behavior for many years, I know one thing: If you don't make the decision to get this part of your life handled right now, there's a very very small chance that you're going to do anything about it in the future... and a very good chance you'll be stuck in the same "dead end" relationship cycle forever...
Because I want as many women as possible to benefit from the insights contained in this book, I've decided to price it at just $29.97.
Get Three FREE “Interviews With
Dating & Relationship Experts” Just
For TRYING My eBook...
As a very special one time bonus, I'd also like to send you THREE FREE CD based audio interviews from my “Interviews With Dating & Relationship Experts” monthly CD interview program.

When you're looking for lasting change and improvement in any area of your life, one of the single most important things to do is to find, meet and learn from the people who are already experts in the area that you're looking for change or growth in.

The world of dating, relationships and love is no exception...

It's common to think that you should somehow just know everything you need to know "naturally" when it comes to men and relationships.

In fact, lots of women (and men) can't stand to admit that they don't know everything there is to know about the opposite sex and this whole area of their lives.

But it's when things stop going "according to plan" (like when a man gets distant, scared or decides he isn't ready for a commitment, or stops "feeling it" for a woman) that we all realize that we're not the experts we had hoped we were...

If you're serious about finding true love, one of the single most important things you will ever do is to surround yourself with other people who ALREADY KNOW how to get there... and have seen and dealt with all the problems you're running into.

And while you're female friends are great, I'm talking about people who have not only been through it themselves, and KNOW the exact steps to take in each CRITICAL situation... but people who have also spent years successfully teaching others how to have the kind of success and fulfillment in dating and relationships that most women are looking for.

Because this is so important, I've begun tracking down as many of these experts as I can find, and getting each one to "spill their guts" for our benefit.

Every month I do a live audio interview with someone whose FASCINATING INSIGHTS will make you more successful with men, dating and relationships... and especially that one special man...

Here's how it works: When you download my eBook, I'll throw in a one-month FREE subscription to my “Interview Series” - PLUS I'll send you out a “Starter Kit” that contains two DOUBLE-LENGTH interviews (4 CD's total) as a bonus just for giving my eBook a try...

I'm so sure you're going to love these interviews that I'm going to pay the SHIPPING to send them to you. If you love them (which you will), keep them and stay subscribed. Every month you'll receive another fascinating interview, and you'll be automatically billed only $19.97 (or $22.97 if you live outside the U.S.). You can cancel anytime, with no hassles or questions. Period.

If you get the Starter Kit and you DON'T love these interviews and get immediate success and real value from the material, you can cancel and keep the Starter Kit AND the first month's interview FOR FREE just for trying it. In other words, you get to keep all three interviews for free either way... even if you cancel right after you get them.

I'm THAT confident that you're going to love them!

This bonus is worth at leat $100.00 alone, and it's yours free just for trying my ebook. Of course, the Starter Kit and all future interviews will be sent to you in plain packaging for your privacy. And this special offer is available only with your purchase right now.

[Read all about my Interviews Series by clicking HERE for a pop-up window that will explain the details. The pop-up can be closed as soon as your finished.]
*If you prefer NOT to receive this $100 free bonus, you can "opt-out" with one click while you're ordering... and just get the eBook all by itself. It's that easy.
Here's How It Works...
When you click on the order button below, you'll go to my secure order page for your credit card or online check information (You can also order by mail or PayPal if you choose). When you use my secure credit card or online check options you can download the book immediately as an Adobe Acrobat PDF file.

Your transaction is secure - using our secure server, your order information is transmitted using the latest SSL encryption technology to ensure complete and total privacy and security. The transaction will be discreetly billed to you as 'Christian Carter' with our toll-free U.S. phone number included.

The whole process takes just a few minutes and you'll be reading your book in about 5 minutes.

When you get the book, scan it a couple of times and read the parts that jump out at you right away-then go back and read it cover to cover.
Whatever happens, you'll use this reference library constantly as you explore a wonderful relationship with that special man.